Unbelievable! Very Good Friend told me she is cheating on her Husband..

[BetrayedH]

So another man is finally the impetus to leave. Not the best of situations, but not terrible.

 

Wrong on many levels. When my W first told me she wanted to separate out of the blue, I was crushed. I tore myself up and blamed myself, frantically trying to salvage the marriage. Three weeks later I discovered her affair. I lost 25 lbs in that three weeks not knowing that my wife was involved with another man. Those 3 weeks were the hardest thing for me forgive my wife. CIH's friend "giggles" about it. It is a very significant fact that the man's wife is in an affair that will completely change his perspective. He deserves to know.

 

Do I understand the pain you went through if your spouse had a PA???? No

 

This is the only part of your post I agree with.

[ComingInHot]

Hi everyone.

Before this thread gets mauled more (by one or two I particular posters...).

 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

 

it never ceases to amaze me that those who really care and post w/that same heart have such deep insight.

 

It is because of ALL (save one or two) that I was able to make the call a bit ago.

 

I don't have much of a "poker face" which is why I set my "avatar" showing just my eyes. Meaning, I don't hide nor lie very well which I guess is a good thing.

 

With that said, I returned my friends calls and we talked. The cool thing was that she actually apologized as for the moment , she had completely forgotten the betrayal in my life. As Pierre would say, "in the A bubble..."*

 

I explained pretty much what was unanimous here in that I supported her D. That opened the door to me recapping my betrayal. I acknowledged that hers is an "exit affair" then told her what that meant.

 

Something amazing happened next. She LISTENED. Explaining my betrayal Not in terms of recomciliation but what it Did to me personally. She REMEMBERED!!

 

We talked about how difficult a D would be in and of itself for their children let alone throwing cheating in there w/it.

 

I literally begged her to show mercy and love to her children. I cried to her that she was better than her actions. I finally told her something that was SO personal to her about her father that she started to weep. This woman does Not cry. Like Ever.

 

She is calling me back at Seven tonight to put her husband on speaker so she can be honest. She is a fraid to do it w/out another "witness" she would back out.

 

So to everyone here w/a kind heart and soul including the devastatingly harsh ones (except for that "one" who is SO angry). Thank you and please keep me in your thoughts that I may able to mediate if I must and have the wisdom and words to help where needed.

 

Kindly,

CIH

[freestyle]

CIH---This thread hits close to home for me, too.

 

I lost a friendship of many years, over a somewhat similar situation, and it hurt very deeply.......

 

When I look back, I can't help but feel resentful of being put in the position of being the "sounding board who knew the truth..."

 

 

I don't feel like writing it out again, if you'd like to read more, here it is:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/281554-collateral-damage-infidelity

[ComingInHot]

Almond joy;

Thank You So much! You are so right about how "off kilter" we feel when being cheated on. I felt like I was sincerely losing my mind.

 

It doesn't matter what I think of my friend's husband. No one deserves to feel the way we did.

[BetrayedH]

Good luck tonight.

[Darth Vader]

Hi everyone.

Before this thread gets mauled more (by one or two I particular posters...).

 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

 

it never ceases to amaze me that those who really care and post w/that same heart have such deep insight.

 

It is because of ALL (save one or two) that I was able to make the call a bit ago.

 

I don't have much of a "poker face" which is why I set my "avatar" showing just my eyes. Meaning, I don't hide nor lie very well which I guess is a good thing.

 

With that said, I returned my friends calls and we talked. The cool thing was that she actually apologized as for the moment , she had completely forgotten the betrayal in my life. As Pierre would say, "in the A bubble..."*

 

I explained pretty much what was unanimous here in that I supported her D. That opened the door to me recapping my betrayal. I acknowledged that hers is an "exit affair" then told her what that meant.

 

Something amazing happened next. She LISTENED. Explaining my betrayal Not in terms of recomciliation but what it Did to me personally. She REMEMBERED!!

 

We talked about how difficult a D would be in and of itself for their children let alone throwing cheating in there w/it.

 

I literally begged her to show mercy and love to her children. I cried to her that she was better than her actions. I finally told her something that was SO personal to her about her father that she started to weep. This woman does Not cry. Like Ever.

 

She is calling me back at Seven tonight to put her husband on speaker so she can be honest. She is a fraid to do it w/out another "witness" she would back out.

 

So to everyone here w/a kind heart and soul including the devastatingly harsh ones (except for that "one" who is SO angry). Thank you and please keep me in your thoughts that I may able to mediate if I must and have the wisdom and words to help where needed.

 

Kindly,

CIH

 

 

Don't allow her to blame her husband for her affair, as that's typical amongst cheaters. He may want to know everything and why. He may need Help, prepare to advise IC for him to help him to move on.

 

I also got to thinking, he may have Low Testosterone, which would make him feel tired and run down, that could explain his lack of "motivation", in that case, his lack of motivation wouldn't be his fault. Wouldn't that be something to find out about after the fact of her affair?

 

Now about you, from what I can see (your eyes), I can't understand why in the Hell your husband would cheat on you!

[BetrayedH]

Now about you, from what I can see (your eyes), I can't understand why in the Hell your husband would cheat on you!

 

No kidding. I was trying to keep my mouth shut about those eyes. (BH slinks away to read about boundaries, again).

[ComingInHot]

Darth :

You're tooooo kind*

 

I will Not allow her to blame him for her A. I really hope the conversation doesn't go that way. Now that you gave me the heads up. I will cut that off at the pass!

 

I think that the two of them need to do the best they can with what they have for their children's sake.

 

You know, things happen in life. Good and bad. Some things we cause. Some things happen to us. And sometimes well by making NO decision we have really made a choice.

 

I chose (for whatever dumba$$ reason I still don't know) to actually Ask my friend if she was cheating. Talk about wanting to "take something back". Now here I am in this mess all because I was what? Curious!?!??

 

I KNOW that after tonight, things are going to be different. I'm okay with that. Sad but okay because I think I have been a good friend to her and stayed true to myself.

 

Everyone here has helped me w/that.**

[Almond_Joy]

Hi everyone.

Before this thread gets mauled more (by one or two I particular posters...).

 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

 

it never ceases to amaze me that those who really care and post w/that same heart have such deep insight.

 

It is because of ALL (save one or two) that I was able to make the call a bit ago.

 

I don't have much of a "poker face" which is why I set my "avatar" showing just my eyes. Meaning, I don't hide nor lie very well which I guess is a good thing.

 

With that said, I returned my friends calls and we talked. The cool thing was that she actually apologized as for the moment , she had completely forgotten the betrayal in my life. As Pierre would say, "in the A bubble..."*

 

I explained pretty much what was unanimous here in that I supported her D. That opened the door to me recapping my betrayal. I acknowledged that hers is an "exit affair" then told her what that meant.

 

Something amazing happened next. She LISTENED. Explaining my betrayal Not in terms of recomciliation but what it Did to me personally. She REMEMBERED!!

 

We talked about how difficult a D would be in and of itself for their children let alone throwing cheating in there w/it.

 

I literally begged her to show mercy and love to her children. I cried to her that she was better than her actions. I finally told her something that was SO personal to her about her father that she started to weep. This woman does Not cry. Like Ever.

 

She is calling me back at Seven tonight to put her husband on speaker so she can be honest. She is a fraid to do it w/out another "witness" she would back out.

 

So to everyone here w/a kind heart and soul including the devastatingly harsh ones (except for that "one" who is SO angry). Thank you and please keep me in your thoughts that I may able to mediate if I must and have the wisdom and words to help where needed.

 

Kindly,

CIH

 

 

This is very encouraging. Strength to both of you!

[ComingInHot]

alright. Next thread is going to be what JUST what our eyes say about us. Lol!

 

My Grandfather had the most vibrant, loving kind and brightest blue eyes Ever. And that was truly who he was.

 

Okay threadjacking One last moment...

My son has One GREEN eye and One BLUE eye. So cool!!!

 

K. Done now*

[Almond_Joy]

Those 3 weeks were the hardest thing for me forgive my wife.

 

This is also true for me.

 

It's not that my ex fell for someone else that I can't forgive, or that they didn't want to work on the relationship.

 

It's the suffering that they let me endure by denying me the truth. I wish people who don't think much of cheating could understand this.

[ComingInHot]

Just hung up w/the two of them.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I'll get back in a few but wanted to let you all know that I took advice from Every perspective and I think I did alright.

Affairs are whacked.

[Decorative]

Just hung up w/the two of them.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I'll get back in a few but wanted to let you all know that I took advice from Every perspective and I think I did alright.

Affairs are whacked.

 

So proud of you.

 

You did a good thing.

[Darth Vader]

No kidding. I was trying to keep my mouth shut about those eyes. (BH slinks away to read about boundaries, again).

 

 

Relax, There's no way anything would ever happen, besides, we're all very far apart anyway. Still, I'm wondering how does some Dumb Ass cheat on someone who looks like that? It boggles my mind......... There are men out there who would KILL to have someone who looks as good as her!

[Darth Vader]

Darth :

You're tooooo kind*

 

I will Not allow her to blame him for her A. I really hope the conversation doesn't go that way. Now that you gave me the heads up. I will cut that off at the pass!

 

I think that the two of them need to do the best they can with what they have for their children's sake.

 

You know, things happen in life. Good and bad. Some things we cause. Some things happen to us. And sometimes well by making NO decision we have really made a choice.

 

I chose (for whatever dumba$$ reason I still don't know) to actually Ask my friend if she was cheating. Talk about wanting to "take something back". Now here I am in this mess all because I was what? Curious!?!??

 

I KNOW that after tonight, things are going to be different. I'm okay with that. Sad but okay because I think I have been a good friend to her and stayed true to myself.

 

Everyone here has helped me w/that.**

 

 

Me? Kind? (Coughs) (RIGHT!)

 

Anyway, it's good you did because her husband might have found out on his own and did something to either her or to himself, it happens all the time....... At the same time you're being a friend to her husband who's been strung along already. He's probably been faithful and hasn't had a clue anything's been wrong in his marriage until tonight. I feel for him, and of course, you.

[BetrayedH]

Relax, There's no way anything would ever happen, besides, we're all very far apart anyway. Still, I'm wondering how does some Dumb Ass cheat on someone who looks like that? It boggles my mind......... There are men out there who would KILL to have someone who looks as good as her!

 

And you probably wish you could look upon her with your own eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, that was cheesy.

[Darth Vader]

Just hung up w/the two of them.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I'll get back in a few but wanted to let you all know that I took advice from Every perspective and I think I did alright.

Affairs are whacked.

 

 

Take a moment to breathe, and I don't mean literally. Take all the time you need.

[Darth Vader]

And you probably wish you could look upon her with your own eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, that was cheesy.

 

 

Ha Ha Ha! You're right, that was cheesy! HMMMM, a nice cheese sauce would go great with something right about now.... (sigh)

 

Anyway, she's married, I don't mess with the married's, well, I do, but, just in the joking kind of messing around with....... Well, you get what I mean, I hope.....

 

I wonder what happened...............

[BetrayedH]

Ha Ha Ha! You're right, that was cheesy! HMMMM, a nice cheese sauce would go great with something right about now.... (sigh)

 

Anyway, she's married, I don't mess with the married's, well, I do, but, just in the joking kind of messing around with....... Well, you get what I mean, I hope.....

 

I wonder what happened...............

 

Yeah, I wonder, too. My gut says the H was cheating, too. But I'm a bit jaded.

[Darth Vader]

Yeah, I wonder, too. My gut says the H was cheating, too. But I'm a bit jaded.

 

 

How do you figure he was cheating too? But, yeah, I would be lying if I said I didn't think the same thing.

[BetrayedH]

How do you figure he was cheating too? But, yeah, I would be lying if I said I didn't think the same thing.

 

Nothing really. Just the way she said "affairs are whacked" made me think there was another shoe that dropped. I've seen it happen more than once lately. I feel like I'm an affair magnet now. I think just about the only affairs I knew about before my Dday were on TV; now I can't look at any couple without wondering which one has cheated. I've been pretty open with my friends and family about my experience. Suddenly I'm like the damn infidelity whisperer. Too often I'm finding that not only one spouse cheated but both. It almost gets amusing. I had some friends come to town that were mutual friends of my ex and I going back 20 years. They still wanted to be friends with both of us even knowing how demented her affair was and that she was still being a nutball thru the divorce. Come to find out that both of my friends had cheated on each other. We stayed up late talking (and drinking). It was awkward to saythe least. After the H went to bed, the W tried to put the moves on me. I just about had to peel her off with a spatula. I'd been friends with them for 20 years. The world is full of whackos.

[Darth Vader]

Nothing really. Just the way she said "affairs are whacked" made me think there was another shoe that dropped. I've seen it happen more than once lately. I feel like I'm an affair magnet now. I think just about the only affairs I knew about before my Dday were on TV; now I can't look at any couple without wondering which one has cheated. I've been pretty open with my friends and family about my experience. Suddenly I'm like the damn infidelity whisperer. Too often I'm finding that not only one spouse cheated but both. It almost gets amusing. I had some friends come to town that were mutual friends of my ex and I going back 20 years. They still wanted to be friends with both of us even knowing how demented her affair was and that she was still being a nutball thru the divorce. Come to find out that both of my friends had cheated on each other. We stayed up late talking (and drinking). It was awkward to saythe least. After the H went to bed, the W tried to put the moves on me. I just about had to peel her off with a spatula. I'd been friends with them for 20 years. The world is full of whackos.

 

 

For some reason, reading the part you typed about you being the infidelity whisperer, made me think of that movie where the boy says: "I see Dead People!":eek:

 

Your eyes have been forever opened, just like the boy in that movie. EERIE!

[ComingInHot]

ANYWAY...

Decent nights sleep last night. I needed it!*

 

The phone call started w/just my friend and me. At first she wanted ME to be the one to say the words that she was cheating when her husband got on the phone. I told her that that would be defeating the whole point to the conversation.

 

We talked a bit longer. The D is on and she is really refusing to end things w/this other man for fear he won't be there when her D is finalized. No amount of my speaking on this topic was going to change her position.

 

Husband got on the line. My friend explained why. A bit of D talk and how he was feeling.

 

Then the truth started spilling from both of them. Past present and future. My stomach churning more &more w/each confession as some were more like near-confessions from some of the things said.

 

Husband was hurt but not "surprised". He was more taken aback by her seeming comittment to this new fellow more than anything. I am too ,to be honest. But maybe it has to do w/the "high" of engaging in an A.

 

My "friendship" w/her is most likely going to grow into an aquaintence thing as when I Did feel pressed to mediate it wasn't always what she Wanted to hear or have me say. I told her ahead of time I would support her D but not her a and above all be honest.

 

And I did defend her D. But she did try to blame husband for her actions ergo I defended him as well. Pretty sure that was death to the friendship. My goal WA to help them see how they both had to see what was contributing to the D but the A was all on her.

 

She eventually did admit this yet was nit about to change anything. Not even for her children. Pretty sure that was death to the friendship in my eyes too.

 

I finally ended my part in the conversation. I hope they continued the talk respectfulky but from here on out it is none of my business.

 

They Did both thank me. But I can see things will be different. Maybe forever. Maybe not.

 

I'm okay w/that.

 

What have I learned? DON'T ASK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW or maybe SHOULDN'T KNOW!!!

 

CIH OUT!**

[Oberfeldwebel]

Take one atta-girl for a job well done. I doubt that your friend will know for many years what a very difficult thing you did for her. The relationship with her will cool for a period of time, but not necessary forever. I don't know the other man, but the relationship has only existed in a fantasy world. He has never been asked to contribute to a real relationship with her. She doesn't need him to clean the house, make meals, get the kids ready for school, pay bills, etc. All these tribulations that make a great spouse a rock to stand on in the storms of life. These are also the things that make a poor spouse a mill stone that drags us down. When she was a friend in need, you were a friend indeed.

[screwedovertwenty]

You did the right thing! You should be proud of yourself!