WE broke up, but he still loves me, says he needs time alone, still wants to see me

[brokenheartsad]

This is long but I would appreciate some responses, especially from guys around the age of 20-22 years of age. or whoever!

 

Some background information: He broke up with me this weekend, tomorrow would be our 3 1/2 year anniversary! We never fight or have any problems either, and he is a sweet sweet guy. He's not a player or anything and we have never broken up before except for ONE day a couple of years ago because I was mad at him and he brought me flowers the next day, and of course we were back together then. He is loving and kind and everything was GREAT until about 2 weeks ago. And I can REALLY read him like an open book usually just to let you know that there really wasn't anything wrong before!

 

 

About two weeks ago my bf(now ex bf) asked me if I thought we were drifting apart. I started crying and he told me that it was okay nothing was wrong. He said he had just felt like we were spending a lot of time together and it felt like we didnt have as much to talk about and we would just see each other just to be seeing each other. He said he had thought about breaking up with me just to spend time apart to see if it was really meant to be. He said that he had decided not to though because he didn't want to break up with me and he loves me. He said he just thought we should start spending time apart instead of seeing each other every other day. He said that he had been spending a lot of time with his friends since he moved out of his parents house a year ago and he felt like I never do anything with my friends (and I dont). He said that he knows that that is his fault because he is VERY jealous and wouldnt let me do anything with them. He said that we were going to be taking a big step soon (marriage I assumed) and he didn't want us to get married and have me resent him because he never let me spend time with other people and figure out if I was SURE I wanted to be with him forever. Then everything was okay, he told me he did not want to leave me, that he loved me and he knew that he wanted to be with me.

 

 

Well, a few days later I went to a matinee movie with two of my girlfriends. He called me FIVE times!!!! He was working but he would call me to see where I was, EXACTLY where I was, what time the movie started, when it was over, he callled me DURING the movie! and seemed worried about me going somewhere without him!

 

Then a few days later, he found out that he had gotten into the STate Trooper Academy, and he will have to be gone for 6 months, three hours away and will have no outside contact! He MAY get 5 minutes a day to make a phone call, but sometimes will not get that much time they told him, and he is allowed to leave on the weekends, but like i said, it is a three hour drive and he has to be back on Sunday! So, we won't be seeing each other very much or talking very much needless to say! But he was happy about getting in and he thanked me for supporting him, and everything was great, he was very sweet.

 

The next day we went with his brother and his gf, and his cousin and his fiance to play mini golf and lazer tag. WE HAD A BLAST! HE was flirting with me holding my hand, all the great stuff that he normally does, but maybe not as much lately since we have been together for so long. But I could tell that nothing was wrong that day!

 

 

Then on Sunday I went to the lake with him to see his family and he seemed like something was up. AFter a while he started teasing my saying things like "im tired of you, i want a new girl,, haha just picking baby" and "what do you thing your parents would think if we really did break up, " and stuff like that. WEll I asked him about it a little later, and he got mad and was like "Are you serious! I was only joking!!" I didnt mean it! Then on the way home he started to cry and he said he was sorry that he said that stuff that nothing was wrong and he didnt mean it and he siad that if i had said that stuff to him he would have gotten worried too. He said, "but haven't you ever wondered what it would be like with somone else, or what our lives would be like if we had never met, would they be better or worse, and stuff like that. He said surley you have everyone wonders that sometimes. I said yes I have, everyone does but I want to be with you. And he assured me that everything was okay last week when he first asked me about it he seriously only was wondering and he didnt mean anything by it.

 

 

The next day he was better and then that evening he called and he had missed my call at his apartment and he said he was sorry that he had went to take a movie back and he stopped by the fire department(Because he wants a job there REALLY REALLY BAD!) and saw a guy that he knows who works there. Well the guys daughter was there (which I know he thinks is pretty, she is 4 years younger than him and just graduated from high school) He said that they were looking at her car because it was making a funny noise and he told her dad that it was the breaks or something. He said he didnt actually think her dad would take him up on the offer, but he said if you want I can take it to the truck stop where I work and check on it to make sure and the dad took him up on the offer. WEll my bf and this girl went there and came right back he said, and he was right, it was her breaks. Well, I was jealous and He knew it because he acted like he was flattered that I was jealjous. He told me I had absolutely nothing to worry about and that it was not like that at all (by the way he dated this girls cousin for a while once and as of last year the cousin liked him again and he does know this girl casually) HE kept telling me that I ahd nothing to worry about at all. I asked him what they talked about and he said they really just talked about him going to the academy and wanting on the fire department. He said he was trying to be nice becasue he dad can get him on the FD. HE said but she did ask me for my cell phone number. He said I didnt know what to say to her so I gave it to her becasue she was only asking for it so she could keep in touch about the fire department job. As far as I know she has never called him.

 

 

Well he has been acting weird ever since, then comes this past weekend.

 

We went away friday night becasue he had a test on sat. morning. WE rented a motel room and thats when he told me that he loves me but he has been having "mixed feelings about us". He said that he had to tell me. I asked him if he was cheating, and he swore to me that he was not. I asked him if it was another girl and he PROMISED me that there was no one else at all! I specifically asked about the girl i just wrote about and he even acted surprised and was like no, there is no one else im serious. And by the way he cried (bauled really) for a long time and so did I. He kept telling me he was sorry and that he still loves me and when I asked him "what do we do now, do you want to take a break?" He said "I dont know, I guess, I don;t really want to though" So I didnt really know what to think. Then he started being very very sweet to me and holding me, we had sex twice, and telling me that the loved me and he was sorry for telling me that.

The next day on the drive home he was acting a little weird again and I was still upset and told him I was scared and started to cry. He told me he didnt know what to say he just felt trapped, not necessarily with me, just because his parents never let him do anything when he was at home, and he has always been with me and never had the opportunity to date another person. Then he got mad because I kept crying, but then we talked more and he was trying HARD TO CHEER ME UP, and I mean REALLY HARD! I asked him what he saw in the future and he said he didnt know, that was the whole point of this. He said he just felt like he needed some time alone to have an opportunity to not have a gf and he said maybe go on a date or two with other people. HE said he didnt even know if he wanted to date anyone else. He said he may go on a date and realized that breaking up with me was the stupidest thing he has ever done. He said he may not go on a date. I asked him if there was anyone he wanted to date and he said no that he seriously didnt know of anyone that he wanted to go out with right now. HE told me that he still loves me and he still wants to call me and me call him and he wants to do stuff together. He said again that he may realize soon or after the academy that he has to have me back, he just doesnt know right now. HE told me that I would also have the opportunioty to see other poeople if I Wanted and he said I would like for you too, and then he said, No, actually I dont want you to go out iwth anyone else but I guess I have too, and he said that he definately did not want to know if I do go on any dates. Well, to end this story, he kept telling me he loves me and its okay and we will still see each other. HE said his brother and his brothers gf went through the same exact thing (they are still together). When he dropped me off he said ""my name", I love you okay I will call you tonight okay? I said okay I love you too.

He called me later and he had told his brother about it and his brother was shocked and my bf told him that it was okay he just felt like he need out (of the relationship). I told him I was just hoping for the best and he said "I know" and then his sister called and we got disconnected. I called him back later and his friend was there at his apartment (a guy of course) and my bf answered and I tol dhim we had been disconnected and I just wanted to call back real quick and I told him I guessed I would let him go since his friend was there and that I would call him tomorrow or whatever that i didnt want to bug him, and he just laughed and I said I can still call you cant I, and he said "YES! i told you that I WANT you to call me and Im going to call you and I want to see you" I said okay, "I'm still going to tell you that I love you because i want to, and he said "I love you too, my name" I said thanks (like thanks for telling me) and then i said okay love you bye, and he said love you too, bye. I have not called him yet because it is only 4 pm.

 

 

I need advice:

He says he still loves me wants to see me and call me

He does not want to know if i go out with another guy and he actually does not even want me to go out with another guy

he says he needs time alone

he says he doesnt even know if he wants to date anyone else

he says that he may decide in a few days that he wants me back, or it may be a few months, or it may be after he graudates from the academy, he doesnt know.

HE swears that there is NO ONE ELSE that he wants to be with right now

 

Well, I feel in my heart that we will be together and that he will come back I just dont know when.

What do you all think. We have been together 3 and a half years and never had problems.

Do you think maybe he is worried about the academy and what it will do to our relationship, he has mentioned that before! I really dont think there is another girl right now becasue he would ahve told me when I asked him (trust me he would have) Do you think he is worried about commitment as far as getting married, because we are both graduated from college, I am in my MAsters program and he is getting ready to start his career and be gone for 6 months and He is alos worried about being stationed away from here for 2 years because that is usually what happens. I dont know, what do you all think? too soon to tell? give it time??? how do i find out without asking him??? any advice please Oh by the way he leaves for the academy in two months, is the time wearing down on him????

 

sorry so many typos, but i was typing FAST THANKYOU

[genetic]

well let me tell you something about love its all about he said this he said this. And to tell you the truth i believed the same thing she said that and she said that and in the end i was screwed. But in your situation i would advise this give him sometime but be his "closest" friend dont let him forget about you but dont constatntly nag him as mcuh as u want to get back with him he knows it ( the less you want him the more he might want you). Give him time is my suggestion , talk to him stay close to him. Be the better person and believe what he says bcuz without truth there is nothing else to rely on

 

-GeNeTiC

[anonamous]

hun dont you worry ok this happent to me and my b/f of 3 years i was going through this myself acctually! ok he is just really insecure right now but its a good insecure b.c he is really thinking about the future of you two together he is afraid its just like right before you get married you get cold feet. it will be good for him to go out and meet new girls and date b/c the likelyness is he will only think about you and want you back aftert he realises he loves you for sure! well so dont worry its all in amatter of time to see what plays out.