She doesn't wear make-up/earings that often...

[pbjbear]

Firstly, I highlighted ALL off the parts I apparently said even though it is the exact opposite of what I actually wrote.

 

Secondly, if we are getting in the name calling (Apparently you know me so well to know how selfish a person I am?), then these attitudes you have towards men in general are not very condusive to finding a good man. You act like men are the enemy unless they fawn over you like the white knight.

 

Nope I dont need fawning...I need 50%

[xxoo]

Well ladies...how would you feel if a guy you were seeing took you to fancy restaurants when you were dating and as soon as you make it "official" it's nothing but Denny's, Mickey Ds and the occasional Chinese delivery?

 

Of course, this is assuming that you LIKE fancy restaurants. This scenario doesn't apply to women who don't care for that kind of stuff, just like men who don't care about make up don't apply to op's thread.

 

Dating 3 months, and a handful of fancy restaurants....and then no more?

 

I'd decide if I like him or not based on the bulk of behavior during the 3 month period. It is still early days! It is still time time of "showing who we each are".

Edited January 23, 2013 by xxoo

[KungFuJoe]

Dating 3 months, and a handful of fancy restaurants....and then no more?

 

I'd decide if I like him or not based on the bulk of behavior during the 3 month period. It is still early days!

 

Do you like going out a lot to fancy places? Is that something you enjoy greatly in a relationship?

[xxoo]

Do you like going out a lot to fancy places? Is that something you enjoy greatly in a relationship?

 

When dating I did. After getting our own living space together, I'd rather stay home and save our money.

 

But the point is that it is still early days. I wouldn't get angry at the man I dated for 3 months being a Denny's kind of guy after a handful of fancy dates. I'd decide if that is a problem for me or not. Now is the time to determine compatibility.

[pbjbear]

Do you like going out a lot to fancy places? Is that something you enjoy greatly in a relationship?

 

I wouldnt because I dont view men as providers. I doubt Ill get married so being financially independent is a good concern of mine. I dont see men as ATM machines I pay for myself the vast majority of dates Ive been on.

 

I might be concerned hes giving up early in the relationship because I find alot of men do that...but I sure as hell wouldnt post about it on the Internet!!!

 

This is why shallow men annoy the hell out of me. Im not shallow, why should I settle for a man who is shallow and whom I have to give up sleep to meet his beauty standards? No thanks

[KungFuJoe]

When dating I did. After getting our own living space together, I'd rather stay home and save our money.

 

But the point is that it is still early days. I wouldn't get angry at the man I dated for 3 months being a Denny's kind of guy after a handful of fancy dates. I'd decide if that is a problem for me or not. Now is the time to determine compatibility.

 

Well...you're right in that now is the time to determine compatibility.

 

I was also going to say that my scenario doesn't apply to you because you don't necessarily care too much about fancy dates.

 

But assuming op does...and he also cares about his wife looking as glamorous as possible...it might be a big deal for him. Might have even been one of the reasons he was initially attracted to her.

[KungFuJoe]

I wouldnt because I dont view men as providers. I doubt Ill get married so being financially independent is a good concern of mine. I dont see men as ATM machines I pay for myself the vast majority of dates Ive been on.

 

I might be concerned hes giving up early in the relationship because I find alot of men do that...but I sure as hell wouldnt post about it on the Internet!!!

 

This is why shallow men annoy the hell out of me. Im not shallow, why should I settle for a man who is shallow and whom I have to give up sleep to meet his beauty standards? No thanks

 

Ok...you are missing the point. I was making a hypothetical and you're taking it too far.

 

Think of something YOU like to do with a man. Something...anything. Walks on the beach. Romantic getaways to some place private (doesn't have to be expensive). Sitting by the fireplace, with glasses of wine, just talking all night long.

 

What if that stopped all of a sudden or started to dwindle? What if those walks on the beach turned into Sunday night with the boys? What if the glasses of wine next to the fireplace turned into chugging beers at the local pub?

 

It's not about being shallow or caring about looks or money. It's about being compatible in what YOU like to do with a partner. And if you aren't on the same page, it's just not going to work out. But, again, that's not because one person is more shallow than the other. It's because you just have different tastes in life.

[pbjbear]

Ok...you are missing the point. I was making a hypothetical and you're taking it too far.

 

Think of something YOU like to do with a man. Something...anything. Walks on the beach. Romantic getaways to some place private (doesn't have to be expensive). Sitting by the fireplace, with glasses of wine, just talking all night long.

 

What if that stopped all of a sudden or started to dwindle? What if those walks on the beach turned into Sunday night with the boys? What if the glasses of wine next to the fireplace turned into chugging beers at the local pub?

 

It's not about being shallow or caring about looks or money. It's about being compatible in what YOU like to do with a partner. And if you aren't on the same page, it's just not going to work out. But, again, that's not because one person is more shallow than the other. It's because you just have different tastes in life.

 

All of the guys I have dated did that. Not drastically overnight, but over time most guys dont want to put in the work. They woo a girl to get her but stop afterwards. I have never had a guy continue to take me out to dinner at the same rate after 2 months of dating. It usually turns into always hanging out, spending time with their friends at pubs so Im prob not the best person to answer.

[xxoo]

Well...you're right in that now is the time to determine compatibility.

 

I was also going to say that my scenario doesn't apply to you because you don't necessarily care too much about fancy dates.

 

But assuming op does...and he also cares about his wife looking as glamorous as possible...it might be a big deal for him. Might have even been one of the reasons he was initially attracted to her.

 

Ok, sure, I get that.

 

But in 3 months of dating, he's seen her in make up just a handful of times. If make up is that important to his attraction, he's had many opportunities to make that clear. One could argue that he has misrepresented himself, by not being clear about how important make up is to him.

[KungFuJoe]

All of the guys I have dated did that. Not drastically overnight, but over time most guys dont want to put in the work. They woo a girl to get her but stop afterwards. I have never had a guy continue to take me out to dinner at the same rate after 2 months of dating. It usually turns into always hanging out, spending time with their friends at pubs so Im prob not the best person to answer.

 

How old are you and how many guys are we talking about?

 

Don't expect to hit a home run your first time at bat.

[KungFuJoe]

Ok, sure, I get that.

 

But in 3 months of dating, he's seen her in make up just a handful of times. If make up is that important to his attraction, he's had many opportunities to make that clear. One could argue that he has misrepresented himself, by not being clear about how important make up is to him.

 

This is true as well. No one is pointing the finger at anyone...if anything, I'm saying it's on the OP to voice out what he wants.

[pbjbear]

If makeup is that important to the OP thats fine. Everyone has their preferences.

 

But when someones preferences to a woman wearing lipstick and earrings is that that he is less attracted to her...Im inclined to think hes shallow.

 

Im 25 and have dated around 30 guys. By date I mean gone on at least 3 dates. Prob 10 of those I dated for more than 3 months, maybe slightly more. I date guys my age and older. I live in NYC

[KungFuJoe]

If makeup is that important to the OP thats fine. Everyone has their preferences.

 

But when someones preferences to a woman wearing lipstick and earrings is that that he is less attracted to her...Im inclined to think hes shallow.

 

Im 25 and have dated around 30 guys. By date I mean gone on at least 3 dates. Prob 10 of those I dated for more than 3 months, maybe slightly more. I date guys my age and older. I live in NYC

 

I didn't end up with my current wife til I was 25 (and her 23), but I think we were lucky to have found each other so early on. By then I had burned through a 4 year relationship (that was absolutely horrible for 2 years) and a 1 year relationship....and some casual dating mixed in between.

 

My point is...you're still young. 25 is NOTHING. Just stay firm with what you want, never waver, and don't let it get you down when the men you meet don't fit the bill. It's RARE to find someone you are truly compatible with. Oh man you should have seen the horrible fights I had with the women I was with. It's a wonder I didn't write off women completely! Well...I did get to a point where I told myself that I didn't want anything serious anymore...and then I met my wife and boy did that get tossed right out the window.

[silvermercy]

OP, just admit to her you have a mild fetish for make-up and be done with it. Problem solved. You will then have made your request known and she will decide if she'll take or leave it. Communication, communication, communication... I can't stress that enough.

 

(I haven't seen the lingerie thread everyone's talking about but I guess this is similar so I'll stick with my fetish theory as a few others have already pointed out. Because so many years online it's the first time I see someone admitting being "insulted" by his partner not wearing as frequently makeup. In my mind I would interpret this as a small fetish, which is totally okay. However, caution should be taken so as not to make his gf feel guilty for choosing not to wear it).

Edited January 23, 2013 by silvermercy

[charlietheginger]

Umm...no. She's more attracted to me than ever before and vice versa. How do I know? Because we're sappy as **** and we talk about this kind of stuff all the time. I didn't know the first thing about personal style when we first started dating. Not that I was a slob or anything...I just wasn't knowledgable. Now that I know how to dress and style myself...including things like trimming my eyebrows, hairstyle, facial hair (what little I have), etc...I dare say I look a lot better now, at 38, then I did at 25 when we were first together.

 

How does she like your personality?

You spend alot of time on the internet whats she doing while

Ur online?

[KungFuJoe]

How does she like your personality?

You spend alot of time on the internet whats she doing while

Ur online?

 

Of course she loves my personality. Who wouldn't!

 

If you've seen Office Space...that scene where Peter says:

 

"Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

 

That's me, except I work from home, so it's even easier for me to be distracted.

 

My wife works from home as well, but she's much busier than I am. She runs her own business and doesn't have the luxury of slacking off like I do.

[sweetjasmine]

Well ladies...how would you feel if a guy you were seeing took you to fancy restaurants when you were dating and as soon as you make it "official" it's nothing but Denny's, Mickey Ds and the occasional Chinese delivery?

 

Of course, this is assuming that you LIKE fancy restaurants. This scenario doesn't apply to women who don't care for that kind of stuff, just like men who don't care about make up don't apply to op's thread.

 

For our first two dates, my H took us to nice places. Our third "date" was sort of a road trip. I was never dumb enough to assume that he would be taking me to nice places every time we went out to dinner. Once we were no longer long distance, we would go out to nice places every once in a while on special occasions, but the usual dinner out would be at a more casual place or a diner. These days, we rarely go to nice places because we're both back in school and trying to save, and I don't get upset at him because, hey, the first three times we went out, we did all this fancy cool stuff, and now we don't do that anymore!!! We're both big foodies and love trying out fancy places, but his inability to treat me to $200 dinners on a regular basis doesn't tell me anything about how he feels for me. So, no, it doesn't upset me that he doesn't do what he did on our first date - namely, take me out to a fancy place.

 

And, yes, he wore dress pants and a dress shirt for our first date. No, he doesn't wear them every single day. Yes, I think he looks sharper dressed up, but no, I don't get upset when he wears jeans like a normal person. People put their absolute best foot forward when they're first getting to know someone they like. As long as there's some kind of continued effort at courting, I don't understand why someone would be really upset at how a person changes as you get to know them better.

[AlwaysConflicted]

This post made me laugh because I've had this happen in a variety of my relationships.

 

1 girl wore a perfume that reminded me of my grandma

1 girl wore so much make-up she looked like a prostitute

1 girl didn't wear any make-up ever (which sort of applies to your case)

 

In all 3 of these cases I actually brought it up. Albeit, in retrospect I must have seemed crazy. I'd love to see a video of me doing it. But in all 3 cases they actually listened to me and in return I did something for them that they didn't like about me. It's all about compromise.

 

You think my gf liked smelling like my grandmother? Think that made her feel sexy? Hell no..so we went perfume shopping together and I went cologne shopping for her.

 

Make-up girl toned things down and wanted me to buy a pair of black boots instead of wearing sneakers all the time. Done and Done.

 

Non wearing make-up girl had some issues with allergies and skin products so there wasn't too much to do there, but she found a nice concealer and some lipstick that didn't affect her. She actually didn't want to change anything about me...she just wanted to spend my money...Needless to say I can't be dating a gold digger so that didn't work anyways.

 

Just be nice about it like "Hey hon, you look so pretty, but make-up really turns me on" If she likes you then she should want to turn you on.

 

my 2 cents...

[Titania22]

Ok I just finished reading the whole thread. I would like to say that I agreed with Kaylan's posts.

 

Did you know for the last 50 years research studies have shown over and over that the average married woman is less happy than the average single woman, and that the average married man is happier than the average single men? Men here wont like that fact. Talk to any sociologist...its called "The Great irony" because its the opposite of what society tell us

 

I know I am much happier being single. I have more time for doing anything I want and enjoy.

 

I don't enjoy wearing makeup, I spend the time too aware of it's presence instead of relaxing and being myself. Also over the last couple of years, the half dozen or so times I put it on, I ended up washing it straight off again, as I didn't recognize myself. I do want to look my best, but as myself, rather than masking my true self.

 

As for the question about a man taking me to fancy restaurants and then not. I would say I more accurate example for me would be, if he watched some starcraft tournaments with me and then didn't want to anymore. So long as he didn't interfere with me watching them I wouldn't mind. If there was a restaurant I liked and wanted to go to, and he wouldn't "take" me. I would arrange to go myself, I would invite him, or a friend or my daughter and if no one wanted to go, I would just take myself. It took me some years, but I realised it is just better to decide what I want to do and let everyone else choose whether they want to tag along. In the past I would get really annoyed waiting for a partner, as much as it is wonderful to be able to share experiences with someone else, it is much better to not needlessly upset myself and put unnecessary pressure on a relationship.

 

I would hope the OP communicates his desires to his partner, so he can get a response from her, and then they can both decide if they can make it work or should cut their losses. I know myself, I have never been able to keep up wearing makeup more then a couple of months before giving up, because it is too much hassle. That being said I would make the effort every once in a while, and I have found even with no makeup if I am wearing the right dress, I can still make a man distracted.

[Els]

Well ladies...how would you feel if a guy you were seeing took you to fancy restaurants when you were dating and as soon as you make it "official" it's nothing but Denny's, Mickey Ds and the occasional Chinese delivery?

 

Of course, this is assuming that you LIKE fancy restaurants. This scenario doesn't apply to women who don't care for that kind of stuff, just like men who don't care about make up don't apply to op's thread.

 

Speaking purely for myself, I'd be totally fine if the timeline was similar to the OP's - ie fancy restaurants for the first few dates ('few' to most people means 3 or 4, yeah?), then one fancy restaurant on NYE for the next 2 months. I'd know it isn't realistic to expect them all the time. I do expect commeasurate effort after the first few dates, but I don't expect it in the exact same way.

 

We headed out to fancy restaurants maybe 3-4 times during our first week together. Now, it's probably once or twice every month or so. That's okay, and totally normal IMO. We'd be knee-deep in debt if we sustained the initial frequency.

 

Elswyth isn't miserable or bitter, so I don't understand that post there.......

 

The part I don't understand the most is that he was actually one of those who liked my post where I explained my perspective of his gf's reluctance to dress up based on his VDay fiasco. Did he perhaps misclick and then not know how to reverse it?

Edited January 24, 2013 by Elswyth

[charlietheginger]

Of course she loves my personality. Who wouldn't!

 

If you've seen Office Space...that scene where Peter says:

 

"Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

 

That's me, except I work from home, so it's even easier for me to be distracted.

 

My wife works from home as well, but she's much busier than I am. She runs her own business and doesn't have the luxury of slacking off like I do.

Then let her tell us herself ur the perfect husband looks style

Personality . When her video is uploaded on youtube post

A link

[KungFuJoe]

Then let her tell us herself ur the perfect husband looks style

Personality . When her video is uploaded on youtube post

A link

 

"KungFuJoe is the perfect man in every way imaginable."

 

- KungFuJoe's wife