Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 This just sounds like a relationship not working out. There is no reason to devalue the man or make him seem like a rapist. You tried, it didn't work. Just tell him you don't feel like it's a good fit. Most mature men will just move on with life. You may be friends at some point in the future. But, be honest with yourself and him in the process. You dated him, it didn't work out. Don't try to invalidate everything that happened between you. That would PO just about anyone. For me we were seeing each other as friends. They def were not dates. It all began after the movie day when he kissed me. I'm not trying to devalue anyone. But a man should understand when a woman does not kiss him back and pushes him away gently. Do I need to actually say that I do not want sex? I think these things should be done in a subtle way so that people don't bruise each others egos. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 For me we were seeing each other as friends. They def were not dates. It all began after the movie day when he kissed me. I'm not trying to devalue anyone. But a man should understand when a woman does not kiss him back and pushes him away gently. Do I need to actually say that I do not want sex? I think these things should be done in a subtle way so that people don't bruise each others egos. We had a few dates. your words? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 About the romantic dinners: maybe this would guve you a clue on how persistent and pushy he gets: once he invited me to a dinner. I said that i dodnt have time. He said that we d get a quick dinner. And we ended up in a fancy restaurant. He is just too pushy and I'm a very kind person i cant say no unless i find an excuse but it does not work on this guy. One can have a quick dinner in a fancy restaurant. Honestly you sound like a example of what I talk about in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/366860-when-you-ask-girl-out-does-she-know-its-date-2.html#post4513438 You don't like him now....so things that you would have no trouble with calling dates aren't dates now. If you liked him it would be all: "Oh I met a great guy and he takes me on wonderful dates and treats me well. " You don't like him so it's: "This strange person who wouldn't leave me alone took our meetings, at fancy restaurants and his bedroom at 2AM as being dates. What a creep :sick:" How many guys on here have been wounded to their very core by just this kind of experience (especially when they don't have memories of good experiences to fall back on.)? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 This is BS, complete BS. You accepted the dinner cuz it was convenient for you and you liked the attention. If you really wanted to be friends with this guy, you would have had the balls to come out and tell him straight up: Listen I am not into you. We can go to dinner now if you want. OMG I do not need any attention from him. Look if you're not going to help me , please don't post anything. I just need to know how to let him know that I'm not into him without bruising his ego. I need to know how to phrase this in a kind way. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 How many guys on here have been wounded to their very core by just this kind of experience (especially when they don't have memories of good experiences to fall back on.)? Absolutely. Men do this too of course and that's just as wrong. It's shocking when people don't take responsibility for the way they treat others. It's just so poor. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 This is a public forum, people can post if they like. By the way there have been several suggestions on how to handle this. Men explained to you that there is no way for you to come out of this Miss Whiter Than White. No matter how much your conscience would prefer it. Cut contact with him as HitMeNow advised. He is best off that way anyway. Doubt very much he needs a friend who sees him as a rapist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 At first no, I avoided him for a week or so ( made up excuses all the time). Did not return his calls / messages. But finally I ran out of xcusees and he was so persistent that I ended up saying ok. You are so full of excuses.....So the answer is YES!!!!! SMH!! Stop leading this poor guy on. You know exactly what you are doing. You're not the victim here so stop pretending... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 your words? We had coffee together in a very casual setting. I may have put it wrong. I'm not a native. Maybe we had a few meetings would be correct. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 We had coffee together in a very casual setting. I may have put it wrong. I'm not a native. Maybe we had a few meetings would be correct. :lmao: Me neither love but I know the difference between a 'date' and 'not a date' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 This is a public forum, people can post if they like. By the way there have been several suggestions on how to handle this. Men explained to you that there is no way for you to come out of this Miss Whiter Than White. No matter how much your conscience would prefer it. Cut contact with him as HitMeNow advised. He is best off that way anyway. Doubt very much he needs a friend who sees him as a rapist. I'm sorry but when a woman avoids a man's kiss/ pushes him away, the man should stop. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Do I need to actually say that I do not want sex? Yes! Do you have sex with every guy who tries? I don't at all understand why you had sex with this guy if you didn't like him. All you had to do was say "No" or "I'm not ready" or "I'm not comfortable wih this." Link to post Share on other sites
NiceGuyDTW Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 OMG I do not need any attention from him. Look if you're not going to help me , please don't post anything. I just need to know how to let him know that I'm not into him without bruising his ego. I need to know how to phrase this in a kind way. You will bruise his ego no matter what you say. Your actions...even though you thought very subtle....did not register with him. As such, you now need to come out and say it...bluntly. Do it sooner than later. Let this guy go, and hope he recovers. Also, he can never be friends with you...as you see it. So stop even thinking that's going to happen. I hope you are reading everyones comments, both positive and negative. Grow up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Woman you are beyond passive! You'd make a regular passive person look like an alpha. Rejecting someone isn't easy and we don't want to hurt their feelings. But we know they're going to find out sooner or later so why do many people take the easy route? It's because they fear their own discomfort in rejecting the person! "Listen I feel bad about this but I don't see this going anywhere. Thanks for taking the time to meet up with me when we did and good luck to you". If he presses for a reason tell him you haven't dated long enough to have a reason except that you don't see things progressing from your end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Ok so no one is being helpful. Thanks for those who helped. You may continue being rude and judging random people without knowing a single thing about them. I'm not going to waste anymore time here Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 About the romantic dinners: maybe this would guve you a clue on how persistent and pushy he gets: once he invited me to a dinner. I said that i dodnt have time. He said that we d get a quick dinner. And we ended up in a fancy restaurant. He is just too pushy and I'm a very kind person i cant say no unless i find an excuse but it does not work on this guy. I'm having a hard time believing what I'm reading... yet you keep posting and playing it straight, as if you are actually this naive. This is not some coincidental chain of events our of your control, and you are not a victim. You created this situation, and now you're going to break the guy's heart. There is no friend zone for this guy; it's going to be a bitter pill for him and you just need to suck it up and understand that it's not going to be easy for you either because he's probably going to be pissed off and call you names... which you probably deserve. You just enjoy having this guy by the short hairs and using with his emotions for your own amusement. You went home with him and f*ucked him even though you refused to kiss him? Forgive me if I'm not gullible enough to believe it. And now you're asking everyone how you can friendzone him... what's the matter are you getting tired of all the gifts and expensive restaurants? The answer is that you need to cut him loose quick and clean and let the chips fall where they may. Quit thinking of yourself and imagining that you can do this without losing him as a friend. You blew that opportunity a long time ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Someone is having their big ass cake and munching it down with fervor. Why you indulged this man when you didn't even like him is baffling - you should perhaps cut contact. I feel sorry for him to be honest - he obviously was oblivious to your lack of interest. You have to accept that you have lead this guy on rather than doing the decent thing and letting him down gently, and now you want to "friendzone" him because he will be a "perfect friend"? That will make things worse. You have to cut contact, it's better for you and for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Woman you are beyond passive! You'd make a regular passive person look like an alpha. Rejecting someone isn't easy and we don't want to hurt their feelings. But we know they're going to find out sooner or later so why do many people take the easy route? It's because they fear their own discomfort in rejecting the person! "Listen I feel bad about this but I don't see this going anywhere. Thanks for taking the time to meet up with me when we did and good luck to you". If he presses for a reason tell him you haven't dated long enough to have a reason except that you don't see things progressing from your end. Thank you. This is exactly what I wanted to know. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Ok so no one is being helpful. Thanks for those who helped. You may continue being rude and judging random people without knowing a single thing about them. I'm not going to waste anymore time here It's a sensitive subject admittedly - nobody likes to be lead on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Someone is having their big ass cake and munching it down with fervor. Why you indulged this man when you didn't even like him is baffling - you should perhaps cut contact. I feel sorry for him to be honest - he obviously was oblivious to your lack of interest. You have to accept that you have lead this guy on rather than doing the decent thing and letting him down gently, and now you want to "friendzone" him because he will be a "perfect friend"? That will make things worse. You have to cut contact, it's better for you and for him. I truly like him as a friend , that's why I'm so scared about breaking his heart. I did cut contact for a month/declined his invitations. But he just doesn't get it Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm sorry but when a woman avoids a man's kiss/ pushes him away, the man should stop. But than you had sex with him??? And went out with him a week after having sex....HELLO!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm having a hard time believing what I'm reading... yet you keep posting and playing it straight, as if you are actually this naive. This is not some coincidental chain of events our of your control, and you are not a victim. You created this situation, and now you're going to break the guy's heart. There is no friend zone for this guy; it's going to be a bitter pill for him and you just need to suck it up and understand that it's not going to be easy for you either because he's probably going to be pissed off and call you names... which you probably deserve. You just enjoy having this guy by the short hairs and using with his emotions for your own amusement. You went home with him and f*ucked him even though you refused to kiss him? Forgive me if I'm not gullible enough to believe it. And now you're asking everyone how you can friendzone him... what's the matter are you getting tired of all the gifts and expensive restaurants? The answer is that you need to cut him loose quick and clean and let the chips fall where they may. Quit thinking of yourself and imagining that you can do this without losing him as a friend. You blew that opportunity a long time ago. I do not need gifts/ expensive restaurants. I am doing fine financially. And no I'm not a sadist. I do not enjoy watching people get hurt. That's why I'm having such a hard time telling that I only see him as a friend from the very beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 My God! There are girls out there that will have sex with guys to avoid breaking the guys heart?!!?!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 My God! There are girls out there that will have sex with guys to avoid breaking the guys heart?!!?!! No. I won't call the OP a liar but when she had sex with him she was at least a little bit into him. Since the sex was bad, and she does not like him now her memory of the facts has changed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I truly like him as a friend , that's why I'm so scared about breaking his heart. I did cut contact for a month/declined his invitations. But he just doesn't get it I hear you. Unfortunately you are still going to have to explain to him why it cannot continue and you may just have to cut contact because if he doesn't get it now, he won't get it until you're truly gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 No. I won't call the OP a liar but when she had sex with him she was at least a little bit into him. Since the sex was bad, and she does not like him now her memory of the facts has changed. I was not one tiny bit into him. Link to post Share on other sites
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