Proper Judgement?

[bentnotbroken]

Human nature, what an interesting thing, you hit it:). Thinking we are "there" at certain points, when in all actuality there is the next obsticle to overcome.

 

In my case it is really disturbing. It's like hitting this place of "enlightenment" (whether real or perceived) and then when various situations take place, self-righteouness and undo judgement comes in.

 

With my daughter for instance, there have been many times, mostly recently, that I have said some horrible things in the guise of "truth" and "knowing" what is best for her...there was no love in anything I've said to her recently- why? Because I feel she did me wrong, and have unresolved issues with her dad- resentment possibly.

 

She's traumatised by many things, acting out and doesn't understand it, and it's like I've never been there! The worst part is self-justification for my actions and words...Bent, it is sooooo ugly:(

 

 

Words:):eek:.....one reason I love Joyce Meyer....she tells stories that are so similar to my experiences and her book "Oh Lord Help Me Keep My Big Mouth Shut!" is one of my favorites. Sometimes all one needs is a hug. When the words fail us...the love of heart can say so much more. The parent/child relationship is perhaps one of the hardest to navigate. The transition from being total protective parent, to letting slowly go, to being a friend to and still wanting to protect..to watching from afar as they make their choices.

 

My children are in their 20's and I am constantly on my toes so that I don't slip into one of the "wrong mommy phases". Figuring out what to do at the right time is not an easy thing.

[TheFinalWord]

Words:):eek:.....one reason I love Joyce Meyer....she tells stories that are so similar to my experiences and her book "Oh Lord Help Me Keep My Big Mouth Shut!" is one of my favorites. Sometimes all one needs is a hug. When the words fail us...the love of heart can say so much more. The parent/child relationship is perhaps one of the hardest to navigate. The transition from being total protective parent, to letting slowly go, to being a friend to and still wanting to protect..to watching from afar as they make their choices.

 

My children are in their 20's and I am constantly on my toes so that I don't slip into one of the "wrong mommy phases". Figuring out what to do at the right time is not an easy thing.

 

LOL I love that title!!!

 

Great message BNB!!

[pureinheart]

Feelings and perceptions are subjective, not objective...they belong to no one but the perceiver. I watch my mind a lot...I've been trained in this. I TRY to become very mindful when I start to feel myself becoming less patient, getting irritated while driving (i.e. repressed, internal road rage, I guess you could say, lol) or the feeling of being in a hurry with no good reason, and feeling like time and/or life is just passing me by without stopping to enjoy the positive moments. When I fall into these patterns of thought, I find that I judge others much more harshly, and it sends me further down the rabbit hole, if you will. So, in a nutshell, it is possible, and helpful, to step back and watch your mind. I don't always remember to do this, but it is helpful when I do.

 

V- these are such excellent tools, and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write them down. It truly touches my heart that all of you took this time.

 

These tools cut off that eternal tape recorder that in so many words tells us "we can't" or "we are justified" or "we are not worthy"...the list is a never ending list meant to destroy us if it could.

 

It all originates in the mind, our thinking, negative or possitive.

 

These tools will be essential in the things I have to deal with tomorrow- facing my ex at my grandsons birthday party and attending a service to say goodbye to a very dear friend. I sooo donm't want to these things, but will walk in strength and hope:)

[pureinheart]

Words:):eek:.....one reason I love Joyce Meyer....she tells stories that are so similar to my experiences and her book "Oh Lord Help Me Keep My Big Mouth Shut!" is one of my favorites. Sometimes all one needs is a hug. When the words fail us...the love of heart can say so much more. The parent/child relationship is perhaps one of the hardest to navigate. The transition from being total protective parent, to letting slowly go, to being a friend to and still wanting to protect..to watching from afar as they make their choices.

 

My children are in their 20's and I am constantly on my toes so that I don't slip into one of the "wrong mommy phases". Figuring out what to do at the right time is not an easy thing.

 

Oh Lord have mercy Bent...I'm sitting here in absolute tears and then read this....and can't quit laughing...thank you so much because it's a much needed laugh! Words carry much power, and my mouth gets the best of me.

 

Truth- I've coddled my kids, and in some ways they are spoiled. Am in the process of identifying the mistakes made. It not fun. Please don't get me wrong, they are very good people, although have been hurt deeply through various traumatising events, and I tried to fix them...only God can do that. I am your classic enabler, and get in Gods way at every turn at times. Exploring enabling will be humbling to say the least.

 

Not knowing how to be a parent, have learned much in my grandkids, and the mistakes made. Knowing I'm not the only one is some consolation, and also know the past is the past, it's the present and future that is important.

 

You're right Bent, it's a fine line we walk as parents...I know what is needed is to trust God and get out of His way...lol...this will be interesting:o

[bentnotbroken]

Oh Lord have mercy Bent...I'm sitting here in absolute tears and then read this....and can't quit laughing...thank you so much because it's a much needed laugh! Words carry much power, and my mouth gets the best of me.

 

Truth- I've coddled my kids, and in some ways they are spoiled. Am in the process of identifying the mistakes made. It not fun. Please don't get me wrong, they are very good people, although have been hurt deeply through various traumatising events, and I tried to fix them...only God can do that. I am your classic enabler, and get in Gods way at every turn at times. Exploring enabling will be humbling to say the least.

 

Not knowing how to be a parent, have learned much in my grandkids, and the mistakes made. Knowing I'm not the only one is some consolation, and also know the past is the past, it's the present and future that is important.

 

You're right Bent, it's a fine line we walk as parents...I know what is needed is to trust God and get out of His way...lol...this will be interesting:o

 

Our children do not come with an instruction book and if they did it would be in an intergalactic language. I personally believe it is payback for the things that I thought I got away with my parents:cool:. Parenting is on the job training and we aren't going get it right. We just have to do the best we can and let the Lord handle the rest.

[pureinheart]

I always think when we judge others, we are always judging through the lens of our own bias's, and applying our own standards onto the lives of other people who may not have the same expectations etc. It's natural to judge people, and to start forming opinions about people/situations based off of those judgments, but we must always remember that it is their life, not yours, or mine or anyone else's.

 

I think you know when you've crossed a line when you feel bad about it. You don't need a god to tell you when to stop, you need to employ some self-control. Learn to work on a "does this person's actions/words adversely affect me in any way, or do I just disagree with them?" Are your words of judgment going to help anything, or are you just saying it because it makes you feel satisfied you said it?

 

Sometimes, we pass judgment on people to help them. Like, if you know a close friend is heading down a dead-end road, or a destructive spiral, we may try and stop them, or judge their choices in leading them that way. The important thing is intention and motivation. I had a "friend" once who made out that she was trying to help me, by stopping me seeing a guy that was blatantly a jerk, but she threw judgments at me that only furthered her cause to push me away, and she ended up trying to turn a lot of people against me because she had judged my choices, and decided I was a wrong'un. Later, she could claim it was all for my own good, once the guy was out of the picture. Truth was, her intentions weren't to help me. They were to make her opinion known, and give her a sense of satisfaction that she was right, and I was wrong, which isolated me from my circle of friends. Whilst I believe she started out with the right intentions, she ended up doing more harm and causing more pain than she was trying alleviate/prevent. This same woman would later do the same with several of my friends, until eventually all of that circle caught on and left her. Judgmental people can be poisonous.

 

Before you pass judgment on people, remember that unless it adversely affects you or someone else, their life is truly nothing to do with you. One day, it could come back to bite you in the rear. A kind, supportive word is more useful than a judgmental one, and sometimes, we all need to learn to stay the f out of other people's business.

 

Hey HS, you know- you are a doll and am so glad you responded. I thought I had caused you to be mad indirectly at me in another thread and want you to know that my intentions in that other thread were never meant to harm anyone. I was sincerely in shock and kinda thinking out loud...so if I pissed you off, I'm truly sorry:(

 

I am opinionated and learning how to temper that. There are times that even objective opinions/truths will step on toes at times. It's a fine line to speak our truths without offending another. I've come to learn that there are those that will hate (or not like) another based on how they believe or don't believe. BTDT...today am learning to get over myself, I'm human and shouldn't be so shocked that there are and will be many times that I will be wrong prideful and such...and need to backtrack then apologise (when possible) and get me in a better place.

 

Concerning your friend, am wondering if there wasn't some jealously in that. To put your business out there indicates that to me, but I could be WRONG, lol.

 

Bold- a big YEP on that one, and the rest of what you had to say is like gold, more precious than gold really.

 

You know, this is a wonderful experience, it's hard having the mirror turned on ones self, although God is bringing a lot of garbage in me to the light (exposure), which is a very, very good thing:)

[pureinheart]

You really should though. Remember the authority Christ gave the apostles (and only them, who have passed it down to His Bishops and priests in John 22:23): "...22 When he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to them: Receive ye the Holy Ghost. 23 Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained..."

 

I will....SDA, I was adopted and the request of my biological mother was that I be raised Catholic. This was easy as my dads side of the family was Catholic. As a small child my grandmother took all us grandkids to church, St. Josephs to be exact. Then my mother moved right across the street from a Catholic school and church. It's the safest I've ever felt. There is a very special place in my heart for that school and church...still hang with some of the students that went there and we are talking 4th grade!

 

Then we moved again and went to public school...that is where the wrong turn in my life took place. During those forative years, I needed that safety and security. I will go back to that church and remember/revisit those feelings of safety and security...quite frankly, I've yet to find a church that was able to give me that...and not cutting down other churches, although that is the church of my youth.

 

Your suggestion is of God and I receive it!

[pureinheart]

Our children do not come with an instruction book and if they did it would be in an intergalactic language. I personally believe it is payback for the things that I thought I got away with my parents:cool:. Parenting is on the job training and we aren't going get it right. We just have to do the best we can and let the Lord handle the rest.

 

Oh man, you are definitely on a roll here, this is too good. No wonder they look at me like I'm crazy...ya, I am at times, but not all the time:D

 

Payback- my daughter says this is what she fears with her kids. I'm beginning to hear some of the "confessions" lately and it's not going to be fun for her either:eek:

[pie2]

Payback- my daughter says this is what she fears with her kids. I'm beginning to hear some of the "confessions" lately and it's not going to be fun for her either:eek:

 

Eeek...it's pretty inevitable then...I'll have a daughter just like me! My parents always told me it'd happen one day

[pureinheart]

Anything for you PIH I mean that!

 

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

 

 

 

I know that whatever you are going through, you are not back slidden A back slidden person would not even be concerned

 

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

 

Yes ma'am we all go through those periods. I have had one or two myself and other dry spells. But looking back, those were actually the times God was there the most You are free in Christ, eternally sealed.

 

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one."

 

I'm not back slidden!!!!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! Ok, it's a cleansing/fire..that is tolerable...in fact just last week or so saw a ring of fire around me and though, oh boy, here we go again:rolleyes:

 

TFW...you are the best! And I mean that too! Please don't hesitate to ask if you need anything...k...I see you minister to all of us, giving and giving, and unless I've missed it, you never ask for anything. Well, ya know what, I'll just pray for you that God supply all your needs according to His riches and glory:D

 

You know, you and M30 put a lot of scripture out there, and everytime it is that "wow factor" scripture that reaches into the deapth of the very thing I need or am struggling with. Many times there are those unanswered questions that are in the back of your mind, then you guys throw a scripture out there that answers everything.

 

Again...you are the best and no, no ,no...anything for you!!!!!!

[pureinheart]

Eeek...it's pretty inevitable then...I'll have a daughter just like me! My parents always told me it'd happen one day

 

Well I'd say she's priddy blessed to be like you! LOL, my daughter is somewhat like me...and that is REALLY scary.

 

Thank God though there are some things that my kids didn't get into, although they possibly made up for it in others.

 

They are not rebels with a cause like me...suppose I'm rebel enough for all of us:o

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I judge people for everything and I feel like if God didn't want me to he would take the thoughts of judgment out of my mind.

[bentnotbroken]

I judge people for everything and I feel like if God didn't want me to he would take the thoughts of judgment out of my mind.

 

 

Yes we all do judge people (and depending on where one might be in their spiritual/emotional maturity actions instead of people)...but God did not give you the right hand out judgement. The thoughts of judgement are something that Pure was trying to address. She is seeking a away to move beyond that because she feels(correct me if I am wrong Pure) it is not of God and she does not want to anything that is not from God. It takes time, maturity, acknowledgement and a whole lot of failure to even get to the point of not wanting to hand out judgement. It is a continuous process...life long even.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Yes we all do judge people (and depending on where one might be in their spiritual/emotional maturity actions instead of people)...but God did not give you the right hand out judgement. The thoughts of judgement are something that Pure was trying to address. She is seeking a away to move beyond that because she feels(correct me if I am wrong Pure) it is not of God and she does not want to anything that is not from God. It takes time, maturity, acknowledgement and a whole lot of failure to even get to the point of not wanting to hand out judgement. It is a continuous process...life long even.

 

Hopefully I will get to that point one day

[pureinheart]

Yes we all do judge people (and depending on where one might be in their spiritual/emotional maturity actions instead of people)...but God did not give you the right hand out judgement. The thoughts of judgement are something that Pure was trying to address. She is seeking a away to move beyond that because she feels(correct me if I am wrong Pure) it is not of God and she does not want to anything that is not from God. It takes time, maturity, acknowledgement and a whole lot of failure to even get to the point of not wanting to hand out judgement. It is a continuous process...life long even.

 

Very much so Bent, am sooooo tired of being out of Gods will...certainly there will be sin, although thinking this is the root (in my case only). You hit it (as usual:D ).

 

This was a thought process this morning- it's concerning a friend that found me after several years (HS buddies). Thinking *I need to call her, and why haven't I...well she seems to be dependant on men/relationships (she was married for 30+ years and lost her husband in 2009, two years later is with another)...she talks as if she has it all together*

 

Ok...this was the thinking O.M.G. really????? AND to top it off have already deemed her new boyfriend a user (this is really embarrassing to put out here:o ) and have never met him.

 

The breakdown is quite disturbing:

 

1. maybe she is dependant concerning men/relationships, but so what, that is HER issue to deal with and God is the only one who REALLY knows.

 

2. bold- judgement, right there. The tone states that I'm on a higher level...arrogance.

 

3. I don't even know him.

 

This indicates a serious problem, and if it goes unchecked/bridaled well....

 

You know Bent, I would love to say it was spiritual attack concerning these thoughts, although it wasn't, it's the soulish realm, straight up behavior...hell, I save the devil a lot of work!

[pureinheart]

I judge people for everything and I feel like if God didn't want me to he would take the thoughts of judgment out of my mind.

 

Possibly God does show you the right and wrong of various situations/people/places/things. Thinking it's what we do with it. Obviously I'm not one to give advice in this area:rolleyes:

 

Just want to say that my responses are not all about being a shock as to "how could I do such a thing", but more a revelation as to how it creeps in there, and how my thinking justified it.

 

People can see this stuff- wow, putting it on pixels (lol GT) is rather revealing:o

[pureinheart]

Hopefully I will get to that point one day

 

Word on the street is that admission is half the battle...REALLY hoping this is true (and speaking of me only)

[pie2]

Well I'd say she's priddy blessed to be like you!

 

haha, let's just say that God really does perform miracles. I was a terror!

[Thegameoflife]

I don't judge people. I can see how an action creates ripple affects that might be positive or negative, but I never judge the person. People are defined by the places they've been in life. Few people can rise above their own situation.

 

For me, I come from a life where I've been unfairly judged by people. People talk about me all the time, they try and gang up on me too. This has happened all through school, and now continues in my work life. I've endured a lot of suffering through my life, and it's taught me a lot about people. One of those things, is that people never look to closely at the person they're judging. They always have to ignore some things, which allows them to judge others without conscience.

 

Here's an example from my life: I have been off work a lot lately because I've developed a cronic pain disorder; most likely it's fibromyalgia. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can't even walk more than 10 minutes. People at work have been talking badly of me because I miss work. Some of these people are actually family, as I work for my families business. However, nobody actually knows why I haven't been at work. None of these people who are judging me have even asked why I've been missing work. The reason is simple. What does it say about them that think poorly of me, before they have the knowledge to justify it?

 

Most people who judge others really have no in depth knowledge about the person. They don't know what they're dealing with in life, or even care enough to ask. I know one thing though, everyone is dealing with something, and facing judgment from others is not making their life easier.

 

I personally see no real use in judging people just for the sake of it. I can understand analysing someones financial past before you loan them money, or anything that actually pertains to you. What kind of horrible person passes judgment without purpose, and without care of how it affects the person they judge.

[TheFinalWord]

I don't judge people. I can see how an action creates ripple affects that might be positive or negative, but I never judge the person. People are defined by the places they've been in life. Few people can rise above their own situation.

 

For me, I come from a life where I've been unfairly judged by people. People talk about me all the time, they try and gang up on me too. This has happened all through school, and now continues in my work life. I've endured a lot of suffering through my life, and it's taught me a lot about people. One of those things, is that people never look to closely at the person they're judging. They always have to ignore some things, which allows them to judge others without conscience.

 

Here's an example from my life: I have been off work a lot lately because I've developed a cronic pain disorder; most likely it's fibromyalgia. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can't even walk more than 10 minutes. People at work have been talking badly of me because I miss work. Some of these people are actually family, as I work for my families business. However, nobody actually knows why I haven't been at work. None of these people who are judging me have even asked why I've been missing work. The reason is simple. What does it say about them that think poorly of me, before they have the knowledge to justify it?

 

Most people who judge others really have no in depth knowledge about the person. They don't know what they're dealing with in life, or even care enough to ask. I know one thing though, everyone is dealing with something, and facing judgment from others is not making their life easier.

 

I personally see no real use in judging people just for the sake of it. I can understand analysing someones financial past before you loan them money, or anything that actually pertains to you. What kind of horrible person passes judgment without purpose, and without care of how it affects the person they judge.

 

That is some deep stuff friend. I can tell you have engaged in serious introspection. Thank you for sharing.

 

I have a good friend with fibromyalgia. She is one of the strongest people I know, spiritually and mentally. I will keep you in my prayers.

[pureinheart]

I don't judge people. I can see how an action creates ripple affects that might be positive or negative, but I never judge the person. People are defined by the places they've been in life. Few people can rise above their own situation.

 

For me, I come from a life where I've been unfairly judged by people. People talk about me all the time, they try and gang up on me too. This has happened all through school, and now continues in my work life. I've endured a lot of suffering through my life, and it's taught me a lot about people. One of those things, is that people never look to closely at the person they're judging. They always have to ignore some things, which allows them to judge others without conscience.

 

Here's an example from my life: I have been off work a lot lately because I've developed a cronic pain disorder; most likely it's fibromyalgia. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can't even walk more than 10 minutes. People at work have been talking badly of me because I miss work. Some of these people are actually family, as I work for my families business. However, nobody actually knows why I haven't been at work. None of these people who are judging me have even asked why I've been missing work. The reason is simple. What does it say about them that think poorly of me, before they have the knowledge to justify it?

 

Most people who judge others really have no in depth knowledge about the person. They don't know what they're dealing with in life, or even care enough to ask. I know one thing though, everyone is dealing with something, and facing judgment from others is not making their life easier.

 

I personally see no real use in judging people just for the sake of it. I can understand analysing someones financial past before you loan them money, or anything that actually pertains to you. What kind of horrible person passes judgment without purpose, and without care of how it affects the person they judge.

 

Oh Lord have mercy, I dealt with this at work for the same reason. You see, some of the people I worked with didn't have lives- up in my business all of the time because I stood out...my best friend put up with this too.

 

You know, if people would be more concerned with their own lives, this wouldn't be a problem. Maybe my management perpetuated this also? Maybe they should have intervined? Can't tell me the busibodies didn't talk to them.

 

One time I came back from medical and let them all have it, especially one in particular. I mean, hey, I just got cleared through the medical dept to return to work and wasn't there 5 minutes and heard the gossip!

 

Concerning the Fibromyalgia...according to your post you have not received an actual/formal diagnosis. My advice would be to get this checked out because it could be something else. There are a couple of things that mimic Fibromyalgia- best to get it checked love...

 

The workplace is horrible and cutthroat IMO as of late. You are not the only one.

 

I came down or whatever with FM in 1986 and was formally diagnosed in 1991. The doctors told me I was crazy in so many words (and I won't deny that:D), I was sideways from all of the drugs until I found a doctor that was more into herbal and vitamin recovery.

 

We will just assume for now that it is FM...it can be dealt with. Let your "weakness" be your strength. Try to get the "screw it" attitude (I know this is Spirituality BTW ) and fight this...you'll have good days and very bad days, but don't stop until you find what works for you. Pain meds ( I take only a tiny bit though) and herbal/vitamin treatment helped me. Don't give up and if you can tell those that are up in your business to "bite you"...I know, I know...but I'm onery.

 

Your life IS good, and your life WILL be good no matter what-

 

All of those that have judged you will be judged by the same measure...I know, because I've judged before mercilessly...it was handed rightback to me in the same measure and fast. Sometimes we have to go through what we are judging and declaring evil in others..yes it might be evil, but when we judge without compassion or love it is clanging bells making no sense.

 

There is just something about that mirror effect...GBU love...you got my prayers...and I saw TFW praying for you, now there is some power- expect to be healed...

Edited February 21, 2013 by pureinheart

[M30USA]

People are not merely the product of their circumstances. To say so is to adopt a naturalistic, materialistic worldview which says the physical world is all there is and our actions are merely results of chemical reactions. The truth is that we have a soul which was given to us by God. Like God, but to a lesser and limited degree, it allows us to determine who we will be and how we will react to our circumstances. This is partly why we are said to have been "created in his image". We share a limited amount of his ability to stand outside circumstances and choose things.

Edited February 21, 2013 by M30USA

[pureinheart]

That is some deep stuff friend. I can tell you have engaged in serious introspection. Thank you for sharing.

 

I have a good friend with fibromyalgia. She is one of the strongest people I know, spiritually and mentally. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

LOL, she has to be because the depression and revelation of not being able to do certain things is really a mind blower. Essentually this thing makes you different from the average person, especially when it first kicks in. Because there is no visible infirmity (except for the obvious fatigue), and with the medical community just recently recognising it, you feel like an outcast and a failure at times.

 

What really helped me too is owning it. Calling it real and moving the denial...that took 15 yrs (am very stubborn). Owning the limitations and finding ways around them.

 

I'll be praying for her TFW....

[pureinheart]

People are not merely the product of their circumstances. To say so is to adopt a naturalistic, materialistic worldview which says the physical world is all there is and our actions are merely results of chemical reactions. The truth is that we have a soul which was given to us by God. Like God, but to a lesser and limited degree, it allows us to determine who we will be and how we will react to our circumstances. This is partly why we are said to have been "created in his image". We share a limited amount of his ability to stand outside circumstances and choose things.

 

The scripture (paraphrase) calling those things that are not as though they are is a cool one (but gets misinterpreted a lot IMO). As an example, in talking would mention, "man I have a toothache"...replies have been, "oh don't receive that or speak that over yourself"...I look at them like they're crazy because fact is, I have a toothache. Staying in in denial in that fashion will not help the toothache. Can God instantly heal it? Yes. Chances are though, He will provide the means to see a dentist.

 

When I first got saved was dealing with a great deal of infirmity and was told if I had enough faith I'd be healed instantly. This was taken to heart and I tripped for a bit.

 

God did end up healing almost everything, but I had to co-labor with Him by changing the diet (was addicted to sugar) and much deliverance took place. Could He have healed me instantly? Yes, but would I have learned anything? Maybe/maybe not.

 

LOL, one thing is for sure, am glad this life isn't all there is!

[pureinheart]

haha, let's just say that God really does perform miracles. I was a terror!

 

It's REALLY hard to picture you as a terror BTW....now me, well haven't been all the way delivered yet:laugh: