Am I wrong to be jealous? (Girlfriend wingmans for her friends)

[LoveBites]

I have been in a relationship with this girl who I absolutely am in love with for almost 2 years. We lost our virginities together. We have plans to move in together in 6 months when our current leases end and even talk about the future. We have been long distance (150 miles) for the last 6 months.

 

My problem I have is I recently (last 10 months or so) have gotten some insecurities of jealously. I hate that I have them but I do.

 

My girlfriend is WAY better looking than I am. In fact, she is a girl that constantly gets hit on at a bar even when I am around. She just is a good looking and fun girl.

 

My girlfriend, like most girls, is unhappy with her weight. She is 5'4 weighing 115 (don't ask me why she is unhappy, I have no idea! She looks amazing!) She used to be in the 140 range and lost the weight her sophomore year of college. She is now out of school and working. Around the time she lost all the weight from exercising and dieting is the time when guys really started to hit on her. So she really strives for the relatively new found attention shes only had for the last 3 years of her life.

 

I have noticed that if I stray from her at a club or bar and she is with her friends, my girlfriend (being the outgoing one of her friends) talks to guys for her friends (they are shy). Well, the guys often mistake her wing-manning as her being the one to be hitting on them. They often go after her hard (all you know how guys can be at a bar/club). Not gonna lie, the way she talks to the guys it looks like she is flirting with them.

 

This is what pisses me of (makes me insanely jealous). Is when we are all together, I will see text messages pop up on her phone. She gives the guys HER number. Not the other way around, she gives the guy the number! Why would she give her number out even though she was wing-manning?!

 

Now I wouldn't complain if this happened once. This has happened at least 4-5 times I have seen.

 

In fact, over Christmas she was deleting text message threads while we were cuddling/watching a movie so she could have more storage space on her phone. Well, I see "Josh from Trophy Bar" which the last text was about a month ago.

 

Even though it may be wrong, I looked at her phone when she was in the shower to see what this text message included. It was

 

Josh 2:15am: Hey beautiful ;)

Girlfriend 2:16 am: Hey! I love this bar!

Josh 2:16 am: Lets hang out soon

Girlfriend 2:17 am: I have a serious boyfriend...

Josh 2:45 am: I have a serious girlfriend ; )

Girlfriend 3:00 am: No i really do have a serious boyfriend!!

 

I didnt mind the text thread as she was faithful. But what pissed me off was if Josh text'd first, she GAVE him her number!

 

Am I wrong for being this jealous? What should I do about everything

[NervisPervis]

Isn't the wingman supposed to get laid too?

 

[Bryanp]

Giving out her number to strange guys is so disrespectful and hurtful to you. If the roles were reversed would she mind you giving your number to strange women just to help your friends? I doubt it. This is totally unacceptable in a relationship and she knows it. Stop making excuses for this unacceptable behavior.

[aed]

There is a different between trying to hook a friend up when you are in a relationship (get two people together) and being someone's wingman/girl

 

As a wing: you need to be flirty with the other people, to keep them entertainted.

 

Your girl gave her number because she find the guy interesting/ attractive at the moment. She wont give her number to an ugly dude!

 

Second that conversation you posted here: is almost oldschool steal someones gf 101. She says i have a serious bf, he says I have a gf. In other words: when we hook up dont feel bad, i am in the same situation as you.

 

Your girl is playing with fire. And what will happen when she needs to wing a girlfriend at some guys place etc?

 

Your jealousy is imo founded.

[Darren Steez]

She's not giving up her number to stay in contact about world affairs or an important thesis is she?

[GSB81]

You said she likes the attention. She's feeding her ego by interacting with guys in this manner. Even if they are supposedly for her friends, she's getting to test drive them. She needs to stop.

[todreaminblue]

I have been in a relationship with this girl who I absolutely am in love with for almost 2 years. We lost our virginities together. We have plans to move in together in 6 months when our current leases end and even talk about the future. We have been long distance (150 miles) for the last 6 months.

 

My problem I have is I recently (last 10 months or so) have gotten some insecurities of jealously. I hate that I have them but I do.

 

My girlfriend is WAY better looking than I am. In fact, she is a girl that constantly gets hit on at a bar even when I am around. She just is a good looking and fun girl.

 

My girlfriend, like most girls, is unhappy with her weight. She is 5'4 weighing 115 (don't ask me why she is unhappy, I have no idea! She looks amazing!) She used to be in the 140 range and lost the weight her sophomore year of college. She is now out of school and working. Around the time she lost all the weight from exercising and dieting is the time when guys really started to hit on her. So she really strives for the relatively new found attention shes only had for the last 3 years of her life.

 

I have noticed that if I stray from her at a club or bar and she is with her friends, my girlfriend (being the outgoing one of her friends) talks to guys for her friends (they are shy). Well, the guys often mistake her wing-manning as her being the one to be hitting on them. They often go after her hard (all you know how guys can be at a bar/club). Not gonna lie, the way she talks to the guys it looks like she is flirting with them.

 

This is what pisses me of (makes me insanely jealous). Is when we are all together, I will see text messages pop up on her phone. She gives the guys HER number. Not the other way around, she gives the guy the number! Why would she give her number out even though she was wing-manning?!

 

Now I wouldn't complain if this happened once. This has happened at least 4-5 times I have seen.

 

In fact, over Christmas she was deleting text message threads while we were cuddling/watching a movie so she could have more storage space on her phone. Well, I see "Josh from Trophy Bar" which the last text was about a month ago.

 

Even though it may be wrong, I looked at her phone when she was in the shower to see what this text message included. It was

 

Josh 2:15am: Hey beautiful ;)

Girlfriend 2:16 am: Hey! I love this bar!

Josh 2:16 am: Lets hang out soon

Girlfriend 2:17 am: I have a serious boyfriend...

Josh 2:45 am: I have a serious girlfriend ; )

Girlfriend 3:00 am: No i really do have a serious boyfriend!!

 

I didnt mind the text thread as she was faithful. But what pissed me off was if Josh text'd first, she GAVE him her number!

 

Am I wrong for being this jealous? What should I do about everything

 

 

 

I have never done the wing woman thing in a permanent relationship(my exes wouldnt have liked it at all) because that is what happens you open a conversation and it is normally flirty a little and extremely friendly then you steer the guy towards the shy friend and then you leave them alone after making them comfortable sometimes they dont want to stay with the friend and follow you around for the rest of the night...its unusual to take phone numbers as a winger.....deb

[LoveBites]

How should I bring it up? I really don't want to wait for the next time to happen to finally say something. My hope is she is on her phone and I see Josh - From Trophy Bar still on her phone while she is next to me...

 

I know she would never cheat on me as sex was a huge deal with her. She wanted to lose her virginity to the person she thought she would marry. But, I cant help it to think she still loves to play the single game as all her friends are single. I guess flirting isn't cheating, but it makes me jealous!

[GSB81]

Dude... No you do not know she won't cheat on you. She's getting a rush from the attention her new physique is getting her. You need to just bring it up, don't wait for an opening that may not come soon. It's not her responsibility to get her friends laid and it's not fair that friction is being caused in your relationship so one of her probably ugly friends can get lucky with some bar douchebag.

[todreaminblue]

How should I bring it up? I really don't want to wait for the next time to happen to finally say something. My hope is she is on her phone and I see Josh - From Trophy Bar still on her phone while she is next to me...

 

I know she would never cheat on me as sex was a huge deal with her. She wanted to lose her virginity to the person she thought she would marry. But, I cant help it to think she still loves to play the single game as all her friends are single. I guess flirting isn't cheating, but it makes me jealous!

 

 

You are right flirting isnt cheating but I know flirting can lead to uncomfortable situations,that is why people in relationships shouldnt be wingmen especially women in bars with guys who are drinking.....

 

 

i think you have every right to bring it up because she might not cheat on you cant say as much for the guy who is texting her, his thoughts are probably not as pure, they may be, i honestly think they are probably not pure.Be honest with what you feel and let her know its more the guys you don't trust, if she understands, then she is right for you, ask her how would she feel if you got texts from another female you met at a club,if she goes off her head and gets defensive....it isnt a good sign..be calamwh en you talk to her, but matter of fact....deal in facts........best of luck ....deb

[Bryanp]

She is totally disrespecting you. If the roles were reversed would she be fine with you being a wing man? You are heading into big trouble. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Chi townD]

I wold talk to her and flip it on her. Ask her how she would feel if you were getting flirty texts from random girls? I speculate that she would go high and to the right.

 

She should not be giving out her phone number to random guys. That's totally disrespectful of your relationship and I don't give a damn how "hot" she is, that kind of behavior make her pretty ugly in my book.

 

I would tell her that to you, it seems like she was keeping her options open. Thus, your not sure if she's truely committed to the relationship.

[Darren Steez]

My friend, while you're being such a nice and understanding guy (which I'm sure you are) such activities such as texting or talking to someone in front of you may seem innocent enough, indeed the activities of someone without anything to hide. But what is actually occurring is boundary pushing, ever so slightly the boundaries get pushed further and further, till the point where she's going out with him and swearing up and down nothing is going on "But honey I don't hide anything from you, I talk to him when you're there don't I?"

 

The problem is you broach it with her she might just take it underground or became resentful. Fact is you need to talk with her and establish clear boundaries. She is not a wingman, she is your girl, she is in a relationship with you. Take charge man!

[Nightsky]

I have been in a relationship with this girl who I absolutely am in love with for almost 2 years. We lost our virginities together. We have plans to move in together in 6 months when our current leases end and even talk about the future. We have been long distance (150 miles) for the last 6 months.

 

Make new plans because if you move in with this girl knowing what you know you'll get exactly the drama you deserve. This girl is Trouble with a capital "T."

 

My problem I have is I recently (last 10 months or so) have gotten some insecurities of jealously. I hate that I have them but I do.

 

My girlfriend is WAY better looking than I am. In fact, she is a girl that constantly gets hit on at a bar even when I am around. She just is a good looking and fun girl.

 

It's a good thing to have a good looking fun girl. Also her being better looking than you means nothing. You're a guy so your looks aren't judged on how pretty you are but more on how you handle yourself. Part of handling yourself is being in control of your life and not letting some one take advantage of you. It's fine and dandy if a girl gets hit on but for her than when having a bf reciprocate and give her number out... Of course you'd be jelouse and you should dump her for that kind of behavior regardless of if she's cheating or it was "innocent." I mean she probably is or soon will be cheating but even if she isn't and won't ever cheat why would you want a girl who shows this kind of attention to other men. She should be flattered and tell them she has a bf or ignore them.

 

My girlfriend' date=' like most girls, is unhappy with her weight. She is 5'4 weighing 115 (don't ask me why she is unhappy, I have no idea! She looks amazing!) She used to be in the 140 range and lost the weight her sophomore year of college. She is now out of school and working. Around the time she lost all the weight from exercising and dieting is the time when guys really started to hit on her. So she really strives for the relatively new found attention shes only had for the last 3 years of her life. [/quote']

 

yeah this isn't an excuse for anything. Her mental hang ups aren't your problem. Yes a lot of girls have hang ups about their looks. If a girl than uses this as excuse to disrespect you by flirting with other guys and making you jealous you shouldn't put up with it.

 

I have noticed that if I stray from her at a club or bar and she is with her friends' date=' my girlfriend (being the outgoing one of her friends) talks to guys for her friends (they are shy). Well, the guys often mistake her wing-manning as her being the one to be hitting on them. They often go after her hard (all you know how guys can be at a bar/club). Not gonna lie, the way she talks to the guys it looks like she is flirting with them.[/quote']

 

She is flirting with those guys, also girls don't need a wing "MAN." They actually act like a bunch of cock blocks for each other. Men would much rather talk to a woman who is alone so all the girls have to do is step away from the girl who wants a guy to hit on them. The girl could stand near the guy she wants to talk to or god forbid say hi herself. No need for your gf to go up to these guys and warm them up by flirting and laughing and giving out her number. Her and her friends probably laugh at what a chump you are just watching your gf hit on other guys right in front of you. Isn't it humiliating? How can you stand for this, whats with you?

 

This is what pisses me of (makes me insanely jealous). Is when we are all together' date=' I will see text messages pop up on her phone. She gives the guys HER number. Not the other way around, she gives the guy the number! Why would she give her number out even though she was wing-manning?! [/quote']

 

Yeah she's not wing manning. She's looking to get a 2nd or maybe even a 3rd boyfriend and when the time is right if you're lucky dump you. If you're not lucky she'll continue to date you and you'll continue to be like you are now... putting up with this sht.

 

Now I wouldn't complain if this happened once. This has happened at least 4-5 times I have seen.

 

If I went out with my gf and people and every time I walked away she was flirting with guys and giving out her number, Than was receiving txts from them... yes even if it only happened once I would dump her. The fact that it just keeps happening says more about you than her. I mean obviously this girl is drama, but you are a real masochist. I mean the pain and humiliation you are putting up with and inflicting upon yourself by subjecting yourself to a relationship with this girl.

 

In fact, over Christmas she was deleting text message threads while we were cuddling/watching a movie so she could have more storage space on her phone. Well, I see "Josh from Trophy Bar" which the last text was about a month ago.

 

Even though it may be wrong, I looked at her phone when she was in the shower to see what this text message included. It was

 

Josh 2:15am: Hey beautiful ;)

Girlfriend 2:16 am: Hey! I love this bar!

Josh 2:16 am: Lets hang out soon

Girlfriend 2:17 am: I have a serious boyfriend...

Josh 2:45 am: I have a serious girlfriend ; )

Girlfriend 3:00 am: No i really do have a serious boyfriend!!

 

I didnt mind the text thread as she was faithful. But what pissed me off was if Josh text'd first, she GAVE him her number!

 

Am I wrong for being this jealous? What should I do about everything

 

You should dump her via txt msg and than ignore her from now till forever. If you move in with her this will not end good.

 

You also didn't need to look at her txt msgs to know all of what you should have known from the first time she was a "wingman" in front of you.

 

Also she is probably cheating on you know. Those txts don't really sound that faithful at all and you said that she deleted txts for the last month.... so those were probably the txts where she sent naked pics of herself and talked about all the sex she had with them.

 

Oh and if you don't have naked pics of her try to get some before dumping her. But consider yourself single now she does and dump her soon.