Consolidated discussion: Parenting a child with special needs

[frozensprouts]

raising a child can be very difficult, but there are some challenges that are unique to raising a special needs child...we have two, and some of the issues are:

 

1- our youngest (and quite possibly our oldest) may never be able to live on their own what will happen to them if and when something happens to us? who will care for them? what kind of care facilities exist in our community for adults in that situation...( here, there aren't many at all )

 

2-expense- I stay at home to look after them, so I don't work outside the home. wile I have been able to pick up some work freelance writing, it doesn't pay much, and their medications, therapy, counseling, tutoring, etc. costs a lot of money, even with our private insurance. I don't mind paying it, but money is always tight...

 

3- social issues - our two children with issues have a lot of trouble socializing, and are frequently the victims of bullying ( even as far as physical assault) I've worked with the school, police, even the mayor of our town to make things better. It's helped a bit, but the bullying still happens

 

4- depression- aside of her medical condition and developmental issues, our oldest also depression and anxiety, and has self harmed in the past. she takes medication for depression/anxiety, but I still worry about her and that she could harm or even kill herself in the future ( she gets therapy, and seems a lot better, but my fear is still there)

 

5- the relationship between my husband and myself- having kids with issues can definitely put a strain on a marriage...we both feel guilt, sadness, frustration, anger and great love for all our children

 

6- pride- we love all our children and are very proud of them. they are all intelligent, good natured, kind, caring, loving people, each with their own special gifts and challenges, and I feel I've been very lucky to have been gifted with them...thought there may be challenges, I wouldn't trade them for anything

 

( there's no set topic for this thread...I'm hoping it may become a thread that discusses the topic of raising children with special needs can be discussed by anyone who has some input they want to share, whether you're a parent, relative, teacher, friend or just have something to share)

[frozensprouts]

one thing that is helpful is that, in Canada, there is a registered disability savings plan for people with a disability ( or their parents/guardians) can save and the govn't kicks in some extra, depending on your family income. It's a good way to save, and, unlike an RESP, it's not limited to use for education ( which, by the way, if your child doesn't go to university/college, you can pass on to your next child or roll it over into your own rrsp minus the educational savings grant)...

[JDP25]

As a brother with a special needs brother. Me being the middle child. My older brother is the special needs child, so he the oldest. My brother the youngest had troubles at birth with asthma. I was born with pre-mature lungs, but out grow and now healthy.

 

I feel for you and your husband. I lie to you not I seen my parents break down because of all the conflict and issues. I know what your dealing with. As me being the middle child and the brighter one. I had a lot of pressure on my shoulders and was held with a higher standard. So I had to take an extra step and be the older brother of the 3. I was no longer the middle child, even though that was suppose to be my role. Things didn't work out that way as I imagined. So I never had the big brother figure because I was playing that role and still am.

 

Best thing to help your kids out is talk to them and give them love and positive side things they need. Being a sibling to a special needs child is not easy. It is just as hard as it to the parents. If the role models are falling, so would the followers. The role models being the parents and the followers the children. Your children suffer from bullying because of emotional state they are in. I been there myself until I became an angry person and was hated by everyone. Don't let your children go into this route as I did. Now that I am an adult its when I making sense of things and all. Children feel the same emotions as their parents.

 

Get your children involved and show them that they are not alone. Show them how to care for the sibling with special needs, if one of you were to fall. Show them how to be strong people young.

 

Talking about these things and building a strong network makes things easier.

 

I am still in that position right now. Where if my parents fall, either me or my younger brother have to step up to the plate and continue caring for our older brother.

Edited January 20, 2013 by JDP25

[frozensprouts]

As a brother with a special needs brother. Me being the middle child. My older brother is the first of the three, so he the oldest. My brother the youngest had troubles at birth with asthma. I was born with pre-mature lungs, but out grow and now healthy.

 

I feel for you and your husband. I lie to you not I seen my parents break down because of all the conflict and issues. I know what your dealing with. As me being the middle child and the brighter one. I had a lot of pressure on my shoulders and was held with a higher standard. So I had to take an extra step and be the older brother of the 3. I was no longer the middle child, even though that was suppose to be my role. Things didn't work out that way as I imagined. So I never had the big brother figure because I was playing that role now.

 

Best thing to help your kids out is talk to them and give them love and positive side things they need. Being a sibling to a special needs child is not easy. It is just as hard as it to the parents. If the role models are falling, so would the followers. The role models being the parents and the followers the children. Your children suffer from bullying because of emotional state they are in. I been there myself until I became an angry person and was hated by everyone. Don't let your children go into this route as I did. Now that I am an adult its when I making sense of things and all.

 

Get your children involved and show them that they are not alone. Show them how to care for the sibling, if one of you were to fall. Show them how to be strong people young.

 

Talking about these things make and getting a strong network makes things easier.

 

I am still in that position right now. Where if my parents fall, either me or my younger brother have to step up to the plate and continue caring for our older brother.

 

thanks for posting...

you bring up some excellent points, and I think that sometimes the siblings of a special needs child can sometimes kind of get "lost in the shuffle"...I try and spend some time each day with my "middle kid". we make supper together, go for a walk, play a game or just sit and talk. For that period of time, I'm "all hers". I've also tried to explain to her about her brother and sister, and told her I understand if she gets frustrated with them. We've trid to make sure that there;s a bit of money for her to do some things she likes and encourage her interests. She's a great kid, and simply a beautiful little girl ( she just turned 13, but she'll always be my little girl )

[JDP25]

thanks for posting...

you bring up some excellent points, and I think that sometimes the siblings of a special needs child can sometimes kind of get "lost in the shuffle"...I try and spend some time each day with my "middle kid". we make supper together, go for a walk, play a game or just sit and talk. For that period of time, I'm "all hers". I've also tried to explain to her about her brother and sister, and told her I understand if she gets frustrated with them. We've trid to make sure that there;s a bit of money for her to do some things she likes and encourage her interests. She's a great kid, and simply a beautiful little girl ( she just turned 13, but she'll always be my little girl )

 

Seems like your on the right track with things.