12 Years together, 3 Years Married, My Husband won't Let me Go

[Joevanca]

Sorry My English is my third language, but i want share my story even there's a lot story that similar with mine.

 

I have been together with My Husband for 12 years, and married for 3 years. I lost my virginity with him and only have sex with him only. But later i have EA with OM. This person is my first love on school back then, we meet again and apparently he fall into me, and chasing me even this OM know that i am not available and have daughter 2 years old.

To be Honest, I lost my feeling for my husband when we on 6 years relationship, because we fought a lot and he became abussive. I had a lot of thinking to break up with him, but have no guts because in our family, we must gave the virginity only for husband and we have busssiness together and i was afraid for loosing income and stability.

 

 

When we planning to be married, i had a lot of thinking of running away but then we heard bad news, his mother have a stadium 4 cancer and his mother’s wish is to watching his son to be married, so i decided to be married with him for wrong reason, and planning to divorce with him after his mother passed away. On my Married Day i feel so sad and cry because i have to married with him but my heart won’t.

 

 

When the D-Day come, he won’t let me go away, he doesn’t want divorce and ask me for another change. I am the only his hope and he feel so devastated becaues his mother passed away and if i am leaving him, he doesn’t know how to live. So i stay with him and one year later i become pregnant and have one daughter.

 

 

We have a normal life, he changed a lot better and never become abussive again. But 3 month ago he ask me for permission to have sex with another girl out there because i have a little interest to have sex with him. We have sex only once a week, and he said he needed more so he ask me for get his need out there. I am surprised i let him, and he get my permission. And i realized that i have no jealousy at all for him, it means i still lost my feeling for him after years.

 

 

So when my heart feel empty and live with no passion to him. A Month ago, This OM come in filling my heart and give the passion to me. I know this is so wrong, so i decided to leave my marriage and my husband won’t let me go again. I told him that i lost my feeling for him, and a lot of reason that i doesn’t want being with him anymore. I decided to leave him now because i don’t want 1,2,3 years later, i feel regret for stay with him and asking for divorce again and again.

 

 

I really hope he can replace me with another women that love him as much as he love me. And care for him as much as he care me. He deserved a lot better than being with me. Yes i am a cheater, i am a liar and i am not loyal to him and to our M.

 

 

If we divorce, i am not choosing the OM because he is a single men that deserve a single women too, not a divorced women, and his parents and big family will not let him to be together with me because my background. So I will find my new life and enjoying life alone until i want settle again.

[Joevanca]

I said to him i want a divorce. But he doesn't agree. He said he love me so much, he can not live without me, I am the only women that he want, why i was so cruel to him and he ask me to give him another change. But i won't, now i feel that i won't to stay in marriage. i want leave as soon as possible. But he won't let me walk away. I feel so sad, depressed because i must stay with person for the reset of my life because my responsibility to our marriage

[jf2good]

I am confused if he was getting sex once a week, that is more than a lot of marriages, yet he asks you to have sex with someone else and says he doesn't want to divorce. He sounds selfish to me, but I can only judge from your posts.

 

Unfortunately for your cultural problems with the OM, that is the OM is good enough to have sex with you, but your not good enough for him and his family is just ridiculous thinking.

 

Seems your marriage is a marriage of convenience for both of you at the moment. Maybe he does love you, but maybe he just is afraid of finding someone who isn't as good as you are, even with your cheating.

 

Cheating while married is not the solution, and staying married too long also is a problem when it should end, else you will get trapped. Twelve years is a long time, but do you want it to be 15 or 20 and then go through this again and again?

 

It will also be harder on your daughter the older she gets. If you can't fix the marriage, leave it.

[Joevanca]

Thanks jf2good for your advice.

For the Info. I am not having sex with other men. We just have emotional affair only, no physical affair, no touching or anything.

I am 30 years old and having sex with just one person only, he is my husband.

My Husband not yet find another sex partner, he just asking my permission, but do not do the action.

We've doing good on our sex life, but i'm not fancy of having sex, so he needed more.

 

I Know what i want, i want leaving this marriage. But my Husband, he can not let me go. Now he feel so depressed, can not eat, can not sleep, can not work, loosing his weight, seems really sad all day long. make me feeling so guilty.

[Darren Steez]

Your husband seems to mope around and only think of himself. So he only gets sex once a week, even though he's cheated he still asks you whether he can go have sex with someone else?

 

It's clear you are no longer jealous because you have lost your respect for him. He won't let you go simply because he is comfortable not having to put any effort into changing himself and trying to better himself.

 

He doesn't have to let you go. Get a lawyer and file.