My wife and son moved out and I am in hell and she still loves me.

[OWENRICH]

My wife moved out 3 weeks ago and took our 3 year old son. My son and wife are my life. We did everything together. I even took the job I have now 3 years ago so I could spend my 1 hour lunch breaks at home. now my life is hell. I have seen my son everyday but one. My wife has brought him over or has asked me to pick him up everyday. She is very short on patience and always has been. She keeps telling me he is driving her crazy. When she moved out she told me that this doesnt mean its over but she just needs to find herself and find out why she is not happy. She was seeing a counsler but I dont know anymore. we went to a marriage counsler once together before she moved out but just that once. She is telling her parents that she and I are still going together but thats a lie.

The hardest part is missing my son. He is the greatest kid. He stays with me on the week ends but then goes back with her on the weekdays. He keeps telling me that he wants to stay with me and doesnt want to go to the apartment with mommy. All I can tell him is that I have to go to work the next day so he needs to go to mommies apt. He wont give her hugs and never wants to talk on the phone with her but always wants to talk to me on the phone and wont let go of me when he hugs me. its hell saying goodbye when i drop him off.

My wife has been very nice most of the time and we eat together and watch movies also. we still go to the grocery together also. She has her half of the money and I have mine so we are using our own money. She has a part time job set up. I need my family back.

I have mentioned counseling but with no luck. I do not want to push her but I need her and I need my son back with me. What should I do???????

she says she loves me still?????

[blue636]

Patience is all you can rely on, I know exactly how you feel. My wife left with my 17-month-old daughter on the first of the month. My thread is on this forum.

[Scott S]

Yes, patience. Easier said than done, however...

 

You didn't mention how long you've been married, or how soon afterwards that your son was born. I wonder if she's felt a little overwhelmed by too much too close together. A small child can definitely be a challenge. Maybe she goes need some time & emotional space to sort out her feelings.

 

A larger issue is with the boy, though. One of a child's greatest fears is of abandonment. His understnding may be limited at his age, but he definitely knows something is very wrong between Mommy & Daddy. The most important thing for the BOTH of you is to be there for him. He needs to know that Mommy & Daddy both love him very much, & always will.

 

Joint counseling would be best, of course, but if that's not feasible for whatever reason you definitely need to get into it yourself. Hopefully she will join you at a future time, but trying to fire-hose her with it will likely be counterproductive.

 

I hope things will work out, that your marriage can be healed, & your family can stay together.

[Samson]

She is very short on patience and always has been. She keeps telling me [son] is driving her crazy. When she moved out she told me that this doesnt mean its over but she just needs to find herself and find out why she is not happy.

 

From what I gather, her main problem seems to be handling the three year old. Why then didn't she leave him behind with you? Perhaps without the burden your son represents to her, then she may more easily "find herself" and you would be happier as a full time dad?

[OWENRICH]

We have been married for 5 1/2 years. and I have tried to get her to leave our son with me but she says only she can take care of him like a mother needs to and he needs her at this point in his life and she says since i work full time and she doesn't work it is best he is with her because she is always there and that is what he is use to. I disagreed and still do. Her money wont last forever and I am currently not giving her any other than some for our son and thats not alot since I do not make lots of money. I want her to go to counseling but so far no luck.

[Scott S]

x

[Scott S]

I want her to go to counseling but so far no luck.

 

That's unfortunate. Nevertheless, you still should on your own, then. You have some tough times ahead, & you'll need the tools.

 

Hopefully the time apart will provide her the opportunity to "find herself." After going solo for a while, perhaps she will decide that she is indeed better off with you than without you. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," so to speak.