Milo12412 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 18 month ago my husband confessed he has had an affair, he claims it happened a few month after we were married I've heard since it started before but I believe my husband he's eventually told me the whole truth. The said girl in question whom he had the 4 year affair with claimed she was pregnant to my husband, after researching I've heard this girl is quiet and claims she has not been involved with another man in years as my husband had a control over her which I do not believe....u decided not to leave my husband and we've revoked our marriage he has been the husband I never have had if anything this lady has done our marriage wonders, I do still have doubts and don't get me wrong will possibly never trust him fully again, I've lost contact with a lot of friends as they can not forgive his behaviour and it seems they're siding with this girl and for some reason feel she's a victim which makes me feel uncomfortable being around them..... However me and my husband are inseparable now we have date nights and he takes me out with his friends on a weekend too so I'll still be here living my life when my friends stop treating my husband so mean. The girl had the baby 9 months ago and she filed for a paternity test immediately she wanted to prove the baby was mt husbands but we decided not to go through with the test instead my husband pays £20 a week child support and we've accepted the little girl is his. He's never met his daughter and doesn't want to he's told me when I've curiously asked why he doesn't want to that he wants to only focus on us me him our marriage and his daughter we have together..... That it's easier this way and secretly this makes me happy although I'd never tell anybody, this way I know she's never coming back in his life, and we can move forward. I think as long as he's paying then he'a playing more than his part and this is fair. A friend said she couldn't be with a man who turned his back on his child, I don't see it this way I believe it's the only way we can move forward, plus I've heard she's crazy and this is also why he wants no contact with them, wheb she was pregnant she turned up once or twice crying asking to discuss this and thankfully my husband told her politely where to go which makes me feel secure that I know he has no interst in her at all like that plus it verifys she just wants my husband!! I do tinder at times if he ever thinks of his baby daughter..... And if he does have any thoughts of the girl at all..... I once heard someone say dads go back to the kids wheb they're grown up and it's easier they're not babies, I admit I feel a little uneasy at the thought of this but if he ever does I'd rather be there with him and fully involved, plus I hope he'd tell me as I do worry what his thoughts are incase he thinks it but doesn't tell me! I don't think he would as I know wheb she had the baby she emailed him a photo of her, she never wrote anything just a photo and he came and told me immediately which he didn't have to did he do I guess he's very open and honest with me and I just know after everything he has no reason to lie anymore, does he?? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I've never met my biological father. He's a self absorbed man who abandoned his child. I could never love a man that does that. Imagine if she were your daughter. Very sad when the shoe is on the other foot eh. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Wow, he's only said like six or so generic lines to practically be a deadbeat....yay. A four year affair and he utterly turfs her and the child by the wayside and somehow you think this is "more than his part?" and your happy because "she clearly wanted your husband" and "he doesn't want her." Of course not, she's baggage, he's a narcissist. They don't do baggage well. Be sure not to become baggage. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 You are burying your head in the sand. That doesn't make the underlying problem go away. Unfortunately, a lot more baggage to come since you refuse to address why your husband had the affair. The deceit of an affair is one thing, but abandoning your own children is not something even remotely admirable in my view. To each his own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milo12412 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 To cutie pie Thabk you for your response, I don't feel I have buried. My head believe me both our heads have very much been above water the last 18 months you have no idea how it's been we've fought very hard because we both want this to work very much, we've addressed every situation and discussed the reasons behind why it happened and I guess somewhere we lost 'us' both working hard forgetting to invest time into 'us' and before we knew it communication was at its lowest and the cracks led to him cheating. We've both accepted responsibility and it genuinely has brought us closer. My husband is a good man I believe I watch how he cares for our little girl and I know he is protecting our family by keeping away from his other daughter...... His family support his decision too and his parents have been amazing and also cut contact and Háve chose to never see the baby knowing that it's just impossible to allow this woman back into our lives Like I say she's crazy when she was pregnant she drove round past our house often, I mean joe wierd right! Plus we all very much believe she tried to trap him as he said things had gone sour and age was becoming demanding yet he told her he'd never leave me so she tried the pregnant thing! When the baby was 2 month she came to our house wanting to know why my husband was messing around with child support, he wasn't he was playing by the book, she became irate and started saying things to me about their time together which I wouldn't believe for a second.see what I mean crazy even trying the coming to the door with the child to try and lure him! He was Ill Abd had to take a few days off work we went for lunch the next day and I could see how much he depended on me that he needed me this woman is like a big nail digging in him trying to real him and if he didn't have me and his mam I wouldn't like to think what stare he'd be in She hasn't been un contact for 6 month now and we've had a few family holidays And it's beginning to become out of sight out of mind so the answe is yes we've dealt with it and no we very much haven't buried our heads! I rang the child support and ensured the backlog was cleared and she got her Money so now has no reason to bother us or lower herself coming begging at my door after what she done to me and my daughter and yes he some it too but he's paid the price in the hell and back we've been too!! I did sit on xmas day for 5 minutes and wonder if he thought of her mind while he played with our daughter I thought I wonder if you think of her and if so will he open up and let me in I don't want to be in the dark... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milo12412 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Dreaming of tigers My husband is not a narcissist he simply made a mistake a human error we are all very much capable of doing so!! I don't believe if it was anything other than this that he would have worked so hard to redeem himself the past 18 months..... Do you think he ever has thoughts of her? I think he hates her and no longer sees her as the person he did..... I know he loves me, I'm hoping my friends come round too, well only one I'm having a problem with she won't tolerate him and her husband has had a go at him saying his actions are terrible but the other girls in the group Háve fully supported us and say I've made the right decision staying and can fully understand the situation and don't judge us like my oldest and dearest friend quite rudely has! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milo12412 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 I've never met my biological father. He's a self absorbed man who abandoned his child. I could never love a man that does that. Imagine if she were your daughter. Very sad when the shoe is on the other foot eh. I'm do sorry for your situation I really am..... I know this girl will possibly grow up hating him Abd maybe come looking for him and were prepared for this we've discussed it and he said he accepts he will have to look her in the eye and tell her he's sorry Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm do sorry for your situation I really am..... I know this girl will possibly grow up hating him Abd maybe come looking for him and were prepared for this we've discussed it and he said he accepts he will have to look her in the eye and tell her he's sorry If he already knows he'll feel sorry, why is he agreeing to handle things this way? It sounds like more of the mindset that comes along with infidelity: do what is easy at the time, and deal with the fall-out later. More of the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Milo12412, you've now created a second thread about this matter. I'm glad, having responded as I did in that one, that many here are echoing my opinion. And more forcefully too, it seems..... Link to post Share on other sites
sabre80 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 A man who is incapable of loving, caring or providing for his children will never do the same for you. Link to post Share on other sites
skweezd Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Shaking My Head!!! What kind of man is he? This other child seems to be a nothing but a nuisence to him and to you. IT"S A BABY! He slept with the mother, whether you think she is crazy or not, obviously he didn't or he wouldn't have been in bed with her over and over and over. And this child is now going to grow up without a father because it's better for your family if she stayed away? I hope he leaves you for her and you show up on her doorstep with your kid and she closes the door on your face. Then who will be crying and "crazy"? Unreal. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
StarsOnFire Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 18 month ago my husband confessed he has had an affair, he claims it happened a few month after we were married I've heard since it started before but I believe my husband he's eventually told me the whole truth. The said girl in question whom he had the 4 year affair with claimed she was pregnant to my husband, after researching I've heard this girl is quiet and claims she has not been involved with another man in years as my husband had a control over her which I do not believe....u decided not to leave my husband and we've revoked our marriage he has been the husband I never have had if anything this lady has done our marriage wonders, I do still have doubts and don't get me wrong will possibly never trust him fully again, I've lost contact with a lot of friends as they can not forgive his behaviour and it seems they're siding with this girl and for some reason feel she's a victim which makes me feel uncomfortable being around them..... However me and my husband are inseparable now we have date nights and he takes me out with his friends on a weekend too so I'll still be here living my life when my friends stop treating my husband so mean. The girl had the baby 9 months ago and she filed for a paternity test immediately she wanted to prove the baby was mt husbands but we decided not to go through with the test instead my husband pays £20 a week child support and we've accepted the little girl is his. He's never met his daughter and doesn't want to he's told me when I've curiously asked why he doesn't want to that he wants to only focus on us me him our marriage and his daughter we have together..... That it's easier this way and secretly this makes me happy although I'd never tell anybody, this way I know she's never coming back in his life, and we can move forward. I think as long as he's paying then he'a playing more than his part and this is fair. A friend said she couldn't be with a man who turned his back on his child, I don't see it this way I believe it's the only way we can move forward, plus I've heard she's crazy and this is also why he wants no contact with them, wheb she was pregnant she turned up once or twice crying asking to discuss this and thankfully my husband told her politely where to go which makes me feel secure that I know he has no interst in her at all like that plus it verifys she just wants my husband!! I do tinder at times if he ever thinks of his baby daughter..... And if he does have any thoughts of the girl at all..... I once heard someone say dads go back to the kids wheb they're grown up and it's easier they're not babies, I admit I feel a little uneasy at the thought of this but if he ever does I'd rather be there with him and fully involved, plus I hope he'd tell me as I do worry what his thoughts are incase he thinks it but doesn't tell me! I don't think he would as I know wheb she had the baby she emailed him a photo of her, she never wrote anything just a photo and he came and told me immediately which he didn't have to did he do I guess he's very open and honest with me and I just know after everything he has no reason to lie anymore, does he?? You sound like the crazy one. Your husband gets a girl pregnant while cheating on you and you think SHE'S crazy because she tried to talk to him about the child they created together? Holy crap. Pretty sure the child IS better off staying away from you and your husband.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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