Prettybones Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I have been seeing this guy for awhile and recently he admitted to me that he liked me a lot and thought I was a great girl and beautiful. Things have been really great and we talk a lot, but I noticed he has been putting me at a distance for the past two weeks (we only see each other once a week and after we saw each other he wouldn't text me for a few days). I never really considered us dating, I'm not sure what I would call it, but I know we liked each other. This past weekend I spent the night at his place, but he was acting strange and distant like something was bothering him. He told me to text him later but that he would be busy. After three days he finally texted me back saying he had bad news and that he thinks we should just be friends. He said I'm great and that he liked me but he isn't ready for anything serious. He said he doesn't want to lead me on because he's not ready and its not me its him. (Lame). He then admitted that while we have been talking he's dated a few other girls. I was fine with that because we weren't really serious. I had a feeling this was going to happen and I'm extremely hurt for putting myself out there. I haven't been in a relationships in almost 3 years and he's the first guy I've really liked. I'm not sure if he wants to be friends or if that's just a nice way of saying: "Lets break it off and not talk anymore". I told him I need time to think about it and I told him that it would be really difficult for me to just ignore my feelings for him. He said its going to be difficult for him too. I don't want to lose him. I don't have many people in my life. I hope he doesn't just want to keep me around "just in case". He feels really bad, but honestly I feel terrible too. I'm not sure if I should give it time and not talk to him until I am not as emotional or just be "friends" like he wants. I am not sure of his intentions but he did mention that "maybe we should eliminate the sex" (as if it was an option to keep having sex). I honestly feel like he just wants to keep his options open without hurting me and be able to freely date. Or maybe he really doesn't want a relationship with anyone. Not sure what to do. I'm stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 You're not, really. It's very simple. Sadly, you'll have to cut this off and go No Contact. You want a relationship. He doesn't. You have feelings for him. He doesn't have the same feelings for you. You feel hurt and very disappointed. Actually, he's been very clear. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he realises you're a lovely girl, but he just doesn't feel it with you. And he's told you he doesn't want you as a FWB, either. I think actually, that's quite respectful.... All you can do is to distance yourself, and cut off all contact, until you can happily be in the same room as him,and not feel wistful or empty, or slighted, or hurt..... Read my No Contact link in my signature. It works exceptionally well - providing you stick with it. THis might be one of the very few times I would recommend you either speak with him, or text him, to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I'm going No Contact, because right now, I'm feeling a little hurt. I have feelings for you, and continuing to see each other and go through the motions of being friends just doesn't appeal right now, because I really wanted more. Please do Not contact me. I'll be back in touch when this isn't painful any more. I need to move on, but in my own time, at my own pace and in my own space. Thanks." Link to post Share on other sites
aliceb1987 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Its always hard once sex has been involved,as more often than not it causes the girl to feel a strong connection to the guy (as nature intended!) I am in a different but kind of similar situation as you...have been asked to meet up as friends by someone who i really like and who i thought really liked me to,as he says he isn't ready for a new relationship yet after his recent one ended badly.It was incredibly hard for me to tell him that i couldn't do it,because obviously a big part of me really wants to see him,and i don't want to eliminate any hope of friends turning to more if he does like me...but i know that will not necessarily happen,at least anytime soon,and it will only hurt me more to see him with 'friend' boundries as i still have strong feelings for him.In my opinion and experience,being 'just friends' with someone AFTER that 'more than friends' line has been crossed in some way never works because feelings will always get in the way until they decrease.Know its hard but pull well back from him for a while and if he really likes you he will choose you and come running...if not the space may give you time to get over your feelings and maybe one day you could be friends.X Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Prettybones... Like others have said, the "let's just be friends" after you have been more is just a kind way of trying to let you down gently. And yes, he will likely use that status to keep you interested enough "just in case" his other options become a dead end. So if you cannot deal with that type of second choice status it would likely be best to avoid contact. It's a tough call, but the other option will be painful. Link to post Share on other sites
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