Will he ever want to see his daughter and leave me in the dark?

[TaraMaiden]

yes.

The more I read, the more I think Milo and her H. deserve each other.

it's a shame for the children, though, to be caught in the middle of this. What warped, twisted, selfish, dishonest, callous, and utterly heartless parents they have.

[Samilia]

I can't say I have been in your situation. However I was in your daughter's situation. My sister was my half sister, as they want to call it. She was my everything, I am glad I had her in my life, regardless of how I entered hers in the first place.

 

You can be sure she'll know the truth one day, lies always come up to the surface like garbage. What will she think then?

[StarsOnFire]

This has to be fake, the more I read it, I don't get how an actual human could have these responses that the OP is spewing.

[TaraMaiden]

She's from Northern England. Scouse I think.

Northerners are a weird breed to themselves.

I don't see her incapable of such sentiments.

[Milo12412]

Have any of you ever been in my situation? Seriously? Where you know right from

Wrong but love your h more than life itself and therefore it's easier to sweep it under the carpet at his wishes in order for us to survive..... I'm willing to do anything not to lose him....

 

I'm prepared to bury our heads for the time being and possibly face this in years if it rears its ugly head again.....

 

I feel pretty confident that nothing will rock us again like ppl Háve said if we've survived this then well survive anything and well surely this means that we can survive if things come to a head in years time.....

 

I'm a good person and I know deep down my family don't agree but I've had to tell them this is our life...

 

It's not something we deal with on a daily basis as not once have they been mentioned in months, it's almost like it not real, like they don't exist....

 

Cold this may sound but have you never been in a situation where this is the best way to react in order to survive?

[TaraMaiden]

Have any of you ever been in my situation? Seriously? Where you know right from

Wrong but love your h more than life itself and therefore it's easier to sweep it under the carpet at his wishes in order for us to survive..... I'm willing to do anything not to lose him....

 

I'm prepared to bury our heads for the time being and possibly face this in years if it rears its ugly head again.....

 

I feel pretty confident that nothing will rock us again like ppl Háve said if we've survived this then well survive anything and well surely this means that we can survive if things come to a head in years time.....

 

I'm a good person and I know deep down my family don't agree but I've had to tell them this is our life...

 

It's not something we deal with on a daily basis as not once have they been mentioned in months, it's almost like it not real, like they don't exist....

 

Cold this may sound but have you never been in a situation where this is the best way to react in order to survive?

 

No, it's not the 'best way to survive'. It's the cowardly way to survive, because instead of meeting the issue head on and tackling it as you should do - you prefer to make a young child suffer the deprivation of a father, just so's you can have you façade of a perfect life.

 

But it's not perfect, is it?

I mean, look at the insecurity which prompted you to post these two threads.

You know this issue is building to a head, but you prefer to pretend it doesn't exist, and ignore it.

 

We know right from wrong.

And loving someone doesn't make them right.

You husband is imperfect.

But you permit this to happen to his child.

Your husband is a liar.

but you prefer to turn away from his lies, because you believe it makes your lives 'true'.

 

You sweep it under the carpet at his wishes.

What about YOUR wishes?

Your wish for a husband who was faithful because he chose to be, not because he was forced to be by exposure?

What about your wish to be able to live life peacefully, without the constant and imminent threat of his mistress re-appearing to ask for more money, or his daughter turning up on your doorstep?

 

Honey - you lost him for 4 years - and had she not turned up pregnant, he would still be 'missing in Action', and screwing her every chance he got.

 

You are complicit in his life.

You are just as shameful as he is.

 

You may be doing this because you are desperate to not lose him, and frantic to do anything to keep him - but look at what cost.

A family that criticises you, friends who have shunned you - and a forum-ful of people who are of the opinion that you really have sunk to low depths.

 

I really do wonder whether you are making all this up.

I've yet to meet a woman as obtuse and naive as you who is so much of a push-over that she would compromise her character and integrity for a man who has les honour than dogschytt.

 

I see dogschytt and at least it smells like it, looks like it and feels like it.

I look at your husband and he is a complete travesty and fake, someone who I'm sure seems wonderful to others - but who in reality, is scum of the earth.

And his wife sits there and sees it, and allows it to happen.

[pbjbear]

Ok I didnt read the responses but I gotta say I think its a red flag if a guy abandons his child.

 

I know it causes insecurity, jealousy, emotional issues in you, but seriously what kind of guy does that???

[anna121]

The child is in fact family to Milo's daughter. They are bonded by blood. That little girl has every right to know her father and sister. She should have the same rights as Milo's daughter.

 

Perhaps, but that is not all that was said in the post I was responding.

 

It said (more or less)...

 

"This is your STEPDAUGHTER.

 

FAMILY."

 

I think that's a bit over the top

 

And, to respond to you, my original point stands. The responsibility is Milo's husband's. Not hers.

[hotgurl]

Have any of you ever been in my situation? Seriously? Where you know right from

Wrong but love your h more than life itself and therefore it's easier to sweep it under the carpet at his wishes in order for us to survive..... I'm willing to do anything not to lose him....

 

I'm prepared to bury our heads for the time being and possibly face this in years if it rears its ugly head again.....

 

I feel pretty confident that nothing will rock us again like ppl Háve said if we've survived this then well survive anything and well surely this means that we can survive if things come to a head in years time.....

 

I'm a good person and I know deep down my family don't agree but I've had to tell them this is our life...

 

It's not something we deal with on a daily basis as not once have they been mentioned in months, it's almost like it not real, like they don't exist....

 

Cold this may sound but have you never been in a situation where this is the best way to react in order to survive?

 

that is not love that is fear. Fear of being alone, Fear of admitting your marriage is flawed.

 

I love my husband. I can't imagine life without him but I would never sacrifice my integrity to be with him.

 

Are you sure you don't love what your husband was or what you want him to be and not who he really is. Do you love him as he is now? A long time adulterer and a coward?

 

Think about the lessons you are teaching your daughter through your actions.

[stillafool]

 

And, to respond to you, my original point stands. The responsibility is Milo's husband's. Not hers.

 

 

I would agree with youi if Milo didn't have a daughter that is this child's sister. Is it right for a mother to purposely keep a sibling from her child? This child is Milo's daughters flesh and blood and they do have a right to know each other.

[stillafool]

Have any of you ever been in my situation? Seriously? Where you know right from

Wrong but love your h more than life itself and therefore it's easier to sweep it under the carpet at his wishes in order for us to survive..... I'm willing to do anything not to lose him....

 

I'm prepared to bury our heads for the time being and possibly face this in years if it rears its ugly head again.....

 

Yes Milo it is quite obvious how desperate you are for your husband that you would sweep anything under the rug to keep him.

 

I feel pretty confident that nothing will rock us again like ppl Háve said if

we've survived this then well survive anything and well surely this means that

we can survive if things come to a head in years time.....

 

Yes unless your husband decides to enter into another affair. You have to be honest 4 years is a long time to carry on an affair and he only broke up with her because she got pregnant. I guess she couldn't be his sex kitten being pregnant and then dealing with a crying baby. Maybe he didn't like what the baby did to her body. This is not a man who had a one night stand, the girl ended up pregnant and then he regrets having the affair.

 

I'm a good person and I know deep down my family don't agree but I've had to

tell them this is our life...

 

Yeah keep telling yourself that.

 

 

It's not something we deal with on a daily basis as not once have they been

mentioned in months, it's almost like it not real, like they don't exist....

 

Of course your husband isn't going to want to talk about the shyt he's done. Lucky he has you to keep sweeping this under the rug.

[Milo12412]

Thank you Anna for understanding my views....

 

I'm not an awful person.... This is my husbands choice not

Mine how can I be executed for his choice when I owe this child nothing emotionally whatsoever

[Milo12412]

So we're back to the whole question

Of you lot don't believe we can ever move forward with this?

 

My

Mother in

Law told me this happened to a friend when they were growing up

And they just dealt with it and moved on

And the child was never

Mentioned or seen again and they

Lived in the same town..... They went into have another child as they already had one and well I know this couple and they're as solid as a rock!!

 

Would never know ir believe what happened, he learned by his mistake and isn't everybody deserving of a second chance?

 

I would have thought so!! Matterless how big the mistake he should be allowed by society to get on with his life..... And society have accepted it and I feel we're more socially accepted than ever!!

 

You all may laugh but this hassle us stronger than ever, our bond is amazing he sits and speaks to me about everything now we never had this, we've rediscovered ourselves....

 

I feel sorry for this woman deep down, I did ask him how he could do this to her and after encouraging him to see the child his family think I'm the rock when they all

Cracked I remained strong

[TaraMaiden]

You're not.

You're being 'executed' fort your choice to tacitly stand by,m do nothing and choose the wrong thing to do, because your desire to maintain this pretence, is greater than your desire to see your husband do the right thing.

 

If you had half a spine, your H would be out on his ass, and paying both of you child support.

[anna121]

Thank you Anna for understanding my views....

 

I'm not an awful person.... This is my husbands choice not

Mine how can I be executed for his choice when I owe this child nothing emotionally whatsoever

 

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh Milo but...

 

I think you're behaving in a very cowardly fashion. My posts above were not about "understanding" your position but simply taking exception to what I thought were some extreme points about YOUR duty to this child.

 

But, I DO understand why those points were being made. The fact is that you demonstrate an extreme callousness and wilfull blindness on this thread that is kind of....breathtaking.

 

I'm not sure if you are aware of the great danger you are in by letting you husband have his way with this, by cutting yourself off from opposing pov's, and by validating his behaviour. But you are.

[stillafool]

 

 

You all may laugh but this hassle us stronger than ever, our bond is amazing he sits and speaks to me about everything now we never had this, we've rediscovered ourselves....

 

 

Stop lying, if the above were true there would be no need for you to make this thread.

[TaraMaiden]

Stop lying, if the above were true there would be no need for you to make this thread.

 

Yes, isn't that a whole pile of self-deluding 'in-denial' crap.....

[Milo12412]

I see you don't see the qualities and strengths my family and in laws see in me? Really do you know how difficult it was to put make up on and go and do the local shop? But I did and never let any of this get to me, I supported my husband and his family while they had a breakdown...... I was the tower of strength without me I dread to think that would have happened my husband couldn't get out of bed some days, without my support I feel he may have done something very silly to himself.....

[TaraMaiden]

You just don't get it do you....?

 

Sure... we see.....

 

But what we also see - and what you repeatedly fail to grasp - is that you misdirected all those strengths towards 'doing the wrong thing', instead of 'doing the Right thing'.

 

You should have shoved your H. out of the marital bed, kicked his sorry cheating lying ass to the kerb and screwed him for everything that was rightfully yours.

He already did something silly to himself, didn't he? he got his mistress pregnant, and then point-blank refused to acknowledge his daughter by her.

 

('Silly' doesn't cover it, of course, but I'd only be repeating myself if I told you what I REALLY thought of him.....)

 

You never let any of this get to you?

Whatcha got, a heart of stone...?

Maybe you SHOULD let it 'get' to you.

 

Maybe then you'd actually show some moral fibre, a conscience and a degree of integrity.

 

Get this through your head:

 

There isn't anything you can say to make any of this acceptable in our eyes.

 

The only thing I would be happy to read, is that you have welcomed his daughter into your home with open arms, and filed for divorce from him.

 

That would go some way towards redeeming your otherwise callous, heartless and cowardly behaviour hitherto....

[Milo12412]

I appreciate you opinion however I guess only the ppl directly in our lives thoughts etc are what count and what affects us..... And to be honest they don't care..... They love us as a couple and enjoy our social set up....

 

The worst time of this for myself was when she was pregnant.... Worrying how will he feel will things change and how will we deal with this together.... But he didn't do anything and nothing changed.....

 

We've decided that we will try to convene another baby.... Yes your all guna say I'm crazy but as I say a person can be forgiven and forgotten and that's what I've done.... Let it go, a new life a new baby will be one final way of things being pushed aside and I know his mother would be Enthralled as its time there was a grandson in the family :-)

[TaraMaiden]

I appreciate you opinion however I guess only the ppl directly in our lives thoughts etc are what count and what affects us..... And to be honest they don't care..... They love us as a couple and enjoy our social set up....

 

yeah, sure.... I believe vyou. That';s why you posted 2 threads on the subject and here we are, page 8 and you're still here arguint the toss?

Nothing we have said has made one iota of difference to your mind-set?

 

At All...?

I don't believe you.

Same old, same-old denial, honey.

 

The worst time of this for myself was when she was pregnant.... Worrying how will he feel will things change and how will we deal with this together.... But he didn't do anything and nothing changed.....

Yes he did - he showed himself to be a nasty deceitful scumbag by firstly, only paying child support when she finally forced his hand legally (and in fact he's getting his dear old mum to pay that for him, the selfish mercenary git!) and he completely denied and refused existence to his own daughter. Everything changed - and you allowed it all to happen. Your daughter has a half-sister - how can you say 'nothing changed'...?

 

 

We've decided that we will try to convene another baby.... Yes your all guna say I'm crazy but as I say a person can be forgiven and forgotten and that's what I've done.... Let it go, a new life a new baby will be one final way of things being pushed aside and I know his mother would be Enthralled as its time there was a grandson in the family :-)

 

Oh now I know you're definitely trolling.

You can forgivembut you'll never forget - and one day, little half-sis will turn up on your doorstep and play happy fekkin' families with your daugher.

 

And I doubt you'll 'Convene' (I think you mean conceive'...) a son.

It's the male sperm which determines the gender of the offspring.

Seeing as he's managed 2 females so far, the odds on yet another girl are very high.

 

I doubt he really wants another baby.

Why would he add to his already burdened wallet by risking another sprog to feed? He's already got the expense of two - oh no, sorry. I keep forgetting. His mother is supporting the grandchild he has forbidden her to see.

[Milo12412]

Weve just had the most amazing weekend away..... We had chance to talk, plan our future now the drama has died down..... And this is what he wants, another child, and how can you say it works like that? That cos he has had 2 girls he'd have a third it's not like he's had 22!!!

 

To me it shows how much he wants us to work.....

 

I do understand it'll possibly always be in the back of our minds but what the eye don't see the heart don't feel....

 

It can't emotionally destroy us unless we allow it.... Which my husband is adamant it won't....

 

We made a pact at new year, he says we don't spend enough time together so now we both set a day off together midweek and put the child in childcare and spend it together.... Just us..... That's a sign of things being on the up, my husband willingly wishing we spend more time together and it's not forced not because he's hiding something, not because we have to put a front on..... Just because that's us now.... Strong and in love....

[TaraMaiden]

Yup.

Troll-oll-oll-ing, tra la la.

 

Have fun with your life, but if any of this is actually true - which I'm seriously beginning to doubt, now -

 

What wouldn't I give to be a fly on the wall when your world comes crashing down around your ears....

 

And as they curse in Tunisia, "May you be uglier than his mistress, but prettier than his camel's arse"..

[stillafool]

Good for you Milo that you and your husband are burying your heads in the sand and are happy in there. I'm not a bit surprised that you held your husbands head, and helped his sorry arse get out of bed in the morning while he mistress was pregnant. It is clear you would do and put up with anything to hold on to this man. That's right Milo have another baby to try to be in competition with your husband's mistress. She is a young girl and he will probably want her again before she wants him. You can have 100 more kids but remember he still has a little girl across town who needs him. That's right his child needs him but the two of you are making sure he doesn't do the right thing and claim his child. This will come back 10 fold on you two. You think now you have all the answers but trust me on this one, you will have to pay for what you are doing to an innocent.

 

Again, if everything is so great why do you keep starting threads about your loser and the baby he refuses to claim? Go away and bury your head again.

[Milo12412]

True? As if you could say such a thing? Do you realise at all what me and my family have gone through this past 18 months???

 

The demons I've had to face the questions I've tortured myself with?? The insecurities that were battled, the feeling ugly and worthless because of another woman but now I can stand with my head held high and say I fought them and won and have a very happy family life.... You feel the need to mock me and tell me it's not real.... How unfair Of you