ThaWholigan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I was not one tiny bit into him. Why didn't you say no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 I hear you. Unfortunately you are still going to have to explain to him why it cannot continue and you may just have to cut contact because if he doesn't get it now, he won't get it until you're truly gone. I will explain him even that will make me feel terrible. I dont want to waste his time any longer. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Who do I believe? Chocolatecat or Mrlonelyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Why didn't you say no? I declined him many times / made up excuses each time , trying to be nice. If a girl declines you 3 times, do you keep pushing? Or give up? This guy does not give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I was not one tiny bit into him. You had sex with him right? I mean, did he rape you or what? Link to post Share on other sites
HitMeNow Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I was not one tiny bit into him. OP. We are not calling you a liar. We are saying that you are making some bad decisions that leads to others getting hurt. That is the definition of a self-centered narcissistic decision. You can choose to take this personally as a bashing to your personality, or develop from this. It is just BLUNT FEEDBACK. So my question is. Next time a guy invites you to a date and you don't like him one bit will you go? And the next time a guy is trying to "date" you will you keep him as a friend for your personal benefit or will you let them go, which will be better in the greater picture. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 You had sex with him right? I mean, did he rape you or what? You really can't call it having sex. It didn't even last a minute. I never kissed him back. I did push him away many times when he kissed me. Link to post Share on other sites
NiceGuyDTW Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Now that you have been thoroughly bashed. Get off this forum, and do what's right. Come back and tell us how it went. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 OP. We are not calling you a liar. We are saying that you are making some bad decisions that leads to others getting hurt. That is the definition of a self-centered narcissistic decision. You can choose to take this personally as a bashing to your personality, or develop from this. It is just BLUNT FEEDBACK. So my question is. Next time a guy invites you to a date and you don't like him one bit will you go? And the next time a guy is trying to "date" you will you keep him as a friend for your personal benefit or will you let them go, which will be better in the greater picture. I don't need any benefit from him. Just to make things clear. I decline guys who are into me (but whom I'm not into) in a kind way (i say i dont have time, or dont return their calls, etc. ) and they understand that i am not into them. But this guy is different. Next time I'll be straight with this kind if guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 You really can't call it having sex. It didn't even last a minute. I never kissed him back. I did push him away many times when he kissed me. Did you ever tell him a firm "No!" Did you walk away? Tell him to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Now that you have been thoroughly bashed. Get off this forum, and do what's right. Come back and tell us how it went. I shouldnt do it over a text message or a call right? Link to post Share on other sites
HitMeNow Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I don't need any benefit from him. Just to make things clear. Then why do you wanna be friends with him? You do. Subconsciously you like the attention. It makes you feel desired. That's why you wanna be friends with him. And this is OK, but you have to consciously see what your subconscious is doing if you wanna make a better judgment. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Then why do you wanna be friends with him? You do. Subconsciously you like the attention. It makes you feel desired. That's why you wanna be friends with him. And this is OK, but you have to consciously see what your subconscious is doing if you wanna make a better judgment. Good luck Even if I died for attention, I wouldn't want to get it from him. I just don't like him that way. Link to post Share on other sites
NiceGuyDTW Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I shouldnt do it over a text message or a call right? Need to do this face to face...you will be ripping his heart out. Just remember how you made him feel and his reaction. I know your trying to avoid feeling bad. I'm sorry but you need to learn your lesson, so that you don't make the same mistake again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Need to do this face to face...you will be ripping his heart out. Just remember how you made him feel and his reaction. I know your trying to avoid feeling bad. I'm sorry but you need to learn your lesson, so that you don't make the same mistake again. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
HitMeNow Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Thank you. Chocolatecat one last question. How did you meet this guy? Im thinking maybe given the situation it might have been actually impossible to evade him? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm still trying to wrap my head around you letting him have sex with you. A while back there was a girl that I really liked and she considered me a friend. If I had tried to have sex with her one of the times she was at my place, and if she didn't want to, I seriously believe that she would have punched me. There is just no way that she would have let it happen. So I just can't understand how or why you had sex with him when you didn't want to, and it doesn't seem like it was rape. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 For me we were seeing each other as friends. They def were not dates. It all began after the movie day when he kissed me. I'm not trying to devalue anyone. But a man should understand when a woman does not kiss him back and pushes him away gently. Do I need to actually say that I do not want sex? I think these things should be done in a subtle way so that people don't bruise each others egos. You know lets turn things around. You went over to a guys place after four weeks of him dating you and him putting the moves on you... why would you do that. Yes you had to say "no" if you didn't want to have sex instead of just going a long with it. Also you're way beyond friends just end things if you don't like him. Cut contact with him as HitMeNow advised. He is best off that way anyway. Doubt very much he needs a friend who sees him as a rapist. rape these days is defined as a girl after the fact regretting having sex. These girls who will have sex with a guy they don't want to because saying "no" will make him unhappy but than consider that rape are very dangerous. I'm sorry but when a woman avoids a man's kiss/ pushes him away, the man should stop. After you avoided his kiss and dated him for 3 weeks logic says you wouldn't go back to his place alone on week 4. I truly like him as a friend , that's why I'm so scared about breaking his heart. I did cut contact for a month/declined his invitations. But he just doesn't get it Why do you like him as a friend he disgusts you? My God! There are girls out there that will have sex with guys to avoid breaking the guys heart?!!?!! Not really to avoid breaking their hearts, they more or less can't say no. There have been many posters who've come on here with the inability to say no to dates, sex what ever. I'm still trying to wrap my head around you letting him have sex with you. A while back there was a girl that I really liked and she considered me a friend. If I had tried to have sex with her one of the times she was at my place, and if she didn't want to, I seriously believe that she would have punched me. There is just no way that she would have let it happen. So I just can't understand how or why you had sex with him when you didn't want to, and it doesn't seem like it was rape. So you had a girl you liked back at your place and you didn't even make a move... The chances of her punching you in the face because you tried to kiss her are about ZERO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Chocolatecat one last question. How did you meet this guy? Im thinking maybe given the situation it might have been actually impossible to evade him? At our university gathering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 You know lets turn things around. You went over to a guys place after four weeks of him dating you and him putting the moves on you... why would you do that. Yes you had to say "no" if you didn't want to have sex instead of just going a long with it. Also you're way beyond friends just end things if you don't like him. rape these days is defined as a girl after the fact regretting having sex. These girls who will have sex with a guy they don't want to because saying "no" will make him unhappy but than consider that rape are very dangerous. After you avoided his kiss and dated him for 3 weeks logic says you wouldn't go back to his place alone on week 4. Why do you like him as a friend he disgusts you? Not really to avoid breaking their hearts, they more or less can't say no. There have been many posters who've come on here with the inability to say no to dates, sex what ever. So you had a girl you liked back at your place and you didn't even make a move... The chances of her punching you in the face because you tried to kiss her are about ZERO. I like him only as a friend. But not in a sexual way. I never called him a rapist. I jut described how it all happened. I pushed him away many times. And avoided his kiss, turned my face away. Yes you are right. I should've just said no. But I simply couldn't bc i would feel terrible saying it straight that I do not want to have sex with him. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 So you had a girl you liked back at your place and you didn't even make a move... The chances of her punching you in the face because you tried to kiss her are about ZERO. Dustysky, you should know my story with that girl. I've talked about her many times. She was the one who wouldn't even let me hug her. If I tried to kiss her, let alone have sex with her, she would have given me a black eye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 You know lets turn things around. You went over to a guys place after four weeks of him dating you and him putting the moves on you... why would you do that. Yes you had to say "no" if you didn't want to have sex instead of just going a long with it. Also you're way beyond friends just end things if you don't like him. rape these days is defined as a girl after the fact regretting having sex. These girls who will have sex with a guy they don't want to because saying "no" will make him unhappy but than consider that rape are very dangerous. After you avoided his kiss and dated him for 3 weeks logic says you wouldn't go back to his place alone on week 4. Why do you like him as a friend he disgusts you? Not really to avoid breaking their hearts, they more or less can't say no. There have been many posters who've come on here with the inability to say no to dates, sex what ever. So you had a girl you liked back at your place and you didn't even make a move... The chances of her punching you in the face because you tried to kiss her are about ZERO. Plus , you can't call it dating: no holding hands , no romantic conversations, no kissing, no making love ,no hugging , no love words no nothing. It was more like hanging with a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatecat Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm still trying to wrap my head around you letting him have sex with you. A while back there was a girl that I really liked and she considered me a friend. If I had tried to have sex with her one of the times she was at my place, and if she didn't want to, I seriously believe that she would have punched me. There is just no way that she would have let it happen. So I just can't understand how or why you had sex with him when you didn't want to, and it doesn't seem like it was rape. How did she let you know that you were just a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Plus , you can't call it dating: no holding hands , no romantic conversations, no kissing, no making love ,no hugging , no love words no nothing. It was more like hanging with a friend. Yes but he found you good looking which you can infer from the kiss. So even if you were just friends you'd think you wouldn't go back to his place a lone. Also a friend would speak up and say "WhAT ARE YOU DOING WHY WOULD YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX?" and be all confused. They wouldn't just go with it. What state do you live in Choco? Learn to say no! I advise you don't go back to this guys place again or hang out with him anymore. Why do you even want to be friends with him. I'd be disgusted if some one I wasn't into was making moves on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 People like the OP are exactly the reason why dating/relationships are so hard in the era we now live in. Reading stuff like this always reminds me that I literally have won the lotto finding the girl I have now. Link to post Share on other sites
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