havNfun Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Anyone have a situation in there family where one sibling gets everything? Does anyone feel like one sibling is consuming all of the family resources? I have a sister who was born 6 years after the rest of us three. She's lived in Paris a year, Italy a year, huge wedding. She had a nice apartment rented for her and basically used it as a closet and kept staying at my parents house. She finally got married to a lawyer. A few months after marriage they moved back to where the rest of the family is because he got a job at a great firm making double. So basically my little sister is, without having a job, much wealthier than I am. Non-the-less, within a week of deciding to move my parents had bought her a house. (4-5 bedroom, on a lake, etc) so, I know that I wouldn't feel good if I wasn't self-sufficient. And I have tried not to be petty and worried about what she is or isn't getting. But it kind of makes me mad that she keeps on taking/accepting and enough is never enough. As soon as I think the most absurd thing or expenditure has happened with her - she'll carve something else out of the pie that is much greater.... any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyann Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I suppose that your sister will never be happy with what her life amounts to. This is a guess that I make by the information that you have shared. Do you think that your parents could be attempting to buy her love and acceptance through material things where in turn they may not need to do this with you? How old is your sister? What is the difference between your ages? Lilyann Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 23, 2004 Author Share Posted August 23, 2004 I am 6 years older. I am 34 - she 27 well they have her love. Perhaps they are trying to buy her happiness though. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Hey, I know where you're coming from. My Mom and step Dad hangs around my little brother and his soon to be wife like he's the best thing that's happened to the world. They NEVER come out to see us or their grandkids......EVER. Yeah, I feel some resentment....but you know something.....you and I have a lot in common.....I look up to you more than I do to your sister, you would feel pretty bad if you didn't earn what you gain..I feel the same, and we aren't alone. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Originally posted by havNfun Anyone have a situation in there family where one sibling gets everything? Does anyone feel like one sibling is consuming all of the family resources? Is she taking away your parents love for you? Do you feel that they love her more? Money and assets don't mean anything, unless your whole family measures love by material wealth. My brother and sister both felt that I was the favored child. On the surface it seemed that way. I stayed at home longer, I took care of things for my mother, and I was always there. Now mom lives with me, and it still looks like I am the favored daughter. Mom doesn't love me any more though and mom and I know that. My brother knows it now too, but my sister is still a jealous spiteful and vindictive person, who whines about mom loving me more than her. Which is absurd! Sorry, I'm not saying you are like my sister - but do you measure love by wealth? What have your parents done for you, that they have not done for your sister? Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Hmm. In this world, money and assets are everything. One would be quite happy, I think, if one had money and assets simply handed to one. As much as one might argue this, one, I'm certain, would not be complaining about getting things for free. My younger sister gets far more free hand-outs than I do; I have never gotten a free hand-out. If I ever ask my father for his reasoning, I simply get in reply that she is younger than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I think sometimes parents have more to give for younger children then they had when their older children were younger--if that makes any sense! My parents had nothing when my brother and sister were children. I mean, they were struggling just to keep a roof over their heads. They were doing better when I came along and had bought a house and all. So, they had more themselves. I'm the youngest child in the family. Parents also learn from the older kids and try not to make the same mistakes with the younger ones. And, sometimes parents can see or imagine that one child just isn't going to be able to take care of themselves the same way another will, and will treat their kids accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Touch_of_Naughtiness Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Just be happy that your sister is doing well! And if it's a matter of your parents giving her more love and affection then talk with your parents and tell them how you feel. I'm sure they will understand you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I'm the youngest child in the family. Parents also learn from the older kids and try not to make the same mistakes with the younger ones. Oh great. so you are saying I was a guinny pig? a test rat? a cancer mouse? a learning model? Is she taking away your parents love for you? Do you feel that they love her more? Money and assets don't mean anything, unless your whole family measures love by material wealth. No I don't feel that. But there have been enough times when I've needed them but they were busy with her problems so I didn't wish to bombard them further. And, I know that love is much more important than assets. But, if the love is there, is it so bad to be bothered that one sibling is consuming much more than the rest? thanks hugs havNfun Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I think sometimes the bigger the age gap between sibs the harder parents try to appease the youngest. There are thirty years between my oldest sister and myself, and twenty years between the once baby and myself. All told there are seven of us. I guess I did stay home longer, and my parents were actually poorer when they had me, so I didn't get more that way. But I went to church and I was the "good kid" meaning I didn't get pregnant before I was married, didn't quit school, didn't do drugs, and was the peace maker. When I needed help my parents were more than willing to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyann Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Do you think that it could be possible that your parents see you as being more competent and self-assured than your sister? I am the youngest, but I feel that when my brothers visit my parents the same time as I they receive the "oh, my gosh......." treatment. I do not know if my parents are aware of their behavior. Are yours? Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Ah haa haaa, I totally thought this was about your sibling getting more sex than you..... as in, is their sex life better than yours. Okay I have no input since its not about that. Just kidding, I am probably considered the "favored child" but with that favoritism comes a lot of expectations. I had to do everything their way or the "favors" would be revoked, everything had a string attached. Had to listen to their opinions, do what they thought I should do, etc. So its not always best to be the "favored" because you are put up on a pedestal and it sucks when you fall off. I've enjoyed life much more since I finally stopped allowing myself to be that favored one. Link to post Share on other sites
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