Will he ever want to see his daughter and leave me in the dark?

[TaraMaiden]

Ever wondered what they say behind his back?

 

And of course, their opinions are largely based on what story he has told them.

 

You say he is still popular

at his gym, the club he drinks, his 2 football teams he plays for, be still has a lot of friends and is still as popular as ever before.....

 

....So you were present, were you, when he told them about his 4-year affair, how he cheated on you even before you were married, how he was forced to reveal his affair by his pregnant mistress, how he would probably still be happily screwing her if she hadn't become pregnant with his child - a child he has ostracised, shunned and refused completely to acknowledge?

Were you there when he told them all this?

[Milo12412]

Well no of course not.... Most of them found out via hearsay.... And sent him a text saying they hope he's ok and that they'll always support him, that he knew where they were If needed a chat

 

His closest friends he told in private....

 

I told nobody at all still have barely spoke of it only to him, it's best that way, I always feel when you allow others into your marriage that's when it falls apart....

[TaraMaiden]

So... nobody really knows the truth then. It's all hearsay, and what he wanted them to know.

 

Yes. Letting others into your marriage very often reveals what a sham it is, and what lies there are.

 

best play your cards close to your chest.

You don't want too many people in your circle to know the truth about him.

 

One of the first questions they'd ask is - "Why the hell is she still with him??"

[Milo12412]

Do you think???

 

See all the girlfriends and wives of the group Ste the ones who have enforced how strong I am.... Told us if we got through this we'd get through anything....

 

We've had lots of support from them, they know what they've heard and all blamed the OW and the way I felt I was happy for them to do so...

[Milo12412]

Do you think he loves me?

[CarrieT]

Do you think he loves me?

Does that matter?

 

I think he stays with you because it is comfortable and you are letting him get away with being a major ********* to a child.

 

Seriously - I wonder about people like you (both of you) that would treat a child like this...

[TaraMaiden]

Do you think???

 

See all the girlfriends and wives of the group Ste the ones who have enforced how strong I am.... Told us if we got through this we'd get through anything....

 

We've had lots of support from them, they know what they've heard and all blamed the OW and the way I felt I was happy for them to do so...

 

Kerrist, Milo, listen to yourself, grasping at straws....

 

They all give opinions based on what they have heard....

 

But have you ever sat and told them all the facts??

Have You told them how he constantly cheated on you, for over 4 years, even from before your wedding?

 

Why do they 'blame the OW' when it was he - married to you - who chose to stick his cock in her for 4 years??

 

She never held a gun to his head - he did that, on purpose, for 4 years, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED TO DO!!

 

He would still be doing it, but for his careless stupidity in impregnating her!

 

And does he love you?

I'm sure in his way, perhaps he does, but not unconditionally.

I doubt he has much respect for you. Did he love you during the 4 years he was phukking her, all the while?

 

Do you Trust him?

 

Completely?

[Milo12412]

I have to trust him....

 

I have doubts when he's out alone my mind can wander at times I guess.. ...

[TaraMaiden]

So actually, the answer is 'No, you don't trust him, but you fool yourself into believing you do.'

 

You are that desperate.

You say you trust him because the alternative is too painful to believe.

 

If you don't trust him - you don't have him.

 

I'll let you into a little secret: You never 'had' him.

 

Because part of him will always be absent.

[Milo12412]

If I didn't trust him what would the point of our marriage be? I had one night I lost it pretty bad when he was our with friends, he didn't answer his phone I thought all sorts but turned out all was well and he even put his mates on the Pnone and proved he was where he said, I felt silly and have since never done it again as keep thinking after all he's told me I guess he now has no reason to lie....

[TaraMaiden]

If I didn't trust him what would the point of our marriage be?

It's a façade. A pretence. A keeping up appearances.

He needs you because you make him look decent and respectable. You need him because for some bizarre reason I still can't get my head round, you seem to be under the dim-witted impression that your world would crumble and end without him. Dumb thinking, but there you go....

 

I had one night I lost it pretty bad when he was our with friends, he didn't answer his phone I thought all sorts but turned out all was well and he even put his mates on the Pnone and proved he was where he said, I felt silly and have since never done it again as keep thinking after all he's told me I guess he now has no reason to lie....

 

HE'S LYING NOW!!

 

He's lied, withheld information, deceived people, not revealed the true nature of his character, and carried on maintaining this outwardly upright husband mask, while inside, he's a black, cheating liar...!

 

I will bet you a lifetime of posts this guy never told anyone the true extent of his role in all of this. He will have brought a veil over everything and fooled them - and you - into thinking he laid his cards on the table.

[Milo12412]

But matter less what he's told me is what I choose to believe..... And it's now swept under the carpet maybe what's in the past is in the past....

 

The one doubt I did have was we were due to be married the year before we were and he called it off said was moving too fast for him he took a vacation and uoon his return I went to talk to him, highly distraught that I was we agreed eventually to put the wedding back on, after losing £3grand

 

But I understood he wasn't in a good place and had been extremely frightened, when all this came out I said to him well if this was your plan why Marry me which made me think maybe he never did want to but as he said if that was the case he would never have gone back on his decision he would have remained with it cancelled.... That he married me cod he wanted to share forever with me....

[TaraMaiden]

But matter less what he's told me is what I choose to believe.....

Yes, being blind, gullible and naive seems to suit you well. Although I think of course, that deep down, you know you're married to a worthless cheating creep whom frankly, you really don't trust as far as you can throw him...

 

And it's now swept under the carpet maybe what's in the past is in the past....

Sweeping it under the carpet doesn't either deal with it or get rid of it. And the past has a wonderful habit of biting you in the ass....

 

The one doubt I did have was we were due to be married the year before we were and he called it off said was moving too fast for him he took a vacation and uoon his return I went to talk to him, highly distraught that I was we agreed eventually to put the wedding back on, after losing £3grand

Good grief - you really ARE a sucker for punishment!

 

But I understood he wasn't in a good place and had been extremely frightened, when all this came out I said to him well if this was your plan why Marry me which made me think maybe he never did want to but as he said if that was the case he would never have gone back on his decision he would have remained with it cancelled.... That he married me cod he wanted to share forever with me....

 

I wonder what conversations he had with his mistress, about the pressure you put on him, how needy you were, how insistent you were, how maybe you lied to him and told him you were pregnant.... all kinds of fantastic fantasy stories he wove in order to stay in her bed.

 

Remember that everything depends on everyone keeping quiet.

You think she will keep quiet to her daughter about her lover's character?

Don't you think she will tell her daughter exactly what her father is like? And how his entire family worked to destroy her existence by pretending she was history, gone, disappeared?

If I was that child's mother I would make sure she knew every single little sordid detail of what a scumbag her father is.

 

"But here's where to find him. Go ask him yourself. But don't expect anything true to come out of his mouth - or from that dim, gullible wife of his, who pretends that simply because he stayed with her, he must have loved her!"

 

And no matter how he lies, the truth will out.

And it will reveal him, and you, to everyone and show them what you're really like.

 

You daughter will be so proud....

[Milo12412]

Im not quite certain how we're back to feeling so sorry for the other woman again following her behaviour?

[Milo12412]

What's cleats?

[CarrieT]

Im not quite certain how we're back to feeling so sorry for the other woman again following her behaviour?

 

Tell us again about her behavior; about a mother who is trying to care for a child. Have you put yourself in her shoes AT ALL to think what lies your husband told her?

[Milo12412]

Yes I've tried to think but matter less Carrie she knew what she was doing!!! She put herself in that position! She can't cry Abiut it or play the victim after can she?

 

I honestly do not understand how after a year and a half that she can't just accept his decision, I feel to a degree she looks rather desperate when I hear things like she still gets angry and things, angry more so because she unduly kept a baby that she made with a man that wasn't hers to make it with.

[TaraMaiden]

Im not quite certain how we're back to feeling so sorry for the other woman again following her behaviour?

 

Where did we say we feel sorry for her?

And who says we shouldn't?

Just because you prefer to turn a blind eye, believe what you want to believe and ignore the facts, doesn't mean we have to....

 

Yes I've tried to think but matter less Carrie she knew what she was doing!!! She put herself in that position! She can't cry Abiut it or play the victim after can she?

No, but I think her maternal instincts are more concerned with how he is treating his own daughter, rather than being worried for herself.

 

If he abandoned you, and shunned your daughter, you would feel just a little bit resentful, wouldn't you?

 

Right.

 

I honestly do not understand how after a year and a half that she can't just accept his decision,

 

How much time would it take you to accept that he had completely shunned, abandoned and ignored your daughter, together with the fact that you'd have to fight him for child support?

You'd give up and not fight for your daughter's right to be recognised by her father, would you?

 

I feel to a degree she looks rather desperate when I hear things like she still gets angry and things, angry more so because she unduly kept a baby that she made with a man that wasn't hers to make it with.

Why shouldn't she have kept it?

How dare you insinuate she should have aborted her child - a child incidentally, your husband CHOSE to create, by having a very long-term affair with her... he was equally responsible - and would be with her still, had she decided to keep quiet....

 

You're the desperate one, aren't you?

Desperate to keep this hidden, desperate to keep your H happy, desperate to keep this from your daughter for as long as possible, desperate to keep everything hidden from everyone, desperate, desperate, desperate.....

 

You sound even worse....

[Milo12412]

My H has been away for the weekend, I stayed with his mam as he was on a birthday weekend with the guys from his local his dad went too, my friend heard of this it must have been through him saying something as I didn't and text saying I was a mug, she thinks there's some purpose to why I was asked round but I just wanted to sleep there with my little one then she sees her grandma too! What is society's problem with us???

[TaraMaiden]

You honestly need to ask?

 

'Society' doesn't really hold a very high opinion of either of you.

 

You both think your social circle has accepted everything and is on your side.

 

Think again.

 

I can only imagine what they must all be saying behind your back, but I would imagine it isn't flattering.

 

You're kidding yourself if you think your friendships have any depth.

Your friendships are as shallow and artificial as you are....

 

You get back what you put out - see?

[Milo12412]

Sorry I don't follow???

[Milo12412]

This is my oldest friend the one who won't accept im staying with my husband, I'm more annoyed she feels the right to have an opinion on where I spend the weekend, what on earth does it matter to her, we no longer even talk!

 

Other friends don't know where I spend my time nor do they give a ****!!!

[TaraMaiden]

This is my oldest friend the one who won't accept im staying with my husband, I'm more annoyed she feels the right to have an opinion on where I spend the weekend, what on earth does it matter to her, we no longer even talk!

 

Other friends don't know where I spend my time nor do they give a ****!!!

 

Your husband felt he had the right to phukk his mistress for 4 years.

Your husband felt he had the right to not pay child support until she forced him to.

Your husband felt he had the right to deny and refute the existence of his own child.

YOU felt you had the right to support him in all of this, and blindly choose to believe him rather than the glaring truth in front of your eyes.

You both believed you had the right to behave in an unforgivably despicable manner.

 

I think she has the right to hold whatever opinion she wants. If she's known you for such a long time, she probably knows you a lot better than you'd like, and can see right through you.

 

Other friends don't care one way or the other, probably because you've also lied to them through your back teeth, or they haven't had the full story.

[Milo12412]

But do you see a problem with me spending the weekend with my mother in law while he's Away? My friend says they've manipulated me into this, why on earth would they? Lol

[TaraMaiden]

Milo, what the hell gives you the idea we actually give a damn about your stupid, lying, cheating scumball of a husband, or what he does, and why?