am i a fool or totally in love???

[deeply in love]

i feel that i am in love with this guy whom i never met personally but i am in talks with for almost 2 years now. we met online, became friends and then he was a bit flirtatious with me, dun know when i started to feel for him and asked him many times what if i start loving him, he was always like he will be loving me back in the same sense, but when the final confession was there from my end he kept quiet for 2 days and then he said he is having someone else in his life but the status of relationship is complicated. few days later he said she came back and he cant be there with me and vanished from my life. i was devastated by that, tried every possible way to be in contact with him. finally he started replying my messages, but throughout he maintained that i am just a friend for him, though his friends said he talks a lot about me and they all feel he is having feelings for me but he never said that openly. i cant think of life without him, why he became so special for me, i dun know but all i know is i cant live without him, i cry a lot sometimes thinking about him, he is all over my mind. cant get why i am so much into him???? i never felt same for anyone else and to be truthful i daily asks god to grant his love for me in my next life. one thing is sure he knows how much i love (if its love) him and even he admits that i top the people who love him unconditionally but he still maintains that for him i am just a friend. can u please suggest what should i do, cuz everytime i think of going away i ended up shattering my own life. i cant think of anyone else, thats for sure.

Edited January 23, 2013 by deeply in love

[will1988]

OP We've all had major crushes and we've all been rejected. It hurts. It makes you feel like a worse version of yourself. You rationalize stalkerish behavior because you are doing what your heart and not your head is telling you to do. I've been there so I am not judging you at all. The best thing you can do in your situation is to cut all communication with him. It will be tough. It will hurt. It will be one of the harder things you have to do. Your heart will be telling you "it is ok for me to send one email" or "it is ok for me to look at his facebook once." but then that makes you start thinking about him more and you will start to give in to more obsessive behaviors. One email will turn into a dozen. One look at his facebook will turn into you checking it several times a day. So you can't give in to even tiniest breaking of No Contact. It will hurt. It will drive you bonkers. But it is the fastest way to get over someone. Also, keeping yourself busy will help. Try a new sport, club, activity, hobby etc... to keep your mind off of him. Also, if it becomes a problem to where every time you get on a computer you just want to look him up, try staying away from a computer unless it is work related, school related, or contacting friends online (but keep that to at most once a day for a few minutes). Also, maybe try to have a rebound fling. I know most people will tell you not to do that. However, I've found that in most cases, attention and affection from someone new will generally squash all feelings for the old flame after a time. However, it is up to you to heed my advice or not.

 

Good luck!

[deeply in love]

thanks for your kind reply. all these days i tried to go by your advice and not to contact him at all but its killing me. its getting really hard to be away from him, not to talk to him. even my health is deteriorating day by day. its not that i am sitting idle at home or something like that. i am a law graduate and preparing for civil exams, i spend most of my time studying but still he is always there in my thoughts. dun know how to cope with it. life seems useless now.

[RR1]

I know totally where you are at, i just can't stop thinking about my ex g/f. Sure i appear to be doing OK when people are about but as soon as i am alone all i can think about is her and how much i miss her and how much i want to cuddle her or to have her cuddle me. It's not even about the sex, although she is damn hot, it's just about wanting to be near her and holding on to her. I didn't know i could ever love someone that much. She always assumed that i just got attached easily and that i must feel like that about every girl. How wrong she was, she was the only girl ever i felt like that about. I would have done anything for her, i mean anything. She's all i can think about even when i'm with people. My mood cheers up around people but my mind still doesn't drift off her for long. I was on a thread on another forum earlier and we were talking about whether it's possible to spend all your time just thinking about one person. It's definitely possible because i have done it with her. God i miss her so much. My heart used to skip when the phone rang or a texted beeped because i was always hoping it was her.

 

We always failed on the communication though, we were never clear enough with each other, well maybe she was but i certainly needed to work on that part of me. For a long time i didn't take anywhere near enough responsibility for our problems, i had my head in the sand and i thought the problems were all with her i'm ashamed to admit. I have worked hard on myself in the last 2/3 years in therapy and counselling but i can see i still have work to do. When i look back i can see that i was way too hesitant in telling her my thoughts and feelings. I used to get ther eventually but it took me way too long and often the moment had passed. i could kick myself i really could.

 

Yes she did see some other people but we were split-up at that point so it's not like i can really truthfully say it was cheating. It just felt like it because i decided not to see anyone and i was upset when she did see some other people. Really though i haven't got that much to complain about there though. She's entitled to see other people if we are no longer together. If i had been a better b/f though it wouldn't have got to that stage. There really is nothing that she has confessed to me that are not fixable if we try. I so want to try again but with better communication and better commitment on my part. All the other things can be worked on slowly if we gave it another go. She's still got many issues and personal problems that she needs to work through, as well as working and studying for her BS.C. I was nowhere near supportive enough but with hindsight we didn't see each other anywhere near enough. i really do want to be in a proper stable relationship, not one where i flit in and out as the whim takes me, which i have to admit is what i have been used to doing. She'd also be brilliant for our finances because i work hard but i seem to have lost the ability to be any good with money and she's brilliant with that sort of stuff. I could do the work while she basically kept an eye on the finances, i really couldn't expect her to do anymore more work, the poor girl is overworked and got too much on already. I have also still got plenty of work to do on improving myself which i can't neglect. I realise now how deficient i was in all things relationship related.

 

Unfortunately though i can't contact her, she asked me not to and also said she was changing her email and phone number. I said she didn't have to bother going to that much trouble because i wouldn't contact her again as she obviously didn't want me to. I really don't know if she meant that to be permanent or if she was just angry with me. Either way though, i gave her my word and i can't go back on that and start contacting her when she maybe doesn't want me to. Even if she jut sent me a text or mail sating hi it would at least open up some sort dialogue and i could judge things from there. Without that though i really feel as though i have to respect her wish for privacy, i did tell her that i would always be willing to talk and would never turn away from her if she tried to talk to me. It just feels such a waste, i have never felt a connection like that with anyone before. I love her to bits and i just can't seem to let go of her. I don't think i really want to either. She was just too much to me to let go just like that.

 

I hope you have some luck with your relationship. I am just praying that maybe S will drop me some sort of signal that we could have a chat. Best of luck and thanks for sharing.