Karlise13 Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Well maybe that's how Loveshack is helping you sort through all this... What a great guy! But then again. no there were lots of problems. You're not crazy...just dealing with a myriad of emotions. Maybe this isn't the love of your life and was just a great guy on paper. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 sadgrrl, While it may be too late to save your marriage, I beleive that it would serve you well if you were to read Dr Willard Harley, Michelle Weiner-Davis, and (the late) Dr Shirley Glass's books on marriage. I also highly recomend that you read Tom Mcknight's Love Tactics. You are right that your stbxh is no saint and hopefully he will have time to reflect what were his negative contributions to the marriage that made it possible for the affair to occur. Keep in mind that while you were 100% responsible for your affair, BOTH of you were equally responsible for the state of your marriage. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by DazednConfused What is it with people who think your wife/husband owes you every thing you desire?? The real fact is, they don't. Our self fulfillment and happiness depends upon us. Our spouses are there to add to and complement what we already have for ourselves. This can go in both directions, if you focus on the negative, then that is what you will see. thats why monagamy is stupid Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 I'm not going to say that what you did was ok, but I fully understand a man not meeting your sexual needs, and making you feel unsexy, and then a really hot guy comes on to you, and it is truely hard to resist! It wasn't ok, but I understand. Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Um.... NO. Monogamy is far from stupid. It is a choice, and usually a healthy one. But a choice all the same. You may call us stupid all you like, but the fact remains as long as you have multiple partners, you put yourself at risk. I won't call you stupid nor even say you are making a stupid choice. It is yours to make with the views and experiences you have. thats why monagamy is stupid Nice reply there Kelly. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 DazednConfused i'm not saying that someone who is monogamous is stupid i just don't believe in it in general Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadgrrl Posted August 27, 2004 Author Share Posted August 27, 2004 Karlise13 -- this week I've been focusing on what you said about my life lacking passion, because I know it has for a while. Because I moved around to follow my husband lots I don't have many close friends where I live right now, which is something else I don't like. I've made a few here, but it's just hard to compare with the closeness I have with my old old friends who are far away. So I've been focusing on ways to meet some new people and start up some dreams. So this week I decided to take up playing violin again. I'm not good at it, but I love it, and last time I played it was a good way to meet people, thru performance groups and stuff like that. Now that I've started again, all the goals I had for myself -- like pieces of music I want to play well -- are coming back to me and I have something to be excited about. For so long my life has been work and worrying about other people. I f-cked up big time and will regret it til I die. But I think you're right -- unless I'm happy with myself, there's probably no chance in hell I'd be a good partner for someone. I feel like I sound so selfish Monday -- I read your thread and I'm very impressed that you were strong. I think that feeling you described was exactly what I felt, where it just blindsided me and here's this hot guy and he wants me and it kinda turns you into a teenager again. TMCM -- thanks for the suggestion, I've been looking for good books to read about marriage. I hate self help -type books but I should definitely make an exception here. Kelly -- I'm with ya on monogamy being d-mn near impossible, especially after seeing what I was capable of I wonder how I could ever expect it of anyone else (definitely don't deserve it) Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 sadgrrl stay strong sister you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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