Mike31 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Need some help here How do you move on when you've fallen in love with a friend? Here's the problem, she appears to be on the tail end of a long term relationship. I'm doubtful she'd be capable of opening up to me so soon anyways. Yes, she knows how I feel about her. I told her over 10 months ago. This has been very difficult for me emotionally as I think about her every minute of the day. I find her in my dreams (while I sleep) too! I have the option of moving pretty far away...should I? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 I have the option of moving pretty far away...should I? Depends. Do you want to be around just in case she may find the same thing you've found with her or have you accepted that things will not come true and you want to move on with your life? If you've accepted that this will be a lost love then go for the move. You can always move back if you don't like it So many options in life... Link to post Share on other sites
Mike31 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky just in case she may find the same thing you've found with her See, this is the tough part. We've talked about us already. Thinking long term, she doesn't see a future with her current situation. She says its her choice as to why she wont live with him even after 6 years. He's her first. So on the other hand, its been tough for her to let go. Plus, I'd rather not get involved or get between them at all. She'd need to come to some conclusion on her own. She doesn't need any second guessing of her actions because of any out side suggestions (from me or anyone else). I'd rather she exhaust every possiblity in her mind rather than her going back attempting to make something work later. She doesn't share BF problems (specifics) with me at all either, which is a good thing. She doesn't want me to to be that shoulder "friend" to cry on. Its just so hard for me in this position. Up to now I've left the door open, but to protect my feelings, I may just close it very soon. How do I go about this? So I leave a door open but put it on the back burner? Or do I cut it all off entirely? Link to post Share on other sites
completelyclueless Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I am in the same exact situation....I already posted bout this so i wont re-type it but i am as confused as you are. What you and I really need to do is just talk to them and ask them what they want. Ask her if she's ready or wants to have a relationship with you and if not then go from there. I too think about her all the time and its driving me insane. ---Kurt Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 What do you want out of it in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Mike31 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Originally posted by sami What do you want out of it in the first place? Very good question I'll be honest with you. looking back there was always something different about her. However, over time I've grown to respect her a great deal more (always have). From that emotions have florished beyond imagination. Some days I loose site of the facts and become incredibly impatient. I really do want everything we've talk about and more. If this isn't to happen, then yes I thought about removing myself from the situation. We've both talked about where we see each other in 5 years time. Our thinking is very much the same. Our ideas, thoughts, goals, expectations and even our core principles are the same. Your question does clear away some of the emotion, and thinking logically, I know that she wants to finish her masters, get her career off and running before anything very serious would or should happen. I guess I want to be in control of a situation that I can't control. Ironic huh? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Obviously you are passing through a strong infatuation stage. She may not be sharing it at the same level though. She is rationally thinking of finishing her masters and so forth. What are you thinking about futurewise?. What are you heading for other than being occupied all the time thinking of her ?. She has a clear future plan. Do you have one away from her. A one that secures your future with or without her in case your relationship would not take you anywhere.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike31 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Currently I have a business that I've worked at for a number of years. I also work partime throughout the week in the fitness industry because I enjoy it so much. Your insight is helpful (for me to look at things in an objective way), in that I think part of the problem is... I feel I've reached some business / financial goals and perhaps want to reach some other goals in my life (like family). Poor timming is possibly a factor here. She has "joked" about marrying a rich guy to allow her to do her hobby full time (we share the same hobby and are together every week because of it). Now I'm far from rich but do have some freedoms I've earned lol. Perhaps she feels she has to get things like her education under her belt for her own feelings of accomplishment (I don't know). I'd certainly understand that though. There is a slight age difference too, although it isn't a big deal in either of our eyes. I'm 31, she's mid 20's. I did have plans to return to university too if I didn't accomplish some other goals I've laid out. The university goals aren't as important to me as say the family goals I have. It would just be a journey for me. So I do keep busy Can it be that I loose sight of a possible timming issue? Not everything happens when I want, I'm learning. If I can identify the source of my uneasyness, well, then I can start to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike31 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 completelyclueless I've read you post. I agree you should discuss it with her. I've done that already in my case and she seems confused on some issues. She (in my case) is sorting through a bunch of feelings as I'm sure your friend is doing as well. Openning up dialog will only improve a friendship, it shouldn't ruin it. Something that might ruin it is if you were leave a stone unturned (not wanting to talk... or deliberately avoiding and issue) causing some tension. A relationship is like anything else, it has to be watered everyday (communication). It too takes time (in the beginning) to get to the point where it can be watered daily. Until this point, they're going to reverrt back to what they're comfortable and familure with. I guess I want things to happen when I want them too lol. (I think anyways) I could be dead wrong though... Link to post Share on other sites
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