Always wanted "that girl" in the bedroom; have her now and feel weird sometimes

[Babolat]

Me, mid 40s, divorced, ex-wife was not very sexual, not a lot of sex. I watched porn ALL the time.

 

Since, past 2 years, maybe watched porn 4-5 times.

 

Since my divorce I have been with 4 woman sexually, all crazy crazy crazy in bed. They love sex and want to try all kinds of things.

 

I have met a girl I really like. It took a few to get there, but she has definitely caught my attention. She too is crazy about sex. She talks about it, she plans it, she texts me at times teasing me, she has toys she brings out, she wants to experiement, she mastrabates, she may even want sex more than me. We will do something and she will tell me she has never done that before. I think to myself "Yeah, uh huh, really?" She tells me she has never cum so hard and so often before she met me. Same thing, I think "Uh Huh, you are just trying to make me feel good".

 

And now, she seems obsessed with my cock. She likes to just touch it and look at it after sex or when I am naked. I have not watched porn since I met her over 10 months ago.

 

So I now have "that girl", the one I have always dreamed about (truly the ones I looked at in porn, her body is that nice), and it's as if I think she is dirty, lying to me, she is too into sex, will she cheat on me, she is "bad" for expressng herself this way, etc. She has read the 50 Shades of Grey book and I kind of judge her for doing so. I do not share this with her, it's all in my head. She is reading some other book now about a woman expressing her sexuality.

 

Any other guys ever felt this?

[Got it]

I would look at your glass half full and thank your lucky stars that you have this woman at all instead of criticizing her.

 

It seems like you have a misogynistic view of women perhaps, or a Madonna/Whore complex that you are seemingly fitting types into certain categories.

 

I am not sure. I can say I said the same to my fiance, even though I have been married, because it quite simply was true. Two people will mesh different with every partner they have. Some partnerships will work out great, others just don't even in the bedroom. My fiance is A M A Z I N G and I can't figure out why his ex didn't seem to enjoy him better in the bedroom but c'est la vie.

 

Why are you doubting her? Do you not feel you are capable of turning a woman on so much? It seems like, based on your experience, that you seem to quite capable. Why the doubt?

[TaraMaiden]

You sound like a guy who goes to bed with whores, but is disgusted by what they do....

 

You need to get your head straightened out.

She has no problem.

This is all on you.

[Els]

Wait, you watched porn ALL the time but you judge her for reading 50 Shades?

 

What. Teh. Fsck.

[Emilia]

So I now have "that girl", the one I have always dreamed about (truly the ones I looked at in porn, her body is that nice), and it's as if I think she is dirty, lying to me, she is too into sex, will she cheat on me, she is "bad" for expressng herself this way, etc. She has read the 50 Shades of Grey book and I kind of judge her for doing so. I do not share this with her, it's all in my head. She is reading some other book now about a woman expressing her sexuality.

 

Any other guys ever felt this?

 

Is this the party girl you posted before with the alcohol issues? This is just another form of addiction for her.

[TaraMaiden]

Is this the party girl you posted before with the alcohol issues? This is just another form of addiction for her.

 

Holy cow - I hope not - if it isn't, he may be conservative, but he's a bit of a player!!

[Babolat]

Holy cow - I hope not - if it isn't, he may be conservative, but he's a bit of a player!!

 

Yes, it is the same girl, and for me the sex is way better than the 3 girls I dated before her because there is an emotional element to it; I liked those girls yet I never felt a connection with them like I do with her. I care about her, I like her, which for me makes the sex far more intimate.

 

I do not judge her per se for how she is in the bedroom. It's just different, being with someone who truly enjoys sex, talks about, can express herself...I have never really been with a woman like this that I had intimate feelings for. She has even told me she has always enjoyed sex, but not like she has with us. It's a complment and makes me feel good for sure.

[Charlie Harper]

So many men complain about women not being sexual and wild, and then they find one, and they get all insecure and nervous that they cant keep up...

 

what the world has come to?

 

My advice SHE IS A KEEPER, if you are in love and she is fantastic in bed, what could be better?

[sweetkiwi]

This is the story of my fhucking life. You judgmental types don't belong anywhere near a free woman. You may say you care about her and like her but judging her proves otherwise.

[Babolat]

So many men complain about women not being sexual and wild, and then they find one, and they get all insecure and nervous that they cant keep up...

 

what the world has come to?

 

My advice SHE IS A KEEPER, if you are in love and she is fantastic in bed, what could be better?

 

I am not nervous nor do I worry about keeping up. No performance issues either..the sex is incredible.

 

I now know I watched porn as there was no sex in my marriage. The porn I have looked at since my marriage ended does not arouse me; being with my girlfriend does, feeling her sexuality does. And I almost feel weird that I no longer have any interest in porn. She has talked about watching pron together, which shocked me.

 

It's just different I guess. I truly never believed woman could be this way, expressive, comfortable with their sexuality, as all of my sexual relationship from my marriage to prior were not that way. When watching porn in my marriage I assumed it was the woman faking and that in real life woman were not like that. My ex-wife had little to no interest in sex. Once a month was a great month and that was usually just to take care of me as she put it.

[Babolat]

This is the story of my fhucking life. You judgmental types don't belong anywhere near a free woman. You may say you care about her and like her but judging her proves otherwise.

 

She is a free spirit, wild soul type for sure, I am more conservative. We have both said that's part of the attraction to the other. And I don't think this is judgement, it's just different. Something I am not use to. Don't get me wrong, I love it, it's just different.

 

My ex made me feel dirty or bad for even wanting to have sex. So I still have a difficult time even initiating sex with my girlfriend.

[TaraMaiden]

Why does this....

 

I never felt a connection with them like I do with her. I care about her, I like her, which for me makes the sex far more intimate.

 

I do not judge her per se for how she is in the bedroom..... She has even told me she has always enjoyed sex, but not like she has with us. It's a complment and makes me feel good for sure.

 

Contradict this....?

 

.....We will do something and she will tell me she has never done that before. I think to myself "Yeah, uh huh, really?" She tells me she has never cum so hard and so often before she met me. Same thing, I think "Uh Huh, you are just trying to make me feel good".

And now, she seems obsessed with my cock. She likes to just touch it and look at it after sex or when I am naked. I have not watched porn since I met her over 10 months ago.

 

So I now have "that girl", the one I have always dreamed about (truly the ones I looked at in porn, her body is that nice), and it's as if I think she is dirty, lying to me, she is too into sex, will she cheat on me, she is "bad" for expressng herself this way, etc. She has read the 50 Shades of Grey book and I kind of judge her for doing so. I do not share this with her, it's all in my head. She is reading some other book now about a woman expressing her sexuality.

 

Where are you going with this, exactly??

[Babolat]

Holy cow - I hope not - if it isn't, he may be conservative, but he's a bit of a player!!

 

I have thought about this. Now, if I know she is intoxicated or drunk, I will not have sex. It feels wrong to have sex with her when she has been drinking. She gets very touchy feely when she drinks and makes it clear she wants to have sex,. even in public, she will shove her hands down my pants..partly I think to embarass me.

[Emilia]

I have thought about this. Now, if I know she is intoxicated or drunk, I will not have sex. It feels wrong to have sex with her when she has been drinking. She gets very touchy feely when she drinks and makes it clear she wants to have sex,. even in public, she will shove her hands down my pants..partly I think to embarass me.

 

No, she does that because she doesn't take responsibility for her actions, she has no boundaries and she behaves the way she feels like. She likes the inhibition that alcohol gives her.

 

Look, you need to decide whether you want an addict in your life or not. This is what it comes down to. Make a decision.

[Babolat]

Why does this....

 

 

 

Contradict this....?

 

 

 

Where are you going with this, exactly??

 

Good questions. I find it difficult to believe that I am her best ever and she has had many partners, my guess from her comments is 15 or so. She has been in 3 long term relationships. She was a big party girl until her mid 30s, staying out until 4AM+ 3-4 nights a week, drinking, doing drugs, partying with strippers, good friends, some men, the type of men by her admission that get girls drunk for sex, etc. She states over and over she was not THAY way, that she takes pride in that, they were her friends and she did not judge them for it.

 

I guesss I am a little insecure when she tells me how great it is with us because I "assume" she has to have had done things and expereienced things in her partying days and I am wondering if she is being truthful with me. You party hard, you blackout, some dude bangs you, you may or may not remember. She states that has never happened to her, that she knows what she is doing when she partied and she gauged her partying based on the crowd.

[Emilia]

This thread should be pinned for 'denial'

[Mint Sauce]

assuming the worst (she's full-on playing you), what is in it for her? Are you supporting her financially? I assume she's past child-bearing age?

 

It may be that her intentions are pure, but her style is not. I also find it hard to believe that a woman in her mid-40s, who is sexually free and experimental, is still finding lots of new stuff to do with you, a rather conservative man. I guess you're not sharing extreme kink, are you?

So perhaps she's telling you some small lies (never done that, you're the best,...) to avoid pushing you away. Is that acceptable to you?

 

I wouldn't accept it.

[Babolat]

assuming the worst (she's full-on playing you), what is in it for her? Are you supporting her financially? I assume she's past child-bearing age?

 

It may be that her intentions are pure, but her style is not. I also find it hard to believe that a woman in her mid-40s, who is sexually free and experimental, is still finding lots of new stuff to do with you, a rather conservative man. I guess you're not sharing extreme kink, are you?

So perhaps she's telling you some small lies (never done that, you're the best,...) to avoid pushing you away. Is that acceptable to you?

 

I wouldn't accept it.

 

No extreme kink, not my thing or hers that I am aware of.

 

I am not supporting her financially. She is not past her child bearing years.

 

Is she telling small lies? She feels sincere to me when she shares as she is a very open and honest person. Sex is very intense with us, very intimate. I think party because she came out of a LTR where for 5+ months she slept on the couch before she moved out. I am her first man since that relationship ended and I think she is feeling liberated....just a guess.

 

She does have a shy side to her, which I find attractive. It surprises me when I see it.

 

I showed up at her apartment once and she was dressed in an outift that was incredible and she literally pulled me into the bedroom. THIS has never happened to me. Yes, I loved it, but at the same time I felt a little uncomfortable. The intent of this post is to help me figure out that uncomfortableness.

[Babolat]

Emilia, I hear you. She may very well be an addict. When I research alcoholism she does not have any of the symptons. When I research binge drinking, she does have soem of those symptons.

 

She has told me she likes to drink as is does reduce her inhibitions, not just sexually. She will do crazy stuff, engage in deeper conversations, that she otherwise would not. She is the one who will get the group to run outside and lay on the ground and stare at the stars, or run around a building acting goofy. She has also been known to get the group to run into the river just to do it when drinking. She has gotten me to do things I otherwise would not do unless I had a buzz, and honestly I had fun. Does this make her an addict? I have no idea. Yeah, she likes to drink, and when she drinks she likes to get a good buzz. It's not every day, it's not every weekend.

 

When we first started dating I was attracted to it as we had some great, deep conversations while sharing a bottle of wine or two. And yes, it also made us both less inhibitied sexually. We dated for 3-4 weeks, 5-6 dates, before we had sex; she told me we were not going to have sex until she knew we were exclusive. Once started though it was very intense and very intimate. It still is to this day.

 

I do think a lot of my thoughts stem from my ex-marriage. My ex rarely had an orgasm, I felt like a failure there. We had sex maybe once a month, other than that it was hand jobs to "take care of me". She never gave me a BJ, said she hated them. She never let me do oral on her. Now I am with a woman who likes all of this, she orgasms every time we have sex, sometimes multiple times, and I think to myself "Really?". And she tells me this has not happened in her past.

 

Her past LTR relationships were controlling and emotionally and physically abusive, perhaps that had someting to do with it. I have no idea.

[Emilia]

Emilia, I hear you. She may very well be an addict. When I research alcoholism she does not have any of the symptons. When I research binge drinking, she does have soem of those symptons.

 

Addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Substance Addiction Denial 3 Stages to Overcome | Azure Acres CA

 

Her past LTR relationships were controlling and emotionally and physically abusive, perhaps that had someting to do with it. I have no idea.

 

Yes. Codependent relationships.

 

I have read the rest of your post as well, I understand why she is attractive to you. I also understand why hot sex is so fantastic. You can make the choice of dating her but you need to know what you are getting yourself into

[Babolat]

Addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Substance Addiction Denial 3 Stages to Overcome | Azure Acres CA

 

 

 

Yes. Codependent relationships.

 

I have read the rest of your post as well, I understand why she is attractive to you. I also understand why hot sex is so fantastic. You can make the choice of dating her but you need to know what you are getting yourself into

 

Hi Emilia, thank you for the links.

 

Emotions are in play now as we both have strong feelings for each other. I have shared my concerns with binge drinking with her in the past. Her response has always been "I have made a lot of changes over the past 10 years and I continue to make changes, but for me, not for anyone else". She has acknowledged she knows she drinks too much at times, so no denial there.

 

I am just not sure she has the resources around her, and the support team, to do it on her own. Her friends call her, "lets go out", she goes out. Her family invites her to weekends at the vacation homes, they all drink heavy, she drinks with them. It's very much a social thing.

 

She has told me 2-3 times one of her attractions to me is that I don't drink, that she is done with that kind of relationship, and that she wants to be more like me when it comes to drinking. On NYEs she even said "I need to pace myself tonight" and she did, versus her usual fast drinking.

 

I am not blind, I guess I am just hopefull and I am keeping my eyes open to see what happens.

[Emilia]

I am not blind, I guess I am just hopefull and I am keeping my eyes open to see what happens.

 

Good luck, hope it works out in a good way.

 

Someone I know is an ultra marathon runner and a binge drinker, he can't do anything by half measure. He also chats girls up in pubs and f**ks them in bar lavatories (yes I'm serious) even though he is in a long term relationship and now engaged. He can't stay away from women. Can't stay away from booze. Can't stay away from strenuous repetitive exercise. See what I mean by addictive personality?

 

This is not to say that your gf is unfaithful, I'm just saying that some people can't control themselves and give all sorts of excuses. This guy keeps saying he doesn't have a problem.

 

Anyway, enough preaching, hope I'm wrong and that this works out

[Babolat]

Good luck, hope it works out in a good way.

 

Someone I know is an ultra marathon runner and a binge drinker, he can't do anything by half measure. He also chats girls up in pubs and f**ks them in bar lavatories (yes I'm serious) even though he is in a long term relationship and now engaged. He can't stay away from women. Can't stay away from booze. Can't stay away from strenuous repetitive exercise. See what I mean by addictive personality?

 

This is not to say that your gf is unfaithful, I'm just saying that some people can't control themselves and give all sorts of excuses. This guy keeps saying he doesn't have a problem.

 

Anyway, enough preaching, hope I'm wrong and that this works out

 

Thanks again. I do believe she is faithful and I also know she knows she has a drinking problem, she has talked about it with me.

 

I have not seen any other addictive personality traits in her though. Sex with us? Well, I don't think so. I think she is just more aware of her sexuality then my ex was, and it's new to me. I felt the same with the 3 previous girls I dated, it's just that I have an emotional attachment to her so I probably more aware of it.

 

We took a break recently as she was tired of hearing about her drinking, which I get. She felt overwhelemed and that we were no longer having fun, it's was all about me talking to her about drinking. And I was.

 

I have mostly been quiest since we got back together. I do want to bring it up again, just not sure how, and I have noticed a decrease, so I am cautious to say something if indeed she is making changes.

[wheream_i]

I do not judge her per se for how she is in the bedroom. It's just different, being with someone who truly enjoys sex, talks about, can express herself...I have never really been with a woman like this that I had intimate feelings for. She has even told me she has always enjoyed sex, but not like she has with us. It's a complment and makes me feel good for sure.

 

Wait, what? You are saying two different things here. You've never been with a woman like this that you could have intimate feelings for. Yet, she makes you feel good with her compliments.

 

Time to grow up and mature about sex. I personally couldn't be with a woman who was closed off and insecure about sex.

[Babolat]

Wait, what? You are saying two different things here. You've never been with a woman like this that you could have intimate feelings for. Yet, she makes you feel good with her compliments.

 

Time to grow up and mature about sex. I personally couldn't be with a woman who was closed off and insecure about sex.

 

I have never been with a woman who I feel this way about and at the same time she is very comfortable with her sexuality. My previous LTRs were with woman who were not so comfortable with their sexuality. The sex was average to good, it was just not near as good as it is with my current girlfriend. At the time I assumed that's how good sex was.

 

I guess I am saying I never knew how good sex could really be when you are with a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality and her wants and needs.