Why your relationship prob ended

[NoMoreJerks]

I was the opposite - I knew I had to stay fit/take care of my looks, the way i dressed , etc. Never allowed myself to get comfy in that department.. In fact, even joined the gym after I met him and the whole time that we were together.. Even bought a bunch of new dresses / sexy stuff , started wearing high heels (well, at times, and not very often, cos it hurts my feet, but I tried), when in the past I almost always wore flats.

 

He was the same, in terms of taking care of his looks, weight, etc. He took care of his looks. But I suspect he did it not for me, but because he wanted women to be attracted to him in general, and I think he was looking for another woman (any woman, no one in particular) and would've gone with her if he had managed to win her over..

Edited January 23, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[stevie_23]

I think he was doing it for other women too, or just people in general, men or women, so they'd find him appealing and attractive, for his own ego boost.

 

My best friend, her ex-wife (lesbian marriage) told her 6 months into their relationship that if she ever got fat again (my friend used to be very overweight in her teens and early 20s), she'd leave her. Nice, eh?

[OJ loved Nicole]

I was the opposite

 

NMJ, your situation is very different. The rules are different in LDR's (for men). You could be an 8, she a 7, but he'll choose her over you because she is local. No, it's not fair.... but it's true

[NoMoreJerks]

NMJ, your situation is very different. The rules are different in LDR's (for men). You could be an 8, she a 7, but he'll choose her over you because she is local. No, it's not fair.... but it's true

Well, he did not leave me for someone else, actually. But he wasn't in his country more than he was in mine. He traveled all the time. I don't think he had any other woman in any of the other countries/cities he visited... or at least i never got that impression since we talked, skyped at night, etc., and he was alone. But you are right -- I have seen his ex's picture, and she is less pretty than I.. that said, if he had known us at the same time, and we both lived in the same place, I don't know if he still would've chosen me. I don't think it really works that way. Looks aren't everything, I don't think. He was still in love with her, 2 years after the break-up. Even after he met me. And he had no hope of getting her back, if only because his job now meant that he traveled more than he stayed at home..

Edited January 23, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[stevie_23]

Yeah, my ex didn't leave me for another woman either.

 

It's a different situation though, for me, since he was married. His wife, who he "chose" (I prefer to think of it as he had to choose stability and security in his life, which included being married to his wife), is 51 years old, rather overweight, short, pleasant but not gorgeous. Smart enough in an organised mother type way, but they never have deep discussions. I'm 34, hot body, nice face, smart, wise and stimulated him in ALL ways.

 

But he still walked away. So see...it really doesn't matter.

[OJ loved Nicole]

But he still walked away. So see...it really doesn't matter.

 

Marriage is different than dating, given I posted this in the "break up" section and not the "sep and divorce" section. Again, you were never in a relationship with this man. This doesn't apply to you because you were the OW, never in person, thousands of miles away. He didn't walk away from you, he just stopped logging in.

[stevie_23]

Hmm. Not everyone is incapable of deep emotional love online, you realise.

 

He stopped logging in after almost 2 years of doing so consistently, twice a day everyday for several hours each time. After 2 years of doing daily videos for me, talking to me, sharing his feelings and thoughts and his life. After 2 years of texting me whenever we were both awake and able to be together. He was devoted during our time together.

[OJ loved Nicole]

He was devoted during our time together.

 

He IS married!! He had a extramarital emotional affair. You were NEVER in a relationship, google it "extramarital relationship", IT DOES NOT EXIST. And given my title "why your RELATIONSHIP prob ended" none of the above pertains to you!

Edited January 23, 2013 by OJ loved Nicole

[MyAngel]

So you think being needy made you more attractive than her? You think that's how Brad landed Angelina?

 

Well, neediness is not attractive, no. I guess I was thinking you're talking more physical attractiveness which I don't think has anything to do with who says goodbye the most.

 

But if you're going to be in a relationship and "pretend" to never need them, or give a false air or uncaring, isn't that just game playing to make yourself seem more attractive? I was just being myself. Not playing any games. And I wouldn't want to.

[stevie_23]

He IS married!! He had a extramarital emotional affair. You were NEVER in a relationship, google it "extramarital relationship", IT DOES NOT EXIST. And given my title "why your RELATIONSHIP prob ended" none of the above pertains to you!

 

Ok ok, have your own opinion. I don't agree and that's fine. Any sort of repeated interaction with another person that is reciprocal and acknowledged / recognised by both parties is a "relationship", whether it's friendship, intimate, romantic, affair, familial, whatever.

 

...do you really believe OJ loved Nicole? lol

Edited January 23, 2013 by stevie_23

[OJ loved Nicole]

Well, neediness is not attractive, no. I guess I was thinking you're talking more physical attractiveness which I don't think has anything to do with who says goodbye the most.

 

But if you're going to be in a relationship and "pretend" to never need them, or give a false air or uncaring, isn't that just game playing to make yourself seem more attractive? I was just being myself. Not playing any games. And I wouldn't want to.

 

First, I didn't realize you were a girl. Second, girl or guy, needy IS unattractive. You transition from being a sexy/confident girl to a needy dependent, and guys don't want to bang needy dependents. My GF gets needy a lot, I lose sexual attraction immediately when she does. I feel as though I am catering to a child. Are you a needy person in your day to day life? Were you needy around him when you started dating him?

 

(Physical Attractiveness)

People are hard-wired to look for/seek beauty. It's reproduction value. A beautiful man has a higher likelihood of giving you beautiful baby, which in turn increases your babies odds of reproducing later in life (reproduction value, continue the blood line).

 

Why are ugly people ugly? Seriously think about it. You don't think they are attractive but you really don't understand why, right? "I don't like how he looks", "he is fat", but there is no REAL reason behind it, you just don't like it. You have WAY less control over who you are attracted to (and who you're not attracted to) than you think you do, because YOU'RE REALLY NOT THE ONE DECIDING.

 

So, if your ex finds someone who has a higher reproduction value than you (all other things remaining equal), he/she WILL leave.

Edited January 23, 2013 by OJ loved Nicole

[JDP25]

I've been doing a lot of reading and one thing keeps popping up, your sex number. As oracle explained in his "realistic tips" thread the hotter person usually leaves. 7's are meant to be with 7's, 8's with 8's, so on and so forth.

 

For the Sex# it really depends on the individual eye raping you. I been rated at 5-9 for a sex #.

 

Think back, when you entered into your last relationship what was your sexy number? How did you attract your SO, were there multiple people interested in you? During your relationship did you do things that lowered your number?

I can relate to this with my last relationship...

 

 

The last girl I was with rated me at 8 in her eyes. I rated her at a 6.5, but if this girl actually tried to be pretty she will be an 8. I attracted her by my gentleman qualities and my military in shape body. I have tattoos it makes me stand out from the rest. I am considered to be cute and yummy to some girls. I drive a nice car and have some money. Before I hooked with this girl. Yes, I had multiple chances with other girls because I am good flirt. Yes, I am guilty and so is she that lowered our sex#'s. There would come times I would loose so much attraction to her that I just will be attracted to other girls higher than her number such as 7-10 and flirt a storm. I didn't do the walking away in this one. She admitted that I have a higher chance, than her to attract some new asap.

 

-Gain weight- Easily a reduction in sex number.

 

Yes, I am guilty I gained a few pounds for getting too comfortable I would skimp on the gym. That didn't stop her love for some reason? Now that I am single again back to getting in shape easily shed 20 lbs after a 3 weeks of being apart.

 

-Lose touch with friends- Losing touch translates to you're less in demand, lower social status. Nobody wants to date Mr./Mrs. Couch Potato.

 

I didn't loose touch with my friends because I would be out with my friends and love ones every other weekend at the bar or social place. She lost sex# in my eyes because I would try to drag her to come out, but she wouldn't for a good majority because she couldn't socialize with my friends or family. "She was out of her comfort zone." I have no problem chatting with new people and when I met her loved ones and friends easy walk in the park with socializing.

 

-Give up on goals/hobbies- Losing direction, drive, ambition.

 

I can say I just lost track because I gained new hobbies when I was with her. Just lost my main higher echelon goals such as going somewhere with my life. I almost quit on getting my degree.

 

-Argue more- Those little things that didn't bother you in the beginning of the relationship now made you bicker with you SO. Lower self confidence.

 

This happened after a while of being together. I had no problem listening to her favorite music in the beginning, but after a while I would get so annoyed by it. I would get ticked off by a lot of the things she would do that I didn't mind it at first. I can say I got to "jerk" mode with her.

 

Loosing sight of yourself and SO can lower sex appeal. I lost so much sex appeal for my last SO. That I just was so tempted to "cheat" and be with another one. I have a loyalty moral so it will stop me from doing the evil act. Since I went "jerk" mode she walked away.

 

Being a "jerk" will reduce your sex# same goes for the ladies being a B***H will also loose sex#. Being too nice lost in sex# etc... as said the list can go on.

 

After you loose or do the walking. The best advice I can give is to give yourself time to reflect and relax from the break up. Best things to do, is to learn from your mistakes and seek self-improvement. Like it was said at the first post for the next SO you can be a higher sex# for them. Now, what I do is go to the gym, read, maintain my hobbies, and looking for better employment while still attending college.

 

I had a 6.5/Possible 8 for an SO at times I tried to turn her into an 8 by showing her how to act and dress. Hopefully for the next one I pull an 7-9 where I don't have to put too much effort to turn her into a higher sex #. Hopefully she all ready an 8.

[OJ loved Nicole]

For the Sex# it really depends on the individual eye raping you. I been rated at 5-9 for a sex #.

 

Physical attractiveness is a small (but important) part of your sex number. An ugly guy with $10 million, or an ugly guy who has very high social status will be extremely attractive to a lot of women.

 

And I like being eye raped ;-)

[hotpotato]

I was always the way hot one, and I still got left. I could be a fitness model while most of the guys ive dated were not. The last ex and I never argued, never had a reason to. Last relationship was an ldr. I wanted to talk on the phone 2-3x a week I wonder if that was needy.

[OJ loved Nicole]

I was always the way hot one, and I still got left. I could be a fitness model while most of the guys ive dated were not. The last ex and I never argued, never had a reason to. Last relationship was an ldr. I wanted to talk on the phone 2-3x a week I wonder if that was needy.

 

LDR's are in a totally different category. If he sees you as needy, that will be amplified because you can't provide him the good hormones (oxytocin) from: touch, sex, physical interaction in a timely manner to counter the negative. I can tell you I love you, but if I did it while touching you etc. that emotion is amplified. Again LDR's are just different, if you aren't providing something that he/she is given an opportunity to obtain locally, the LDR might be in trouble.

[hotpotato]

LDR's are in a totally different category. If he sees you as needy, that will be amplified because you can't provide him the good hormones (oxytocin) from: touch, sex, physical interaction in a timely manner to counter the negative. I can tell you I love you, but if I did it while touching you etc. that emotion is amplified. Again LDR's are just different, if you aren't providing something that he/she is given an opportunity to obtain locally, the LDR might be in trouble.

 

Well, ex jumped from my ldr to another ldr with a woman in the same state. Oh well.

[athousandquestions]

I don't really agree with this. In some cases, sure, but not all. I was dumped by someone who is considered less attractive than me.

 

First of all attraction is important in a relationship, and if there is no attraction there will be problems. However, I was (and still am) extremely attracted to my ex. I think he's really attractive and goodlooking, but it's the small things about him that make me think that instead of regarding the overall package. If I didn't know him I would not find him attractive. I did not start thinking he was attractive until we started dating. (sex was never an issue in our relationship. We always had great sex.)

 

To be honest, I was the 'settler' for the looks department - I am better looking than him, and have hooked up with people who score way higher in 'sexual number' than him since we broke up. I have had people tell me (guys, girls, friends, acquaintances, etc) that I am much better looking than him.

 

 

 

But he broke up with me

 

 

 

Edit: reading this i see we are factoring other things into number besides physical features. I disagree with this, rating someone should be purely physical because physicality is the first thing you are attracted to. If someone unattractive approaches you at a bar, and you don't talk to them because you aren't attractive, it really doesn't matter how funny/kind/unclingy etc they are cause you will never know

Edited June 22, 2013 by athousandquestions

[CorridorE]

Nope, not for me. In the three years I was with my ex I focused on improving myself all the time not only for myself, but for him as well. I was so happy with him and wanted him to be able to show me of a bit haha. He made me want to be the best version of myself I could be.

 

We were long distance, and every four or so months when he would come to see me, I would have gone to the gym more than before, saved to buy new, nicer clothes, and have a planned list of new things for us to go out and do together. He always said the things I did for him were unnecessary, but I enjoyed improving myself for us and I know he liked it too.

 

Then he cheated and left me for someone... er... less than myself. If I'm an 8 she's a 5. So... I don't understand it at all... but at least I have no blame for myself over his leaving because I did nothing to drive him away. (Btw, his new relationship is long distance too, so he didn't leave me for someone closer.)

Edited June 22, 2013 by CorridorE

[OJ loved Nicole]

I did not start thinking he was attractive until we started dating.

 

Edit: I disagree with this, rating someone should be purely physical because physicality is the first thing you are attracted to. If someone unattractive approaches you at a bar, and you don't talk to them because you aren't attractive, it really doesn't matter how funny/kind/unclingy etc they are cause you will never know

 

Lol!! Which one is it??

 

LDR's, you're in a different category (numbers don't really apply to you). Even he left you for another LDR, the "new" is giving them the good hormones he/she are looking for. You think anything different will come from their new relationship?!?!? NO, as soon as the good feelings go away, the eyes begin to wander AGAIN.

[CorridorE]

Why shouldnt numbers apply to long distance relationships? We didn't start out long distance.. but skyped multiple times a week in between visits for the two years that were, and there always has to be physical attraction in a relationship regardless of distance.

[OJ loved Nicole]

Why shouldnt numbers apply to long distance relationships? We didn't start out long distance.. but skyped multiple times a week in between visits for the two years that were, and there always has to be physical attraction in a relationship regardless of distance.

 

While you are LDR, the numbers are skew. You are only an 8 when you're available to meet his needs. I've explained this before in other threads but, you lose points for being LDR and she gains points for being local. You lose more points the farther away you are. No healthy male would trade a local 8 for a local 5, ask your male friends (however that's quite obvious).

 

No matter what, overall you're still an 8 and she's still a 5. When she loses her situs advantage, he might come back around knowing overall what he gave up. Hopefully you've moved on to much greener pastures by the time that happens.

 

I've only even remotely considered cheating on my current GF once..... when I traveled for 1 week about 2000 miles away..... and she's a 10!!

[CorridorE]

While you are LDR, the numbers are skew. You are only an 8 when you're available to meet his needs. I've explained this before in other threads but, you lose points for being LDR and she gains points for being local. You lose more points the farther away you are. No healthy male would trade a local 8 for a local 5, ask your male friends (however that's quite obvious).

 

No matter what, overall you're still an 8 and she's still a 5. When she loses her situs advantage, he might come back around knowing overall what he gave up. Hopefully you've moved on to much greener pastures by the time that happens.

 

I've only even remotely considered cheating on my current GF once..... when I traveled for 1 week about 2000 miles away..... and she's a 10!!

 

Oh, okay I completely understand if it's the choice for local from 2000 miles... Sorry, I was referring to my specific case, where he is stationed in NC, and he leaves me for another LDR with a girl who is also thousands of miles away... living in my home town! This is the confusing part to me, not why a guy would give up to be with someone local. That makes more sense.

[hotpotato]

Oh, okay I completely understand if it's the choice for local from 2000 miles... Sorry, I was referring to my specific case, where he is stationed in NC, and he leaves me for another LDR with a girl who is also thousands of miles away... living in my home town! This is the confusing part to me, not why a guy would give up to be with someone local. That makes more sense.

 

Ditto, except mine lives an hour and a half or two hours away.

 

LDRs dont end because of distance. There's something else going on there. CorridorE and I are proof of that.

[OJ loved Nicole]

Oh, okay I completely understand if it's the choice for local from 2000 miles... Sorry, I was referring to my specific case, where he is stationed in NC, and he leaves me for another LDR with a girl who is also thousands of miles away... living in my home town! This is the confusing part to me, not why a guy would give up to be with someone local. That makes more sense.

 

-People only leave relationships under for 2 circumstances-

 

1.) They can't stand you, they no longer want a relationship with you. - These people tend to stay single for some time after the breakup. In other words, "I'd rather be alone than be with you!!" Even if this is caused by a tragic/major life event, you are no longer a priority.

 

2.) They "think" they're upgrading- These people already have someone in mind or in bed before the end of your relationship. 100% of the time they believe this is an upgrade. After the initial excitement wears off this may or may not be true, but at that time, they are convinced of it.

 

CorridorE, hotpotato, you're cases fall under #2. Even if in all actuality it's a downgrade, I guarantee that's not how they see it (at least not at that time).

 

My gf loves me, she's head over heels..... I rock her F'N world!! However, if Brad Pitt started pursuing her tomorrow, i know I stand no chance.

[hotpotato]

-People only leave relationships under for 2 circumstances-

 

1.) They can't stand you, they no longer want a relationship with you. - These people tend to stay single for some time after the breakup. In other words, "I'd rather be alone than be with you!!" Even if this is caused by a tragic/major life event, you are no longer a priority.

 

2.) They "think" they're upgrading- These people already have someone in mind or in bed before the end of your relationship. 100% of the time they believe this is an upgrade. After the initial excitement wears off this may or may not be true, but at that time, they are convinced of it.

 

CorridorE, hotpotato, you're cases fall under #2. Even if in all actuality it's a downgrade, I guarantee that's not how they see it (at least not at that time).

 

My gf loves me, she's head over heels..... I rock her F'N world!! However, if Brad Pitt started pursuing her tomorrow, i know I stand no chance.

 

I can agree with that. I also think it's hilarious,too. Most of the time it's not even an upgrade. One of my ex's upgrades stabbed him in the neck. They just dont see what poor choices they are making. But whatever floats their boat.

 

The upgrade this time is into thugs and the thug lifestyle. My fav books are things like 1984 and Animal Farm. Hers is Every Thug Needs a Lady. She posted a picture of her baby covered with a bunch of dollar bills. She describes herself as "crazy." Those things aren't something I can provide so if thats what he wants, have fun with that!!!

 

Im not even sure if they even think they are upgrading. From reading and experience seems like they just grab the first person they meet. Then they try to get this girl to marry them in 4 months or less. They bring the drama on themselves I have 0 sympathy.