Changes with the MM - how to interpret?

[KissMyTiara]

I'm losing my mind, my stomach, and my heart, slowly, but surely.

 

This past Thursday and Friday, I was invited to tag-along with my MM on a "business trip" out of town. The truth is that the legitimate p;ans of this "business trip" fell through last minute, but he decided to just tell his boss and W and colleagues that he had to go anyways (a HUGE risk, given what he does) so that we could have 2 full days together, as well as an entire night to be together. (We had never had an overnight before back home).

 

So...we get on our separate planes and land at the same place...for the next 2 days, I was the happiest person on the planet. I can't remember the last time I felt so content, protected, beautiful, even loved. But when we got back to the airport, to get on our separate planes (we live 50 miles apart, come in and out of different airports), and I watched him walk to his gate and away from me, I literally felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, I started to cry, but I had to turn and walk fast to my own gate so that he wouldn't see me.

 

Anyways, the reason why I am writing is because I need some input from all of you re: the change in the weather with him. My feelings have remained constant, but his seem to be changing...Some of you may have read my posts about all the little things that he's been doing that have made me think something is changing in his mind, but I can't really tell what that is. Keeping in mind that he told me "I never want to be in a position where I don't see my kids everyday," let me give you some examples:

 

* He is not erally an affectionate man, ever, with anyone, even barely his kids. He's kinda one of those macho-men, ya know the type? Well, more and more often, he's been sneaking in little touches here and there, arm around me, etc., but would never kiss me in public (he sees people kissing in public and he'll be like, "ew, get a room!"). And this past week, he went as far as to kiss me like probably 10 total times in public, very affectionate, etc.

 

* He made a comment (granted, while a little tipsy) that he and I would be a great team. (Our business lives and personal thoughts on the way things should be in a perfect world/relationship fit together like 2 pieces of a puzzle). Actually, he said, "You know, [name], you and I would make a great team...I don't think I ever allowed myself to accept that fact until just now."

 

* The whole business trip, bringing me along, the lies he told, etc., was very, very risky for him. He had a lot of work to do, really shouldn't have gone given the fact that the plans fell through last minute, but he did anyway. When I thanked him for the trip, he said, "of course, for you, of course." ??

 

* He went to a store that is in this town we were in bc they have this special thing there that isn't back home...on the way back, he called and said he'd be home in 5 minutes, did I want anything from a store or whathaveyou. "Home." He used this word the night before, when we were at dinner, "do you want to head home now, or go somewhere else?" "How long does it take to get home, do you think?" "HOME"?? The hotel? Or where he'd be staying with me? Am I overanalyzing that?

 

* The morning of the day that we had to head back, knowing that we only had a few hours left together, he held me, snuggled with me, spooned, the whole thing, just holding me tight, kissing my shoulder and neck occasionally. Very tender, more so than ever before. And then we made love. Most of the time, I should explain, we are having sex - steamy, hot, wild sex...sometimes more like F###-ing (ok, you know, there are 3 different forms of sex, right?) Sooo...that morning, after he went to that store and came back and after cuddling for forever, we had sex, but it was more like "making love," - so tender, sweet, slow, a ton of eye contact, caressing. And it was all him, he was making it that way.

 

* Just the way he's been looking at me lately, there is literally a different look in his eyes. For the most part, it's always been either "f###-me eyes" or just plain-old "uh-huh, I'm listening" eyes. But more and more often, I'm getting these almost "jesus, I love this girl" kinda eyes. I really don't think I am imagining it...

 

* He has said many times "In case you haven't figured it out yet..." a lot of the above. He's not a PDA guy, he's not a "let's talk about our emotions" guy, not a tender sweetheart on average. And he thinks I should be able to read his mind about what he IS feeling. That said, lately he's kinda scrapped those rules, and is breaking down more and more...NOT at my behest, but it's all on his own.

 

OK, so that's what I can think of right now. What I'm looking for is an answer. Is this pain in my chest, this knot in my stomach ... is it worth something here? Are there changes happening?

[Mr Spock]

You are obessing over minute details-if you had a video camera, you'd watch it over and over and over to figure out the nuances. I know, because I do and did it too.

 

The fact remains is that this man is in two relationships-and you'll never get what you need as long as that happens.

 

Until you hear him say "I love you, and I want to build a life with you" and until you SEE the divorce papers, disregard all the looks, all the cuddling, all the fornicating, all the cow eyes you see and feel because they mean nothing. Nothing. It's a fantasy that he's playing out. And you are too.

[Karlise13]

Tiara...

 

weren't you talking recently about ending this affair?

 

Well, he's probably on to you.

 

Many men can 'sense' when a woman is pulling away. Trust me, there's nothing more enticing than a woman who's pulling away, who's distancing herself, who's becoming more unobtainable.

 

He's WORKING you sweetie.

 

He knows exactly how to pull the strings.

 

You don't mention what he does for a living,but I sense he's a successful business person? He didn't get that way on his intelligence alone. Successful people are often adept people manipulators. They create ambiance, mood, tension, crescendo and release.

They are skillful at reading you and doing exactly what it takes to get you to act or feel a certain way.

 

I'm sure there's genuine feeling behind his looks, glances, voice inflections etc.

 

But on the whole, you are still not numero uno in his life and he's letting you know that in OTHER ways (i.e. "I need to see my kids everyday..."). BIG red flag.

 

Instead of happiness you have a sick stomach, a torn heart and intense obsession.

 

 

 

Love shouldn't hurt. Love should nurture.

Take your life back.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Karlise13

Tiara...

 

weren't you talking recently about ending this affair?

 

Well, he's probably on to you.

 

Many men can 'sense' when a woman is pulling away. Trust me, there's nothing more enticing than a woman who's pulling away, who's distancing herself, who's becoming more unobtainable.

 

 

 

 

 

You don't mention what he does for a living,but I sense he's a successful business person? He didn't get that way on his intelligence alone. Successful people are often adept people manipulators. They create ambiance, mood, tension, crescendo and release.

They are skillful at reading you and doing exactly what it takes to get you to act or feel a certain way.

 

 

 

I'm sure there's genuine feeling behind his looks, glances, voice inflections etc.

 

 

 

 

Love shouldn't hurt. Love should nurture.

 

 

Honestly, he had NO idea I was considering ending it, unless he reads my posts and somehow knows it's me. He is a very competitive person, however. That said, I never ever do or say anything to make him think there is anyone else, that I want out, even that some hottie walking by is just that. The only thing to stir up his competitive emotions is when a guy looks at me, which is actually quite often (as he tells me all the time..."jeez, that guy was just staring at you...)

 

Yes, he's a professional - a practically just-admitted attorney, as am I. He really hasn't had time to fine-tune the skills of manipulation, I don't think. He is, REALLY is, incredibly forthright and honest with me. He volunteers things at times that I don't want to hear, things that it would be in his best interest (at least for keeping me around) to tell me.

 

That said, if he is truly "working me" and "pulling the strings," then how can he have "genuine feeling" behind those looks?

 

Really, ok, my question is this - can he being manipulative to get what he wants (to have his cake and eat it too) and still have feelings for me?

 

Is it possible for a MM to love his wife and be "in love" with another woman? I really think that's what's going on here.[color=red][/color]

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Karlise13

Tiara...

 

weren't you talking recently about ending this affair?

 

Well, he's probably on to you.

 

Many men can 'sense' when a woman is pulling away. Trust me, there's nothing more enticing than a woman who's pulling away, who's distancing herself, who's becoming more unobtainable.

 

 

 

 

 

You don't mention what he does for a living,but I sense he's a successful business person? He didn't get that way on his intelligence alone. Successful people are often adept people manipulators. They create ambiance, mood, tension, crescendo and release.

They are skillful at reading you and doing exactly what it takes to get you to act or feel a certain way.

 

 

 

I'm sure there's genuine feeling behind his looks, glances, voice inflections etc.

 

 

 

 

Love shouldn't hurt. Love should nurture.

 

 

Honestly, he had NO idea I was considering ending it, unless he reads my posts and somehow knows it's me. He is a very competitive person, however. That said, I never ever do or say anything to make him think there is anyone else, that I want out, even that some hottie walking by is just that. The only thing to stir up his competitive emotions is when a guy looks at me, which is actually quite often (as he tells me all the time..."jeez, that guy was just staring at you...)

 

Yes, he's a professional - a practically just-admitted attorney, as am I. He really hasn't had time to fine-tune the skills of manipulation, I don't think. He is, REALLY is, incredibly forthright and honest with me. He volunteers things at times that I don't want to hear, things that it would be in his best interest (at least for keeping me around) to tell me.

 

That said, if he is truly "working me" and "pulling the strings," then how can he have "genuine feeling" behind those looks?

 

Really, ok, my question is this - can he being manipulative to get what he wants (to have his cake and eat it too) and still have feelings for me?

 

[color=violet]Is it possible for a MM to love his wife and be "in love" with another woman?[/color] I really think that's what's going on here.[color=red][/color]

[KissMyTiara]

Oh, and another thing...

 

Is this "love"? I don't know for sure. I think that's what keeps me thinking it's ok to hurt. And frankly, my emotions when it comes to him are like a roller coaster... Happy, sad, happy, sad. Strangely, I am able to snap myself out of the sad times quite easily, just by even thinking about a life with someone else. However, when it's when I think of my life as it would be if he were permanently in it that I am at my most content...

[Karlise13]

He may have just recently come out of law school...

 

but he may be an INNATELY adept manipulator of people.

 

Manipulators are not necessarily cold, calculating, feeling-less people. They DO have feelings.

It's just that they place their own feelings above those of other people.

They work situations to best accomodate themselves and not of others.

 

 

Of course he could love you and love someone else. It's entirely possible.

Is that an acceptable scenario for you?

 

Is it 'love'? I don't know. I'm sure it's exciting. A thrilling stomach-lurching dip on the emotional rollercoaster. Fun? Kinda.

And Sickening? Yeah, kinda.

 

What is it you love about him exactly?

 

Can he manipulate you and love you? Absolutely. Can he make you hurt and love you? Absolutely.

 

There is no black and white when it comes to human emotion.

 

Back in the day

I had a live-in BF who I cheated on constantly for about two years. I really cared about him, bought him lovely Xmas gifts, fussed over him when he was sick and lay in his arms after lovemaking having long sessions of pillow talk. He was really lovely.

But of course, I also enjoyed Guy #2 who was funny, witty and much younger and who liked to go out dancing. Really lovely.

Guy #2 with the great Irish accent.

 

I had more lies going on than you could imagine.....

 

Did I care about them? Yes, very much

 

However, I loved them in a slightly distant abstract way. I loved the IDEA of them.

I think.

 

The oddest thing of it was I was (and still am) very sensitive, a lover of animals and a champion of animal rights, very kind to people, generous with tips and compliments, cried easily at movies, wrote poetry and lengthy letters to peopel I cared about, always remembered a birthday.

 

"You're so NICE," I was always told.

 

What a shocker for them all when I got busted.

 

Yes, I eventually got busted and it was an awful mess.

 

I remember feeling just AWFUL and GOD...if they could just look inside me surely they would see I was BLEEDING and feeling AWFUL and so SAD because I was truly and madly and deeply fond of them both!

 

So yes...

COuld it be love?

 

Surely. That doesn't mean he's not manipulating you.