Bill Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 About 2 and a half years ago I dated a girl that lied to me about her age, when I found out, we broke up. She had lied to her parents about me, and my age at the time, but I did not know until I talked to her parents. It was a whole big situation, her parents questioning her why she did this and all. At the time, I was 19 and she was 16 (but she told me she was 18 at the time). We went out for about 2 months back then, nothing much happened. So, a few months ago she contacted me again, but this time, she's 18 turning 19 in a few months, and I'm 22 (just turned 22 at the start of this month). She contacted me in hopes of talking again. We talked for a while, then decided that we would try a relationship. This relationship, was started about 2 weeks ago. A week ago, she went away to college 6.5 hours away from me (I'm in NJ, she's in VA). She says she loves me and everything. Long distance relationships are hard, even harder that I haven't had the time to date her longer. I keep asking if she will tell her parents that we are "back" together, but she refuses. She says that eventually she will tell them. Do you think this relationship is a bad idea? I have my doubts. I would rarely get to see her, except breaks and a whole day trip if I could even make that. Do you think it's a sign or something that she will not tell her parents that we are together? I'm just very confused. Any comments and or sugguestions are helpful. Thank you for your help in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 What makes sense is a friendship at this point that could turn into dating if the distance was resolved. You'd be foolish -- in my opinion -- to commit yourself to such a young girl who's away at college for the first time after dating her only a short while (both instances combined). She may care for you and she may want the feeling of already having a guy locked in before getting to the uncertainty of school. However, she needs to spend some time independent -- growing up and living on her own. You also are young and shouldn't spend this portion of your life locked down when there's so little stability and longterm potential here. That she won't face her folks shows she isn't mature enough yet for a longterm, serious commitment. She's still not her own person. Wait until she is. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 I ended it, thank you. I can't contact her a lot, so I had to do it over text message, which is really crappy. I will call later to tell her. I offered friendship, because that is all I can offer right now. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Over a fu*king text message!! I'm usually really cool and open about certain things and everyone here knows that but that really ticked me off. Grrrrrr.... U just don't do that to a girl. Especially if shes in love with you and suffering already with the fact that its a long distance relationship and then you just text her with its over. Real messed up. You owe this girl an apology and a face to face conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Well, I think I understand why Bill did that, EternallyConfused. He wanted closure right away, since this is painful and awkward for him, too. I do think you should have another conversation with her where you explain why. Make sure she knows it's not about her -- you think she's beautiful, great. It's about circumstances. Take care -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd Over a fu*king text message!! I'm usually really cool and open about certain things and everyone here knows that but that really ticked me off. Grrrrrr.... U just don't do that to a girl. Especially if shes in love with you and suffering already with the fact that its a long distance relationship and then you just text her with its over. Real messed up. You owe this girl an apology and a face to face conversation. She's 6 and a half hours away. I am not going to drive all the way there to tell her it's over because I can't!. Visitors are restricted at her college, and no one is allowed in the dorms other than the people living there, and sometimes parents. I'm not allowed to call her during the day "because of her minutes". During the night, I'm normally supposed to wait for her to call, because of "Band Practice". What choice did I really have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Doesn't matter now anyway, I just called, she never got the text messages. But she said she had to run. So I didn't get a chance to tell her what it was all about. I told her to call back when she is available. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I feel you though Im thinking of doing the same. My bf just went back to college into his own apartment with 2 single best guy friends. Yeah hes 8 hours away. I cant call during day either 'minutes' Then I have to wait for him to call me and talk for a while about how our day went how much we miss eachother and cant do anything about it, and yeah it sux. But still keep trying to call her dont do it through a text. Sorry I got emotional but Its that im tripping about the long distance too and I just thought if my bf were to do that to me through a text I would seriously flip out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 It's not all about the distance though. She won't even tell her parents that we are together, so I feel as though something is wrong. If she comes home from college, I can't see her, because she's with her parents! Only time I would see her is if she happened to sneak away from them. It's not like she could drive to me either, she has no car. I would have to come to her house. I don't think we should have to sneak around. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Oh I C. Forgot about the parents. Yeah thats fishy. She probably doesn't want to tell her parents since that whole incident with the lying about the age. But if she cares for you she shouldn't let that get in the way and stand up to her parents and act her age. I say do whatyou did which is break up with her and just offer her your friendship for now. If intime you guys think you could have a relationship but right now it won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
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