clandestinidad Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 I just came upon this site, and read a few posts. Great place, and Hello to everyone!! I have a little issue and I dont know if I'm being rediculous about it. I live in a diff. state than my BF right now...he's actually moving to my state next week to be closer to me. Anyway, I'll just jump into my problem...My BF lied to me on Saturday about who he was going out with that night. It turned out to be a guy friend and 3 girls that his friend brought along. Apparently he knew this on Friday, and when I asked him Sat. he told me that he didnt know who was going to be there. So anyway, I found out last night what had happened....Sat. night he was dancing with a certain girl in particular. He never called me that night. Then he spent the next day on the lake with these same people (still never calling me), and went to a late dinner with them. At some point the girl he had mostly danced with asked for his number, so they exchanged #'s. Also, she lives near where he is moving....and I live 3 hours away. We've been "discussing" this since last night, and he just doesnt seem to see a problem with this whole situation....its making me wonder if I'm being rediculous about it. He says that since he's moving he just wants to know more people around the area to go hang out with. He says that he's not interested in her romantically, and wouldnt spend time alone with her. I understand those things.....the thing I dont see is how someone who claims to love me SO much and want to marry me could even dance all over some girl he just met and spend all that time with someone and exchange numbers, let alone the lie he told me on Sat.!!! Doesnt that all seem to leave the doors of possibility wide open for her?!!? Arent there lines that you just dont cross when youre in a serious relationship?!? Does anyone have any input for me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 I don't know....I don't think I'd take it too well either. However, it could really be that his intentions were completely innocent. With no more information than what you've got presently, there's nothing he really did that was WRONG. Well, he wasn't up front in the first place, which is a bit of a red flag. He's entitled to have female friends though, and you don't have any proof that anything more than that happened. That being the case, you might just have to let it go. I wish I had some better advice for you...but they're innocent until proven guilty, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clandestinidad Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 thanks for replying......what I'm actually considering is breaking up with him. Ive had a lot of bad relationships, so I know what red flags to watch for. I'm not going to put up with stuff anymore. I just dont know if this is something "bad enough" to end it b/c usually I've only done the breaking up when they've cheated on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Well, I think that what's bad enough to break up over is entirely relative. If you feel this is enough of a red flag for you to end things, than that's enough. Link to post Share on other sites
PSmith Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Hello Kat23, I thought I’d put my two cents in since I was in a similar situation as you. My girlfriend of a year plus started to make new guy friends. Of course I felt she should be able to have guy friends, I see no problem with that. The problem I saw was what you’re seeing. She would spend all night with them and never call me the day she was seeing them or during the night. Basically she would pull a vanishing act. If she was hanging out with one of these new guy friends on Sunday, I would see her Saturday night, but then not hear from her until Monday night. If I called I got the voice mail and no return phone call. Made me very uncomfortable. Also if one of the new guy friends called her cell while we were together she would not pick up and talk with them. I never met any of them and as far as I knew she never told them about me. I spoke with her at length about this, but she saw no reason to change her behavior. Obviously we’re not together anymore. My advice to you. Talk to him. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, but be ready to have a solution. Some change to the situation that gives him the ability to have other female friends, but gives you the comfort you need. Maybe the 3 of you could meet. Maybe if you get to know her and see if she’s not a threat you’d feel better. If he lies about seeing her, or hides phones calls and stuff, then start to worry. But if he’s open, honest and let’s the other girl know that he has someone he cares about and that all he wants is friendship then you should be ok with it. The short answer. If he makes the effort to make you feel more comfortable with it then his intentions are pure. Link to post Share on other sites
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