etn1977 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Ok, this is for all you girls that believe (just as I still do) that you can find someone that will always be honest and never cheat. I have never cheated on anyone so maybe this is why this is such a big deal to me. Any and all help will be appreciated. I have been with my GF for a year. We broke up awhile back and I just found out that she cheated (can only confirm that they were on a couple dates and kissed at least once). I knew she had saw this guy after we broke up so I confronted her about it when we got back together and she promised that they didn't go out while we were dating. I understand why she would do it (I wasn't giving her any attention) and I love her enough to forgive her, but I had to find out on my own before she would fess up to it. After we got back together, we fell into the same rut. She lied to me about where she went on vacation. All the facts point to her being with this guy, right down to the fact that they were staying at the same motel in Myrtle Beach SC, but she insists on her story. I am not asking too much of her to just admit what happenned am I? Since she returned we both realized how much we love each other and things between us have been great. I just need her to be honest with me but when I bring it up she gets upset and says that I don't trust her. She has changed her story about this situation at least 3-4 times based on facts that I have found out and research I have done. There is no question that she is covering something up. Her own mom even told my freinds wife that she was at the beach with this guy while she was gone. She also has all the basic body language signs of someone lying when talking about the situation. The dead giveaway (aside from all the evidence I have) is that after I (along with everyone else) accused her of this nearly two months ago, she has never once brought it up on her own to reassure me that nothing happenned and try to clear her image. She knows for a fact that I never have and never will cheat on anyone I have even just casually dated or made a commitment to. I always keep my word and commitments and everyone knows that about me. I could easily find someone as attractive or that I enjoyed being with, but I truly love her and we both want the same thing out of our life together. Girls, am I being fair by just asking her to tell the truth? I have plent of evidence and reasons and if needed I can post all of it here. I want to marry this girl but I know she is lying. I will not marry her unless she tells the truth to me. What can I do to get the truth out of her? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 You may never get the truth out of her. There is no way to force it. What I found worked with my lying-a$$ boyfriend is to say "if you don't come clean now, you will lose me forever." That means, you're busted and if you're honest right now I will try to work it out with you; if you keep lying I am gone. If she believes you are serious, this should work. Warning: only say it if you are positive you are right, and if you mean it. It sounds like you're already convinced she is lying. One thing I do know for sure: you will drive yourself bonkers trying to pin her down and prove she is lying. If she won't confess, you have to let either it or her go...for your own mental health! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I know how frustrating this is...I'm sorry you are going through it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
rogueless Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Even if she tells you the truth, she still cheated on you. I would expect that she will continue to do so. People who cheat tend to do it over and over again. Since you are pretty sure she was with him again, I do not see this as a one time screw up. Would you really want to marry a woman you do not trust? The same thing happened to me. I loved the guy, but couldn't stand being in a relationship with someone I could not trust. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Just to clarify: Did she see this guy while she was with you? Or after you broke-up? And when was the trip? Was that while you guys were back together? Link to post Share on other sites
IHearYa Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 My question to you is, what will her fessing up do for your relationship? Obviously this girl has been lying to you for a while, and if you can get past that, that's great. Good luck to you. But, on the other hand, sometimes things hit you harder when you hear them verified. My boyfriend and I had broken up for 3 months a few years ago. He dated somebody else immediately after he dumped me, and I had suspected they had slept together. When we got back together, I asked him if he had slept with her. I thought I had prepared myself for his answer, but it felt like a punch to the stomach when he said yes. And in the end, my knowing that he did it has caused many problems and unfortunately a lot of resentment. Two years later, from time to time I still struggle with the thought of him being with someone else, and I often wish I had just let it go. My point is, will her saying "Yes, I did it" make things that much better? True, she won't be lying to you anymore, but are you prepared to handle a confession? (It sounds like you are hoping for the best, since you are waiting for her to reassure you that she didn't do anything.) It's not a fun position to be in, but think about what you have to gain AND what you have to lose by knowing and decide what is more important to you. I wish you nothing but luck and strength to do what's right for you, whatever that may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author etn1977 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 Good response and that is a good point of view to take as I have wieghed all those options. Here is how I feel. If she tells the truth and tells me what happenned I will feel like she wants to never do it again, if she keeps lying it makes me feel like she could still be lying about other stuff. I knew that she had went out on more dates than she had admitted to with him and when I found out it was easier for me to deal with, even when she admitted that they kissed. I just need the whole truth before I can proceed with taking the neccessary steps for our relationship to progress. I can give details of what happenned if that would help any. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Forget trying to get her to tell you the truth. You've asked plenty of times and she hasn't told you what you consider is the truth. You either accept things as they are and let it go or you leave. It is your decision to make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author etn1977 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 Originally posted by tanbark813 Just to clarify: Did she see this guy while she was with you? Or after you broke-up? And when was the trip? Was that while you guys were back together? She began seeing him when we were on the brink of breaking up, but we were still together and I held up my end of the commitment. We got back together for about a month and then she was gone for a week with him. After she got back and we made up we have been getting along great. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts