Bellaboo4 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 When I first started dating my husband I told him I loved sex. He said he did too so I didn't think it would be like this. So we've now been married for about a year. It's becoming quite hard to get him in the sack. When we do its over maybe five minutes later. I'm lucky if my orgasm isn't interrupted because he stops moving after his. We have absolutely no foreplay. It's so boring. He was getting lazy with other things too. I have confronted all issues. He is working on being better about time we spend together so I'm okay with that. The sex is just so disappointing. He said I sounded like a guy and I was being selfish. I've began thinking of sex with other people.. I hate cheating and have never done it to anyone. I just have some strong urges and I've let him know how in the mood I get. It's like it doesn't matter. I just have to wait for him to initiate. I'm rejected 95% of the time. I don't expect it multiple times everyday or even everyday. I just want to feel bonded and fulfilled. I want my extreme urges to be rode hard I guess. I can't stop thinking about doing it with someone else so I can feel desired. This has become a giant issue. I am so confused as to what I should do. I've heard relationships are more than sex. A marriage without sex is pretty lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Cheating will not answer your problems. It will divide and destroy your world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 You feel THAT strongly about it, get a divorce. Better than cheating, never ever cheat, it's a dark road to go down. Your husband may feel pressured to perform, erectile dysfunction etc. Talk to him or get him to talk to a specialist. Do anything except cheat 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 You should see a marriage counselor who may be able to help you with the sexual incompatibility issues in your marriage. Don't resort to infidelity or divorce. This is something that can often be resolved through marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 talk with your hb about your sex life. Mabey he is also not fullfilled with it, and thinks its bored. Even when a man has his orgasmes doesnt mean he is enjoying the act it self. speak about it openly and dont judge each other and play the blame game with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sounds like you've already tried talking to him and letting him know how you feel. Either he can't or won't have the sex you want him to have. I hate to say it, but if there isn't any change...I would suggest getting a divorce and finding someone who matches you sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 You say you spoke to your H about how much you loved sex, before you married... Did you know he was like this before you married? How frequent was your sex life? has it diminished since then? Were there any hints or signals at all, before you married, that he was less 'sparky' than you? A frequently quoted maxim is this: When the sex is great, it impacts your life for 5% of the time When the sex isn't great, it impacts your life for 95% of the time. In other words, when things are a breeze, then sex is never a huge issue. When life isn't a breeze, it's virtually all you can think about. Would he consider MC? IC...? If you've tried to talk it over with him, you need to expand and tell him you had no idea there would be such a massive difference in sex drives. More often than not, it's the other way round (hence his "You sound like a guy" comment.... which is interesting in itself. An indication he does feel pressured.) Ask him what he feels the most favourable solution would be - because you can lower your sex drive about as much as he currently feels like raising it.... Put the ball in his court, so to speak.... What would HE do? Link to post Share on other sites
cartographer Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I know that it wont be a popular opinion around here: But I've known folks who cheating actually helped their relationships in three ways. 1) Convinced them that their relationship was over. 2) Didn't cheat, almost did, and realized what a terrible mistake they were about to make. 3) Fulfilled an unmet need at home, in an otherwise fulfilling relationship. I agree that the better option is to try couples therapy, talk about it, etc. After that, I wouldn't judge you for stepping out. (many people would) Link to post Share on other sites
MichiganMan222 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Is there any chance HE'S cheating? Maybe he does like sex after all. A horrible prospect but something that should be considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I know that it wont be a popular opinion around here: But I've known folks who cheating actually helped their relationships in three ways. 1) Convinced them that their relationship was over. 2) Didn't cheat, almost did, and realized what a terrible mistake they were about to make. 3) Fulfilled an unmet need at home, in an otherwise fulfilling relationship. I agree that the better option is to try couples therapy, talk about it, etc. After that, I wouldn't judge you for stepping out. (many people would) Would you hold the same opinion if you are on the receiving side of cheating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Honestly it sounds like he is sexually bored. I bet you guys do it the same exact way every time and its just not exciting for him anymore. Try sending him some dirty texts at work. VERY dirty texts. Men get turned on when you try to initiate sex in places you aren't supposed to. Link to post Share on other sites
ImNotOliver Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 In my last LTR, at first the sex was pretty good. Then at about two years in my ex-gf decided she didn’t like sex so much and it slowed to once a month if even that. Nothing much changed - we just stopped having sex with any regularity, then tongues became forbidden when kissing… Apart from my ensuing sexual frustration, the lack of close physical contact with her caused her to become just another person in my life. It caused her to become less special to me. I no longer had anyone to get naked with. Frustration with a woman who I once greatly loved led me to leave her. In a certain sense I feel as if she used sex to get me into a relationship with her, to keep her from being alone. Once the relationship and our living situation had been established she felt she didn't need to have sex with me anymore and thus mostly stopped. Sex isn't just about pleasure, about getting off. It’s also about bonding and expressions of affections with the other person in your life. It is through sexual satisfaction that many live happy healthier lives. If I was dating a woman and she refused to have sex with me I’d think that she really didn't like me that much. If I was dating a woman and every time we got together she wanted to get naked I’d think she greatly liked me. In both cases I’d be correct. If I’m in a relationship and she suddenly loses an interest in sex, she’s most likely also lost interest in me. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 As the thread starter is a new member and hasn't returned, I'm going to close this and invite the thread starter to alert on this post and request the thread to be re-opened should they desire to make further comment or solicit further input. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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