xOW here to say...

[fooled2manyX]

In my previous threads, I know I received many post from people saying that I am not deserving of the closure I have wanted.

 

My last time seeing or hearing from the MM was a day he left. He knew his W knew because I told him (I got one text from her) and he knew they were to have the confrontation. But he left still saying that we were going to be together, that he wanted divorce, that he didn't want to be without me, that he loved me.

 

Obviously, reality changed some of this. How he hurt her, the notion of leaving his kids in any way, etc. I understand that & the part I played.

 

But some people said I was not deserving from him a goodbye. There wasn't even a NC letter saying "It's over. Goodbye." He just never returned.

 

I don't know if it's only his need to right the wrongs done to his family that he not say goodbye, or because it is too painful for him to say all he said we would be together, won't be. Maybe both.

 

What I do know is this: To all who said that I am owed nothing and I am just the OW who he cast aside to now do the right thing... I understand that is what he is doing and what his wife deserves of him. Yes, I knew he was married, so I can't shuck that off on someone else.

 

But, this man did not tell me "I'm never leaving my wife". He said quite the opposite. Whether he has thrown me under the bus or not, I never made a choice for him. I never made him say or do a thing. He was in my life, everyday in some way, with plans of what was to come. I would ask him "How are we going to.....?" To which he would say "We'll figure it out."

 

So my posts to the people who believe I am just some OW who isn't even owed a goodbye for closure.. I have been in the worst utter pain of my life. When my father died, he was dead and that was not his chosing. This is an ache which does not subside. The MM's choice to stay where he is & work on what he wants is his choice and I can't ever begrudge him of that.

 

People watch the Bridges of Madison County and think it a truly beautiful love story. Then they hear my same story (with variation, MM & I were childhood friends) and they think of me a whore and that I have no feelings. That I should feel this pain because I knew what I was getting myself into. I didn't. I will admit I hadn't a clue, except we were in love & he was telling me he was leaving. My fault lying in not telling him not to come back until he did.

 

But this pain.... this ache that hurts my head, keeps me from eating, or brings the food back up, has me weak, crying, lost..... is not conditional on what choice I made. And it doesn't even stem from his choice to leave me & stay with his family.

 

It stems from not being told. Being left to guess. To figure it out. And as he is smiles with her in pictures, that is good. I mean, I wanted him happy. I did. I told him that. No matter where he wanted to be, I only wanted him happy. Even though it hurts me a great deal that it won't be with me. But THIS pain is horrible from being left in the dark.

 

No matter what was discussed at D-day for them. REALLY. It's not MY fault he promised the moon. It's his & he should have done the right thing in ending this so I could have peace. For 20 yrs of friendship that man asked me if I was taking care of myself. Well.............. not doing too well now. Reconciliation is great. Some of you write about how he is doing right by her now and I shouldn't even be a thought.

 

Really. Well ok. I do hope he has a thought. I hope everyday it's "I just left her there. Waiting." I hope it haunts him.

 

No matter who was wrong, you don't end something without ending it. He's a grown man. All I have needed from him now is "Im sorry. Its over. Goodbye." And please, don't you guys go spouting off how I don't deserve that. If those THREE little statements were all I get from a man who promised me we'd spend the rest of our lives together, then that's not much. But, still all I am in need of And I didn't ask him tell me the woman he should have married all those years ago was me.

 

I'm in agony. All I want is for him to say he's sorry & go be happy. If I never saw him again for the rest of our lives... I could go on at least knowing he said that.

[fooled2manyX]

Establishing with me that it was over instead of leaving me here to guess, isn't more painful for her. His promises were no good? Ok. Maybe not. You even wrote that his promises to his wife were no good because he cheated...

 

Your brother in law did this to your sister? But yet, they're still married and he's been redeemed. ?? Ok. So the cheater is redeemed and the good husband now and still in your eyes MFH70 the OW/OM is no good.

 

OOOPppsss, I'm really sorry that you think saying to me it was over is some sort of "validation" which you don't think I'm deserving of. It's not validation, it's the right thing to do.

 

You think feelings just go away because you think they should. Or because circumstances change. They don't. You don't just shut these things off with a switch.

 

And I hate to tell you, but even if your brother in law has done the right thing by your sister "this" time around, you don't know what goes through his head.

[waterwoman]

Yes, he should have contacted you, even if it was just one line in a letter. I am sorry you have been left in limbo. After d-day I was desperate for H to send a proper ending letter to OW. It would have helped me too.

[Saba]

I'm not sure that there is anything that someone can say that will make rejection easier. In my experience (which may be different to yours of course) rejection hurts and the reasons that people give when they break up never feel very satisfying. Closure does not come from him, but rather from acceptance by you. I wish you the best and recommend spending some time taking care of yourself.

[Got it]

Yes you deserved closure. Everyone deserves closure. (((()))))

 

I think you may eventually find that even if he had said goodbye, there is still not closure completely. You still think, what about . . . . , you said . . . , there are still so many unanswered questions.

 

I am so sorry for you pain, it is awful I know. You may find that true closure comes from within. It really does.

 

But as an OW you are still owed things and don't believe anyone who says otherwise. That is there opinion, they are entitled to it, but just because they say it doesn't make it true.

 

Just ride the waves, it will get better. ((((()))))))

[SunshineToday]

I also think you should consider some OW get a "goodbye, I love my wife, I regret every second I spent with you, I was never leaving my wife, I didnt really love you, let alone like you, now never call me again."

 

Do you think an OW who gets that feels any better then an OW who gets nothing? Either way you end up hurt and wondering why you believed his lies.

 

You are the only one who can give yourself closure. And you can get there, even if you never see or speak to him again.

[Summer Breeze]

Yes, he should have contacted you, even if it was just one line in a letter. I am sorry you have been left in limbo. After d-day I was desperate for H to send a proper ending letter to OW. It would have helped me too.

 

I think this is a good point. If even the tiniest contact to say goodbye is made there is no reason to come back for further closure. It may be wanted by some OW but it's not necessary. I think if I'd been reconciling with my xH I'd have preferred him to say a goodbye so there would be less reason for any further involvement.

[whichwayisup]

I'm in agony. All I want is for him to say he's sorry & go be happy. If I never saw him again for the rest of our lives... I could go on at least knowing he said that.

 

And this is what is stopping you from really letting go and grieving the loss. You have a hope/desire/wish for him to give you a bit of closure (he can't give you total closure) by actually saying the words it's totally over and goodbye.

 

The thing is, he (and you know this) handled it all badly and he did what was best for him, easiest for him and also his wife told him NC or she's gone. As painful as that is for you, it is the reality you're left with. To focus on the way this ended and not let yourself go through the grieving process isn't good in the long run for you. somehow you need to make peace with how this ended and deal with the reality of the now - which is getting some help (you losing weight, not eating and being depressed) so you can function better and also maybe go on anti-D's too. Talking to a therapist could help you get more closure too.

 

Yes, he should have said the words it's over - Goodbye. But he didn't. And he isn't going to.

 

Set yourself free of this! Don't let this man ruin your life.

[whichwayisup]

It's not validation, it's the right thing to do.

 

But when it comes to affairs, the rules kind of change. The dynamics etc.. there's always a chance of a D-day and when an A ends not all end peacefully for those involved, especially when busted.

 

You have every right to get upset, feel liked he owed you more, but you aren't going to get what you want from him.

 

Things ended the minute he got caught. Maybe he thought you'd figure that out on your own? I don't know.

 

I also think you should consider some OW get a "goodbye, I love my wife, I regret every second I spent with you, I was never leaving my wife, I didnt really love you, let alone like you, now never call me again."

 

Do you think an OW who gets that feels any better then an OW who gets nothing? Either way you end up hurt and wondering why you believed his lies.

 

You are the only one who can give yourself closure. And you can get there, even if you never see or speak to him again.

 

This is something for you to really think about.

[RickFox]

Not sure I can offer much but I do understand the need for closure. Xmw did the same to me, turned on me, walked away, returned and said she thought she was helping me by walking away and never saying a word and then did it again, only her words were don't ever come near me again and don't contact me. Nothing else, no reason why, all the I love you's, you're my soul mate, Ive never felt anything like this with anyone........all for nothing and I was miserable...completely and all I could come up with was 'why?'

 

It took a while and help from some folks here and in the real world but I realized her actions, all that she did, that was my closure, that was what I needed to see her for what she was and how she thought of me and while it didn't take the pain, it helped set me on the path of which Im still on. I don't need her, I don't want her and IF she ever came back, I have nothing left for her. Sure maybe it was done as a noble deed for herself, her family, but I doubt it. Dday came and went and suddenly, I wasn't the most important person, she was, her way of life was and I was someone who got in the way.......... I guess the only thing I could say to her is thank you, thank you for showing me that had we ended up together, you would have been the biggest mistake of my life (not that she wasn't mind you).

 

The pain lessens with time.....you're stronger emotionally than you think.

[BrokenPrincess]

I had my goodbye phone call after DDay AND an in person goodbye the following day, but honestly I don't think it helped with closure or lessening the extreme grief when xMM was suddenly cut out of my life. I spent hours & hours replaying every word, every kiss, wishing I'd said something different or asked him some questions or worn his favorite flavor of my lip gloss. The agonizing just didn't let up.

 

OP, I'm sorry you're hurting. With time it really does get better. I'm 3 months out & still think of him every day but its not every minute like the first month post breakup. Try & take care of yourself...food, water, sleep. Xx

[CountrySlicker]

I actually just told MOM that if he was done, whenever he was done, he needed to tell me. We are not in love, but to have him just stop communicating without any goodbye would be SO hurtful. It seems like disrespect. If he can say to his W "I won't see her anymore" the least he could do is say to his OW that he won't be. After all the risks, patience, and heartache it seems only fair.

 

Yes you deserved it. You deserved to have him man up and say he's walking away.

 

But as has been said, ultimately it wouldn't change the ending. You would still feel what you feel. The biggest difference is you wouldn't have had to wonder if he was ok, or dead, or convince yourself he just got busy, or that someday he will come back.

 

PS--you are definitely right--there are some nasty judgmental folks in here who love to bash the OW. If you know of a truly safe haven to work things out please let me know.

[fooled2manyX]

Thank you all so much for your posts & words. All except MFH70, who I just don't even acknowledge any longer. I think perhaps he (or she) is a betrayed spouse. (otherwise who would hang out so much in these rooms just for kicks?) And I am deeply sorry for people who have been cheated on & experience the pain of it. I myself was on that side. People have asked "then how could you do it to another"? Again, it is a choice I have to take full responsibility for.... am not proud of. If you read my original threads, you will see that my love for this man spanning 20 yrs since we were kids, clouded my judgment.

 

I "did" things I should not have done. But, I "felt" things I could not help.

 

I read one of your posts above.. someone wrote that maybe he is a narcissit only concerned about himself. Actually, he is the complete opposite. This I know for a fact. I was once in a relationship with a narcissit and know all the traits. This MM is anything but. Extremely feeling, caring, etc. Although I know his having an affair was wrong.

 

So, the guilt and commitment to his family got to him. Of course it did. I knew it did. He was always honest in answers with me. When we met up as friends in 2007, I asked him if he loved me when we were kids. (17-22) He said "If I didn't, I wanted to". He could have just said yes. He was always honest with me & I never felt I was being lied to. What happened since those early days, was we did fall in love.

 

I was not a woman demanding he leave his wife. I was not a woman telling him to chose. I was a woman asking him what he wanted to do. He told me he did not want to continue the marriage. Ok. He told me he loved her, but was in love with me. Ok. He told me leaving her wasn't so much the issue, as leaving the children. Ok.

 

I don't believe I was conned. Granted, I don't know how he feels about me since D-day. I would venture to guess someone doesn't just say "you know what, I don't love her afterall." I don't know. I know some men say that the affair was the worst thing that ever happened to them and they regret every minute and don't care about the other woman.

 

Now, if I were the wife, would I want to hear that? Yes. Sure I would. But either way, I think of a man who would say such a thing and I wouldn't want to be with a man who ever viewed someone like that which he put himself with. However, I believe many men say this to save face. (or their ass really) if trying to keep the family intact.

 

I recall asking him a couple of times "Are we a mistake?" "Am I a mistake you are making?" With the utmost sincerity, with wide eyes and love he said we could never be a mistake.

 

And wrong as it may be, life long love , even if it doesn't turn into marriage, even if two people travel down seperate roads....is like that.

 

Am I forgotten? No. I know he thinks about me. In what context now, I don't know.

 

But still, I'm in agony. And I won't make excuses for it. It exists. Right, wrong or otherwise. I don't know if he says nothing because he made the promise to her. Or because telling me all he told me we would have, won't be. I don't know. I only know that he has not given me goodbye.

 

At first, I would never want goodbye. I never wanted to face this would not be. But after awhile, even if it's over.. you want to think that while he has to cut off all contact, that "I'm sorry" was something he could muster up.

[ThatJustHappened]

I'm sorry you're hurting, but this need for closure is quickly moving from fixation to obsession and that is dangerous. You are allowing this man to ruin your life and he's not even in it anymore! They're just words..honestly, you're not hurting because he didn't apologize, you're hurting because your relationship is over..you're just obsessing about him not apologizing or saying goodbye because you think that's the panacea that's just going to make the pain go away. It's not. It doesn't help at all.

 

It's like another poster said..he can't give you closure..you have to give yourself closure. I went through a break up recently (not an OW..just a normal relationship) and it was long and difficult..we said goodbye SO many times and it never made it any easier. I had to decide to let go of him..it was AWFUL but I had to do it. That's what you have to do too. It's up to you.

 

I'm really sorry you didn't get closure from him. I'm really sorry you're hurting. I hope things get better for you.

[jwi71]

I'm not replying to you LFH per se - but I like the quoted part and I'm using it as a launchpad.

 

let me break it down for ya...

It would be like if your spouse just never came home one day.

No phone call.

No message

No email.

Kissed you goodbye, said I love you, went off to work and you never heard from them again.

Poof.

 

You eventually hear from others that s/he's alive. You don't know if s/he realized that they loved their OP more than you or if they felt trapped in your relationship or what. You don't get to know anything.

 

And ALL of it HIS choice. Let's not forget the WS HAS options and choices - clearly exercised DURING the A.

 

The BS didn't staple the WS's mouth shut. Or confiscate EVERY means of contact. Or spend 24x7 with them. After all, the WS managed A to begin with no?

 

So its the WS's CHOICE. The WS doesn't contact you because he/she doesn't WANT to.

 

Oh sure, one of the very first things the BS does is DEMAND NC. And one may wish to use that as an excuse for this silence. And with that, hold on to hope that the phone rings. The anxiety. The anticipation. The letdown of another day of silence.

 

Its like this because of that poisonous ruinous hope - that its the BS conniving and preventing the WS from reaching out - denying the AP their love. It isn't. Oh yes, the BS very likely demanded NC.

 

And the WS delivers it. By choice.

 

The same choice the WS exercised when deciding to cheat to begin with.

 

And of closure. Do you deserve closure? Of course you do.

 

Well...what IS closure? I think we mean "to be at peace".

Is it some Q you must ask whose answer solves all?

Or some explanation of what was or was not done or said or promised?

What SPECIFICALLY are you looking for to feel good about this?

 

I would say closure exists WITHIN. Its internal. No externality can give it to you. No one single magic answer. No one conversation. For the answer received must be accepted in order to get "closure" - and who decides if the answer to a particular Q is good enough - well you do of course. If you don;t like the answer - well, ask another Q or the same Q in another way until one hears what they wish. And the break-up convo lasts forever. Always another angle. Another Q. Another "what-if".

 

Forget it. YOU decide when you know.

 

Why? He is M and at this time he acquiesces to his W.

Why? He WANTS to.

 

I didn't get closure from my xWW. I gave it to myself.

 

I know it hurts and I'm sorry for it. You don't deserve it.

 

So heal yourself - your MM can't do it for you.

[Spark1111]

Establishing with me that it was over instead of leaving me here to guess, isn't more painful for her. His promises were no good? Ok. Maybe not. You even wrote that his promises to his wife were no good because he cheated...

 

Your brother in law did this to your sister? But yet, they're still married and he's been redeemed. ?? Ok. So the cheater is redeemed and the good husband now and still in your eyes MFH70 the OW/OM is no good.

 

OOOPppsss, I'm really sorry that you think saying to me it was over is some sort of "validation" which you don't think I'm deserving of. It's not validation, it's the right thing to do.

 

You think feelings just go away because you think they should. Or because circumstances change. They don't. You don't just shut these things off with a switch.

 

And I hate to tell you, but even if your brother in law has done the right thing by your sister "this" time around, you don't know what goes through his head.

 

I know you are angry and in pain, but there are some valid points here.

 

If he wants the marriage, the very last thing he can do is contact you now.

 

Many a BS are in such pain that the WS is like a deer in the headlights.

 

That spouse they stopped seeing or thinking cared about them while in an affair with you, is now inconsolable and somewhat dangerous in how angry and sobbing and irrational they may be acting.

 

I personally threw all his clothes on the front lawn, had the locks changed, went digging and hacking computers and attached "their" emails to most of the extended family. i didn't care who he contacted, I was informing the world I was getting divorced and here is why: Please see attached email. That's when I could stop sobbing long enough to get off the floor.

 

Contact with you could very well be the very last straw that breaks his marriage's back. It could invite trouble for him and for you.

 

I had to talk friends and family from marching onto her doorstep, (yes, I found out where she lived) and giving her what for because they had never seen me like that. Believe me, they gave him worse hell.

 

With that being said, yes, rejection is horrible and so is the inability to get any real closure, if any at all, from a a MAP. Affairs generally all around suck and I'm sorry for the abrupt disappearance.

 

But with that being said, I agree with what posters have said about closure coming from within.

 

What could he possible say to make you feel better? I lied and never intended to leave my wife? I loved you but I am not leaving my wife for you?

 

I'll calm my wife down and then get back in touch with you (common scenario), but for what purpose? Can we now continue the affair?

 

What is it that he could say that would give you closure?

[CountrySlicker]

They do not legitimately have the same expectations.

I wouldn't feel bad she's in agony because the BS is in much worse agony as far as I see.

You really are unscathed compared to her.

You really don't think we OW are people do you. We don't have hearts that break or lives that get devastated. We don't deserve happiness. Is that correct?

 

 

Zipping my lip now.

[sweet_pea]

You really don't think we OW are people do you. We don't have hearts that break or lives that get devastated. We don't deserve happiness. Is that correct?

 

 

Zipping my lip now.

 

Personally, I believe everyone deserves happiness. But at someone else's expense? That's where it gets tricky.

 

However, to stay on topic..

 

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I think the fact that you're so agonized and focused on receiving closure is what is keeping you from getting actual closure. Just like someone said earlier, if/when he does give you that closure, a new set of whys & what ifs will pop up.

 

I know it's hard to just move on. Really, I do. And I'm sorry you never got a proper NC/goodbye. I hope you feel better. Just know that this ending is a blessing in disguise for everyone involved, and the more indifference you gain without his goodbye, the better for you!

[Silly_Girl]

There's a man I know who behaved exactly as yours did, OP.

 

Later, when we were reconciled, he explained any he did it that way. It's as follows:

 

He had no justification for his actions

He still loved me and did not want to end things

He could not bear to see me as devastated as he knew I would be

There was nothing he could say to make things better, as he was adamant he would not be leaving his wife

 

 

In short, he was cowardly and put his needs before mine.

[SidLyon]

We are told a married man having an affair is "torn" between his "unsuspecting" BW and his "knowing" OW.

 

Once d-day occurs he is still torn, but this time between doing the right thing by his BW, (which often means completely no contact with the OW) and doing the right thing by his OW (in giving her an explanation/closure).

 

I agreed that my fWH could finalise things with the OW by letting her know of my discovery and ending it with her. Other BWs don't agree.

 

Some MM try to give the OW closure without their BW's knowledge. They know they are further risking their marriage and their BW's trust when they do this.

 

Some MM choose to start doing the right thing by their wife and some don't. No matter what, both women have "lost" in the majority of cases and the MM gets to choose.

 

While my sympathies lie predominantly with the BW, I'm always sorry for the OW in this situation.

 

{In writing the above I'm assuming a fairly typical situation where the OW knows he is married and the MM stays married after d-day for whatever reasons}

[Silly_Girl]

I also spent time in the contrasting position where he had left, his family and closest friends knew the marriage was over, but his wife didn't not want to accept it and he was too lazy/scared to force the issue and there was a horrible intervening period that was totally unfair on his wife.

 

I could never treat someone like that.

[2sure]

It isn't right . As wrong as the affair was, you deserve a good bye. I believe that. You shared intimacy with this guy. You gave him of yourself. More than he gave you . And yes, you took what was not yours from someone else. All of that is acknowledged. But his inability to acknowledge that he took from his wife but also from you is ...just cheap.

 

Again, this is him. This is the way he solves his problems regardless of what you thought. You deserve good bye. But with affairs, very often what BS or OW deserve....isn't a thought in WS 's head.

 

You are heartbroken, you have been hurt. I am sorry for your pain.

[threelaurels]

You really don't think we OW are people do you. We don't have hearts that break or lives that get devastated. We don't deserve happiness. Is that correct?

 

 

Zipping my lip now.

 

I don't see where anyone is saying that the OW isn't a person. Obviously the pain the OW feels is very real.

 

The difference between the BS and the OW is that the OW chose to engage in a relationship with a married man. You may not be able to choose who you love, but you can choose who you want to be a relationship with. The OW chooses to have a relationship with a man who is, and always will be as long as he's married, emotionally unavailable.

 

What happens when you play with fire? Sometimes you get burned. The BS, on the other hand, has no choice in the matter. The WH will do what he wants to do. Even if there are problems in the marriage, he chooses to have an affair instead of seeking marriage counseling or trying to work on the issues with his wife.

 

The wife may not choose to help work out the issues in the marriage, but at least she chooses to respect her wedding vows and remain faithful. It may not make the marriage better, but it doesn't make it worse either, unlike what the WH is doing.

 

The BS does not have a choice in whether or not her husband engages in an affair. All the betrayal and pain is simply shoved upon her and only then does she have a say in what is happening.

 

I am not saying that the pain of one hurts worse than the other. I'm saying that the circumstances are different and it is therefore impossible to compare what the BS and the OW feel.

 

All I have needed from him now is "Im sorry. Its over. Goodbye." And please, don't you guys go spouting off how I don't deserve that.

 

Sometimes we are given circumstances that are out of control and, no matter how much we want to control them, we can't. The only way to find peace is by realizing that everything is out of your hands and what happens happens.

 

You deserve closure. You owe it to yourself to find peace with what has happened. However, you won't get it from him. All he will give you is more pain and hurt. You have to get it from yourself.

 

When we hurt ourselves, putting a bandaid on the wound doesn't help the pain. The only thing that takes the pain away is time. An apology is like a bandaid. It patches up the wound but does nothing to alleviate the hurt you're feeling.

 

The best thing you can do to help yourself right now is cry. Cry and let it all out. Don't keep anything in because it will make it worse later on. You need to accept that life as you knew it has changed, but it will make you a stronger person in the end.

[stevie_23]

This is my situation a bit too. Sort of. Slightly different I guess.

 

My ex-MM had 4 D-days in our almost 2 year relationship. Each of the first three times, he came back to me. The 3rd time it took a lot longer though. There was a fallout, whereas the previous 2 there had been no real impact on us at all. He always said he wasn't happy with his wife, living in that house with her 3 adult kids, that he wanted to get out, to be alone and to have space and peace and quiet, and then to be with me "properly". To be married to me. He said he'd never leave me.

 

And then the 4th D-day happened. He had told me 1-2 months before that if his wife did happen to find out about us again that we would not be over. But...well, that went out the window.

 

I don't know what happened, what if anything was discussed between them. I didn't even know there WAS a 4th D-day until 10 days afterwards when he FINALLY emailed me after I'd been desperately emailing and texting and private messaging him since the day he left. Our last contact was a gmail chat, where he'd left abruptly after a brief argument. So I assumed for that 10 day period that he had left me because of THAT, not because of a 4th D-day. It was horrible.

 

So yeah...I did get a kind of closure, but not really. I have no closure in the fact he wouldn't have told me ANYTHING if I hadn't kept contacting him. He would've just let me dissolve into thin air...just let my heart slowly die after never hearing from him again when hours earlier we'd been so in love.

 

I also couldn't get any closure from his "goodbye" message because he didn't say he had to commit to his wife or whatever. He said his new job made it too hard to live 2 lives now. And his computer internet connection had died. What the hell? Flimsy excuses. He wasn't planning to leave me when he got that new job and yet after his wife finds out about us again, BAM! He's left. So yeah. Clearly it got too much, the D-days, the secrecy and strain of always hiding, etc. But to use the fact his computer couldn't go online anymore? And to send that message, with that excuse, from his new iPad? (1) he was obviously able to still go online, (2) he has ample money now to fix his computer if he wanted to. So yeah.

 

But now, 6 weeks later (6 weeks today actually), I am on my way to moving on, closure or not. I know his reasons are his alone, and I did nothing wrong. I know he loved me and I loved him, and he was amazing to me during our time together. I will never know his reasons for leaving and I will never know what happened after that 4th D-day. I wish him happiness and I hope for happiness for myself too. That is all I can do now.

[Lillyfree]

fooled, i have to agree with alice's last comment.

 

mistake i've made in a lot of situations is expecting people to think/act like i would do in their situation. fact is, they seldom do.

 

even if he was 'nice' enough to let you know, you'd still have to go through a grieving period. he's actually done you a favour doing things this way.

 

it will get better. give it time