Author wanting more Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 I understand.... and he is legally responsible for them, even if he doesn't have a job and you are the only one who does. He's financially responsible for them. To make the statement that he wants to be out of their lives is another thing entirely. It's horrible. (Still doesn't let him out of his responsibility as a parent) I would probably after things have settled try for child support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 would that be an empty threat to make you reconsider? or something he says in order to hurt you? even so, it's a despicable thing to do. I'm not really sure. Id like to think as a father he's just saying it with no meaning behind it. There was a time before when he disappeared for a little bit Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Wm please go back and read how you write about him in this thread. You do not speak of him as a partner, former partner, coparent, adult or even a human. You speak of him like a leech who just kind of stuck on you and your house and your stuff and your kids. No wonder he wouldn't want to be in that deal if you kick him out. If you were so confident of your legal rights wouldn't you just put his stuff on the street? Plenty of BS do that apparently and if he's effectively just a guest who turned up and won't leave then that should work. Why are your kids saying *their dad* should leave? Do they know you're the one who cheated? Do they take that view because they think about the property law? Seems wrong to me to let kids speak so disrespectfully of a parent. There are too many inconsistencies in the whole story. There are NO inconsistencies in my story,* why don't YOU go back and re-read. * I've never made it sound like he's not human,* that's you reading into my post the way you want to.* I didn't say leech,* I pointed out that I pay 95% of all the bills for my household.* He's not stuck on my or my house or my stuff, he just likes the benefits of not contributing financially yet* having* a place to live,* food to eat, warm bed.* * The only word you read in posts on this board is "cheat".* anything after that doesn't mean anything to you.* That's what YOU focus on.* I still try to figure out why you'd even look for a forum like this??* this is an OW/OM SUPPORTIVE BOARD and all you do in insult.* 99% of the BSs on this board really seem to read all the posts.* They give advice, which is normally direct but supportive.* They talk from their experience.* When I first started here,* lots of the responses were tough to read.* But aside from one or two,* most made sense and made me really see the hurt I've caused.* YOU on the other hand seem to believe unless a person who cheats, admits to the world they are trash and scum and worth nothing,* they should be burnedC at the stake.* * My kids are saying "their dad" should leave because he's become someone they don't want to be around.* its not only me he's taking his hurt out on,* its now them.* and yes,* the do know i cheated.* But as hard as it is for you to believe,* I AM a good mother,* I am their supporter (emotionally)* I am the strong one for them.* He's not!!* and NO,* they dont take that view becasue the think about the property law,* that's rediculous for you to even say!!!!!!!!!! I've not had him physically removed because I hate to think he'll leave the kids.* I know its HIS choice but it is a tough thing to do,* even though I know he'll have to be forced * (but I will take the advice of another poster and try to talk to him calmly one more time) * i Have to admit though,* I'm really shocked you don't have a BIL, SIL, Aunt, Neighbor, Friend, Cousin or Uncle's brothers cousins neighbors wife that's in my same situation.* you seem to know someone in every situation written about by an OW and think you know what needs to be done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Common-law marriages can be contracted only in 9 states and they are waning year by year as more states tighten the rules for common law or abolish it altogether. (Marriages recognized before abolition continue to be valid in most cases.) Common-law marriage in the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia So unless you're in Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Utah, Texas, or the District of Columbia, you don't need to worry at all about this. I think your primary barrier to getting him out is absence of a decision by you whether you want him out or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Common-law marriages can be contracted only in 9 states and they are waning year by year as more states tighten the rules for common law or abolish it altogether. (Marriages recognized before abolition continue to be valid in most cases.) Common-law marriage in the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia So unless you're in Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Utah, Texas, or the District of Columbia, you don't need to worry at all about this. I think your primary barrier to getting him out is absence of a decision by you whether you want him out or not. Thank you. I knew I was ok with him not being able to persue the common law. I do want him out, I just wish he'd go and I wouldn't have to force him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I'm not really sure. Id like to think as a father he's just saying it with no meaning behind it. There was a time before when he disappeared for a little bit as a father, he shouldn't even been saying it. i'm so sorry that he's being so selfish and immature. some people just aren't cut out to be parents Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well I don't know what I'm going to do now. He lost his job today. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Oh my. Is he the Devil whose purpose in life is to ruin yours? Didn't you see you were demonizing to justify cheating on him and you're still demonizing? Give the guy a break. He deserves to choose for himself whether he leaves voluntarily and I cannot imagine anyone orchestrating dismissal that will be on his record forever just to get at you. If youre going to kick him out then go to it but the demonizing is just not credible. Neither is yours. Lady Grey has said everything pertinent so I won't repeat it all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Oh my. Is he the Devil whose purpose in life is to ruin yours? Didn't you see you were demonizing to justify cheating on him and you're still demonizing? Give the guy a break. He deserves to choose for himself whether he leaves voluntarily and I cannot imagine anyone orchestrating dismissal that will be on his record forever just to get at you. If youre going to kick him out then go to it but the demonizing is just not credible. just like WS isn't right to justify the A because BS is doing the wrong thing in the marriage... same goes the other way. just because someone's been cheated on it doesn't mean they are absolved from being a bad spouse and parent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Uggg, that is not good. I'm sorry. Was he fired? If so, do you think he might have wanted it to happen? He was fired. He didn't go into details why Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Oh my. Is he the Devil whose purpose in life is to ruin yours? Didn't you see you were demonizing to justify cheating on him and you're still demonizing? Give the guy a break. He deserves to choose for himself whether he leaves voluntarily and I cannot imagine anyone orchestrating dismissal that will be on his record forever just to get at you. If youre going to kick him out then go to it but the demonizing is just not credible. WHAT are you reading?? Are you even reading MY posts? The opinions you have really blow my mind. You insult almost every poster on this board. Why are you on here??? You don't know 1/2 my story of my R. But you pretend to know everything and talk about me like I'm a horrible person. Lady grey is right, Im not on here to talk about ALL my issues with my SO. I came on here as the OW looking for support and advice. Thankfully YOU were not on here when i 1st started. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well I don't know what I'm going to do now. He lost his job today. Doesn't change a thing. Actually, maybe now that he has no more ties to your city he can move back to his family's? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
buckeyeblue Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Wanting - So what are you going to do? If you had already made up your mind to ask him to leave (again), then don't change your plan. You don't have to be cruel, but you do have to be firm. There will always be a reason why it is not a good time for him to leave. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 My $.02 I wonder if this might be the impetus that gets him to decide to move back home. It might end up solving this problem for you. He knows he can't stay with you indefinitely and now he doesn't have a job. This will be the time for him to make that "rest of his life" decision. I'd be inclined to give him some time to process and cross your fingers that he comes to a conclusion about a great many things. I'm not saying you have to indulge the man forever (I was in the camp voting to have him legally evicted) but I would take care not to kick him while he is down and to encourage him to make some life decisions now (and that doesn't include living with you indefinitely). Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 That is so great to read today. I spent the morning listening to my MM talk about drama at their house. I know it's not something people like to hear, but being the one that's been wronged doesn't mean that that person is a good, nice or productive person. I don't disagree with you and her post made a legitimate point. Having seen other divorces, I do believe that there are other dealbreakers besides infidelity. The problem with having an affair is that it muddies the water, which is exactly what's happening to WM. She's having a hell of a time separating her guilt for her affair from her own reasons to divorce. In some cases, it also can be problematic to separate legitimate dealbreakers from potential affair fog and rewriting of marital history. But to your point, just because we're a BS doesn't make us a saint. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 You know, I seriously think I'd feel a lot worse if she acted like some, most, hell ANY of you do. I really don't understand her at all. I see nothing about her that I can understand. It baffles my mind. Sorry. sorry for the t/j OP. Are you talking Abouf me? Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 LFH- totally uncalled for. It's easy to see someone else's dysfunction. Harder to own your own. It takes great strength and introspection to be able to step back and see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 No.. that's why I apologized for the thread jack. Ok. Thanks. Was completely confused Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 You are on ignore 99% of the time. I see you quoted occasionally, and am always surprised. I'll occasionally take you off when I see something you've said that blows my mind. I'll work on fighting that urge. But my comment still stands. It's hard to see your own dysfunction- and very easy to point fingers at other people. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I think Decorative simply empathizes with the BS and your post wasn't at all empathetic with a person who is being betrayed. The fact that you're an active participant doesn't help. I'm not trying to take sides, just to explain her frustration with your post. But I should probably just shut up before I get virtually slapped by two women at once. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I won't slap you. That's exactly how I feel. You got it. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I won't slap you. That's exactly how I feel. You got it. Whew. One down, one to go. (Hiding behind my computer screen) Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 BetrayedH dislikes this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
delighted_delilah Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 MFH......you need to get some IC or something to help you deal with your anger. You are raging at almost everyone here, sometimes very unfairly. If you don't address that anger, it will explode on you in real life and you might do something you regret. Agreed. I understand the anger, rage, all of it. Been there, and believe me, what you are doing isn't helping YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 My little one and I were shopping this last weekend and she told me that "daddy said he's hoping you'll let him stay till he finds another job" Link to post Share on other sites
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