Boyfriend fantasizes about my cousin and he told me while we're doing it !!!

[Sweepea25]

My boyfriend of 5 years and i have great sex and often times we use porn to spice things up but one time he started mentioning my cousin's name while we're doing it and started talking dirty, asking if I ever tell her how great the sex we're having and if she would like to have sex with him too because he is really good at it. Pretty much describing to me what he would do to her sexually. That made me extremely upset so after having sex I talked to him and he said that it's nothing and it just slipped his mouth to get him more "in the mood". That was the first time it happened and I can't get over it. I am really angry. He apologized but i'm worried that he really does want to have sex with her and he's not attracted to me anymore. Please help!

[GSB81]

Of course he wants to have sex with her. He obviously thinks about it.

[TaraMaiden]

Next time you fantasise, tell him you'd love to screw his best friend. See how that makes his 'little boy' go down quicker than a lead balloon...

 

[KungFuJoe]

What. The. ****?!?!!

 

Ok...I know that, on a planet of nearly 7 billion human beings, pretty much any situation that you can think of has probably already been done before...

 

BUT I STILL HAVE TO SAY WHO THE **** DOES THIS ****?? WHO is THIS clueless???

[aed]

This must hurt like hell!

 

I would be angry and hurt when a gf would say something like that, when we are having sex or not even when we are having sex.

 

Saying that person is attractive is different then telling you fantasize about someone!

[Sweepea25]

It does so what do i do now? I already talked to him about it and he apologized but it is still bothering me like crazy My cousin is not very ugly and she is "gifted" if you know what i mean. It's not impossible for other men to fantasize about her because she is what she is. It's not impossible either for my bf to fantasize about her and up to a certain point i can understand because i know he would not act on it but i can't believe he verbalized it!

[TaraMaiden]

Like I said - next time, suggest a fantasy about his BMF... and see what his reaction is.

 

See, it cuts both ways.

 

Now he may know you're just doing it to get back at him - but at least, whichever way you look at it, it will amply demonstrate how bad it feels.......

[silvermercy]

Damn that would trouble me enormously, too!! He did what!?!?!???

 

He could be testing you to see your reaction actually. Even for a threesome, who knows... Fact is I don't think it just "slipped".

 

I'm OK with fantasies (fictional characters, celebs etc) but seriously there's a border crossed when it comes to friends, relatives or neighbours!!!

 

His apology is not enough obviously for you, and since mind-erasers don't exist -as far as I know- I really have no other suggestion other than what others said about his best friend. Also, remember you don't have to accept this or just be "cool" about it!

[Clockwork]

Yeah, that was uncalled for. Look, rule number one, if you are in the middle of sex and your girlfriend's cousin, or your cousin or your sister in law or whoever pops into your head you keep it to yourself and leave it at that. It's wrong otherwise. This seems like it is going beyond a little crush and it might be something he's been after for 5 years. No guy is this stupid to say it outright, but he was.

[mesmerized]

Break up with him. He will cheat on you or dump you sooner or later. You heard it here first!

[Feelin Frisky]

What a moron. That just shows you everything you need to know about him. He is all about himself. What on Earth could anyone expect when blurting out some crap like that to a serious lover?

[TaraMaiden]

Wondering if we'll hear back from the OP....

 

very often, with 'sensational' posts such as this one, it turns out to be a damp squib.... or someone just having a bit of fun....? Meh......

[dreamingoftigers]

Next time you fantasise, tell him you'd love to screw his best friend. See how that makes his 'little boy' go down quicker than a lead balloon...

 

 

Or his Dad.....

 

Or his Mom.....

 

May as well return the favor by keeping it in the family.

[Darren Steez]

Your dude is a tool, tell him to smarten up with all that talk or you're done

[Brightwind]

That sounds awful. If it were me, I'd be really upset. That being said, relationships aren't 'tit for tat.' You lying about fantasizing about his best friend, father, or whomever the f**k might satisfy the desire for retribution, but really it will only confuse the situation. You need to really talk with him about it. Have him explain why he brought that person in particular up. It could be a potentially painful conversation, but it seems like it's the only way you're going to be able to truly understand where he was coming from instead of just having him apologize, which clearly hasn't made you feel better.

 

Also, maybe for the future set some guidlines as far as what's acceptible and what isn't for you when it comes to sex play and fantasizing. You'd think family members would automatically be off the table, but evidently he doesn't think the same way...

[ChessPieceFace]

I think it's funny how schizophrenic most people are when it comes to morality. You people think it's fine to bone some chick you just met and don't have feelings for, you even say that doing that is "manly", yet you go ballistic when some guy tries to make a threesome with his GF happen. What a joke.

 

OP: your BF wants a threesome with you and your cousin. Some people are into that. Some people are OK with that. Some aren't. Given the fact that some people DO engage in this activity, I don't support the conclusion that you should "go ballistic and dump his !%@$" just because he told you it's his fantasy and what he wants. He was honest with you about what he wants and told you. You're obviously not OK with it. Make sure he knows that, and make sure he knows it's not OK that he's having continuing fantasies about another woman. Don't assume he would cheat just because he wished for a threesome or found another woman attractive. Men and women fantastize about sex with other people. If having desires and being honest about them = "that person will cheat", everyone would cheat, and you may as well end every relationship.

 

For the record, I think threesomes are a bad idea and something best left to fantasy. But it is probably a common fantasy. Your BF isn't worthless just because he had an inappropriate fantasy. Maybe see what some of his other fantasies are that you and he could do in private. Maybe that will turn his attention away from a destructive fantasy that could ruin your relationship.

 

Also, and this thread is a prime example of this - most people here don't care one whit about your relationship nor are they giving you sensible advice. As usual, people just say "END IT !!!" and care not one iota for the consequences of their advice.

Edited January 27, 2013 by ChessPieceFace

[pbjbear]

I agree with the poster above me, he is being honest. All men think about screwing other women regularly in a relationship- if a guy says otherwise he is lying. I read somewhere that on average, a guy fantasizes sexually about 1 in 4 women he sees. Most women think about it at some point too.

 

The point here is this guy is clueless, has no tact and seems insensitive. Youve been dating him awhile, is he a good bf overall? Does he have good qualities? I could forgive if the guy is great overall but if you have alot of other problems with his personality I would be worried...