Will he ever want to see his daughter and leave me in the dark?

[Milo12412]

Ok so you think I'm stupid for staying with him I guess, well I'm not like I say we've both sat at the edge of a cliff and could have jumped but I seen the love in his eyes the pain he'd caused, we've clung to each other and literally fought to get our marriage Back, I'm not daft but at same time it's like my mother in law said if you let others into your marriage and the privacy goes then it's doomed that's why I don't listen to Tittle tattle,

 

My husband took 6 months off work with depression and like I say I helped him I was strong that woman burned him, tried to trap him and it didn't work....

 

His bond with his mother is so strong even I know I'm second to her but I don't mind at all he loves his mam and even tho she knew about things going on she never agreed and told him she didn't want to know! We stayed with her for a few weeks after this happened so she could help us, she kept the peace a lot and this I'm greatful for as imagine if our daughter noticed this, we still go and stay there now say if I'm

Working all weekend he stays round his Mams and I go to sleep with him after the weekend were all really close!

 

So do you think he's possibly not telling the truth? Like do you think he doesn't really hate her? That he still has feelings for her? It's just how it read..... And do you think all the eccentric sex and lovely weekends away we have will stop?

 

Another thing, after she'd been round claiming he'd been lying to child support, and still claiming nothing was resolved, her father only went to see my parents, found their address and went and asked for help, said I've heard your good ppl I'd like you to stop all this which I was livid about I hadn't told my parents, we'd managed to keep it from them for a whole year! And they're quiet ppl they'd never have found out!!! They just didn't need to know!

 

Hence they werent pleased and were dissapointed but have respected my choice that If I've forgiven and forgotten then they must let it go too, which they have, I don't want my husband feeling uncomfortable round my parents :-(

 

See what I mean, that's crazy behaviour right? Why send your dad round to do that? I later heard that she apparently didn't know about this until after and he done it off his own back and after all the fuss he just wanted it sorting as sick of seeing his daughter upset but I believe she sent him to cause trouble..... And I have seen her yes at my house but I've never seen her as in me going to see her to ask questions etc I've never done that as I don't want to speak to her

 

As for Facebook we deleted and blocked ppl who may put pics up of nights out of her or pics of the baby and also for role reversal so she can't ask those ppl to snoop on us or to find out what were doing in life.

[Milo12412]

He had to take a week off work after she came round and we both took time off after her dad pulled the stunt it left him ill.... He just wanted to be with me, we needed each other, he's weak he couldn't function without me over those days....

[TaraMaiden]

O

So do you think he's possibly not telling the truth? Like do you think he doesn't really hate her? That he still has feelings for her? It's just how it read.....

Maybe his feelings for her have transformed. Maybe he does bear resentment towards her. I can understand it, if she became pregnant on purpose.... but it takes 2 to tango, and yes, I'm convinced you don't have the whole truth from him.

 

And do you think all the eccentric sex and lovely weekends away we have will stop?

No, if it feels good do it. But understand that an awful lot of post-affair sex is 'makeup sex' and he no doubt has an element of guilt to fire his loins....

 

 

Another thing, after she'd been round claiming he'd been lying to child support, and still claiming nothing was resolved, her father only went to see my parents, found their address and went and asked for help, said I've heard your good ppl I'd like you to stop all this which I was livid about I hadn't told my parents, we'd managed to keep it from them for a whole year! And they're quiet ppl they'd never have found out!!! They just didn't need to know!

....

See what I mean, that's crazy behaviour right? Why send your dad round to do that? I later heard that she apparently didn't know about this until after and he done it off his own back and after all the fuss he just wanted it sorting as sick of seeing his daughter upset but I believe she sent him to cause trouble.....

Yes, I can see why you'd rather believe that. it's far easier to lay all the blame on her than it is to consider that her father loves her, and was saddened to see that her married lover had made her pregnant and then dumped her unceremoniously, while also refusing to see his own child. Of course, her father wouldn't give a damn about that. It would be all her controlling everything.

Not that your husband has controlled anything has he? Like convincing his parents to shun her, and to not acknowledge their grand-daughter..... They knew all about it - why should your parents not have known too? Good on him for standing up for his daughter....

 

And I have seen her yes at my house but I've never seen her as in me going to see her to ask questions etc I've never done that as I don't want to speak to her

Yes, speaking to her may shake the secrets out of the woodwork.... and that's quite obviously something you're choosing to ignore.

 

As for Facebook we deleted and blocked ppl who may put pics up of nights out of her or pics of the baby and also for role reversal so she can't ask those ppl to snoop on us or to find out what were doing in life.

Out of sight is out of mind. "If we can't see you, we don't have to believe you exist...."

If she hasn't been on the scene for 6 months, I hardly think she gives a damn about you any more.

She's too busy bringing up your cheating husband's child on her own....

[TaraMaiden]

He had to take a week off work after she came round and we both took time off after her dad pulled the stunt it left him ill.... He just wanted to be with me, we needed each other, he's weak he couldn't function without me over those days....

 

I'm neither impressed nor have any sympathy for him.

If he hadn't embarked on this long affair, he wouldn't have suffered form depression and needed time off work.

To me, that's feeble and not facing up to your true responsibilities.

 

What a specimen you have there.

[Milo12412]

Well part of the reason he took time off work was because he works in a town 10 minutes away and she lives in that town, firstly he was extremely down, couldn't get out of bed but also wanted to spend time with me and secondly he was frightened of what she was capable of and if her or her family turned up at his work!!! Anythings possible so I didn't mind he took time off to recover as he recieved full pay so it was only positive for us to work on things and I didn't need to think of him being in the same town as her. And it didn't bother me him returning to work as he can't drive so I take him and pick him up every day, apart from her turning up that time we've had nothing to worry about as we pretty much are always together.

 

In your previous messages about her coming round, she also came when 6 months pregnant and I wasn't in, she'll have known this as my car not there, my husband refused to talk to her said he'd only speak to her if I was here, he only spoke to get through the window And told her to go away or he was ringing the police so I think you'r right he does beat resentment towards her! Even my neighbour witnessed it so no lies she said she was crying and saying please soeAk to me, I wouldn't dare stoop so low!

 

I did originally say to him in the beginning that me or our child weren't having anything to do with the kid but he could but after it was born I thought no if you ever wish for involvement then were coming too!

 

As for his parents they made their own decision to turn on her, she was very nasty when he told her he was cutting ties and they wanted her to go her own way and us ours! She sent nasty texts one after another till my husband had to change his number! Convinced yet she's crazy? So his mother said sorry but I don't want to be around someone like her either!

 

She's seen her when she was 36 weeks pregnant in the shopping mall and said she felt nothing but hate for her not sympathy, in fact not many ppl have sympathy for her only her own friends and family who couldn't really walk away could they!

 

As for Facebook it's not burying our heads, even he deleted the same ppl do it's not for reasons that I can find evidence or that I don't want to know as he deleted the same ppl and it wouldn't make a difference to him to remain their friends would it? He even deleted his full account for a year and only used mine as he wanted to prove his mOves and didn't want her to get in touch! He only now has friends we both know on his and has blocked every one of her friends so they can never know what we're doing

[Milo12412]

Yes I have ignored a lot of things,I don't want my husband to be upset if I ever went snooping plus im not a confrontational person....

 

If this lady keeps out of our lives and your right after 6 months there's a good chance she's moved on then do you think we can forgive and forget and by ignoring it can move on? We don't soeAk of it as no reason, our families have accepted things as we wish them to be in our lives and none of our friends have an issue they're more happy he's stayed with me and has redeemed himself except our oldest friends as mentioned earlier.

 

This really is something that will never come back to our lives till at least the child's older and even then she possibly won't even come looking for him but that's many years ahead so it is possible isn't it that I don't ever need to see things on Facebook nor do I need to hear her version of events when we gave a good chance of moving forward on the foundations we've rebuilt......

[silvermercy]

Even my neighbour witnessed it so no lies she said she was crying and saying please soeAk to me, I wouldn't dare stoop so low!

 

As for his parents they made their own decision to turn on her, she was very nasty when he told her he was cutting ties and they wanted her to go her own way and us ours! She sent nasty texts one after another till my husband had to change his number! Convinced yet she's crazy? So his mother said sorry but I don't want to be around someone like her either!

 

She's seen her when she was 36 weeks pregnant in the shopping mall and said she felt nothing but hate for her not sympathy, in fact not many ppl have sympathy for her only her own friends and family who couldn't really walk away could they!

 

As for Facebook it's not burying our heads, even he deleted the same ppl do it's not for reasons that I can find evidence or that I don't want to know as he deleted the same ppl and it wouldn't make a difference to him to remain their friends would it? He even deleted his full account for a year and only used mine as he wanted to prove his mOves and didn't want her to get in touch! He only now has friends we both know on his and has blocked every one of her friends so they can never know what we're doing

I'm sorry but I, too, have a hard time believing she's a crazy woman based on your posts. Her actions speak of a played and desperate woman. Not a crazy one.

 

Also, (bolded part): never say never... I'd probably do the same thing if I was in her situation (and I'm not certified or anything)! lol

 

And yes, guilt sex is usually extremely amazing and/or improved. Almost every betrayed partner can testify to that. They're on their BEST behaviour. At least for a while...

 

Also, WHY does he hate her? Because she ruined his life or something? Didn't HE ruin it in the first place?? HE was the married one. HE put himself in a place where a chid may be produced by his affair. So who knows what promises he made to her that she would leave you one day blah blah... Before a child came and "ruined" everything.

 

Did he hate her before the revelation? I sincerely doubt it as he was happy enough with her for so many years. Personally, I think he hates her because she forced him in a way to spill the beans to you due to having his child. That's all there is. She ruined his fantasy and ideal world. She forced him to come clean. And hence he hates her.

 

I think your putting way too much emphasis on the other woman. Please read threads about the lies a cheater tells to both wife and other woman. They usually bad-mouth and speak of hate against the other party. He cheated for 4 years, as you say, and only confessed when the other woman threatened him to tell you herself. That's why it happened after FOUR YEARS and not earlier. He figured it was best to come clean to you and feed you some lies before you heard her complete version and became less prone to being duped by him.

Edited January 22, 2013 by silvermercy

[Milo12412]

That is possibly true but what's happened has happened and it's in our past now isn't it, weather he did only tell me cos he was going to be found out I'm not sure but his actions since that day 18 month ago Háve backed up his reasons for coming clean and wanting to change..... If he didn't love me like he says he wouldn't have desperately tried to save our marriage would he.....

 

My oldest friend who I soeAk of throughout this, told me shell never come to my house again and not to bring my H to hers, I don't tell her things as I feel she judges, I didn't tell her he was off work on the sick with depression it was difficult at times as I almost tripped up but she's unsympathetic and wouldn't have understood, also her friend is friends with the other woman so I rarely tell her anything now as I don't want her to tell her friend incase it gets back to other woman! My friend may not of ever found out about the baby of their mutual friend never told her and that was at 6 months, I was so embarrassed I hasn't told her. My friend H

Has been friends with my H for 30 years now and he won't soeAk to him he said he was disgusting and really I'm

Not sure why they can't accept this is our decision him to give up the baby and for me to stay with my H and that's not guna change so

Unsure why they can't just let it go as my friend always seems to be trying to pass info to me that she thinks will make us split up but it won't I just don't get her game? I don't want to know nor do I wish to hear her negative opinion I'm not sure why they can't just be happy our marriage has survived?

 

It was their mutual friends sons party a few month ago and I'll be honest I didn't feel pleased about our friends going when her and the kid was there.....they're my friends not hers, they didn't speak mind but they did see the baby obviously

[silvermercy]

That is possibly true but what's happened has happened and it's in our past now isn't it, weather he did only tell me cos he was going to be found out I'm not sure but his actions since that day 18 month ago Háve backed up his reasons for coming clean and wanting to change..... If he didn't love me like he says he wouldn't have desperately tried to save our marriage would he.....

The way it came out is important because that does not speak well of the husband in terms of true remorse. Because, statistically, most successful reconciliations in marriages happen this way only. A truly remorseful spouse would at least spill the beans because he was feeling immense guilt and decided to put things right on his OWN. NOT through sheer force. Despite what nice things he says and does now, you would still be in the dark if it wasn't for that child.

 

My oldest friend who I soeAk of throughout this, told me shell never come to my house again and not to bring my H to hers, I don't tell her things as I feel she judges

Well, wouldn't you in her place? If people are against cheaters (who on top of that don't face the consequences (see: child)), then that's a perfectly logical choice I think...

 

Has been friends with my H for 30 years now and he won't soeAk to him he said he was disgusting

To be fair, the majority of people (and even reformed cheaters themselves) will have this same exact opinion.

 

Unsure why they can't just let it go as my friend always seems to be trying to pass info to me that she thinks will make us split up but it won't I just don't get her game?

Perhaps she simply does not believe in cheating and also probably thinks she's doing you a favour by passing info.

 

I don't want to know nor do I wish to hear her negative opinion I'm not sure why they can't just be happy our marriage has survived?

 

A negative opinion is still an opinion, so you can't really blame her.

Well has it survived? It's too early to tell.

They're not happy perhaps because it's against their beliefs/morals etc to support a lying cheater. Again, you can't blame them, I wouldn't' be happy either.

Edited January 22, 2013 by silvermercy

[Els]

He doesn't want to pay $200 to establish paternity? ...Really? And you are forgiving so easily a 4 YEAR affair that he only disclosed because she was going to?

 

Something sounds very off here, and I'm sure it's not just me. Have you read your own posts????

[TaraMaiden]

Her head is well and truly shoved so deep in the sand she can probably see China...."Denial" doesn't cover it.

 

She absolutely completely fails to see how despicably her husband has behaved.

I only wish she could experience a fraction of what this woman went through when he revealed his true colours.

You don't have an affair with someone for 4 years and switch off over night.... As silvermercy pointed out, he may well 'hate' her, but precisely for those reasons - he ruined his own life, and made himself connected to this child (even if only financially) for the rest of his life. That's entirely on his shoulders.

 

She keeps making excuses for him, and piling the blame on this woman - a woman she barely knows - and has the cheek to ask why on earth their 'oldest friends' are behaving in this way.

I'll tell you why: because they can see what a scumbag cheating liar your husband is, and are horrified that you are playing into the same mentality.

 

That's why.

 

And frankly - I can see their point.

Your joint behaviour is despicable, and your attitude to his child inhuman.

Disgraceful.

 

If this lady keeps out of our lives and your right after 6 months there's a good chance she's moved on then do you think we can forgive and forget and by ignoring it can move on?

 

What a stupid question.

Do you honestly believe everything will go away?

You can never ignore this and move on: Like it or not, monetarily, he is tied to supporting this child for at least 16 years - at least.

 

And don't be surprised if she goes back to court at some point, to get the amount increased. His support will have to be commensurate with the cost of living, and at one point, it may well mean he will have to start paying more.

No, this will never, ever go away.

And neither should it.

 

At least it serves as a reminder of what a lying, cheating deceitful piece of crap your husband was for 4 years - and how one moment of stupidity has wrecked your lives for the foreseeable future.

 

Chew on that, because harsh as it may seem - it's all true.

[Milo12412]

When we heard she was filing for child support I went to the ends of the earth to look into how much he pays and what she's entitled to and our child gets most percentage of his wage then her child 20% of what's left after out daughters 40% is taken off, so unless he had a pay rise which isunlikely in his job he wouldn't have to pay extra at any point and if we have any more family her maintenance is reduced again so something like extra contact from child support probs wont happen

 

Youse are all right I agree of course it's never going to go away I maybe worded it wrongly what I meant is over time without contact and a constant reminder of things it does just become part of normal life doesn't it, it doesn't get to him and the trusts back that even at times I have a thought about it like I did the other day wondering i dont allow it into our relationship at all, we never fight or argue, therefore I hate to say it but our marriage has survived hasn't it, it's never mentioned and friends and family support us and we don't ever ever see the people who maybe don't, not do we see any of her friends either so we can plod on in our world and it works!

 

I love my husband and really is there anything wrong with forgiving a person who has sinned and has proven they want to redeem themselves?

 

I mean I was only reading the other day about that Wayne Rooney he cheated on his wife when pregnant and they resolved things and now they're happily pregnant again and all is forgotten! No ones said anything bad to them and their friends and family are happy for them! They survived and so have we!

[Milo12412]

Plus like I say he tells me everything now.... When she sent a photo of the baby he emailed me it he's asked his boss to block her email address as that was the last chance she had to message him

 

He told me when she's been round to our house and he refused to speak to her and shut the door unless I was there I think it proves nothing really to hide yeah? And also if he done that then why would he chase her at a nightclub in town in public where he could be seen to speak to her? Especially if as you've just admitted to that he hates her, doesn't make sense!

[hotgurl]

wow just wow.

 

Your husband sound like the biggest A-hole I ever heard of. There is never any reason valid enough to abandon a child period.

 

And to do it for convenience because it reminds him and you about a 4 year affair he had it possible the crappiest thing I have ever heard.

 

It really shows what kind of person he is. The kind of person I would never want in my life. What if he did this to you? And your child? How would you feel?

 

How do you think the child will feel? Do you think a sorry after 18 years of abandonment will just clear things up? What kind of damage will this do to the kid?

 

You blame the ExOW but he was seeing her for 4 years probably telling her he loved her, wanted to be with her etc... He only came forward when she got pregnant.

 

She is not acting crazy. She is acting like her partner of 4 years dumped her and is denying their child. How would you act if he did this to you?

 

The only reason you are not in her position is because he choose you. He could have easily choose her and done this to you. He has proved he is capable of it.

[TaraMaiden]

When we heard she was filing for child support I went to the ends of the earth to look into how much he pays and what she's entitled to and our child gets most percentage of his wage then her child 20% of what's left after out daughters 40% is taken off, so unless he had a pay rise which isunlikely in his job he wouldn't have to pay extra at any point and if we have any more family her maintenance is reduced again so something like extra contact from child support probs wont happen

But it may. It happened to my brother, so I see no reason why you should be exempt.

 

If she has qualified for child support, it means he's acknowledged as the father.

If he's acknowledged for the father - and no matter how much he may try to block her - as and when he dies, she will be entitled to a portion of the inheritance.

 

This is how she will never go away.

And this may be how your daughter finds out she has a half-sister.

neat.

Youse are all right I agree of course it's never going to go away I maybe worded it wrongly what I meant is over time without contact and a constant reminder of things it does just become part of normal life doesn't it,

Does it? I wouldn't know. I don't have a jackass of a husband who's ruined my life by having a 4-year mistress, a child and a portion of his salary confiscated every month. Money that should be ours, and his daughter's by me.... so I don't know what your 'normal' is. But I'm glad I don't have that hanging over me the whole time.

 

 

it doesn't get to him and the trusts back that even at times I have a thought about it like I did the other day wondering i dont allow it into our relationship at all, we never fight or argue, therefore I hate to say it but our marriage has survived hasn't it, it's never mentioned and friends and family support us and we don't ever ever see the people who maybe don't, not do we see any of her friends either so we can plod on in our world and it works!

Plod. yes, plod. Elephant in the room plods round and round... the nameless event that must not be spoken of... hiding in the corner like some cloudy gremlin, a black-fog ghost.... sitting there... its presence felt but hardly seen.

 

Plod on.

 

I love my husband and really is there anything wrong with forgiving a person who has sinned and has proven they want to redeem themselves?

Oh nothing. I'm sure his daughter will see it that way too, in a few years time, when she's old enough to ask questions and finds out about her spineless wretch of a no-good father....

 

I mean I was only reading the other day about that Wayne Rooney he cheated on his wife when pregnant and they resolved things and now they're happily pregnant again and all is forgotten! No ones said anything bad to them and their friends and family are happy for them! They survived and so have we!

 

What you may have missed is that Coleen admitted in a recent interview on TV that she's always looking over her shoulder, and expecting the worst, and while he says he's reformed, she also said he's 'only a man, and as any wife knows, that in itself is a weakness. Men tend to go where their dicks point them, so I'm not discounting the notion that there may still be dangers ahead. but I'll face them if they arrive.'

I guess you can call that survival....

He told me when she's been round to our house and he refused to speak to her and shut the door unless I was there I think it proves nothing really to hide yeah?

What's to hide? he's a cheating spineless scumbag with no morals and a cruel streak, who refuses to acknowledge his child! No hiding that!!

 

And also if he done that then why would he chase her at a nightclub in town in public where he could be seen to speak to her? Especially if as you've just admitted to that he hates her, doesn't make sense!

No! Especially as someone else corroborated HER version, but you can find nobody but him to back up his version - yet you still choose to accept his word and discount that of hers and her witness! Doesn't make sense either!

But you expect us to agree with you!

 

How about taking of those rose-tinted specs and looking at it from our point??

[Milo12412]

Ok so are you saying my marriage won't work? And if so why?

 

Plus are you saying he doesn't love me, cos at end of day he chose me and my little girl didn't he that's surely love!

[TaraMaiden]

Did he love you while he was phukking her for 4 years?

Does he love you now he's been forced to leave that relationship?

 

(And yes - he was forced to - because had she NOT become pregnant, what's the betting it would still be going on today? What would there be to stop him, without his child in the way?)

 

What is Love anyway?

 

Only he can answer that question.

The thing is - can you honestly believe him?

[Milo12412]

Ok so you don't think we can possibly ever fully overcome this unless he sees his child?

 

And I do believe he loved me all those years..... And he even showed me the heated messages between the 2 of them just befOre he ended it! She was turning into a control freak demanding to see him picking fights cos he couldn't and was wanting to spend time with me, I've read those texts so no I don't think he was forced into choosing I think he already decided he didn't want her in his life....

[TaraMaiden]

Ok so you don't think we can possibly ever fully overcome this unless he sees his child?

I think her existence will become an increasing problem the older she gets.... and frankly, you will never fully overcome this because it happened.

it's ingrained in your memory, and it's a definite past event, set in stone by the presence of an ex-mistress and his baby.

 

I cannot for the life of me understand how you can be in a relationship with a man who is being so cold-blooded about his own offspring.

You said you would be mortified if he ever did that to your daughter.

What in God's name can you possibly think of that would fully justify his doing it to her?

 

 

And I do believe he loved me all those years..... And he even showed me the heated messages between the 2 of them just befOre he ended it! She was turning into a control freak demanding to see him picking fights cos he couldn't and was wanting to spend time with me, I've read those texts so no I don't think he was forced into choosing I think he already decided he didn't want her in his life....

 

Yeah. Big deal.

But the previous 4 years tell a different tale.

 

I didn't say he didn't love you all those years.

I am saying he loved her too - and you got the rough end of the deal - because he didn't love you enough to end it at all during that time, did he?

 

Just face facts.

The one person he loved above all others those 4 years - was himself.

He did it because he wanted to.

He WANTED to screw another woman.

He WANTED to maintain the affair.

He WANTED to cheat on you, lie to you, and please himself.

 

He may be showing remorse, and contrition now, but as far as I can see, it takes nothing away from his actions at the time.

He ended it because he was placed in a position where the risk was becoming too great.

He ended it because he could not sustain the secrecy.

He ended it because "She was turning into a control freak demanding to see him picking fights cos he couldn't"

 

He ended it for himself.

Not out of love for you.

Not out of consideration for you.

Not because he loved you more.

 

He ended it because it had run its course.

 

He spent more time with you, because she was simply now filling the role of a second wife.

There was no more excitement, no more daring, no more secrecy and subterfuge.

She had simply become the second Mrs CrapJerk.

She was no fun any more.

In fact, she was becoming a chore.

He already had a wife, so better the devil you know....

 

Then.... BOOM.

A baby.

And that blew everything sky-high.

 

as we all know.

[Milo12412]

Ok so now you agree she was turning crazy yes....?

 

How can you be so certain that we won't overcome it if we keep continue to, what's the phrase you use 'bury our heads' by not discussing it, our friends not discussing it, none of our work colleagues will ever find out, never seeing her, focussing on us, enjoying our relationship, that we then won't overcome this?

 

My husband never even as much as cuddled me before now we lay every night in each others arms, I guess I should thank the crazy one I suppose as she's done us a favour really.....

 

I don't look at him for being a bad person for what he done to his daughter I look at him for being a good person for saving our marriage and putting our daughters feelings first.....

 

Someone once said once it all dies down and he can take his foot off the gas and he realises the other woman has gone hell want her back but as its proved they were wrong as she's gone and he still hates her

[TaraMaiden]

Ok so now you agree she was turning crazy yes....?

No, I was quoting you.... I can't tell from here whether she was 'turning crazy' or not, but if I had been at the end of your husband's infidelity, I wouldn't be crazy, I'd be murderous....

 

How can you be so certain that we won't overcome it if we keep continue to, what's the phrase you use 'bury our heads' by not discussing it, our friends not discussing it, none of our work colleagues will ever find out, never seeing her, focussing on us, enjoying our relationship, that we then won't overcome this?

You forgot 'the elephant in the room'.

You forgot 'this will never go away, because he's going to be supporting her financially for the foreseeable future.'

You have pretty much alienated every good friend you had because of his infidelity and cold-hearted attitude to his daughter.

I'm pretty much more sure of what I'm saying, than of what you're saying.

Human nature means you can forgive, at times - but forget?

Never.

It will always be something that shadows you wherever you go, and whatever happens.

Money you should get - is going to her.

Because of his stupid, self-centred, selfish attitude.

 

My husband never even as much as cuddled me before now we lay every night in each others arms, I guess I should thank the crazy one I suppose as she's done us a favour really.....

Like I said.

Guilt sex feels great.

He is as much increasing his affection for himself as he is for you. It relieves his guilt and he still gets great sex.

What a winner.

 

Glad you're happy.

 

 

I don't look at him for being a bad person for what he done to his daughter I look at him for being a good person for saving our marriage and putting our daughters feelings first.....

You just don't get it, do you?

He hasn't put your marriage or your daughter first.

HE HAS PUT HIMSELF FIRST.

 

He still has a doting wife, a sweet little daughter - but he has succeeded in ostracising his mistress and banishing her to the level of something he would scrape off his shoe, and denied the existence of his own flesh and blood - because that's how it suits him.

He has exactly what he wants.

You and a home, and a roof over his head and a doting family.

How comfortable.

How cushy.

How convenient.

How distatsteful.

 

All of this benefits him first and foremost.

He has you exactly where he wants you.

And you have a husband who had an affair shortly after you got married, and by some accounts was actually screwing her before he married you - but who nevertheless continued to screw her well into your marriage.

Disrespectful, or what?

 

Someone once said once it all dies down and he can take his foot off the gas and he realises the other woman has gone hell want her back but as its proved they were wrong as she's gone and he still hates her

Yes, but remember the reason he hates her is because he had to expose the affair, due to her pregnancy. He was forced to come out into the open and admit his infidelity and recklessness. He hates her - because he had to come clean. If she hadn't become pregnant he would still be screwing her.

 

And by the way - if he does have an affair again - who's to say it will be with her?

He may have his interest piqued by another young filly....

And trust me, he'll be a lot more careful then.

be careful if he considers having a vasectomy, won't you....?

[silvermercy]

No, he didn't choose you because he really loved you all those years. Cheaters love themselves above anyone else. Just google it if you don't believe it. He chose you and your daughter in the end because you were the most convenient solution! His fantasy bubble with the other woman collapsed, things got tough, and he didn't want the fuss of a divorce.

 

Just for a moment imagine these unpleasant scenarios:

1. Tomorrow morning he suddenly decides to leave you for his other family, FOREVER. No questions asked. FINAL ANSWER. How will you react? Just try to imagine it for a moment: the list of actions you would do if he did that. Would you try to change his mind? Cry? Call him on the phone constantly to try and change his mind? I bet you would act a little "crazy", too, NO?

 

2. How much would he have to pay both you and your daughter if you had to file for divorce? How much of his income, property, wealth etc would you both be awarded at court? (Mothers and daughters usually win a substantial portion, more than what the "other family" can claim, and this should tell you a lot about his financial motivations to stay with you).

 

3. Would you ever advise your own daughter to really date a man like him? (I truly hope not. So why are YOU okay with this!?)

 

You say he is not a bad man. But he IS! OBJECTIVELY he is!! You see him as a good person because it was convenient for him to choose you! You see it very SUBJECTIVELY!!

 

Why are you the only one who can't see it? He is not a good person. Just look what he's doing to his own child for goodness sake!? These are not the actions of a good man!

 

He also probably already sensed that he could just treat you a bit nicer and bulls*it you enough so you eventually keep him. And you did that. He's manipulated you amazingly. "Well done" to him. Task accomplished.

 

(And that woman is no way crazy, sorry, she is NORMAL, as much as you want to bury your head in the sand).

 

At this point, I'm seriously praying to God that you are trolling. If you're not, this assumption of mine should tell you enough about how bad your situation really is - even if you really believe otherwise.

Edited January 22, 2013 by silvermercy

[Milo12412]

If cracks were to appear they'd appear before now right? It's been18 months! We've gone through the pregnancy the birth and the acceptance the daughter is here! We've accepted it we know it's his and we've moved on

[TaraMaiden]

Moved on?

From what?

His mistress can't move on. She has a daily reminder of how a spineless narcissistic rat made her pregnant and has now completely done the 180 and has refused to acknowledge his daughter.

 

I really do believe your husband is a narcissist.

because contrary to what you insist and persist in believing, everything has basically worked out in his favour.

A wife he has managed to convince to keep him and stay by him, a family who has turned against his mistress and a sweet little uncomprehending daughter who need never know the truth about her shallow and heartless dad.

 

Wait.

Just wait.

The clock is ticking.

And every day is one day closer to something rising to the surface.

[Milo12412]

Rising? Like what? What else could surface? Everybody knows everything now and accept it even my family, I guess her father done us a favour looking back once we overcome the facing them they too accepted it....

 

Anyone directly in our lives knows everything and understands and even if they don't it hasn't jeopardised our friendship!

 

Work colleagues on both our parts don't know nor do they need to not would they care! Really what else is their to surface..... The next thing may possibly be 18 years time if the daughter comes knocking we have too many happy times ahead of us prior to that time and it's a bridge to cross at that point not worry about in the meantime....

 

Do you believe that what someone said that when the drama dies the man starts thinking back to any nice times with the other woman? I wouldn't thought so even you've pointed the reasons out for his hate