Zoooooom Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Hi, I have a really good best friend who I've known for about a year now. But I've always liked her really. I asked her out a couple of months after I met her and she said no, but we didn't speak of that again much. We're really close and we always talk about everything and stuff we don't tell anyone else - best friend I've ever had actually. Sometimes she talks about her new boyfriend or this guy she likes or whatever...actually I set her up with her current (rocky) boyfriend. It never seems to last very long though, or very easily. Vice versa too but a lot less often for me I just don't understand it - we get on so well and speak almost every day, and go out places together, and she's the only friend I've ever had round my house. I really like her, and she probably knows that but doesn't seem to mind. Why doesn't she like me too? I don't get it. It's tough having a best friend you're attracted to. Thanks for any help. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Well, she's made it clear she doesn't like you "that way" -- which is why she's avoided the subject with you after saying clearly that she wasn't interested. There's nothing you can do about that. She just doesn't feel any sexual or emotional chemistry for you. I'm sure you meet lots of girls you don't feel that with. It's just that the friendship and the intimacy of that keeps misleading you into thinking it could turn into the hot and heavy. If it's not there for her, and she says it isn't, it won't -- no matter how much you feel it or how close you are otherwise as friends. I know how tough that is. Been through it myself. The only thing you can do is put some distance between you two, seriously pursue other girls, and get a life that isn't all about her. You're forever in the friend zone on this one -- and if I were you, I wouldn't be sure I'd want to devote myself to it on a best friend level. I mean, do you really want to hear about her romantic relationships when you want one with her? Doesn't that cut like a knife? -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Conqueror224 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 I don't really agree with uriel to much. I think that you should pursue other girls but still be best friends with her because she may be feeling something there. And that is why she seems to avoid any subject like that. Who knows maybe something will spark between you and her. But until then just suck it up and live with it and if it gets really bad you can always find a girlfriend and devote yourself to her and her alone for a while. But a suggestion don't ignore you friend when she wants to talk to you or somehting really emotional. Last if a girlfriend you find happens to have a problem with your friend get rid of her because it really sounds like there might be something between you and your best friend it just takes time for her to realize that so in time when you feel ready try and start a more intimate relationship with your friend. Don't pressure her though I did something similar and right now I'm screwed with the girl I like. So best luck to you and your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Zoooooom Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I kind of agree with both posters...ok first if she didn't like you (maybe even just a little) I can't see her hanging around you so much and being such close friends with you after you told her how much you liked her. Maybe she thinks you've lost interest in her now because you keep setting her up with different guys. No one can actually tell you how she feels but her. Now on the other hand...maybe just maybe she really only likes you as a friend, sees you as like a big brother type who can help her out and be a best friend. Maybe like Uriel said you will always only be seen as a best friend to her and never anything romantic. Possibly she doesn't realize that she has feelings for you stronger than friendship and maybe taking some space (don't be so available to run over and see her, or accept ALL her phone calls, make yourself more distant) or at least pretend to. See if she pursues you more, see if when you talk about a girl you like she winces, or looks upset or angry. Basically no amount of game playing or hinting around will do a lot of good, it will probably end up coming down to you having to talk to her about your feelings....maybe in an email or something but I say feel it out first but not being so readily available to her. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Well, I don't agree that she definitely feels an attraction if she stays friends after your confessing you like her. In my case, the guy never came around -- and it really hurt. I also don't think it's fair to turn your attention to a new gf with the hope that your friend will come around. In which case, the implication is you'd dump the gf for her. That was someone else's advice, and I think it's unkind toward the hypothetical gf. I think my advice is safer. It's not about totally ending the friendship, at least not until you're sure that's the only alternative to heartbreak (assuming she never comes around and you have to keep hearing about her romances). It's about putting some distance there so you can focus on looking for a gf who feels the same way you do and, of course, not getting that rejection in such a big continuing dose. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Zoooooom Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Well, there's no way I'll try and lower the importance of the friendship or anything like that...that would be awful. But I shall take all your advice into consideration, I appreciate it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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