sillysally Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 OK here's my dilemma....I've been seeing this guy for 2 months, he lives 45 minutes away but we have actually seen each other quite often. He took me out for my birthday, has been really nice, etc.... We haven't had sex yet, he thinks it's too soon, we are both 33. So last week, he planned to bring me lunch at work and he totally blew me off. He called me at work like he said, then he said he was going on his friend's boat and never ended up bringing me lunch. This whole weekend goes by and I don't see him. He called me and I guess I just assumed I was going to see him on Sunday, but he had other plans. I said to him "I don't think this is going to work." He was like "are you serious?" I went on to say that he seems very busy and only sees me when there is nothing better to do. He said yes he is always busy and that's not going to change, and it might even get worse in the fall because of his work schedule. I said I didn't think we were on the same page because I like to spend more time with the person I'm dating. So that conversation ended and he said he would call me later. He just called today and we talked about what we both want. I basically said that I would like to be in a realtionship that is going to progress. He said that he is ultimitely looking for a relationship but he does not feel comfortable defining anything right now. Said he was burned about a year ago, thought he and this girl were getting serious but she had other ideas. He said we have fun together and still wants to hang out and see where it goes. He invited me up on Friday to see a band. I said I would go. I don't know if I can handle this. I know I am looking for an instant relationship and that is not realistic. But I really like this guy, and I don't know if I will deal well if I invest time in this and it goes no where. I guess that the chance we all take but I feel like a psycho in my head right now!! Any advice would really help!! Link to post Share on other sites
I'm happy now Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Hi there...I'm 28 now and went through the same thing 2 years ago. This guy that I was dating only wanted to mind f*ck me and it *worked*. Months into the relationship, he just would not commit! We rarely could do anything together. That was laughable looking back. Since then I've found the man of my dreams. He WANTS to spend time with me. We are getting married in December and have been together almost one year. Lose this guy, if a man's THAT interested, he'll show it. Yours will come. =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sillysally Posted August 23, 2004 Author Share Posted August 23, 2004 Thank you. I keep flip flopping between, well maybe it will progress and some guys go slow, and if he really liked me he would try harder. I'm 33, I feel like I'm never going to find anyone and get married and have kids. I feel like I have to take the chance with him but then again I feel like I'm too old to keep wasting time. I will think about it but I'm most likely to take your advice and get rid of him!! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I have a feeling the real problem isn't entirely how fast or slow he wants to go. Normally a guy that isn't trying to rush you into bed within minutes of meeting you is a good thing indeed. Although if you both have different ideas about the pace of a relationship, that could be problematic, but workable if both parties are willing to make some sort of effort at it. Since he was burned a year ago, I could even understand that. Some guys do take longer to heal, so it may still be a relatively fresh wound to him, especially since he had thought he and the other girl were getting serious. Nope, that stuff doesn't really bug me at all. What sticks in my craw is this: ....So last week, he planned to bring me lunch at work and he totally blew me off. He called me at work like he said, then he said he was going on his friend's boat and never ended up bringing me lunch. .... That's not something one can blame on one's work schedule, no siree. It's not like he was canceling because he got overloaded at work, or an emergency there came up or something. It's ust plain disrespectful, and it's certainly not something you want him to make a habit of. Yes, I'd rethink the whole situation if I were in your shoes, but it would be for reasons like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sillysally Posted August 23, 2004 Author Share Posted August 23, 2004 I know, and I told him how pissed I was about the lunch thing, and he really didn't think it was a big deal, nor did he apologize. He has told me that he "doesn't like to make plans" because sometime he does not follow thru and people have gotten mad at him. Well duh!! There are just too many red flags I think. I should follow my instinct. But should I just blow him off or tell him or e-mail him or something? I want to cancel fri nite. Link to post Share on other sites
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