Justtiredofit Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 First, a little background: -Married 18.5 years; Me: first marriage @ 43; WW: second marriage @ 40 -Dday: 12/13/12; Says she has infatuation with one of my best friends and that our marriage has come to an end. I left that day. -12/19 OM tells WW leave me alone, I'm Justiredofit's friend and don't want any part of your game. -3 weeks ago, WW approaches OM over text about having relationship. OM once again says No. -Next day, WW asks OM "Did you tell Justtiredofit that I asked you about that?" This is when I suspected she was trying to get my attention. -1/14 WW and I begin talking about things. -1/16 WW asks me to stop the divorce process. Since 1/16 we have slowly been getting back on track. We went to church this Sunday, had lunch, then over to my apartment. We've had some wonderful conversation amongst other things We are going for our first counseling session tonight with a pastor and his wife. I want to thank everyone here for your help, insight, and advice. She wants no part of the divorce, and doesn't want to live her life without me in it. She admitted that even while running after the OM, she really wanted to be with me the whole time and that she was trying to get my attention. She also says that when she got down to it, if the OM had consented, that she could not have actually gone through with it. We will be going to Retrouvaille February 15-17. She is excited about this, and is now reading Love Busters. I hope this weekend program will help. I hope this encourages you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I hate to put a dampner on things here, really, but do you really think she would have come back if your friend felt the same about her? This looks to me like plan A didn't work for her, so she's back to Plan B.... dude I'm not sure how the hell you can trust her. Something don't smell right here... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yes I was thinking much the same.... If your friend had actually said yes, she would be gone. She only came back because of rejection there. Better the devil you know.... Let's see how it goes. I wish you well, and pray your trust is well-founded.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Read back over your threads. This is a train wreck waiting to happen. You are so happy to have her back, you simply can't see the Forrest for the trees. You want Amber then to want your wife. Your wife wants another guy, then she wants you. Read your first thread about the vow to make the marriage work. You broke up months after that wow. She says you are love of life and then next day it seems says this is not working. This was back in December! A month ago their was game playing, manipulation, feelings gone, feelings for another guy. So what you just push it under the carpet and pretend it never happened? You just take on board the nice things she says and ignore the bad things she said and did? Sounds to me either your wife is to lazy to get a divorce or doesn't like the idea of being alone... Counselling is great but it's they (counsellors) are not miracle workers. How on earth can you trust a single word that comes out of your wifes mouth after everything she has said and done recently? Dude u are kidding yourself. "Fooling others is a serious business, but fooling ourselves can be fatal"...this isn't a message of hope. This is about two people not grasping the reality of their situation.... If they is any chance here, you need to say seperated for awhile and take this REALLY slowly. To me you sound desperate, cause no person who truly loved themselves would take a partner back who treated them this way...Someone can't just say they are not sure about you anymore, not sure what they want, ask for a divorce, treat you like crap. Then like your friend and when your friend rejects (your wife) then excuses their behaviour, cause they wanted revenge or to get your attention!!!Are u kidding me with this? This is all wrong man...This is an unhealthy relationship, with one as bad as the other...I sincerely hope u get a good counsellor cause how u can rebuild trust and honesty from all this god only knows. I think if you were both younger and have not been together for so long one of you would have walked already... You wrote this a month ago.. Anyway, she now has NO ONE and has completely screwed up. But I cannot and will not go back. I have to get out for my own sanity. Besides, my friend (her "crush") said "Brother, if it's not me she's infatuated with, it'll be someone else." That's true and I can't handle that. No sir, don't want any part of it. Edited January 22, 2013 by Mack05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I couldn't help but "like" everyone's comments.It appears that I am happy that you are happy.It also appears that I am in total agreement with others that this will end in a train wreck.I am so confused. Brother,as stated by someone above,you are "pressed" and it shows in your previous posts.I write this not to discourage you,but to keep others here from thinking it is this easy to repair a train wreck relationship. If I had to bet,I would bet a lot of "bargaining" has went into this "arrangement". I would also bet you will be on the bad end of a lose-win situation in the end.I hope I am wrong but my heart says we will see your posts again in the future.I say this because.........I did the same thing ........TWICE!!!!! I also got reamed both times.Hopefully this isn't the case for you. REVITUP Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Yes, there's a possibility you're being easy on her and letting her off the hook, to make up for your relationship with Amber. And because you feel you began the marital cheating. But where your wife messed up was checking on your friend's availability - before she got back with you. Both of you need to realize a marriage is supposed to be Closed. No affairs/ no revenge affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've a personal code that I live by! Its a work in progress. As my signature line says "Parts of me are pretty (damn) awesome! The rest I'm working on! Daily! Daily I seek to identify my weaknesses and seek self improvement. There are certain things that I stand for! From that I will not apolgize for nor buge! One of the things that I daily work on is to rise above and beyond any and all properity ~ and doubt of my faithfulness and fidelity to Mrs. Gunny. In short? I keep my honor and integrity clean and above question! If you want to bring out the fighting side of me? Question my honor or integrity! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: I don't lie, cheat, steal, do wrong to others. I speak and treat others the way that I would want to be treated were I them. The "Golden Rule" I don't lay my hands upon others. I say "Sir, and Ma'am! To any and all others. I do these things to others, and expect the same! Time and time again it has been my integrity, honor, and reputation as such that has saved my azz! I pulled a stunt at work that would have gotten anyone else fired! :eek: I guess I got away with it because I did it on principle and my own code? I refused to bow down and be a whore to my job! I stood up when no others would. I called a supervisor on their BS ~ told them it was such ~ and told them it was wrong? (I went "Gunny" on their azz! :mad: ) Mrs. Gunny pulled a stunt like your wife did you? I wouldn't take her back! Well not as easily as you did? And I say that knowing that I'm not you and you're not me! She'd have to work for it! She'd have to want it! She'd have to convice me that it would never happen again! But then again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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