Decorative Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 My PI installed many devices for me, any reputable PI has many tricks up their sleeves and it's not car all chases and cloak and dagger. Gosh, do you think a PI wouldn't think of other methods of getting their target other than tailing the target. Yup. The PI the OW's parents hired to catch my husband was very resourceful. Quite clever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 My PI installed many devices for me, any reputable PI has many tricks up their sleeves and it's not car all chases and cloak and dagger. Gosh, do you think a PI wouldn't think of other methods of getting their target other than tailing the target. Many tricks up thier sleeves? I had no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yup. The PI the OW's parents hired to catch my husband was very resourceful. Quite clever. Just as with anything, it appears clever until they(AP's) know what it is. But most people are sloppy so they can be very effective. Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Many tricks up thier sleeves? I had no idea. Realist Funny thing is I truly believe you'll never get caught because your OW has a great sense of imagination. Edited January 22, 2013 by Furious 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm certain there are people in that line of work who are much more resourceful at catching you than you would be at evading them. Like I said, if you know thier methods/tricks it makes it far too expensive for people to continue. It doesn't matter how resourceful a PI thinks he is. They play off of routine in various ways. In the business they call it "burned". What that means is once someone knows their methods the case is closed for them. They rely on sloppiness for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Realist Funny thing is I truly believe you'll never get caught because your OW has a great sense of imagination. She certainly does. You have no idea, and that is not just about evading detection. I haven't even begun to detail all of the things she comes up with. Sometimes I just sit back and laugh. Her thing is "everything fits within the routine". Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 The repercussions from the Newtown massacre are going to make our tried and true a little more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yes, this is one of the things he says to me. That he does not want to entertain me but I don't expect him to. I can entertain myself. Sunflower, cheaters don't want their spouse to join them on a business trip. Of course you wouldn't need to be entertained and you could check out the sights and enjoy yourself. The fact your husband is so set against you going along is a huge red flag. Don't buy that he might be too tired from all his work and long meetings, somehow that doesn't figure in when the affair partner is around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 He has to one night trips a month. Do you really think she is going to go on every trip month after month? The real cheating is not taking place on any of these trips, it is happening through regular communication, if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathless Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 My BH started to get suspicious a couple of months before DDay. He had a gut feeling something was going on with me. It was me that sent him spinning around in circles with my actions - distant, distracted, I was present in all the family and friends activities but I was not mentally there. Then he saw a text msg from xMM that was not some much as a dead give away but a just a little bit off for people who are just friends. Though xMM and I were friends/coworkers for years and used to text each other all the time - all hours of the night and weekends before the A started (both our spouses were aware that we were close and were aware that we used to talk after hours and never questioned our friendship). We would text each other while our spouses were right there next to us bc we were living in a bubble that we would never get caught. But what I will never be able to forgive myself for is my callousness and heartlessness to have been able to sit there while my BH lost his mind trying to either find proof of the A or trying to reconnect with me on any level to ease his mind that I still loved him!!!! His paranoia (justified paranoia) was torture for him...I watched while my BH woke up night after night with nightmares about me, watched as he tried to hold my hand and I pulled away and the hurt was written all over his face. One thing I do know is that during this time, my BH was only fighting with his own self in hopes to be proven wrong on something that he knew deep down was true...his wife was having an affair. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Just as with anything, it appears clever until they(AP's) know what it is. But most people are sloppy so they can be very effective. Dude. We know. You're Jane and James Bond. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 The repercussions from the Newtown massacre are going to make our tried and true a little more difficult. This is gross. Stop. Please. Be more respectful than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I wasn't meaning in any way to be gross. Schools across the country are upping security measures as they should. I was just pointing out that one of her "more imaginative methods" is not going to be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 If you ask him, he's going to deny it and tell you you're crazy (gas lighting!) and to chill out. You want answers? Hire a PI. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think a voice activated recorder in his car and a GPS would be equally as effective, and probably less costly. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I wasn't meaning in any way to be gross. Schools across the country are upping security measures as they should. I was just pointing out that one of her "more imaginative methods" is not going to be the same. Well, it was . Your trysting plans and secret games aren't cool to begin with, and to directly mention that massacre as a reason for impediment is just wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 This is gross. Stop. Please. Be more respectful than that. I agree and I don't see how what Newton has to do with infidelity and the question posed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 He does sound suspicious by not even giving you flight and hotel info. There's a possibility he's not even going out of town sometimes, but saying he is so he can spend a day in town with OW. Do you have access to his work computer? There are keystroke loggers out that you can install and they will secretly track his every computer move and log everything he types. I found this one by googling "keystroke spy": Spytech Spy Software - Computer Monitoring Software - Internet Recording I would go with your gut; it's always right. Sorry. Good luck. Ps. I know you wanted OW advice, but as a former OW, my situation was a little different. His wife lived in another city so he was able to be with me most of the time, including entire weekends at his apt. When he went home to see her, he would email from restroom or send quick texts with codes at the end if I couldn't reply. He would also call when she was gone or if he had alone time in the car or something. She eventually found out (gut feeling) and I confirmed it by talking to her one night and telling her everything. Most of the time, the OW will eventually want more (if she's not attached herself) and things will get messy as he loses control of managing both worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 OW here. Plus I have the intimate thoughts of hundreds of people on this subject from personal conversations I've had. All that to tell you - there is never any one size fits all answer. I never was caught. It's important to stay "normal". But business trips are always about me and me alone. Not a time to cheat. Too easy to have some work related person who knows you are married, see you. And of course, there are a lot of people that are just plain stupid and think because they are in a different locale, well, no one will find them out. I think those people that really do not want to be found out, will be able to have an affair without the BS knowing anything at all is amiss. Once emotions kick in though, well, it seems that caution gets thrown to the wind. If you are not sure, I would back off. Just be normal. Let him slip up on his own. He will only tighten his methods, become better at covering his tracks, if he feels you are suspicious. Then, depending on your skill sets - well, there are a lot of place to start looking on your own. Phone records, etc. Sure, they can get a burner phone, but really, planning ahead isn't always done well. Me, I can't start texting a lot. Because it wouldn't be NORMAL, and although not a big deal, well, by doing different things, it's a red flag. But as an OW - I will quite honestly state that business travel and cheating are not a mix for me. I suppose it might work out for people that work together, though I'd always be afraid that some work person would see me out with someone......Plus, I really just like being ALONE with no dogs, no husband, nobody at all for a night or two. If he has always been crabby about your inquiries into his business travel, it could be he doesn't like being kept tabs on. I dunno. He's your guy. Guys that are in it for love, not so much just the sex and the adrenaline ego rush that they have two (or more) women, well, those guys tend to make mistakes more. It appears to me. I think women pay more attention to things. Little things. There is also inexpensive spyware you can put on his phone. Though the legalities of that have to do with who owns the phone. You can essentially grab all his texts and phone calls, etc. PI's can be expensive. I'm cheap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I wasn't meaning in any way to be gross. Schools across the country are upping security measures as they should. I was just pointing out that one of her "more imaginative methods" is not going to be the same. Well, it's gross that you coyly used that particular platform to brag about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Realist, the connection you made to the massacre is a real stomach turner. Where's your head or are your posts just for gross kicks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well, it's gross that you coyly used that particular platform to brag about it. There wasno malice or bragging about intended. It was a simple statement of fact. In fact, just 1 hour earlier I received an email from the school detailing their new security procedures as a response to said event. That of course prompted a discussion with MOW. Furious brought up imagination, and I just blurted it out. Sorry about that. There was no intent to offend anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Realist, the connection you made to the massacre is a real stomach turner. Where's your head or are your posts just for gross kicks? The connection is real. The changes being made at our school are a direct result. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 The connection is real. The changes being made at our school are a direct result. I'm sure that's true, but it's a bit insensitive way to put it, wouldn't you say? "Darn, that school massacre is a bummer, now we are only going to be able to **** twice a week". 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I'm sure that's true, but it's a bit insensitive way to put it, wouldn't you say? "Darn, that school massacre is a bummer, now we are only going to be able to **** twice a week". Sure, in hindsight I recognize that. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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