Wife moves out with no notice and signs a 1 year lease

[Ebo]

Here's my story, in a nutshell. I have been with my wife for 25 years, we met freshman year in college. Married in 1998 10 years later

 

We have been through everything, long distance relationship, very successful times, and very hard financial times. (We started a business together which was in a field I had little interest but she loved, and it didn't work out) We lost a lot of money, a lot.

 

This was 3 years ago, things have been going better since then. We fight like all couples, but the last 2 months we fought more than ever. My wife is the most loyal, loving person you could imagine. She is known for being super sweet.

 

During these arguments she threatens to move out during a screaming match, and I say go ahead to call her bluff. This happened maybe 3 times, the last time, I emailed her the next day and told her that I was sorry and I was calling her bluff because I was upset she said that a few times.

 

So last week she comes to me and give me the "we have to talk speech" She tells me that she is moving out tomorrow. This is unbelievable to me because this goes against everything I know about her. Why she did not tell me beforehand I can't figure out. Even a few days notice.

 

We have two elementary school age children. So she moved out on them. Aside the fact that it's impossible for us to do this financially, she not only left me but left the kids. Now of course we are splitting their time between us 50/50 and she is being very accommodating with scheduling and so forth.

 

I begged her not to leave. I love her very much. She says "no you don't" or "you think you love me" That drives me nuts because I would never say it unless I meant it, but she still won't believe it.

 

She says she loves me also and that's why she did this. She wants to fix the relationship. That is crazy to me because I have no idea how to fix a relationship while living in separate houses. We already have problems communicating living together, now we have to do it in separate places?

 

I told her this and she doesn't get it. I would never walk out on my wife and kids, especially in that way with now notice. I still can not figure out how she was able to do it. I'm still in shock as this happened exactly one week ago.

 

I have considered that she has someone else, and logistically that would be impossible as we are together all the time and she has two jobs so there is no way.

 

She has been super nice when I see her and apologized for hurting me and texts me several times a day, but I think that is maybe out of habit.

 

I have no idea what to do, give her space? Be nice with her and try to win her back? I doubt I will do that because if she comes back and we fall into that same situation, I will be to blame...

 

 

She does not drink, she does not do drugs she doesn't even go out. We have the same values as far as family and being together as a family. If you knew her you would say she would be the last person on earth to do something like that.

 

I should ad that she started taking anti-depressant medication about 2 months ago, and although I don't see a change in her. It may play a part in this.

 

How do I handle this situation?

[The_Furious_Bear]

Brother man...just because she is by your side all the time doesn't mean she isn't having an affair...you can have an affair in as little as 3 hours. To me it sounds like she has left you because she has found someone else or she wants to find someone else. I would not take her back under any circumstance.... she left you without any warning and altered your children's lives. If you take her back she will also know you are soft and that she can walk all over you. I say cut ties with her. Stay strong my friend!

[imtooconfused]

Ebo... I am sorry that this has to be your first post on LS. There's no way to express my feelings about what you are going through. At the same time, I don't have a lot of good advice for you. This sounds like it could be one of those situations where she "just needs some space" to sort things out, especially because your communications continue to be non-confrontational, if only businesslike. The approach that I would take for the time being (and it goes against the standard advice here) is to not push back against her newfound freedom and remain as friendly as you can. Especially don't give a lot of grief over the financial troubles as that may be a raw nerve to begin with. Be ready for either eventuality that may come.