Will he ever want to see his daughter and leave me in the dark?

[Milo12412]

I only created this thread as I had one thought over Xmas just one wondering if he was thinning about his daughter and shutting me out, selfish maybe but I want to know if he's thinking of her and I feel I deserve to know his thoughts, why should I be left in the dark

[TaraMaiden]

True? As if you could say such a thing? Do you realise at all what me and my family have gone through this past 18 months???

 

And whose fault is that? Your stupid, selfish, lying cheating scumbag of a husband - and you've enabled him all the way!!

 

The demons I've had to face the questions I've tortured myself with??

All self-inflicted dearie. You could have prevented all that by Doing - the Right - Thing!! But you didn't, and here you are, still posting, still protesting, still in De-Nial!!!

 

The insecurities that were battled, the feeling ugly and worthless because of another woman

 

yeah, that's another thing he did to you. I expect he tells you every day how wonderful you are, how beautiful.... so you believe the liar, now, do you?

 

but now I can stand with my head held high and say I fought them and won and have a very happy family life....

 

No you don't. You're sitting on a ticking time-bomb, and it's all self-made. if you ahd done the right thing, I could understand - but how can you hold your head hight, knowing you were actively complicit in destroying someone's life?

 

You feel the need to mock me and tell me it's not real.... How unfair Of you

Oh stop it!

You expect us to have any sympathy for you after everything you've done?

We're unfair??

Ask his daughter if she thinks this is fair!!

 

so this is all real??

What, you mean - better than Brookside??

[TaraMaiden]

I only created this thread as I had one thought over Xmas just one wondering if he was thinning about his daughter and shutting me out, selfish maybe but I want to know if he's thinking of her and I feel I deserve to know his thoughts, why should I be left in the dark

 

Because it's a habit of his.

I think the last time he did it was for - 4 years or more, wasn't it...?

 

It's about time you were a bit selfish - you're his wife, but I do believe - yes, I DO believe - he's had it all his own way so far!!

[Milo12412]

I do understand right from wrong, I do understand in the eyes of some people he hasn't carried out the right actions.....

 

I know this, I do, if he chose tomorrow to see the daughter I would be there with him, by his side. Never stop him, it may kill me but I'd never show it.... Also deep down I'd know and constantly tell myself that this was the right thing, I really have zero control if he does or doesmt Abd therefore my marriage vows told me to love for better for worse till death do us part....which is what I stand by...... I adore him, he's my world I want ro share my life with him....

 

And as for me being such a bad person..... A girl I know came across a photo on Facebook of this child by pure coincidence and compared her to ours saying our daughter was 'prettier' I strongly told her this was unacceptable to say about a child, Abd therefore defended her

[CalvinM]

Because it's a habit of his.

I think the last time he did it was for - 4 years or more, wasn't it...?

 

It's about time you were a bit selfish - you're his wife, but I do believe - yes, I DO believe - he's had it all his own way so far!!

 

You know, I've read a lot of your posts the last few days and almost everything you say is negative. It's no wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high. Every piece of advice is for the dumped to move on from the dumper.

 

It's precisely why people in my grand parents era stayed together for 50 years and why there are so many broken homes.

 

I'm not sure if you've had your heart broken one too many times, but you just come off as bitter.

 

Not every case study is the same, nor is every person. Keep that in mind, next time you dole out a piece of advice.

[TaraMaiden]

You know, I've read a lot of your posts the last few days and almost everything you say is negative. It's no wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high. Every piece of advice is for the dumped to move on from the dumper.

 

27 years for me, 57 for my parents. And British, if that makes any difference.

 

It's precisely why people in my grand parents era stayed together for 50 years and why there are so many broken homes.

The reason there are more divorces nowadays is because it's become fairer for women to get a divorce. Our Grandparents didn't all stay together out of love. Many of them stayed together because the alternative was worse.

 

I'm not sure if you've had your heart broken one too many times, but you just come off as bitter.

No honey, thank you. I may well have had my heart broken once or twice, but trust me, I don't linger on past crap. Waste of time and a good life.

 

Have you read this thread by the way? Have you seen what this couple have proudly done to this man's child?

 

Not every case study is the same, nor is every person. Keep that in mind, next time you dole out a piece of advice.

 

Oh this thread is unique...

 

And I have more 'likes' for my posts than I care to admit to. So I must be doing something right.

 

By the way, you are virtually the only member of this forum to say soemthing in support of this OP. So maybe, you haven't read the thread....

 

You've made (so far) 4 posts. As you're so new round here ( ) I'd urge you to stick around and just watch a bit.

When you've been here as long as I have.... well, we shall see.

Edited February 6, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[TaraMaiden]

Well, thank you Carrie. ((()))

[Zetarry]

Goodness i read all this thread and i just want to say damnnnnnnnnnn!!! I am new to this forum, because i created this account after reading everything and I must say, i never thought women can be so stupid! Milo, you need a reality check, cuz honey last time i checked ur living a fantasy, I can't believe you would spend your time let alone have sex with a scum like your husband. While it is not your fault he cheated, it sure as hell your fault you're allowing him back into your life on faulty premises, such as lying and turning a blind eye to your situation and that doesn't make you Any better than him. That being said, i would like to say what a great woman Tara seems to be, trying to remove your horse glasses so u can see, too bad You're not susceptibile to good advice. I wish she would be my friend and adviced me in real life. Judging by your replies, your remind me of my cousin, God rest his soul, who like u, wanted to be blind to his wive's repeated infidelities and even the fact that she conceived a daughter with one of her lovers. Everyone told him to leave her, but he loved or was so obsessed with her that didnt even care the child wasnt his he took care of her as his own and worked as a mule to gratify her until she told him she wanted a divorce. That is when he stopped eating and starved himself to death. Im not saying u will do the same but u seem capable to do anything for this loose dick. U seem to have No respect for urself whatsoever, so how do you expect him to respect u????!!!! He sees you as his confort zone, thank god for stupid women like u to keep these scums out of good girl's sight. You even said you prefer living a lie and depriving a poor child of his father's affection and love, while u 'think' u have it all, but i personally think the joke's on u, and even though she may not realise it, the OW will thank heavens she did not end up with the likes of ur husband. The tragedy is not that you don't know, it's that you choose to do nothing about it and pretend to be happy. U have No moral standards for urself, u feel threatened by his child, u are an insecure woman with No dignity cuz if youu did you would throw that specimen next to u where he belongs: behind the dumpster. Sad part is the children are innocent and don't deserve this, but u put ur husband ahead of everything when he put u and his family at the bottom cuz his dick was more important. Hope u dont wake up in the years to come when u realise u wasted the best yrs of ur life with a cheat and a manipulative scum and u will be old and saggy and ur kids will have No sense of respect for u or a good example of a balanced family in their lives.

[TaraMaiden]

Wow.... You go gurl!!

Punchy post, good one!!

 

Feel free to post a thread, I'll come in and do what I can to help.....

[Zetarry]

Wow.... You go gurl!!

Punchy post, good one!!

 

Feel free to post a thread, I'll come in and do what I can to help.....

 

Thanks Tara, it's off topic, but my thread would be really long and complex. I do wonder what happened to the OP though, she didn't give any updates on her new 'honeymoon'.

[stillafool]

 

I know this, I do, if he chose tomorrow to see the daughter I would be

there with him, by his side. ..... I adore him, he's my world I want ro

share my life with him....

 

I don't doubt the above. I'm sure you would be right there by his side at every visitation to make sure your h doesn't get involved with the baby's mother again.

 

And as for me being such a bad person..... A girl I know came across a photo on Facebook of this child by pure coincidence and compared her to ours saying our daughter was 'prettier' I strongly told her this was unacceptable to say about a child, Abd therefore defended her

 

Oh, how good of you. I bet secretly you were happy about this girl saying that about the baby.

[Milo12412]

I apologise for a delay in response we've been away for a few days on a family trip.....

 

Despite all you throw at me I am not and I repeat not dumb for all you think I am.....

 

Maybe I am scared.... The only thing I want in life is to remain with this man, he's my world and all I've ever known since I was 17.... 15 years.... I love him, sounds crazy after what he done but I really do, I believe in us, I know he's been an arsehole. I know he's done the wrong thing, he has and I know inevitably one day were guna Háve a lot of explaining to do to our daughter.... His actions are beyond wrong, each and every one of your statements are correct, I know you soeAk the truth, I just don't know what option I have, I don't want to leave him, he's my life, so that is unoptionable.... And he isn't prepared at all to allow the OW or child in our lives.... I'm not saying it for a sympathy vote but really girls what can I do? I'm not leaving him and he won't change his mind, if I don't just get on with it then what's the point of anything? I'd still stay and allow it to eat away.... Please I'm not an awful woman....

[TaraMaiden]

I apologise for a delay in response we've been away for a few days on a family trip.....

 

Despite all you throw at me I am not and I repeat not dumb for all you think I am.....

 

Maybe I am scared.... The only thing I want in life is to remain with this man, he's my world and all I've ever known since I was 17.... 15 years....

Right.

So it's a love which hinges heavily on dependency. You've become so addicted to him, that you believe that if you were to split from him, you would be alone for the rest of your days, would never meet anyone else, would never be wanted by anyone else and would only suffer as a result.

 

It's sad you have fed on these lies, and convinced yourself that without him you are useless, and that in order for your heart to keep beating, he has to be there.

Ridiculous, really, don't you think?

Of course, he is completely aware of all this; and he has taken full advantage of the fact. That's how he has managed to have everything his own way. Because you would rather compromise every ounce of dignity, integrity and every principle you have ever had, in order to not lose him.

You've basically sold yourself for a cheating liar.

He knows this - and has abused that privilege.

he doesn't respect you half as much as you believe he does.

he is merely deliriously happy with you, because he has so successfully bent you to his will.

 

I love him, sounds crazy after what he done but I really do, I believe in us, I know he's been an arsehole. I know he's done the wrong thing, he has and I know inevitably one day were guna Háve a lot of explaining to do to our daughter.... His actions are beyond wrong, each and every one of your statements are correct, I know you soeAk the truth,

Well... it sure as hell took a while, but finally - FINALLY - we have your agreement that the man you're with is a cheating, lying arsehole of a scumbag.

How the hell can you truly look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you're doing?

You enable his behaviour. You are complicit and approving. He is an arsehole because you give him clearance.

 

I just don't know what option I have, I don't want to leave him, he's my life, so that is unoptionable....

Sez you.

 

I truly find this completely unfathomable. I simply cannot get my head around this - other than to 'diagnose' this as an addiction to something toxic and destructive. Like Heroin.

he is your heroin.

It's slowly rotting who you are, away, it's destroying everything you ever knew was right; everything your parents ever tried to teach you, everything they instilled into you as an upright principle, and a benchmark for excellence, as a staff for your Moral flag. He has eroded everything and made it crumble.

Jut like heroin does. Makes you feel superhuman, but actually, it's creating a rotten festering core....

 

And he isn't prepared at all to allow the OW or child in our lives.... I'm not saying it for a sympathy vote but really girls what can I do?

Well, you could actually start by contacting the OW and while making it clear that you utterly deplore and condemn her actions with your H., and have no sympathy for her position, you recognise that her child is your child's half-sister, and you would like to arrange some way in which she and your daughter could meet and gradually form a relationship.

 

To wait until the schytt hits the fan in the future at some point is grossly unfair to both her child - and yours.

The anger your daughter will feel at her father, will be one matter, but the resentment and horror at your complicit actions, and your tacit approval of his despicable behaviour, will make her lose respect for you, and send shock-waves through her life.

How could you - her own mother - have concealed such a big thing from her for so long?

Look at your daughter now, and imagine someone so small, so precious and vital to you - choosing to remain alienated from you because of your horrific deception. Cultivate that thought - because it WILL happen.

 

I'm not leaving him and he won't change his mind, if I don't just get on with it then what's the point of anything? I'd still stay and allow it to eat away.... Please I'm not an awful woman....

 

I really cannot for the life of me understand why he has to be the one to make all the decisions. Why does he get the last word every time? Why do you defer to him constantly?Are you afraid OF him?

Do you fear his anger?

or is it simply that you fear that if you do what's right, you will lose him?

 

Because you won't. He is too much of a coward to branch out on his own.

He would never leave, because actually, of the two of you, he is the weaker and more cowardly one.

 

HE had the affair, not you.

because it massaged his ego, and he likes to be validated.

 

He was put into a situation where ultimately, he was FORCED to end the affair, because of his ex-mistress' revelation that she was pregnant.

Had she NOT been pregnant - he would have continued with the affair.

 

He resorted to cowardly, underhand behaviour - rather than risk destroying his comfort zone, he cruelly ostracised his own child - his own flesh and blood - because he was too much of a snivelling creep to stand up in front of everyone, own his actions, admit his indiscretions and present his daughter to the world, in an honourable and honest fashion.

And he did everything within his power, as a manipulative spineless coward - including allowing his mother to fund his support payments! - to preserve his own world and close off every possible scenario of him actually having to own up to what a despicable specimen he is.

 

This is not brave behaviour. These are all the actions of a lily-livered quivering piece of jelly, all bravado, noise and insistence. He's a bully, and it's about time someone stood up to him.

 

Do you not realise you are stronger than he is?

 

Read that again.

You Are Stronger Than He Is.

 

Why do you think he chose to stay with you?

because he would prefer to feed off your strength, than risk emptiness and an unknown.

You are much stronger than he is. Even by your own admission, you held everything together.

So what the hell makes him such a desirable man, when in fact, all he's doing is manipulating you and feeding off your strength?

Edited February 10, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[Milo12412]

Thank you..... So you agree that this is the reason I've kept it together and never allowed it to get to me because I'm

A strong woman?

 

Yes my H is weak.... I feel this is why he's still so massively dependant upon myself and his mam..... I kinda found it strange he can drive done all his lessons but would never go for his test, said he feared failing in life, and just never has, I guess I don't mind running round after him in a sense as I feel a sense of purpose.... But it does get in the way at times when I have to come home from work on my lunch to take him to work then have ro get a sitter in so I can pick him up later, i guess some days I'd have nothing to do at all if I didn't run his errands and things.

 

I just don't understand why he was so unhappy to cheat,and more so when she couldn't have meant much to just leave her as he really wanted ro stay with me....

 

I really don't want to see the OW, she's such an awful person, Your right I dont want to upset my H, when he's happy we're very happy, there would be so much trouble they would all turn on me, I just like to slot in their family, I'm happy go lucky I go where they choose to go away and things, we holiday with his family every year and funny was only the year we found this our we went with my family for a change but my family are very quiet and never say anything and are happy as long as I am and then I'm

Happy as long as my H is....

 

That's why I enjoy spending the amount of time we do with his family as he's happy he gets to be with me and his family, if he's having a night out and I finish work late his mother has our child and we all sleep over at theirs although it's only 5 minutes away it's just easier for us all!

 

I know what you'r saying as I gather he'a spoke to friends al

[Milo12412]

Alone and told them the story and it's never been mentioned since I knew they knew and they just accepted things and one or 2 of the woman told me I'd done the right thing staying with him and to not allOw her in our lives, as did his mother all saying there'd be so many problems if they were involved, that the OW had no right to bring the baby into the world under the circumstances and maybe should have considered a termination.

 

They felt the OW knew she what she was preparing herself for and surely would have understood by the baby came that the situation was she was to become a single parent, I see bOth sides, yea my H should have been involved but at same time maybe it's about time she did accept that's how it is and get on with things?

 

My parents have never mentioned anything really and never questioned him about anything, I told him I was happy and it had been a year I'd got on with things and they accept, so I guess no one has treat him any different ever because of what has happened, most people round where we live don't see it as a problem to be honest....

 

I just don't see anything else I could do Tara...

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you..... So you agree that this is the reason I've kept it together and never allowed it to get to me because I'm

A strong woman?

No, that's your weakness. you dependence on him to validate your feelings. you would do anything to preserve this existence because you want to maintain the status quo.

You're stronger than he is - but it takes nothing away from the fact that you did the wrong thing.

 

What you should have done, is the complete opposite to what you SHOULD have done. You may be a tough nut - but you chose badly.

And therein lay your frailty.

 

Yes my H is weak.... I feel this is why he's still so massively dependant upon myself and his mam..... I kinda found it strange he can drive done all his lessons but would never go for his test, said he feared failing in life, and just never has, I guess I don't mind running round after him in a sense as I feel a sense of purpose.... But it does get in the way at times when I have to come home from work on my lunch to take him to work then have ro get a sitter in so I can pick him up later, i guess some days I'd have nothing to do at all if I didn't run his errands and things.

Great.

He has TWO mothers. he just gets to phukk one of them.

 

I just don't understand why he was so unhappy to cheat,and more so when she couldn't have meant much to just leave her as he really wanted ro stay with me....

 

He was never intending to leave her.

Ever.

She was a separate figure, someone he could be with, and no strings attached. A glorious distraction from his two mothers....He didn't want it to end. it would NOT have ended, if she had not become pregnant. In all likelihood, he would still be with her now, if he had been a darn sight more careful....

better the devil you know though.....

 

I really don't want to see the OW, she's such an awful person, Your right I dont want to upset my H, when he's happy we're very happy,

of course you are... you can all sail gaily along, with nothing to rock the boat or cause any upsets....

 

there would be so much trouble they would all turn on me, I just like to slot in their family, I'm happy go lucky I go where they choose to go away and things, we holiday with his family every year and funny was only the year we found this our we went with my family for a change but my family are very quiet and never say anything and are happy as long as I am and then I'm

Happy as long as my H is....

Yes, you all live in this cosy, fabricated artificial little world... he has two mothers, and enjoys the attention, like some spoiled 9-year-old who if ever he is upset, throws his teddy across the room... and you stick around because your little boy depends on you, and if he were to chuck his nanny (that's you,) out, you'd be in a position where you'd have to make it on your own.

So we have a little co-dependency here.

Which is all well and good - but there are other people involved. People he has used, manipulated, hurt and shunned.

 

That's why I enjoy spending the amount of time we do with his family as he's happy he gets to be with me and his family, if he's having a night out and I finish work late his mother has our child and we all sleep over at theirs although it's only 5 minutes away it's just easier for us all!

Right little Brady Bunch, aren't you?

And in the meantime, his two daughters are growing up.....

[Cutiepie1976]

I apologise for a delay in response we've been away for a few days on a family trip.....

 

Despite all you throw at me I am not and I repeat not dumb for all you think I am.....

 

Maybe I am scared.... The only thing I want in life is to remain with this man, he's my world and all I've ever known since I was 17.... 15 years.... I love him, sounds crazy after what he done but I really do, I believe in us, I know he's been an arsehole. I know he's done the wrong thing, he has and I know inevitably one day were guna Háve a lot of explaining to do to our daughter.... His actions are beyond wrong, each and every one of your statements are correct, I know you soeAk the truth, I just don't know what option I have, I don't want to leave him, he's my life, so that is unoptionable.... And he isn't prepared at all to allow the OW or child in our lives.... I'm not saying it for a sympathy vote but really girls what can I do? I'm not leaving him and he won't change his mind, if I don't just get on with it then what's the point of anything? I'd still stay and allow it to eat away.... Please I'm not an awful woman....

 

Oh, but you are! Look at what YOU did when the affair blew up in his face and he came scuttling to confess before the OW could beat him to it!

 

This is all so sad. Every aspect of it! You said very early on that the affair started shortly before you got married. He secretly made a mockery of your wedding vows. Given your reaction to the affair and the fact that you have now made it patently clear that you will stay with him no matter what he does, he will. Enjoy the honeymoon. Unfortunately, he will be right back to his hound dog ways in due time and, given the way you have both handled this and his maneuvers to isolate you, will make a complete travesty of your marriage. Sadly, now that he knows you are too scared to ever leave, he will be more open and blatant about his disrespectful, cheating ways. At least before he had the "decency" to hide it. When he starts again, why bother?

 

You will come to regret the way you handled this sorry mess. And yes, while you claim otherwise, your threads and posts clearly show that this is eating away at you, even as you try to ignore and bury what happened. Unfortunately by the time you do decide to change, it will be too late to reverse course.

[TaraMaiden]

....You will come to regret the way you handled this sorry mess. And yes, while you claim otherwise, your threads and posts clearly show that this is eating away at you, even as you try to ignore and bury what happened. Unfortunately by the time you do decide to change, it will be too late to reverse course.

 

 

^^^This^^^

Q.F.T.

[Milo12412]

Sorry Tara I'm not sure what you mean. I felt you understood how I feel? That I'm in a wierd place with it, a lose lose I guess.... I don't want to leave him, we do Háve a good life, he's my best friend makes me laugh, is so popular, he has lots of friends who have became my friends, and a good family who I have learned to love so much over these 15 years.....

 

Do you really think he'd have still been with her? Do you think he loved her? And if so will he still love her now?

 

I don't want my daughter to feel contentment towards us.... My H has told me not to worry as at the time if it comes hell sort it so that dies not happen and said everyone around us will support his actions and shell think no different, will this be possible?

[Cutiepie1976]

...as did his mother all saying there'd be so many problems if they were involved, that the OW had no right to bring the baby into the world under the circumstances and maybe should have considered a termination.

 

They felt the OW knew she what she was preparing herself for and surely would have understood by the baby came that the situation was she was to become a single parent...

 

You keep mentioning his mother: her views that the OW is not a nice woman, her keeping you occupied on Christmas morning while your husband went off for a drink, etc.

 

Remember this. His mother helped him hide the affair. She was his cover for four years, maybe more if one listens to other accounts of what happened rather than your husband's claim of four years. I wouldn't trust that woman further than I could throw her, as they say. The niceness and concern she suddenly shows you is nothing more than a front. Her loyalties lie entirely with her "delightful" son, not you. Don't kid yourself!

[Cutiepie1976]

Sorry Tara I'm not sure what you mean. I felt you understood how I feel? That I'm in a wierd place with it, a lose lose I guess.... I don't want to leave him, we do Háve a good life, he's my best friend makes me laugh, is so popular, he has lots of friends who have became my friends, and a good family who I have learned to love so much over these 15 years.....

 

Do you really think he'd have still been with her? Do you think he loved her? And if so will he still love her now?

 

I don't want my daughter to feel contentment towards us.... My H has told me not to worry as at the time if it comes hell sort it so that dies not happen and said everyone around us will support his actions and shell think no different, will this be possible?

Why would you trust the reassurances of a man who has done what your husband has done to you and everyone else involved?

 

If he can pretend his own flesh and blood doesn't exist, what makes you think that he will come to your rescue when you need it? He does what benefits him without regard to anyone else.

 

His words aren't worth the air used to utter them. You know that!

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry Tara I'm not sure what you mean. I felt you understood how I feel? That I'm in a wierd place with it, a lose lose I guess.... I don't want to leave him, we do Háve a good life, he's my best friend makes me laugh, is so popular, he has lots of friends who have became my friends, and a good family who I have learned to love so much over these 15 years.....

 

He has you exactly where he wants you.

It doesn't matter that I "Understand how you feel"

 

Nothing changes the fact that you are a sucker and have done the wrong thing. Nothing changes the fact that he is manipulative and deceitful.

All this front, this bravado - it's all deceit.

Nothing takes anything away form the fact that he is a liar, a cheat and that he betrayed your for over 4 years. Just as Cutipie states - he's been getting away with it all this time.... very probably with his mother's knowledge...

 

Do you really think he'd have still been with her?

Yes, of course! But for her pregnancy - why would he not be??

 

Do you think he loved her? And if so will he still love her now?

Perhaps he did. In exactly the way he loves you.

Someone to offload on, to use because they're convenient and will comply with his demands. I'm certain he doesn't love her at all, now. She spoiled it all by bearing his child.

 

I don't want my daughter to feel RESentment towards us.... My H has told me not to worry as at the time if it comes hell sort it so that dies not happen and said everyone around us will support his actions and shell think no different, will this be possible?

(Corrected that for you....)

 

Of course. because he is a manipulative, conniving, deceitful, nasty liar and a cheat.

He will probably tell her it was all done through artificial insemination, her mother was desperate for a child, the 4-year affair is a figment of her imagination, she is deranged and mentally ill and he has been desperate to see his daughter all his life, he is so relieved she made contact now.

 

See?

Lying is so much easier than being honest, isn't it?

I just did it, and I can't abide lying.

Imagine how much easier it will be for him, as lying is an habitual thing...

 

'He will sort it out indeed'.... Hmph.

 

Manipulate everyone and pull the wool over your eyes YET - AGAIN!!

[Milo12412]

Maybe then I need to admit defeat, I know I never want to wake up without him

By my side and I know he never wants to see his daughter, so I guess I stick with his decision and support him.

 

Eventually it all had just became a thing of the past.... And when the things of the future come back or if they do my husband has the questions to answer which he says he's prepared for and can deal with come the time.

 

Each and everyone of you would be right in what you'se are saying proberbly the lies etc to our daughter come the time but he probs does what needs to be done to protect her...

 

We've just slowly changed our lives and as I say strangely enough our marriage has became better for it, the communications improved, his understanding and willingness to meet my needs in life.

 

Maybe the one and only blessing to come from it all which is sad I guess....

 

And maybe if society hadnt been so kind to his decision then things may have been different and we may not have been able to move on so quickly

[TaraMaiden]

Maybe then I need to admit defeat, I know I never want to wake up without him

By my side and I know he never wants to see his daughter, so I guess I stick with his decision and support him.

And what does that do for your own pride, dignity and self-esteem, apart from crush it underfoot and render it redundant? Are you comfortable with yourself, given that you are an instrument in his deceit and cruelty?

 

Eventually it all had just became a thing of the past.... And when the things of the future come back or if they do my husband has the questions to answer which he says he's prepared for and can deal with come the time.

But you know that he will answer them by lying, deceiving and contriving to twist and spin 'facts' his way. So what's the point of even waiting for that to happen? How can you tacitly stand by, knowing he has yet more deceiving to do?

 

Each and everyone of you would be right in what you'se are saying proberbly the lies etc to our daughter come the time but he probs does what needs to be done to protect her...

 

Bull - Schytt.

He has no thought for his daughter at all. he doesn't care a fig about 'protecting her'. His sole focus is to make sure he protects himself.

 

We've just slowly changed our lives and as I say strangely enough our marriage has became better for it, the communications improved, his understanding and willingness to meet my needs in life.

Yes, of course. That's his bargaining tool. If it makes you happy, it will also shut you up. He will do what it takes to pacify you, please you and accommodate you - as long as he gets the results he wants. A compliant wife, a hidden past and a shunned daughter. providing you don't make a fuss, he will gladly keep you happy.

 

And quiet.

 

Maybe the one and only blessing to come from it all which is sad I guess...

You call being married to a cheating, spineless, callous liar, and scumbag, a 'blessing'?

You really are very needy and dependent aren't you?

 

And maybe if society hadnt been so kind to his decision then things may have been different and we may not have been able to move on so quickly

 

What do you mean by 'if society hadn't been so kind"....?

 

Nothing kind about me.

If I had your husband in front of me now, he wouldn't know his arse from his mouth; I'd slap him so hard, it would shove his head up his backside, where it belongs.

[Milo12412]

Society as in our friends and family both family's, all except our oldest friends.... The rest of society haven't battered an eyelid he's still very popular at his gym, the club he drinks, his 2 football teams he plays for, be still has a lot of friends and is still as popular as ever before..... I know if we had ppl like yourself around with your views and quite valid ones that maybe we wouldn't been able to move on like we have.... No one has ever nor do I think will ever say any of this to him, our friends just go with the flow and support him and his decision....