Lauriebell82 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I have been blessed for 9 months to be at home with my sweet baby boy, but it's not feasible for my husband and I. I have a masters degree + lots of credentials, so it's not as though I want to give up my career. I just didn't expect to go back so soon. It's definately causing some stress and strain. Words of wisdom for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I would fight like hell to stay home with your child until he starts school. And I say this fully aware of the financial challenges and lifestyle sacrifices involved, my wife having quit her teaching job to stay home with our kids. Is the pressure coming from your husband? I'd simply ask him who he wants to love, raise and nurture your child - you or someone making $8.25/hr watching 10 kids? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I have been blessed for 9 months to be at home with my sweet baby boy, but it's not feasible for my husband and I. I have a masters degree + lots of credentials, so it's not as though I want to give up my career. I just didn't expect to go back so soon. It's definately causing some stress and strain. Words of wisdom for me? Enjoy these times. Remember fondly how perfectly joyful and innocent and amazing he is. Always will be actually. I cannot try understand this mother's unique sense of loss - I can conceptualize it, but can't truly understand. Pick a good daycare. One that feels good. Your son, and yourself, will suffer some separation anxiety. It'll pass. Daycare will be one a wonderful fun place for him. And he'll learn and make friends and develop social skills. He'll look forward to it. And then it's all downhill. Daycares are germ factories. they get sick at the most inopportune times. And often. He'll be walking. Away. Right towards whatever you told him to stay away from. Smiling the whole way. Because that angel is really just being a shyte and testing boundaries. Free will is great and all in anyone except a baby as it so rarely mirrors what you want him to do. And then first words. And talking. It's great until they talk back to you. Or say no. To everything except Cap'n Crunch. Ah. Yes. Enjoy today and now. It's all downhill from here. Before long...Monday is the new Friday. Meaning, you get to go back to the peaceful confines of the office. I like Monday. Monday's are GOOD. Somehow my three kids survived. Possibly because infanticide is largely frowned upon. Who knows though - tomorrow is another day for them to break, puke, disobey or just generally be hellspawn. In all seriousness. It'll be fine. You'll adjust as will your son. It'll be and feel normal within a month. (I really do love my kids) (usually) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 usually kids risen at home have more social issues that those who have interaction with other kids when they were babies! I know I know... not as great as being at home with him ! but I tried! Have you ever seen an infant dare care? Seen the caregiver/child ratios? Your babies "interactions" with the other infants mainly consist of listening to them cry in their crib as he cries in his. I'm not sure how that promotes less social issues... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lattes Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 It is a wonderful thing that you have a choice. I truly don't believe either staying home or having kids in daycare while working is better/worse than the other, just different. Not staying home may be better for YOU though. You say you have a masters+++ so I would guess you aren't going back to a $25k/year job. I would also guess that you aren't going to be dropping off your child at the trailer next door with the woman who you pay $5/day who has kids sitting on the front lawn chewing on car parts. <--This however would seem to have it's upsides in a twisted sort of way Few major positives to look at about going back to work: * Better financial stability for your family and god forbid, for you if something where to happen to your partner or you were to get divorced. * Greater ability to achieve 'outside the home' * Greater ability to network and have friends outside of 'kid life' * Chance for your child to socialize with other children. * Chance to meet other parents through the daycare. * Your child will learn a LOT in daycare. There is a lot of wonderful childcare for your kids. They will learn a lot of things they would not learn at home with you, in Canada an ECE diploma is a 3-4 year program where the ENTIRE program is related to early childhood. Teaching diploma OTOH is a 1-2 year post-graduate diploma where you learn to teach either JK-Grade 8 or JK-Grade 12. I am not disparaging teachers here, my point is that to be an ECE worker you need to know a lot about early childhood education. My wife and I were very lucky, we mostly stayed home with our boys and we put them in a daycare program part-time to have them get the best of both worlds but that is a pipe-dream for most. Best of luck d Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 ohh I have seen them... I have a son of 2 years old that is in one of them 3 days a week... yes he has got infections ... guess what ? it helps the immunologic system to become stronger... and children older than 9 months begin already to interact with each-other so... maybe you should change your daycare if you are not that happy.... my son is very happy there and has many little friends! My youngest is high-school age now but they never were in daycare. I'm only going to say that you present a number of theories on child rearing and infectious diseases that aren't supported by a consensus of prevailing research. And there are plenty of ways for kids raised at home to have interactions with - and catch colds from - other kids. Do you really think that dropping your child off at 7:00 am to be raised for the next 10 hours by a rotating group of minimum-wage strangers is the best thing for him/her? Hard to believe... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lattes Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Is it possible for your husband to stay home? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Is part-time work feasible? Any parents/grandparents, etc nearby? Maybe some compromise can be reached. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Lb, think back to your original discussions prior to having your son. Was it agreed that you go back to work in 9 months or less? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Some factors to consider: 1. Cost of infant child care in your locale 2. What, if any, child care tax credit you qualify for 3. The impact of your full-time income on the family's tax burden and the net income from that equation, balanced against the costs of 'going back to work'. 4. Increased maintenance costs due to both parents being full-time employed. Examples could be home and landscape maintenance, housekeeping, periodic cleaning, increased vehicle maintenance, etc, etc. 5. Given your profession, the stress of working and then switching to parent mode and how that impacts your family and parenting dynamic IMO, crunch the numbers, add in the emotional/psychological components, and work the issue as a team. IIRC, your H is an accountant, so perhaps you've already done much/all of the number crunching. Don't forget the little stuff. It all adds up. Lastly, look at your lifestyle and professional goals. Can you dial your lifestyle back to fit the single earner numbers? Will delaying re-entry until your child enters school handicap your professional career? If so, how and what is the forward-looking value of that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Take heart in the fact that everyone sacrifices something, whether working, at home, or some combination of both, and that, given caring parents, all set ups can work out well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Take heart in the fact that everyone sacrifices something, whether working, at home, or some combination of both, and that, given caring parents, all set ups can work out well. That's the truth- right there! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I've been hearing more and more about daycare centers that provide Nanny Cam service, where parents can actually see what's happening at the daycare in real-time over the Internet. Here is a good article about this and a couple other things to consider (planned activities, disciplinary protocol) when choosing a daycare: Time Outs and Nanny Cams: What to Look for in a Daycare - TopTenREVIEWS Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Do you really think that dropping your child off at 7:00 am to be raised for the next 10 hours by a rotating group of minimum-wage strangers is the best thing for him/her? Hard to believe... I have to respectfully disagree with the idea of a rotating group of minimum wage strangers...I worked at a preschool for seven years, and I loved the kids under my watch. Every day I gave them hugs and played with them and tried to teach them both life lessons and practical stuff in a fun way. On the last day of school I would actually cry thinking about how much they'd grown and how they would no longer be in my life on a daily basis. And I was being paid more than minimum wage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, there is a difference between a daycare and a preschool! I have stayed home with my son, who is about to turn three, and yes we made a lot of sacrifices for that, but it was worth it. Now that he is almost three, though, I would like to get him into a preschool at least a few days a week. LB, was this decision made before you had the baby? Are you breast feeding? Sorry to hear that, though... I have seen how much some mothers suffer when they have to leave their babies, esp before a year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Since about 18 months my little boy has been in the Church program, started out as the Mommy Morning out program to now he is in Pre-K.. Absolute best thing we have done for him... it has helped give him a social life, friends and best buds, birthday parties to go to... It gave him a sense of competition in achieving to do better in all aspects, speech, letters, homework... everything.... He goes 4 days a week now.. last year was 3... The classes last from 9am to 1pm, so my wife has to be home to pick him up.. Daycare.. humpf.. we were never able to find one as good as the church program, cheaper too.... The fact that he isn't in full out daycare means that the wife is still stay at home but she enjoys those 4 hrs a day a bunch and uses some of that time to work on 99designs selling her graphic art skills... I would look into some of the local church programs in your area and see what they offer, there maybe something that fits you going back to part-time work... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Did some of the posts in this thread get deleted? The arguing ones it looks like. Good. Anyway, thank you for the responses. I will try to answer to all of your questions here, I'm not very good at massive multiquoting! I am not breastfeeding. We haven't looked into a church program. Part time isn't feasible for us. We talked about it and agreed on 1.5-2 years. I didn't sign up for 9 months!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 .. usually kids risen at home have more social issues that those who have interaction with other kids when they were babies! Where do you get that info from? I don't think so, must kids before the age of 4 don't really play with each other...it's called parallel play...not the same at all as the interaction that you think they benefit from. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 LB, I'm sorry you're having to make a choice you aren't ready for. It probably feels big, scary, and sad right now, particularly if you don't have a specific job lined up yet (do you?) or a daycare situation nailed down. I definitely dreaded sending my little guy to daycare the first week. But he gets very good care from a trio of women who care for 10 tots. He's the youngest kiddo there, and is doted upon by everyone there. I wouldn't call it a situation of neglect by any stretch of the imagination. Mr. Lucky is entitled to his opinion, but don't let his views make you feel guilty/bad/worse about the situation. Judgy McJudgerson hasn't walked a mile in your shoes, so IMO the opinions expressed therein should be weighed accordingly. Make the decision that's right for your family, and then don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Did some of the posts in this thread get deleted? The arguing ones it looks like. Good. Anyway, thank you for the responses. I will try to answer to all of your questions here, I'm not very good at massive multiquoting! I am not breastfeeding. We haven't looked into a church program. Part time isn't feasible for us. We talked about it and agreed on 1.5-2 years. I didn't sign up for 9 months!!!! So what changed, LB? Where is the pressure coming from? Your husband? Or you just feel that your current lifestyle is unsustainable on one income anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Mr. Lucky is entitled to his opinion, but don't let his views make you feel guilty/bad/worse about the situation. Judgy McJudgerson hasn't walked a mile in your shoes, so IMO the opinions expressed therein should be weighed accordingly. Make the decision that's right for your family, and then don't look back. Agree with almost everything you say . Except I'd say "Make the decision that's right for your child", understanding that it may come at the families expense. Vacations, new cars, dining out, bigger house - amongst the many things you give up to make it happen. Certainly a personal decision as to whether it's worth it... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 The pressure is coming from my husband, he is an accountant so I guess you could say he takes a more "practical" approach to our finances (i.e. we need new cars in 2 years). I'm thinking more about the here and now. So when we talk about it, we usually end up arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It is odd that an accountant in the USA would not make enough to support a modest lifestyle for a family. Can you not talk to him about cutting down the spending instead, if you feel it is important for the children to have a parent to grow up with early in life? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 The pressure is coming from my husband, he is an accountant so I guess you could say he takes a more "practical" approach to our finances (i.e. we need new cars in 2 years). I'm thinking more about the here and now. So when we talk about it, we usually end up arguing. If you can at all afford to stay home with your baby, please make every effort and concession to do so. NO ONE will love your baby like you do and it is so important to have that time together. In time, both you and he will be more ready to start separating from each other and you can start the job and daycare hunt then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 The pressure is coming from my husband, he is an accountant so I guess you could say he takes a more "practical" approach to our finances (i.e. we need new cars in 2 years). I'm thinking more about the here and now. So when we talk about it, we usually end up arguing. Okay... this changes my point of view somewhat. Finances can be hard to discuss, for sure. Like another poster said, have you examined all of your spending to figure out where you can reduce? That's been an illuminating experience for us - and an ongoing one. In our case, we need my income and in fact I like working. But it doesn't sound like that's the same for you... Link to post Share on other sites
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