Did something about being the other woman turn you on?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

and I am here for all the mothers in the world.

 

YES! you feel different, Yes, you CAN lose your libido while pregnant with HIS child. yes, you get a free pass because, ready or NOT, you are going to be a mother.

 

And if you cannot get your fellow women on board with supporting that, over some jack hole who needs to get his rocks off no matter what, you do NOT deserve being a member of Womankind.

 

procreating life trumps all, IMHO. if you do not get this and support this, I pity you. If HE doesn't get this, than he deserves a special place in hell if he seeks an OW because he is in a sexual drought while she is growing and bearing HIS child.

 

JERK!

 

So WHY are you with him? Just examine that, please.

 

I'm not with him, I was 1 time. Like I said I feel bad, I don't think he did it because of a sexual drought from his baby's mom, he had been cheating before she was even pregnant. I feel bad but I had no control over what he did, I only had control over myself and I really liked him, it's no excuse but its why I did it and I'm not going to be apologizing for forever. It happened. I want to have kids one day and I really hope I am not with a guy who cheats on me at any time, pregnant or not, but I just really don't think that cheating on a pregnant woman is any worse than cheating on any woman, I mean a man cheating on his pregnant wife or gf is on the same level as a man cheating on his wife or girlfriend who he has kids with. The pain I would think would All be the same.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What about the people who get pregnant at 18? Can they change too?

 

I mean they can't change that they got pregnant obviously... But I'm sure they can turn their lives around if its not going in the right direction. Like I said I'm trying to change myself so if I can I guess they can too.

[stevie_23]

What I DO feel bad about for women who are cheated on while pregnant is that if they are in an otherwise good relationship, and they're all happy and planning for the future, think they're in a stable marriage and are going to be blissfully happy welcoming a new baby soon...and their partner meanwhile is so unhappy and not on the same page, they're cheating. It's like trying to build a functional house on top of unstable, rotting ground.

[stevie_23]

I mean they can't change that they got pregnant obviously... But I'm sure they can turn their lives around if its not going in the right direction. Like I said I'm trying to change myself so if I can I guess they can too.

 

Re the getting pregnant at 18 or 19, sometimes 18 year olds WANT to get pregnant and choose to do so and consider it the best decision they ever made.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Re the getting pregnant at 18 or 19, sometimes 18 year olds WANT to get pregnant and choose to do so and consider it the best decision they ever made.

 

Yeah my brother goes to hs with some girls like that.. It's debatable whether its the best decision they have ever made lol

[Spark1111]

No no. I'm sorry. No resentment towards my mother at all.

 

I have just encountered SO many mothers and expectant mothers who just abused the fact they were pregnant and took advantage of people's sense of obligation and general kindness. They expect YOU to do everything, YOU to give them what they now need because THEY are pregnant. As if it's everyone's responsibility to help them.

 

Obviously these people are a minority and I mean, if I'm on a train and a pregnant woman gets on I'll get up and offer her my seat. I smoke, and when I walk down the street with a cigarette, if I see a pregnant woman or a mother with a small child walking along towards me, I'll move as far over as I can and hold the cigarette as far away as possible so it doesn't blow smoke near them. I AM considerate because I DO respect them.

 

But what I don't do is accept that they deserve everyone to automatically respect or agree with their decision to have kids. Their kids are their everything,

which is as it should be, but not everyone should be expected to care.

 

OMG! OMG!

 

everyone should care! Even IF some mothers are arrogant and demanding.

 

it is procreation of the species and THERE! IS NO JOB HARDER if done properly.

 

Even IF done improperly, it is 24/7, 365 days a year, nights, weekends and holidays. No break, no lunch, no overtime. NO sick days or personal days. No time off. The ultimate sacrifice, and only women can bear children.

 

If his sexual satisfaction trumps procreating his child, kick him to the curb.

 

He is trash lady. He made the baby. he did not have to. he could have prevented it.he chose not to.

 

If he can't support that decision, and seeks sex elsewhere, please do not let it be you. He is trash, period.

 

What are you, or any other woman, doing with this dirt bag?

 

Examine that please! How he disrespects the mother of his children exemplifies

The respect he has for all woman, the respect he has or will have for you...NONE!

[stevie_23]

Yeah my brother goes to hs with some girls like that.. It's debatable whether its the best decision they have ever made lol

 

Well, true, probably in a practical and logical sense they'd have more money and superficial happiness if they didn't have kids so young, but to them, emotionally they are happy and would never do anything differently if they had the choice.

[Spark1111]

Re the getting pregnant at 18 or 19, sometimes 18 year olds WANT to get pregnant and choose to do so and consider it the best decision they ever made.

 

And how sad is that?

 

Your ONLY means of empowerment is to have a baby at 18 or 19?

 

that's pathetic, don you agree?

 

How powerless do you feel that pregnancy beco,es your short-term ticket to attention and power?

[stevie_23]

OMG! OMG!

 

everyone should care! Even IF some mothers are arrogant and demanding.

 

it is procreation of the species and THERE! IS NO JOB HARDER if done properly.

 

Even IF done improperly, it is 24/7, 365 days a year, nights, weekends and holidays. No break, no lunch, no overtime. NO sick days or personal days. No time off. The ultimate sacrifice, and only women can bear children.

 

If his sexual satisfaction trumps procreating his child, kick him to the curb.

 

He is trash lady. He made the baby. he did not have to. he could have prevented it.he chose not to.

 

If he can't support that decision, and seeks sex elsewhere, please do not let it be you. He is trash, period.

 

What are you, or any other woman, doing with this dirt bag?

 

Examine that please! How he disrespects the mother of his children exemplifies

The respect he has for all woman, the respect he has or will have for you...NONE!

 

Oh dear. I didn't mean to provoke this reaction.

 

I'm not with him. I'm not with anyone. I've never even had SEX with a man in real life!!

 

Anyway...I did NOT mean to be rude. And I understand the point about the procreation of the species and all that. I just personally (and I'm not saying MY opinion is the ONLY valid opinion) don't think it is EVERYBODY'S responsibility when ONE person chooses to have a child, that's all. THEY go through it, THEY get the benefits and have to deal with the downsides and hardships, and yes it IS the most difficult job ever (I did say that earlier), it IS 24/7 for the rest of your life. I'm not disputing that. I'm just saying if someone chooses to have a child and go through all of that, good for them. But don't expect ME, who has NO interest in THEIR child or life, to feel anything...any EXTRA respect (beyond the basics, which I also mentioned earlier...giving up my seat on the train and such very small things) for THEIR choice of what to do with THEIR life.

[Lillyfree]

Anyway...I did NOT mean to be rude. And I understand the point about the procreation of the species and all that. I just personally (and I'm not saying MY opinion is the ONLY valid opinion) don't think it is EVERYBODY'S responsibility when ONE person chooses to have a child, that's all. THEY go through it, THEY get the benefits and have to deal with the downsides and hardships, and yes it IS the most difficult job ever (I did say that earlier), it IS 24/7 for the rest of your life. I'm not disputing that. I'm just saying if someone chooses to have a child and go through all of that, good for them. But don't expect ME, who has NO interest in THEIR child or life, to feel anything...any EXTRA respect (beyond the basics, which I also mentioned earlier...giving up my seat on the train and such very small things) for THEIR choice of what to do with THEIR life.

 

of course it's nobody's responsibility but the parents'. i've never even expected people to surrender their seat for me while pregnant. i did hope they would get out of the way when i had my baby in the stroller, because those things are a b*tch to steer

[Spark1111]

I'm not with him, I was 1 time. Like I said I feel bad, I don't think he did it because of a sexual drought from his baby's mom, he had been cheating before she was even pregnant. I feel bad but I had no control over what he did, I only had control over myself and I really liked him, it's no excuse but its why I did it and I'm not going to be apologizing for forever. It happened. I want to have kids one day and I really hope I am not with a guy who cheats on me at any time, pregnant or not, but I just really don't think that cheating on a pregnant woman is any worse than cheating on any woman, I mean a man cheating on his pregnant wife or gf is on the same level as a man cheating on his wife or girlfriend who he has kids with. The pain I would think would All be the same.

 

Well, let me educate you right here and right now.

 

There are bad, mediocre, good and great mothers out there. one of them was your mother....and they WILL judge you with that attitude.

 

That is why so many judge OW so harshly...Messing with my man is one thing.

 

HURT my children by messing with my man? now I want to draw blood.

 

And someday, if you grow to be a woman of integrity, and a good or great mother? you will know exactly what I am talking of, and if you do, be proud of yourself because you have become a good or great mother and will be recognized by others for that.

 

Women judge. Mothers judge. And your children will one day grow up to judge you.

 

be the woman that they can be proud of. seriously. if you wouldn't want your daughter dating THAT GUY, what the hell are you doing with him?

[stevie_23]

And how sad is that?

 

Your ONLY means of empowerment is to have a baby at 18 or 19?

 

that's pathetic, don you agree?

 

How powerless do you feel that pregnancy beco,es your short-term ticket to attention and power?

 

Um...no. I don't find it pathetic or sad. If it's what THEY truly want, then it's ok because it's right for them (as long as they can support the baby and all that of course).

 

A friend of mine's younger sister has wanted kids since she was 12. She is INCREDIBLY maternal, always babysat for her parent's friends' kids and her own siblings.

 

At 16 she wanted a baby. She sat down with her parents and told them. They said NO WAY!! Finish school at least! She'd been telling them she was going to have kids early for many years so they weren't shocked, but still put their foot down. She agreed and waited.

 

When she was almost 18, she (and her long term boyfriend) had a baby. And she's never been happier. She now feels fulfilled and like she's doing what she was born to do. That's not sad or pathetic.

 

Lillyfree, strollers DO look awkward to steer! I find it hard enough to steer shopping carts / trolleys in the supermarket, let alone a stroller with a baby or kid in it!!

[Spark1111]

I'm not with him, I was 1 time. Like I said I feel bad, I don't think he did it because of a sexual drought from his baby's mom, he had been cheating before she was even pregnant. I feel bad but I had no control over what he did, I only had control over myself and I really liked him, it's no excuse but its why I did it and I'm not going to be apologizing for forever. It happened. I want to have kids one day and I really hope I am not with a guy who cheats on me at any time, pregnant or not, but I just really don't think that cheating on a pregnant woman is any worse than cheating on any woman, I mean a man cheating on his pregnant wife or gf is on the same level as a man cheating on his wife or girlfriend who he has kids with. The pain I would think would All be the same.

 

Cheating on a woman pregnant with your child is about the worse example of character that there is!

 

Choose NOT to be with that low-life scum! choose not to marry a man you think would cheat on you when you are pregnant with his child!

 

don't hope, wish, or pine for!

 

Use every resources and smarts you have not to have a relationship with a man who has no integrity or morals as to feel entitled to cheat on his pregnant gf!

 

that should REPULSE you, not male you feel special if that sort of low life scum pays you attention.

 

STRIVE to attract the attention of a good, honest and admirable man. believe you are worthy of it. if you do not feel worthy of a good ma, for gods sakes get to counseling, find out why that is and please, work hard to fix that insecurity.

[Spark1111]

Um...no. I don't find it pathetic or sad. If it's what THEY truly want, then it's ok because it's right for them (as long as they can support the baby and all that of course).

 

A friend of mine's younger sister has wanted kids since she was 12. She is INCREDIBLY maternal, always babysat for her parent's friends' kids and her own siblings.

 

At 16 she wanted a baby. She sat down with her parents and told them. They said NO WAY!! Finish school at least! She'd been telling them she was going to have kids early for many years so they weren't shocked, but still put their foot down. She agreed and waited.

 

When she was almost 18, she (and her long term boyfriend) had a baby. And she's never been happier. She now feels fulfilled and like she's doing what she was born to do. That's not sad or pathetic.

 

Lillyfree, strollers DO look awkward to steer! I find it hard enough to steer shopping carts / trolleys in the supermarket, let alone a stroller with a baby or kid in it!!

 

yes, and I am sure she has all the life experience and confidence at 18 to give that baby a wonderful life.

 

I give up.

 

her choice? what about that baby's future? Did she think of that? Someone beside herself?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Cheating on a woman pregnant with your child is about the worse example of character that there is!

 

Choose NOT to be with that low-life scum! choose not to marry a man you think would cheat on you when you are pregnant with his child!

 

don't hope, wish, or pine for!

 

Use every resources and smarts you have not to have a relationship with a man who has no integrity or morals as to feel entitled to cheat on his pregnant gf!

 

that should REPULSE you, not male you feel special if that sort of low life scum pays you attention.

 

STRIVE to attract the attention of a good, honest and admirable man. believe you are worthy of it. if you do not feel worthy of a good ma, for gods sakes get to counseling, find out why that is and please, work hard to fix that insecurity.

 

I don't do too well with picking men (obviously lol) I usually pick bums or bums pick me and I just accept. Beggars can't be choosers lol but I won't be begging for a taken man again.

[Spark1111]

Oh dear. I didn't mean to provoke this reaction.

 

I'm not with him. I'm not with anyone. I've never even had SEX with a man in real life!!

 

Anyway...I did NOT mean to be rude. And I understand the point about the procreation of the species and all that. I just personally (and I'm not saying MY opinion is the ONLY valid opinion) don't think it is EVERYBODY'S responsibility when ONE person chooses to have a child, that's all. THEY go through it, THEY get the benefits and have to deal with the downsides and hardships, and yes it IS the most difficult job ever (I did say that earlier), it IS 24/7 for the rest of your life. I'm not disputing that. I'm just saying if someone chooses to have a child and go through all of that, good for them. But don't expect ME, who has NO interest in THEIR child or life, to feel anything...any EXTRA respect (beyond the basics, which I also mentioned earlier...giving up my seat on the train and such very small things) for THEIR choice of what to do with THEIR life.

 

I got news for you darling.....

 

if a man doesn't want to have a baby, he chooses not to! he takes responsibility during the sex act an protects himself from having a baby!

 

is this some line he is feeding you? because a man who doe not want a baby, does not have one, whether he is 19, 39, or 89 .

[stevie_23]

I got news for you darling.....

 

if a man doesn't want to have a baby, he chooses not to! he takes responsibility during the sex act an protects himself from having a baby!

 

is this some line he is feeding you? because a man who doe not want a baby, does not have one, whether he is 19, 39, or 89 .

 

lol, I think there's been a misunderstanding here. I am not with anyone, I don't want to have a baby and am not pregnant and have never been. I don't want kids at all. My ex-MM wasn't with someone who was pregnant (well, WAY back he was when he was in his 20s. He's 61 now).

 

I was merely saying, in response to some comments about men cheating on pregnant women being the worst people ever, that I don't consider cheating on a pregnant woman NECESSARILY / AUTOMATICALLY worse than cheating on ANY woman.

[stevie_23]

yes, and I am sure she has all the life experience and confidence at 18 to give that baby a wonderful life.

 

I give up.

 

her choice? what about that baby's future? Did she think of that? Someone beside herself?

 

She has a good support network around her of family who DO have much experience raising kids WELL, and also she has always been very mature for her age. From what I've seen, she is an excellent and responsible mother.

[stevie_23]

I'm gonna jump in and agree with you. My MM didn't cheat while she was pregnant so I have no "stake" in this discussion... but being pregnant doesn't make it necessarily worse. Still the same couple. Although I think that if he's cheating and there aren't even kids yet, they should have just called it a day for sure.

And birth control isn't even close to 100% so there are PLENTY of men that have been tricked/trapped into that scenario. LOTS of men. Condoms have less than an 80% effectiveness rating. That means every 10 times they're having sex, they're risking a baby twice.

 

Thank you!

 

I think the worst thing about cheating on a pregnant woman or being cheated on when you're pregnant is you and your partner are just SO NOT on the same page in terms of where you want to be in life. So best not to continue moving forward dysfunctionally and bringing a kid into it.

[Got it]

and I am here for all the mothers in the world.

 

YES! you feel different, Yes, you CAN lose your libido while pregnant with HIS child. yes, you get a free pass because, ready or NOT, you are going to be a mother.

 

And if you cannot get your fellow women on board with supporting that, over some jack hole who needs to get his rocks off no matter what, you do NOT deserve being a member of Womankind.

 

procreating life trumps all, IMHO. if you do not get this and support this, I pity you. If HE doesn't get this, than he deserves a special place in hell if he seeks an OW because he is in a sexual drought while she is growing and bearing HIS child.

 

JERK!

 

So WHY are you with him? Just examine that, please.

 

Really? So to be part of this womanhood I have to agree that being a mother trumps all? I disagree that as a woman I am no more, or my importance is my reproductive organs. Nor do I feel I owe anything more to woman than I would owe to men. I do not get this idea of "womanhood". Where does that actually happen? Do you see all women supporting other's reproductive rights? Do you see all women helping out women of all income levels? Do you see all women helping out all other women making sure they and their children have healthcare? No. I see women politically and socially screwing over other women based on their own beliefs.

 

There is no sisterhood. Now we want to argue what we owe all humans, fine, that I think is a legitimate argument. But why do I owe another human something more over another because one has a vagina and the other has a penis?

 

I don't agree that procreating life trumps all. All would be a very wide and all encompassing term and I do not believe that because there is a bun in the oven it is a carte blanche over everything else.

[Got it]

I think this thread is going into a different line of thought and is thread jacking. But in that line, I do not feel that motherhood is any more or less than fatherhood and mothers are no more important to children than fathers. Both are very important roles.

 

And I do not believe that being a mother is a the be all and end all for a women nor do I feel that procreating is the greatest role a woman can fill. I respect that others do, I know some great mothers, but I do not feel that is it for women and I was luckily raised to believe that as a female there are many other roles I can fill that are equally important.

 

Procreating, the ability to get pregnant, is not a feat made. It is the simple biological drive, and one of the basest of all human drives outside of eating. Eating and sex are the baseline of all animals.

 

Being a mother or a father is a totally different feat and not one that all who become pregnant ever accomplish. There is no automatic jump from one to the other because a zygote is growing.

 

I am very hyper sensitive to the idea that as women this is our main focus. We have worked too hard to gain equal status and continue to work too hard.

 

Along this line, I am very happy about the recent ban lifted for woman and combat duty.

[Spark1111]

It goes to character.

 

A man who cheats on a wife carrying his child, or one diagnosed with cancer is the lowest of the low.

 

Who would want THAT man?

[Got it]

It goes to character.

 

A man who cheats on a wife carrying his child, or one diagnosed with cancer is the lowest of the low.

 

Who would want THAT man?

 

Aren't there BS who stay with the man that cheats on them when they are pregnant? In a very simple answer, yes apparently there are women that want THAT man.

 

I am not arguing the character of the man, or the severity of the above cheating, my line of argument is the very simple question on who wants that man.

 

There seems to be a large number of affairs by men during stressful family events, pregnancy, illness, etc. What should be looked at is why do men cheat more often during these events than women? What is going on and why is it happening? Do men not have the coping mechanisms to adjust? Is there something being done socially in the raising of our boys to men that is contributing to this? Is there something that we can do to set men up for more success in how they handle these things?

 

I agree with the line of logic, that if two people become pregnant, then there is an understanding that one partner is now dealing with a short term disability (which is what legally pregnancy is classified as) and is physically handicapped. So because both had an equal hand in this condition, both parties should carry the weight of it based on respective ability (with the understanding that the woman carries the most because of being the carrier). So yes concessions should be made and so understanding that sex and other aspects of life pre-pregnancy may be adjusted during this time period because of her physical condition.

[Got it]

To me it is as simple as this. You see a child who has a weak limb, just out of plaster. You see they are struggling to climb the stairs. You see their friend helping them but weighed under the load of both their school bags. You go and push both down the stairs because hell, it was REALLy important to you to get up those stairs and get to whatever it was you really cared about.

 

Those kids were more than usually vulnerable and you didn't just harm them, you harmed maybe the even more innocent baby they fell on who wasn't even in your way and never did anything to you. In fact none of them did.

 

You don't feel guilty for that? Because going up stairs and having broken limbs is just part of life? because your happiness was more important than their safety? I can't imagine someone feeling no guilt or not seeing that was worse than just knocking a couple of adults or the school bully. To me that's pretty close to sociopathy.

 

So I see said two kids. And I see one is sick. I know that they do not have healthcare because their mother is working low income jobs, no father around, and can't afford it. They are extra vulnerable because of their family life so I should pay for their medical bills. Right?

 

I think not supporting all children and giving them the same equal footing, regardless if they carry my genetic make up or not is pretty sociopathetic.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

To me it is as simple as this. You see a child who has a weak limb, just out of plaster. You see they are struggling to climb the stairs. You see their friend helping them but weighed under the load of both their school bags. You go and push both down the stairs because hell, it was REALLy important to you to get up those stairs and get to whatever it was you really cared about.

 

Those kids were more than usually vulnerable and you didn't just harm them, you harmed maybe the even more innocent baby they fell on who wasn't even in your way and never did anything to you. In fact none of them did.

 

You don't feel guilty for that? Because going up stairs and having broken limbs is just part of life? because your happiness was more important than their safety? I can't imagine someone feeling no guilt or not seeing that was worse than just knocking a couple of adults or the school bully. To me that's pretty close to sociopathy.

 

Well as a person who has a handicap and does have a hard time walking an with stairs, there are people everyday who fly past me in the stairs, or who haven't helped me when I fell, or see me struggling and dog hold a door, it happens I don't think they are bad people they are just caught up in their lives. They do not owe me anything, of course it is common courtesy but it isn't a necessity. It is common courtesy to ignore a mans advances if he has a pregnant SO but it is just as equally bad to me to get involved with a man who has a SO and no kids or a man who has 5 kids that are over 18, to me it is the same thing and the same hurt I'm sure. Actually a baby is much more protected with regards to its feelings than an older kid who would understand that dad cheated on mom. I just don't see the comparison about the handicap-ness and cheating on a pregnant woman. That's just me though.