Eternal Sunshine Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Most of my life, from 14-31, I have spent having a crush on some guy or another that wasn't fully available to me. I would pine and think about him all the time. In the past year, since my LTR ended - I haven't been able to develop a proper crush on anyone. I really liked 2 guys - few weeks each. When it was obvious that nothing was going to work out with them, I lost interest completely (even though I slept with one of them, still didn't get attached). I kind of miss the innocence of the youth, when I was having butterflies over someone all the time. Everything just feels really meh now 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rys Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 me too... i miss the butterflies in my stomach... blushing... how my friends react when my crush is around... Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 thats actually happening to me right now. The high I am getting from this person is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 IME, love and infatuation changes as one ages. It's probably been a good 15-20 years since I had 'butterflies' in a new person's presence. Never really thought much about it. What happens happens I guess. It's still really cool to feel attraction and attachment though, perhaps an even richer experience than the butterflies of decades past. I imagine it'll be different in another 15-20 years too. Hope I live that long. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 IME, love and infatuation changes as one ages. It's probably been a good 15-20 years since I had 'butterflies' in a new person's presence. Never really thought much about it. What happens happens I guess. It's still really cool to feel attraction and attachment though, perhaps an even richer experience than the butterflies of decades past. I imagine it'll be different in another 15-20 years too. Hope I live that long. Yep, I am probably just maturing. If I feel that I would like someone, I take steps to get to know them better. If they are not receptive, I forget about it. Few years ago, I would plot and scheme on how to get their attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RandomName12 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 If you spent ages 14-31 constantly crushing on people feel damned lucky, I'm 21 and in the past 6 years I've maybe felt butterflies 3 times, it's incredibly rare for me. However there are upsides, you're a lot more likely to think with your head rather than your heart which might seem cold but you're a lot less likely to get your emotional well being smashed to pieces and it doesn't mean you can't enjoy someones company as much or you're never going to fall in love again. (I hope ) It'll just be different when it happens, somewhat clearer and more likely to last as the things that'll draw you to that person are less likely to be the result of your view of them rather than who they really are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I've had my last crush when I was 16. Just grew out of them I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Yeah, it just means you're growing up. Teenagers have crushes, grownups don't. Butterflies and infatuation are not good things. They're things you look back on an laugh about and think, "Yeesh, I'm so glad I'm not a stupid teenager any more!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Poor ES you make me wanna give you such a hug sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 ES, those butterflies and crushes are fun in our youth. But you should know by now that it never lasts and the outcome is often heartbreaking. The blush of a mature and fully understanding love can be so much more exciting because you will know there is the potential for longevity! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 ES, those butterflies and crushes are fun in our youth. But you should know by now that it never lasts and the outcome is often heartbreaking. The blush of a mature and fully understanding love can be so much more exciting because you will know there is the potential for longevity! Yep, I need potential for longevity or my interest is gone. I am no longer satisfied with just fantasies. You are right, all those crushes ended in heartbreak. Even when I was able to make something happen, it was brief and my feelings were largely unreciprocated. I certainly don't miss the pain Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yep, I need potential for longevity or my interest is gone. I am no longer satisfied with just fantasies. You are right, all those crushes ended in heartbreak. Even when I was able to make something happen, it was brief and my feelings were largely unreciprocated. I certainly don't miss the pain This is why I stopped 'crushing', too. I sort of felt those feelings for one guy, but it's never going to be reciprocated, so why bother? It's like something has been shut down in me, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I still get crushes and they are fun! Ok they don't last as long as they used to but they happen. Hope they won't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Most of my life, from 14-31, I have spent having a crush on some guy or another that wasn't fully available to me. I would pine and think about him all the time. I have the same exact deal, but in my case it's kind of a burden and of course a girl not a boy. I'm currently all pined up thinking about her and all that now. I'd gladly trade you these feelings so you can once again crush again. I hate it so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I still get crushes and they are fun! Ok they don't last as long as they used to but they happen. Hope they won't go away. Yes they are fun, a lot of fun and I like the initial feeling of getting giddy and smiling when you see she's working at the store and you go in for a chat. Then you find out your crush is getting married and after this year, moving 1,500 miles away and never to be seen again. That is the part I can't take, it leaves me feeling empty. I'm thinking I better stop thread jacking. Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Teenagers have crushes, grownups don't. Tell me why adult's do not have crushes? Why not? Is it a rule? Where did you get this solid statement from? Is there some scientific statistic/formula that says adults don't get crushes? I disagree a lot about that. I'm in the middle of a crush and I am 38. I'm ok with the crush part, but the part where she's unavailable and soon to be moving far away and never to be seen again, is going to make my bike rides and my life feel a lil more empty. Obviously my self esteem problems are a huge factor I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I kind of miss the innocence of the youth, when I was having butterflies over someone all the time. As an adult why can't we still get those butterflies? I have them right now. ES, we may be older now, but we are still the same person with the same feelings and emotions. IMO getting those butterflies is a sure sign someone may be the right person. It has happened three times in my life. The third is happening right now. I'm 38 and that girl I am crushing on at that store? I was tempted to stop in the new store she is working in now, last night. She told me when she left the old store to come visit her sometimes(as friends) The butterflies were so bad that I chickened out...I was shaking nervously when I saw her truck was there! Yah....butterflies:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 here was me thinking I was grown up and I still get butterflies and crushes... hmmmmmph... off to drink my milk and eat my cookies... :p:p:p I eat milk and cookies at 38.....So what! Why does everyone think that because you become "adult" you have to give up things that are fun? Like milk and cookies and crushes? screw that....M&C are GOOD! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 thats actually happening to me right now. The high I am getting from this person is amazing. Oh it is amazing....I love the crush feeling, but when the crush is already attached and/or moving away forever never to be seen again....leaves me feeling really out in the cold, dark road. I have a hard time letting people go.... Guess that is what FB is for? Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Hmmm, lots to think about ! On one hand I think it makes sense that as we...fine tune our list of what works for us and what doesn't, we don't get as giddy as quickly over Bob the 35 yr old pharmacist. Bob has to do and say some sweet things for the smiley, crushy feeling to start, not just be the lead guitarist with great hair, ya know ? And that's all good. On the other hand, the "crushy" feelings are also the sexual attraction feelings that MUST be present to even go on date one ( say, with Bob above ) My story is prob old and boring by now, but I was widowed and JUST thinking of dating when I met " F" at work. I DID get crushy feelings, but also discarded them due to his age. I was just glad I COULD feel again ! Turns out the crush was mutual and we threw out the dates on the birth certificates ( mentally) and married anyway. So far, so very good. So, yeah, both, just like everything else ES. BTW, from many of your other posts ( I follow you, just don't post that much) I DO think maybe you could step outside your "successful" male archetype model and find a strong, natively intelligent, true blue old school guy. who will do anything for his woman and family. They are sexy and "there for you" as hell. You are a professional woman who doesn't need a mans income : you need his 110% LOVE. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I hardly ever like guys I meet much less get crushes on them. I prefer it this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Hmmm, lots to think about ! On one hand I think it makes sense that as we...fine tune our list of what works for us and what doesn't, we don't get as giddy as quickly over Bob the 35 yr old pharmacist. Bob has to do and say some sweet things for the smiley, crushy feeling to start, not just be the lead guitarist with great hair, ya know ? And that's all good. On the other hand, the "crushy" feelings are also the sexual attraction feelings that MUST be present to even go on date one ( say, with Bob above ) My story is prob old and boring by now, but I was widowed and JUST thinking of dating when I met " F" at work. I DID get crushy feelings, but also discarded them due to his age. I was just glad I COULD feel again ! Turns out the crush was mutual and we threw out the dates on the birth certificates ( mentally) and married anyway. So far, so very good. So, yeah, both, just like everything else ES. BTW, from many of your other posts ( I follow you, just don't post that much) I DO think maybe you could step outside your "successful" male archetype model and find a strong, natively intelligent, true blue old school guy. who will do anything for his woman and family. They are sexy and "there for you" as hell. You are a professional woman who doesn't need a mans income : you need his 110% LOVE. Thanks MM, great post. I do have a set of criteria without which I don't even consider a guy. If he is not white collared, at least moderately successful, ambitious, home owner, no kids etc - my attraction is irrelevant. I don't let him in, prejudge him as "dumb" and/or lazy. If he does fit this criteria, I am likely to date him even if I lack genuine attraction (pretty much as long as he doesn't repulse me). That's how I had a relationship with my ex, next to zero passion and all together depressing experience. Even though all my friends and parents were very impressed by his career etc. My mother also tells me: why does he need to own a home? You live in a large house by yourself, he could just live there I have seemed to select guys similarly in the past year (i.e. low/no attraction, good on paper). Then I would get flashbacks of my last relationship and leave. Ideally, I would want to have it all, but in my life, I have maybe met one guy that "had it all" and he was married. So waiting for someone to "have it all" is probably very unrealistic. A bit off tangent but something to think about... Link to post Share on other sites
RandomName12 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 To be honest your criteria for selecting a man might have a lot to do with the fact you don't have crushes, It's kind of unfair to snub anyone who doesn't own a home as dumb and lazy, I rent and I work my arse off! If you want kids or not might affect your decision due to your age (seriously no offence and sorry to be blunt), but if you're looking for a man who already has a home/lots of money rather than a man who may not have those things but has the drive and ambition to get them as well as having an emotional connection then maybe that's where you're going wrong? After all wouldn't you want to build your life with someone you love, rather than just fit into his? Link to post Share on other sites
mariabogas Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well, I am not young, age 36 and I had a crush and butterfly on someone 3 years ago. I agree that it isn’t always a good thing, since we tend to think with our heart instead of our head. Link to post Share on other sites
frostfire1337 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Well I am 23 and have never been in a relationship (male) The rejection has left me with no real butterflies left. Whenever I see a beautiful woman, I just turn my head and walk away because I am so tired of being hurt by you beautiful phantasms. Link to post Share on other sites
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