babycat Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Hi, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this question or if i should even do it on love shack but i need some advise on a situation that happened last night. I was extremely drunk and had sex with a guy. Today i feel extremely taken advantage of and very embarrassed, also I'm not attracted to him at all and I'm interested in his friend. I'm not sure how i should handle this situation i cant get this out of my head, its making me extremley anxious. I thought i needed to say how i feel about the situation, so i have written a note to him and was going to my private mail him it on Facebook. Do you think this is a good idea or not?? I'm not sure how to handle this. This is a copy of the letter I'm thinking of sending. I wasn’t sure if I should send this message or not, but its about what happened last night, things aren’t sitting very well with me and in fact I feel horrible and taken advantage of. The whole thing is feeling really ****** up 2 me. I keep having random flash backs and was totally shocked that you were next to me when I woke up, considering when I fell asleep I was alone. Why would you come through and get into bed with me when I was sleeping?? I remember waking up and someone was touching me and I had no idea who it was?? Fair enough it continued but I was not in any fit state to be making they sort of judgements Does that not sound ****** up 2 you. I don’t want you to say anything on the matter but I would appreciate it if we see each other at any other point that you will stay well away from me. I have no interest in speaking to you about anything. I think you know fine well that I was way to drunk to be letting you do what happened. You can think what you want about the situation just letting you know where I stand on the subject. Also I would appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut about it and lets just leave it at that. Not something I want to remember. So what do you think about what happened and my response to it? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 It sounds like you are accusing him of rape. Are you? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I don't think it sounds like you are accusing him of rape. I think it sounds like you are accusing him of taking advantage of you when you were drunk and half passed out. To me, it is rape. To him, it isnt . But you are calling him on it properly and telling him what you think and strongly suggesting he steer clear of you in the future. I would send it, but also add that he should be absolutely ashamed of himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babycat Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 I feel like its a very blurry line. I'm not interested in going to the police. I definitely feel taken advantage of but i feel like calling it rape is a wrong statement. I am confused as to what to call it I feel like i should say something to him and let him know that im not happy or comfortable with what happened. I want him to be aware of how i feel. I'm just looking for some advise. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I don't think it sounds like you are accusing him of rape. I think it sounds like you are accusing him of taking advantage of you when you were drunk and half passed out. To me, it is rape. To him, it isnt . But you are calling him on it properly and telling him what you think and strongly suggesting he steer clear of you in the future. I would send it, but also add that he should be absolutely ashamed of himself. Agreed on all counts. He's a piece of scum. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Send it for your own sake. It's the right thing to do for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babycat Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah i think your right. Part of me is scared that if i send it to him something is going to come back and bite me. I'm not sure what exactly, i just have an anxious feeling. He is also in my good friends band and that's just going to make things awkward. Do you think i'm over thinking this. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 No you're not overthinking it, you should send it. What he did wasn't right at all and you need to let him know that. It doesn't matter if things get awkward, he is the reason they are awkward, he took advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I think anyone who gets so drunk that they lose control of their situation needs to reconsider their drinking habits. Send the letter if you want. Then visit AA. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) It is easy to get taken advantage of when you are drunk and easy for no to be ignored.....being drunk allows you no forethought and leaves you vulnerable, I have had a few hard situations to get out of when i have been drinking, i dont drink anymore.....alcohol is toxic to me mentally and emotionally..i also lost all equilibrium and i dont have to drink a whole load of alcohol for that to happen...and hangovers who needs it.......send the message to state how you feel i think you wrote it well, I wouldnt consider the friend of his however, you like at all either the one you like...if you go for the friend it is the start of one, distance yourself from both for now.. once you have had sex with a guy and you want to get with his friend he already knows about you.....dont be that girl..even though you being drunk is no excuse for him to do what he did he will paint it differently..if you are going to drink in future, make sure you go home after drinking and lock your door...get someone to take you home a close friend, someone you trust....best wishes...hugs....deb Edited January 22, 2013 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) If you'd got into bed with this guy and showed him lots of affection, despite being drunk, and responded to him, then I would say avoid getting that drunk again so you know what you are doing. But, you say the guy came and joined you in bed. Where were you? In your own bed, in someone else's place, in his place? How did you end up there? You sound like you weren't expecting him to join you in bed. Did he have to come into your room uninvited? Was he already in the room? There are a lot of unanswered questions here. Whatever, if you had not invited him into your room or your bed, he should not have got into it. He was taking advantage and it was rape because you did not invite him or agree to it. I understand why you feel you don't want to involve the police, because you were so drunk and aren't sure what they would make of it, and maybe because you didn't fight him off because you were too drunk, but it's worth bearing in mind that if this guy did rape you, he could do it to others. What is your general perception of this guy? How did you end up spending time with him? It might be worth contacting a rape crisis centre for support and advice. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. At least it will give you someone to talk to who has some knowledge of such issues and may be able to help you to tease out whether this guy has broken the law in a way that could be proven Edited January 25, 2013 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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