I think my xgirlfriend was raped, how can I assist her?

[fun2bewith]

BACKGROUND : Dated 2 years broke-up because I had to move to another country, she always treated me well, she went silent for 3 months then started to reach out..

 

PRESENT: I got an e-mail from her saying that something terrible happened to her something she has only seen in movies and on the internet, but she can't tell me know, she doesn't want to go back to the memories now. She said she trusted the wrong people.. While chating with her, I got the feeling she was raped and maybe by many..

 

How can I assist her? I am too far from her and she didn't tell me yet what exactly happened. She was such a pure spirit but her voice is full of sadness and her spirit sounds torn.

 

Is there anything I can do to help her to completly heal, I don't want her to have to carry this, her whole life... I feel so guilty and responsible, because if I tried harder to stay in the country , this would have never happend.

 

But it is not about me... I need to help her, she says that she is keeping busy and coping cause she is strong, but that might be denail.... I want to be pro-active and waiting is just making me wonder if she is okay!

[fun2bewith]

Got an e-mail from my x saying that something really terrible happened to her while trusting the wrong people, but she isn't ready to tell me.

 

I got the feeling she was raped.

 

If it was, Is there anything I can do to help her to completly heal?

[turnera]

The best thing you can do is open a line of communication. Become a safe place, a GOOD place, for her to come (virtually speaking, of course). Don't push. If she comes to trust you, she may come out with it. For now, she just needs someone to talk to.

[imtooconfused]

Is there anything I can do to help her to completly heal, I don't want her to have to carry this, her whole life... I feel so guilty and responsible, because if I tried harder to stay in the country , this would have never happend.

 

But it is not about me... I need to help her, she says that she is keeping busy and coping cause she is strong, but that might be denail.... I want to be pro-active and waiting is just making me wonder if she is okay!

 

As much as you want to actively get involved to help, you have to let her come out on her time. It's not your burden to carry and the act of being "pro-active" may actually drive her to shelter her feelings.

 

She reached out to you because she trusted you as a friend. Whether or not she speaks another word of what happened, just being a friend will be the greatest comfort to her.

[fun2bewith]

@ Imtooconfused and Turnera, really thank you for taking the time to reply to this message , you say the same thing... I should let her come to me...

 

You know as a guy , I really want to deal with a problem immediatly and feel that I don't do enough by just listening, we don't understand that listening actually also mean something.

 

...I guess if women wasn't so complex, guys wouldn't be interested....

 

Thanks

[imtooconfused]

In this case, it's a mind that is complex, not so much that she is a woman. Whatever happened, she was victimized, from someone she trusted. She probably now questions her trust in everything from before. For you to dwell and focus your energies around the worst thing to happen to her is to make her question her trust in you even more.

 

As a lesson in general, here's something I learned from a motivational speaker a long time ago. Men think women tell them their problems to find answers or solutions to what is causing the problem. Men are good at solving problems, but most often, they don't want to hear answers at all. They just want to tell you their problems and to know that you will listen without judgment.