She doesn't wear make-up/earings that often...

[KungFuJoe]

It honestly doesn't bother me enough to even bring it up with her...there are so many other things I like about her and so many memories I want to make with her, this is so minimal on my priority list. I just wanted some unanimous opinons

 

It bothers you. If it didn't you wouldn't be posting about it.

 

Take it from someone who has been in a 4 year and a 13 year relationship. Like TheGuard said, it's the little things that matter the most the further down the line you go.

 

I would definitely mention it. Sometimes, you do things for your partner that you wouldn't do if it didn't matter.

 

She may not particularly care too much about wearing make up but maybe if she knows how much you appreciate it, it would make her want to do it for you.

 

I'm sure if you stopped taking her out, and just ordered in all the time (assuming she likes going out) that she would wonder if the "courting" phase had ended...

[Els]

Finally clarification from the OP. Sounds like a simple issue you could just talk to her about. Although it does strike me as odd how you would feel 'insulted' by her not dressing the way she did on the first few dates anymore, despite the fact that you haven't asked her to or been refused. Less attracted to, sure, that's your prerogative. But insulted? That's going a bit too far, don't you think?

 

I dunno, perhaps I'm a bit biased due to your other thread that I read, about your Valentines Day lingerie fiasco. Even after getting her feedback and our advice, your main concern was not how to make her happy on VDay, but rather how to get your lingerie fix on or after it. You do seem to be a little more fixated on such stuff than most people, and I think that could be a part of why she might be hesitant to dress up for you the way she did on your first few dates. Maybe she wants to know that you value her and not what she wears. Just a hunch.

[pbjbear]

I'm sure if you stopped taking her out, and just ordered in all the time (assuming she likes going out) that she would wonder if the "courting" phase had ended...

 

This happens all the time in relationships. I have never dated a guy where after a few months he continued to court me in the same fashion...neither have my friends and if they bitched about it their boyfriends would NOT like it.

 

This is what relationships are like. Its exhausting and not to mention unrealistic to expect people to be in the courting phase all the time. If I have to be dolled up everyday 24/7 that guy is not for me. I am a woman- I have other things to attend to...wouldnt I like to get an extra hr of sleep on a day where Im not going to be at a big event rather than getting dolled up to fit my bf's ridiculous needs?

 

What if he marries this woman and she has 3 kids with him? Women today work full time and still yet do the majority of housework/childcare...this on top of trying to look like a model all the time is so unrealistic. Google double burden...its one of the leading causes of divorce. Id be very wary dating a man like the OP

[KungFuJoe]

This happens all the time in relationships. I have never dated a guy where after a few months he continued to court me in the same fashion...neither have my friends and if they bitched about it their boyfriends would NOT like it.

 

This is what relationships are like. Its exhausting and not to mention unrealistic to expect people to be in the courting phase all the time. If I have to be dolled up everyday 24/7 that guy is not for me. I am a woman- I have other things to attend to...wouldnt I like to get an extra hr of sleep on a day where Im not going to be at a big event rather than getting dolled up to fit my bf's ridiculous needs?

 

And that's why I'm happily married and you're here bitterly posting away on LS.

 

I don't mean to say that in a "mean" way or sound like I'm bragging...but I just like to call it like I see it.

[pbjbear]

And that's why I'm happily married and you're here bitterly posting away on LS.

 

Yeah, because YOU dont have to be in "court mode" all the time but your WIFE DOES according to your posts

[KungFuJoe]

Funny you mentioned it.

 

WE have THREE kids...and that hasn't stopped us.

 

And who said *I* wasn't in full on court mode?

 

Are you KIDDING ME? If anything, I try HARDER now than I did in the beginning.

 

But, I wouldn't use the word "try". I don't TRY to do anything in my relationshiop and neither does she. We just DO.

[clia]

This happens all the time in relationships. I have never dated a guy where after a few months he continued to court me in the same fashion...neither have my friends and if they bitched about it their boyfriends would NOT like it.

 

This is what relationships are like. Its exhausting and not to mention unrealistic to expect people to be in the courting phase all the time. If I have to be dolled up everyday 24/7 that guy is not for me. I am a woman- I have other things to attend to...wouldnt I like to get an extra hr of sleep on a day where Im not going to be at a big event rather than getting dolled up to fit my bf's ridiculous needs?

 

What if he marries this woman and she has 3 kids with him? Women today work full time and still yet do the majority of housework/childcare...this on top of trying to look like a model all the time is so unrealistic. Google double burden...its one of the leading causes of divorce. Id be very wary dating a man like the OP

 

I must've missed the part where anyone -- much less the OP -- said that a woman has to be dolled up everyday 24/7 and look like a model all the time.

 

The OP is talking about when they go out, for Gods sakes, not when they are laying around the house on Sunday afternoon watching television.

[pbjbear]

And that's why I'm happily married and you're here bitterly posting away on LS.

 

I don't mean to say that in a "mean" way or sound like I'm bragging...but I just like to call it like I see it.

 

Huh, thats funny.

 

Did you know for the last 50 years research studies have shown over and over that the average married woman is less happy than the average single woman, and that the average married man is happier than the average single men? Men here wont like that fact. Talk to any sociologist...its called "The Great irony" because its the opposite of what society tell us

 

I am not bitter. Gave up dating this past year and I have been much happier for it. I am single because I decide to not settle and Im better off for it

 

I call things how I see it. I am more rational than the average woman and dont let my emotions cloud my judgment. Maybe you dont like what I say

[pbjbear]

I must've missed the part where anyone -- much less the OP -- said that a woman has to be dolled up everyday 24/7 and look like a model all the time.

 

The OP is talking about when they go out, for Gods sakes, not when they are laying around the house on Sunday afternoon watching television.

 

The OP didnt say that I was referring to others

[Els]

This happens all the time in relationships. I have never dated a guy where after a few months he continued to court me in the same fashion...neither have my friends and if they bitched about it their boyfriends would NOT like it.

 

Nah, my bf still continues to court me 4.5 years down the road. Not in the exact same fashion, obviously, but the courting is still there. Expecting the exact same thing is juvenile, but expecting courting to continue in one way or another is completely reasonable.

 

This is what relationships are like. Its exhausting and not to mention unrealistic to expect people to be in the courting phase all the time. If I have to be dolled up everyday 24/7 that guy is not for me. I am a woman- I have other things to attend to...wouldnt I like to get an extra hr of sleep on a day where Im not going to be at a big event rather than getting dolled up to fit my bf's ridiculous needs?

 

Not all guys expect that or are 'ridiculous'.

 

Id be very wary dating a man like the OP

 

I actually agree with you on this, based on the 2 threads that I've read from the OP.

[KungFuJoe]

Huh, thats funny.

 

Did you know for the last 50 years research studies have shown over and over that the average married woman is less happy than the average single woman, and that the average married man is happier than the average single men? Men here wont like that fact. Talk to any sociologist...its called "The Great irony" because its the opposite of what society tell us

 

I am not bitter. Gave up dating this past year and I have been much happier for it. I am single because I decide to not settle and Im better off for it

 

I call things how I see it. I am more rational than the average woman and dont let my emotions cloud my judgment. Maybe you dont like what I say

 

You're not rational. Not at all. You're bitter and your emotions are clouding your judgement.

 

BTW, anyone who posts "studies" when talking about relationships...please don't bother. It just makes me laugh. I'm living, walking proof that these so called studies don't mean jack.

[pbjbear]

You're not rational. Not at all. You're bitter and your emotions are clouding your judgement.

 

BTW, anyone who posts "studies" when talking about relationships...please don't bother. It just makes me laugh. I'm living, walking proof that these so called studies don't mean jack.

 

Maybe you are, but if you think you are the norm you are really naiive.

 

I will hold out for someone like you, thats why I am single, but please face the reality most men are NOT LIKE YOU

[Estate]

 

A girl will do that she can to put her best foot forward.

 

Girls are attracted to money/status/wealth/income. I majored in evolutionary psychology so dont get me started on this one. There is just as much evidence to support what I said as there is evidence to support men are attracted to hot women.

 

A woman who has a hard time with $ continues to date a man who pays for dates, because it attracts her. If he stops paying...she cant say anything because he could be like "why are you so shallow?" Well guess what, it attracts her that she has aguy that can help take care of her

 

So basically, in todays world, its ok for a man to be shallow but not a woman.

 

Thank you for your reinforcement of this point.

 

That is what you read? My god...

[Estate]

 

A girl will do that she can to put her best foot forward.

 

Girls are attracted to money/status/wealth/income. I majored in evolutionary psychology so dont get me started on this one. There is just as much evidence to support what I said as there is evidence to support men are attracted to hot women.

 

A woman who has a hard time with $ continues to date a man who pays for dates, because it attracts her. If he stops paying...she cant say anything because he could be like "why are you so shallow?" Well guess what, it attracts her that she has aguy that can help take care of her

 

So basically, in todays world, its ok for a man to be shallow but not a woman.

 

Thank you for your reinforcement of this point.

 

Looks and money are not the same thing.

 

If guys are still supposed to be the provider then I ALREADY said, they should be taking the initiative and paying more for dates.

 

But you tell me that in a relationship YOU want the GUY to pick up EVERYTHING? You'll be left waiting. Sorry, but I've dumped otherwise good girls because they were milking it and lots of guys will do the same.

 

I will gladly take a gf out and buy her dinner... if she offers to get a round in at the bar afterwards? I'm impressed... if she doesn't but has no problem chugging 5 expensive cocktails to my $5 beer, sorry, unimpressed doesn't even cover it.

 

In terms of who can afford what? Well, I'm well paid, but I've tried to keep up with taking a girl out several times a week while paying double for every activity... I eventually had to stop. I just couldn't justify it.

If a girl CAN'T afford it? Well, why would I want to date her any more than a girl wants to date a broke guy? A strong independant woman who LIKES to be taken care of but doesn't NEED it is very attractive. Someone who NEEDS it? Immediate red flag. She has nothing going for her if she can't afford to buy her own ice cream.

 

One girl suggested Sunday Brunch... then insisted on a huge meal in a very expensive resteraunt, next suggested we visted the aquarium, $40 each to walk around, I assumed she'd offer to buy this after the $100 brunch... nope.

Next she wanted snacks... sorry, I actually gotta go...

$200+ brunch date without a single offer to buy me back a coffeee? Come on...!

 

Loos are different. Men and women are attracted to certain things. If they later turn out to be a total front, the other will lose attraction.

Even if a guy is all well groomed, well dressed initially then starts turning up unshaven and like a slob, the girl will dump him, or should, that's not what she signed up for.

 

People are attracted to who they meet and are under no obligation to accept they thet are now stuck in a relationship with a person who is NOT who they were first attracted to, sorry.

 

 

You have NO point proven here.

[pbjbear]

 

Looks and money are not the same thing.

 

If guys are still supposed to be the provider then I ALREADY said, they should be taking the initiative and paying more for dates.

 

But you tell me that in a relationship YOU want the GUY to pick up EVERYTHING? You'll be left waiting. Sorry, but I've dumped otherwise good girls because they were milking it and lots of guys will do the same.

 

I will gladly take a gf out and buy her dinner... if she offers to get a round in at the bar afterwards? I'm impressed... if she doesn't but has no problem chugging 5 expensive cocktails to my $5 beer, sorry, unimpressed doesn't even cover it.

 

In terms of who can afford what? Well, I'm well paid, but I've tried to keep up with taking a girl out several times a week while paying double for every activity... I eventually had to stop. I just couldn't justify it.

If a girl CAN'T afford it? Well, why would I want to date her any more than a girl wants to date a broke guy? A strong independant woman who LIKES to be taken care of but doesn't NEED it is very attractive. Someone who NEEDS it? Immediate red flag. She has nothing going for her if she can't afford to buy her own ice cream.

 

One girl suggested Sunday Brunch... then insisted on a huge meal in a very expensive resteraunt, next suggested we visted the aquarium, $40 each to walk around, I assumed she'd offer to buy this after the $100 brunch... nope.

Next she wanted snacks... sorry, I actually gotta go...

$200+ brunch date without a single offer to buy me back a coffeee? Come on...!

 

Loos are different. Men and women are attracted to certain things. If they later turn out to be a total front, the other will lose attraction.

Even if a guy is all well groomed, well dressed initially then starts turning up unshaven and like a slob, the girl will dump him, or should, that's not what she signed up for.

 

People are attracted to who they meet and are under no obligation to accept they thet are now stuck in a relationship with a person who is NOT who they were first attracted to, sorry.

 

 

You have NO point proven here.

 

 

You guys are missing my point entirely. I am pointing out you are selfish. When a woman does the same thing you say its wrong. When you do it, its fine.

 

I PAY FOR ALL OF MY DATES

This doesnt reflect my own beliefs. I find if a guy pays for awhile he expects sex quickly...so I pay for myself unless the guy throws a hissy fit.

 

Looks and money ARE the same thing. You said women are attracted to different things than men. Men are biologically wired to be attracted to looks, women are to money. If you ignore the 2nd part youre very naiive. Theyre both SHALLOW

[paperboy48]

I must've missed the part where anyone -- much less the OP -- said that a woman has to be dolled up everyday 24/7 and look like a model all the time.

 

The OP is talking about when they go out, for Gods sakes, not when they are laying around the house on Sunday afternoon watching television.

 

Thank you

[pbjbear]

Thank you

 

I hope your sweet fabulous girlfriend secretly has shallow nitpicky things about you that she posts on the Internet.

 

But if shes so sweet and fabolous, odds are she doesnt and would be very offended by your post

[paperboy48]

Nah, my bf still continues to court me 4.5 years down the road. Not in the exact same fashion, obviously, but the courting is still there. Expecting the exact same thing is juvenile, but expecting courting to continue in one way or another is completely reasonable.

 

 

 

Not all guys expect that or are 'ridiculous'.

 

 

 

I actually agree with you on this, based on the 2 threads that I've read from the OP.

 

Maybe Elswyth and PJBear should get together and be miserable and bitter together

[ThaWholigan]

Maybe Elswyth and PJBear should get together and be miserable and bitter together

Elswyth isn't miserable or bitter, so I don't understand that post there.......

[pbjbear]

Maybe Elswyth and PJBear should get together and be miserable and bitter together

 

 

Not bitter. Realistic. Maybe you just dont like what I have to say.

 

Not miserable...I am much happier being single than dating. I am not sitting here being all depressed I have no man.

[melodymatters]

WOW ! Can't believe I waded through 15 pages !

 

I agree mostly with serial muse in that just because she may prefer the natural look, does NOT mean she's let herself turn into a hideous 8,000lb sweat pants wearing beast.

 

In Florida, MOST of my female friends do not wear makeup. They are feminine with their long hair, bikini tops and cut off shorts, but hell, when it's 100 percent humidity it just slides right off !

 

Frankly, it sounds like a MILD and HARMLESS fetish on the op's end. Which is fine, unless it does not ALSO work for her, ie: I probably would be turned off by a foot fetishist who wanted me to always wear heels, wanted to suck my toes etc. No one's bad or wrong here, just maybe not compatible.

 

And MY anecdote : Had a BF who was a former musician used to dating strippers. I have always been a hair and makeup girl, probably right within the norm/50%. BUT he took me for a manicure with fake nails and expected me to keep them up. ( I did it for him for years, but I hated them and ripped them off the day we broke up) He took me shopping for clothes HE liked, and noticed I didn't wear eyeshadow and told me how to apply it. I FELT LIKE HIS F*CKING BARBIE DOLL !

 

And I was used to being treated as a "hot chick" by other men, never left the house without my average make up/hair routine, but to me, HIS need for me to look a certain way, did not mesh with MY need to make my own decisions on how primped I wanted to be on a certain day, time, occasion etc.

 

Since him, all my past BF's and current husband can't tell the difference at ALL, when I say "Oh wait I have to put on my make up" their reaction is " Oh, I thought it was already on, why bother, you look the same/beautiful either way"

 

I prefer the latter type of guy, they tend to be lower maintenance in every area. But then again, I love the blue collar, strong, smart, silent type and could never date a wall streeter or salesman type.

 

So, It's a mild fetish, and you should just come out and say "lip stick and earring are a huge turn on for me, can we go shopping and I'll get you some to wear just for me sometimes ?" She may easily oblige like I did with the fake nails at that time in my life, or between this and the lingerie issue she may decide that YOU are too high maintenance and move on, as I would at THIS time in my life.

[yessy21]

You are not being shallow if you tell her. your being honest. and i believe honesty and communication is needed when beggining a relationship.

 

im a woman, and as a woman, i want you to tell your woman what you have told us here today.

 

Baby, I think your amazing, you are beautiful, but when we go out OUT, put on some color, maybe some earrings. i kinda like when you get all dolled up with me. just dont put on mountains of face cake.

 

lol. okay it sounded better in my head but thats similar to what you should say.

[xxoo]

If you've only seen her in make up a handful of times, how is that possibly false advertising?

 

Tell her you like make up. Communicate. But keep in mind that she may not like wearing make up, and that has absolutely nothing to do with you, how she feels about you, or how well she takes care of herself.

 

In the end, it is her choice. Either she is attractive to you, or she isn't. But it is foolish to project meaning onto make up that is simply that: projection.

[KungFuJoe]

Well ladies...how would you feel if a guy you were seeing took you to fancy restaurants when you were dating and as soon as you make it "official" it's nothing but Denny's, Mickey Ds and the occasional Chinese delivery?

 

Of course, this is assuming that you LIKE fancy restaurants. This scenario doesn't apply to women who don't care for that kind of stuff, just like men who don't care about make up don't apply to op's thread.

[Estate]

 

 

You guys are missing my point entirely. I am pointing out you are selfish. When a woman does the same thing you say its wrong. When you do it, its fine.

 

I PAY FOR ALL OF MY DATES

This doesnt reflect my own beliefs. I find if a guy pays for awhile he expects sex quickly...so I pay for myself unless the guy throws a hissy fit.

 

Looks and money ARE the same thing. You said women are attracted to different things than men. Men are biologically wired to be attracted to looks, women are to money. If you ignore the 2nd part youre very naiive. Theyre both SHALLOW

 

Firstly, I highlighted ALL off the parts I apparently said even though it is the exact opposite of what I actually wrote.

 

Secondly, if we are getting in the name calling (Apparently you know me so well to know how selfish a person I am?), then these attitudes you have towards men in general are not very condusive to finding a good man. You act like men are the enemy unless they fawn over you like the white knight.