My bi-polar aunt ruining each holiday

[pink_sugar]

So my aunt has bi-polar manic depression and has had it since she was 19. (She's 43 now). My grandparents, (mostly my grandmother), always babied her and treated her like a "sick person" and overlooked every single thing she did. It was as if she had autism or down syndrome. So my aunt has always been very manipulative and knows she can get her way, even as an adult. They treated my mom badly and spoiled her rotten as a child. Her son is also a little bit this way, although he has been raised by his dad most of his life. We're all tired of my grandmother making excuses for her behavior and expecting all of us to "just put up with it" and see that "she's sick". My aunt used to drive, (sold her car to take the bus now), lives on her own and has her own life. I've also never had a very good relationship with her...she would always make things seem like my fault whenever me and my little cousin would play together years ago. (On top of the abuse at home that was also going on). I hosted thanksgiving at my apartment and my aunt was fine most of the time. MOST. However, when they walked in, she was b***hing at my grandmother about something stupid and my grandmother was just taking it. I felt like telling her to knock it off in my house. Later on, while we were watching a movie she kept asking us to get up and serve her things...despite the fact that she could easily go and serve herself.

 

Ok, so then comes Christmas. This was at my grandmother's house. My cousin was over and we had a good time despite the fact that I was sick. Towards the end, I was really ready to leave (we were waiting for my mom and stepdad since they road with us) my brother kept wanting to make plans to go out after Christmas eve despite the fact that I clearly said I was sick. All of a sudden, we hear my aunt in the other room, complaining. She comes out and blatantly tells all of us we should "just leave" at my grandmother's house and accuses us of never including her. (She expected a personal invitation). My brother and mom were trying to explain that everyone who wants to go is free to go, but no one made any definite plans. My brother has also pointed out that we've invited her in the past and that she never wants to go. Our cousin did go with us last year though. At that point, being sick, I was frustrated at being lumped in when I made it clear I had no plans other than going home to rest. I said as such and then we abruptly left the group. My grandmother, of course, sits back and does nothing. My brother's girlfriend was very uncomfortable and had walked outside at that point.

 

My aunt has always had this notion against my mom that it's "her group against hers". Like my brother, his fiance, me and my husband, my mom and my stepdad are against just her and my cousin. So each time we all get together, my aunt acts very funny in a group situation with this mentality. My mom has told my grandmother repeatedly that if my aunt cannot handle being in a group situation, she shouldn't push her to attend festivities and she shouldn't go if she cannot control her behavior. But since my grandmother has done nothing but enable my aunt all of her life, she makes it sound as if we should all just tolerate my aunt acting that way.

 

Ok, fast forward to this weekend, my mom's birthday. Everything was great until we got back to my grandmother's to have cake. (My mom initially did not want my aunt present for her birthday party because of the way my aunt has been behaving. But of course my grandmother still encourages my aunt to go). My grandmother wanted to rush so after cake, they could drive my aunt back home. However, all of a sudden my aunt said she needed to buy a TV before she got home because she had no working TV. My mom got annoyed at that point and said that it was her birthday, so it wasn't a good time to break up the group just so she could rush home and buy a TV and that my stepdad didn't really want his car driving everywhere. However, my stepdad gave in to my aunt and so did my grandmother. My aunt kept saying it was an emergency and she has no TV and that my mom could have her birthday anytime. Needless to say, the group gave in to my aunt's pathetic whining and took her to get the TV.

 

My mom really thinks we should all have separate holidays, because my grandmother keeps saying she will change and stand up to my aunt, but she won't.

[Radu]

Your grandma and aunt should be locked away together in the same room for all eternity.