KaiaMahina Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 drjones...you asked if there is any such thing as "the one." Damned if I know. I mean, if you want to get metaphysical, the idea of the soul mate comes, I believe, from kabbalistic mysticism. The idea is that each human being is incomplete, having another half of themselves, the other half of their soul, somewhere in the world. Supposedly, when you find this person, the union of the two bring about a completion which sends a great beam of light up to God. It's seen also as the way of connecting to the divine (and haven't we all seemed to feel that when we're with the one we love?). That's how I understand it, anyway. I can only say that I feel the strongest connection to the universe and to whatever runs it when I'm with someone special, someone I like to think of as "the one." So it could be that, spiritually speaking, there is only one. Maybe you'll find them in this lifetime; maybe not. But apparently there is more than one person who can give you a taste of that completeness. It's all speculation, like so much else in life. Personally, I believe in reincarnation and think that you may or may not find that person in this lifetime. Especially if you each need to learn different lessons from others who can teach you. When you do finally come together, you'll be a totality from all you've learned. Well, that's just my metaphysical ramblings. Despite being a pragmatic type in earthly dealings, I have a strong belief that there's more going on than meets the eye. At this point, I'm willing to go with the flow and see what else is in store for me. Could be that my ex is "the one." But maybe he's not ready in this lifetime. Could be that he's just a distraction or a preparation for "the one." No way to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 KaiaMahina, I'll tell you what your ex/s are.... F***ING IDIOTS...... no more.... and quite possibly a lot less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMF Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 Wantan and KaiMahina- Great posts. and thank you both for allowing me to see how to deal with the different emotions that I am feeling. I have to say that over the last few days- I feel like myself. Had fun this past weekend and I have a new crush!!! What an excellent distraction!!!! I am still trying to heal myself and I still have such bouts of sadness and confusion. How are you both doing? Regarding the post about "the one" I do believe in that as I have watched my friends go through guy after guy and then they are fully positive that they have then met the one and then they get married. BUT that might be my naivity as I thought I have had the "one" twice already. Don't know what to think about that. Something that truly amazes me is that I feel that I am a solid person and I have a lot to offer and in my last relationship I feel like I had a lot special times with my ex. HOW in the world do they not miss that time and the affection/adoration I had for them. I just will never understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 SMF... "Something that truly amazes me is that I feel that I am a solid person and I have a lot to offer and in my last relationship I feel like I had a lot special times with my ex. HOW in the world do they not miss that time and the affection/adoration I had for them. I just will never understand that" Baby.... you and I both! You wonder how is it that they can just shut all of that out of their minds... and BELIEVE that there's someone else out there that can top you.... How is it that those times don't seem to come CRASHING down on them like it does on us..... it's simple...... they're confused. They're confused (in some ways like us) in believing that there are BETTER times elsewhere and that the grass is BY FAR GREENER on the other side. What they don't realize is the HONEST TRUTH taht the grass never gets greener..... never... because love loses innocence everytime it is grown. In my case.. being the guy/man... i have nothing to lose by trying to court her again.... worse comes to worse... she'll jsut keep throwing her flip-flop in my face... and after a while i'll just give up and throw in the towel. By that time... if she doesn't realize what she's lost... it'll be too late... and then the 'joke' will be on her. In your case, being the girl/woman, i don't see/know what you can do other than to have hope or give up completely and let the other guy come around. That's the consilatory prize women have..... they get to choose yes or no..... while guys have to suffer at what women decide. Love sucks.. it's hard... and it REALLY hurts... especially when it is true. I'm going all in... if she fails... then... well... obviously.. it's her lose..... and i will live knowing that it REALLY IS OVER... and that if she were to come around again.. IT WILL BE TOO LATE. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 KM, I got to tell you I love your replies to my questions it always leads me to ask you another question....I too believe in the whole reincarnation crap... You said something very interesting: I believe in reincarnation and think that you may or may not find that person in this lifetime. Especially if you each need to learn different lessons from others who can teach you. When you do finally come together, you'll be a totality from all you've learned. I think the "one" does exist but not in the sence of what we think...my mind is running so if what I type is jummbled forgive me.....This "one" you will meet in this life time or the next is your complete other other half to your soul, now I am thinking that when you find this other half your own soul has learned everything that you (or God) wants you to experience in this world, once you have done that, you meet your "one" and thats it....you have basicly done your "tour of duty" and you and your "one" when you die are retired from comming back on earth....so if you figure what are the odds you are going to find your "one" is just based on how many times your soul Fu@ked up....some get it the first time some take many lifes before they get it right...... Now heres the kicker we can only deal with our own life..."the here and now"....So can we say there is a "one" for us? ...not really unless this is the time your soul gets it right.....So you can say like what I would say is I want to be happy and get marrried why should my next life get all the fun...why should I be unhappy now being alone.....Then now it becomes a choice of who you want to be the one right now....thats why we get that feeling of being connected with someone that we date, the feeling of uphoria of being in love or whatever......this all depends on I guess if the other person is willing to say in their mind "hey I like this person, we get along...she's my one".....not that could happen to everyperson you meet.....maybe the "one" is a just a state of mind...like athletes say when they are in the "zone"....maybe its when you people think they are in the "zone" thats your "one".....But in Gods eye maybe that person is not your true "one" .... Sorry for my rambling...if any makes sence to you guys....send a reply Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 First, Wantan...thank you for your opinion on the fact that my exes were f****** idiots! I LOVE being vindicated! Especially by an intelligent and senstive guy like you. And we who are about to die salute you! For your courage and optimism (regardless of the outcome) in deciding to pursue your ex. And yes, if she doesn't come around, the joke will indeed be on her! SMF...oh, I'm so happy for you and proud of you! Cheers to you, and may your new crush be a lovely experience and a heartwarming one! drjones, I agree with your theory that whether you find "the one" depends on whether you've completed your tour of duty (perfect phrase). Although I do believe that through the course of many lifetimes, you may come into contact with that half of your soul, and your own failed, painful, tempestuous or thwarted relationships may be part of what you must learn. Say you and "the one" met when you were a ruthless 18th century highwayman. And you romanced "the one" and then left her high and dry along with the booty from a robbery and she ended up being jailed for it. Next lifetime: you're a professional bullfighter and she's a lovely, mysterious lady who deliberately distracts you at the least opportune moment and you end up on the business end of a bull's horn. Oh, well. Neither of you has behaved very well toward the other. Back to the drawing board. Maybe in the next lifetime, she's at your mercy once again...but you refuse to retaliate. And in the next, she softens her attitude toward you...and so on until you have both learned to love and forgive, and all that good stuff. Maybe in this lifetime, my ex was the one and when it came time for him to learn courage in the face of fear and doubt, he folded. I can honestly say that I am careful not to engender any more difficult karma. You never know when you're dealing with "the one", so it's best to behave as well as you're able toward the person who has injured you. If you retaliate, you may just be making matters worse. Which is part of the reason why I do no contact when I've been dumped. No use pouring gasoline on the fire. Let them learn what they need to learn, be civil, be kind if they contact you again. I figure I may be earning some brownie points towards the next encounter! 'Course it's fair game to vent your spleen about them to all and sundry who will listen, and metaphorically ream them a new one. Which I do frequently and satisfactorily. But I can say that when exes have contacted me in the past, they were flabbergasted at calmly and rationally I engaged with them. Two of them are, in fact, my friends now. They know how disappointed and angry I was with them, but I didn't stick it to 'em when I had the chance. I ended up having actualy discussions with them about the OK, neither of them was "the one" but I got a couple of people still in my life that I would have missed if it had been forever. One said to me the other day, "I'm so glad you're still friends with me." That's pretty nice to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 KM, Always a joy reading your replies...you have a good outlook on your soul...why mess with the next life!....I could deal with not screwing up the next time my soul comes back, and try to stay positive for it so that it will meet up with the "one"....The only thing that bugs me, will i be happy during this life, ie do I "take one for the team"....like for you you have your two ex's and they are your firends thats great b/c you see something that is better for your soul, not to keep all that hate and anger, and just forgive....But you deserve happiness now, with someone that will take the time to care for you as you would to them. I wonder if we get shortchanged. For me the most part of my life I have been alone., I kind of got used to it, but I dont like it...I see my best friends get married and it would be nice to have someone, who I could send e-mails at work to her and say I love her and cant wait to rush home to see her after work, or just to watch her sleep, I know they sound flaky, but I like the little things about a relationship, just knowing that she cares for me and I care for her. I wonder if thats too much to ask for?.......Its funny how a break up can make you go to a place in your mind where you look for answers....I think I came to the point where there are no answers adn you just have to see what happens...I think too much!! Link to post Share on other sites
chicasha Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 IT took me a long long time to read through most of ur posts! I'll make this short...basically...i was in EXACTLY the SAME situation ....with a stupidhead boyfriend like all of yours. To make it worse....I had to try to be friends w/ him after all that crap, cos we have the same circle of friends...same family friends...so I couldn't NOT see him..(ugh)...PLUS see him get engaged to some girl he had met WHILE we were still together....they got engaged, about 3-4months after he broke up with me. He never took any of the blame....thought I was the psycho one...thought i was over-reacting...etc. The fiance ended up dumping him (i was happy..hehe...karma's a bitch!)...but he never stopped tormenting me...he thought i was the reason she dumped him (can I help it if I'm still in his circle of friends, and she knew about me..? how was that my fault?). He said i'd always need him in my life...that I used him as a crutch...that I couldn't do much w/o him,...blah blah. The nerve!! the ego-trip! i was like.........uh, john...watch me never call u again! he said I could never do that. I said...just watch me! and..i did ! 8months later...he called...he was engaged again. He said...'i hope ur okay with this'. I was like..."uh..yeah, congrats...why wouldn't i be ok?". He said "well...i dunno, maybe ur still not over me!". I said..."oh please..get off ur ego trip...u are not all that, I got over u a long time ago" what idiot. I stayed 'friends' with him.....but not really. He's in my circle of friends...we see eachother when we have to (weddings, etc...). My friends have lost respect for him though. Sad thing is....his new wife...is such a sweetheart. I dunno how she puts up with him. So..u see....if I can move on from a stupidhead like him....so can any of you Yeah...it took me a while....and I definitely did a lot of 'writing letters but never sending them'...and 'yelling at him in the shower'....cos i know if I told him anything, he would've accused me of being psycho. thats just the way he is. Even to this day.........he will torment and accuse me and our friends of stupid little things. We just ignore him, and laugh about it. Cos..afterall, we've pretty much accepted, he'll be around for a while (our parents are friends....we grew up together....its not like we can totally cut off contact)...but it helps to know all my friends think he's the psycho one.....and he doesn't even realize it, but everytime he makes a snide comment, or says and does something stupid (usually he'll say something to make us look inferior to him.....), we all kinda laugh and we'll say..."poor john.....". I KNOW you dont' feel this way right now...but please...take it from me...a few years from you...you WILL look back on this and shake your head, and maybe even laugh. I was such a wreck back then.......and have trust issues cos of this. But...i can definitely say I'm a better person for dealing with it the way that I did (as ur doing....! good job!). GOOD LUCK!!!!!! u will get through this...you will...you will......you WILL! I'll be rooting for you!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
chicasha Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 sorry, I lied. I meant to make the last post a short one....but I got carried away but good luck, nonetheless!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Chicasha, thanks for sharing your success story! And you have to deal with much more provocation than most. At least my ex is not in my circle of friends and lives 5 hours away. He may as well be on the moon. drjones, yeah, sometimes some of us in this karmic gristmill do indeed get shortchanged. My mother certainly did...26 years with a pathological liar and chronic adulterer (yep, my dear old dad!) and then nearly 29 years alone after the divorce because she never again wanted to place her trust in another man. What a lonely life! She did, about 3 years before her death, meet a wonderful man who made her very happy...but that's 3 years out of 73 total on this planet. Shortchanged? Big time! Because she was a lovely, warm, caring woman. What a sad waste of all the love she could have given and received with a good man. Like you, I've spent a lot of my life alone as well. I prefer few deep relationships to many shallow ones, so my world is peopled with a few very select individuals. Some of whom are 1000 miles away. I don't know which is more difficult: having no one to love you or having no to love. Both are so essential. And to know there's one special person who loves you in your totality (your body, your soul, your intellect, your emotions) makes everything worthwhile. Ever see that movie "Time After Time"? In it, the H.G. Wells character time travels from Victorian London to modern day San Francisco, and after a series of harrowing adventures, prepares to return to his own time, leaving behind the woman he loves. He says, "All eras are the same...only love makes any of them bearable." I've never heard it put better! And like you, I don't think having someone special in your life is too much to ask, although it certainly seems that way. You'd think we were asking for the earth and moon and one-third of the solar system! It's all the more frustrating when you seem to find that person and then inexplicably lose them. I guess as you pointed out, there's a time when you just have to sit back and wait to see what happens because your brain is worn and frazzled from trying to find answers with no clues. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 KM, I saw that movie!1 I loved it ! I forgot about that quote its so true.....I think we are alike, I too dont like the causal thing, I am more long term....I very few people that I keep as friends just b/c I dont give my firendship to easily or take it lightly...my best firends here I knew one since kindergarten and the rest since high school, thats a long time for me...(i'm 30) so they are important to me..... Hehe yeah my mind is toast right now with all that thinking.....I hope we all dont have to wait forever for that special person....I commend your mom, I dont think I could do it to be alone for that long, but I guess I have done it for 29 years if you count being along at birth ...... Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 So I decide to throw it all in... and call her. She answers.. she's.. 'busy'... working?.....'no... shopping'. Not good. 'Will call you back.....'... okay are you sure.... 'yeah'..... she's lying!.... 10 mintues later...the hell with it called again.....'What is it? Can it wait!?'.... no.... 'what is it?'.... just wanted to know how you are... 'im okay.....'...... i miss you (yeah... i don't play games!)...'what is it that you miss of me'...... everything...... Just wanted to ask why you met me for lunch...... here's where it gets good... She claims... because she whole-heartedly wanted to give me a chance to see if i've 'changed'..... well when someone kicks you in the balls like that you kinda hafta change so it doesn't happen again..... so i claim i have... she says no it's too soon.... she says i haven't 'suffered' enough....... hmm....... she says it's too soon for her... and at this point she's 3/4 hysterical screaming that she can't take it...... i stop her and say... haha..... 'why are you yelling at me? you say i haven't changed..... but i'm not the one yelling here... and how are you going to know if i have if you won't don't spend time with me?"...... to which i get....'no.. no.. you haven't healed enough... you need more time.... so i say 'uhh.. i'm okay...'... she goes off on some magical trip and says.... 'no you haven't... you need more time to heal..... i need more time....... why does everything have to be your way??... i don't want that.... i want things to be on my time......'...... that would explain why i failed two years in college (we dated then)....... somewhere in the conversation she says...'i don't want to hurt you again'... is that guilt i detect? of what?...... in the end she screaming...'I CAN"T TAKE THIS RIGHT NOW!!! i have to go....' .... she hinges on hanging up when i throw in..... "will i hear from you again?"...... "YES BUT NOT NOW.. GOODBYE!!"... Weirdo... absolutely she's done lost all her marbles and claims i'm the reason. what the f*** is going through her mind? Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Wantan, she actually said you haven't suffered enough? Followed by, you haven't healed enough? Rather contradictory. Which one are you supposed to do first? And I have to wonder why you would want someone back who apparently wants you to suffer? Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 KM and Wantan, I agree with KM, It sounds like she doing something what I learned from med school Psych class its called Projection....I think she is not healed and she is making you look like you did not heal which in fact she is having a hard time dealingwith it. I dont know....I think you should leave her alone and see what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Hey KM, I am feeling better in the las couple of days, yesterday I had a low day but I got through it. HOw are you doing?.....I got another deep question for you, I have been doing a lot thinking (as per usual)...I dont what I am looking for maybe a sign from god in the form of a burning bush!!....I dont know, I guess I have excepted that my ex is gone and I cant do anythign about it....I dont know what I am looking for...hehe I think am going to try a pyschic and tarot cards!! ....you have any luck with these devices telling you your future? Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 KM, Then again we go back to... why am i not parting with this? Remember... something's telling me she'll be okay, but I'm not sure. If I leap.. get involved with someone else (even if it's just friends.... they always lead to something more...), and she comes back, I WON'T... WILL NOT.... screw the new person over for her. I WILL NOT DO THAT.... and everyone tells me it's the hardest thing to do.... and in a way i'm affraid I'll do the WRONG THING. drjones, I agree. I think she's turning everything that's inside of her on me.... she doesn't know where she's going in life..... but only because she has brought it upon herself. She has called me selfish, obsessive, controlling, over emtional..... but when i think about it... that's what she was... hence she blames me for not 'consistently' loving her. It's as if she has made me her own personal mirror. They say that you take out the things that bother you the most on people you love..... i think that may be the case here. I think she's emotional basketcase. Things got ugly for her at work... she quit her job.... and decided that she HAD to go back to school in order to prove to herself that she was better than the people around her. That's where I don't fit in... because i tried to epxlain that the truth of the matter is no one in this world CARES what you do/think..... only your family and yourself. I tried to make her understand that success is measured by how happy you are... not what you have or what you are. I don't know... all i know is that i'm paying the bill here....... and i STILL love her. drjones, as far as pyschic.... when she dumped me, i came across a fortune teller and decided what the hell... maybe it'll make me feel better.... but guess what..... the fortune teller ends up telling me this would be the most romatic summer of my life... and that by the end i would know who i would marry......... i haven't met anyone new.... i still love the nut case ...... and i don't know if'll i'll ever get married after this..... Weird... very weird...... Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 HEy Guys, hehe I dont know maybe like you I was tring to see if someone could give me comfort...I thgouht maybe a psychic would do the trick! ....I guess I am at the point in the stages of grief where I am accepting the break up and I am looking for some sort of future for myself....I feel empty right now,....I just needed to vent to you guys.... Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 First, drjones, I'm glad that you're feeling somewhat better. The low days will come and go, but their frequency will decrease and the depths will not be so precipitous. I, too, have accepted that my ex will never contact me again. I'm looking for a new job in a new city, perhaps in a new state, and clearing out a lot of old rubbish that I've dragging around with me for many years. Funny you should ask about tarot readings...I saw a reader that I trust about 2 weeks ago. He accurately foretold the return of yet another ex, as well as the fact that I would hear from my ex-husband before Christmas. I hadn't heard from HIM for 3.5 years and he didn't even know where I live, so I was sceptical. The way he put it was, "Who were you with when you were 30?" I said, "My husband." He said, "He'll contact you before Christmas or New Year's." I said, "I don't want to hear from HIM!" He replied, "That doesn't matter. You will." And I did. He called to wish me a Happy New Year. How he got my phone number I will never know. Anyway, based on those predictions, I went to see him again. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear anything about the latest ex, or if I did, I was sure it would be to tell me that I was better off without him. But here is what he said: "Who's the Sagittarius?" he asked. Answer: my best girlfriend. He went on to describe our relationship and suggested I start taking her advice! "Who's the Libra who is flattering you?" he asked. Answer: an old boyfriend who calls me and tells me how beautiful, sexy, smart, etc., I am. Over and above the truth! "Who's the fishy Pisces?" he asked. He then added that I should stay away because it would be a "major disaster." Answer: The man in question is a guy with a live-in girlfriend who has spent the last 2 years attempting to have me "on the side." Hah! "Who's the Cancer?" he asked. Answer: my ex-fiance. He immediately said, "Oh, he'll be back. He will contact you and tell you that he was scared." He reflected a moment and then added, "He's stupid." He also asked what connection there is to an island. I told him that that was where my fiance wanted to get married someplace like Bermuda or St. Thomas and was getting info on how to do it. He then added, "You may want to wait to get married until 2006 instead of 2005 because you want to make sure everything is alright." My ex had been planning on a 2005 wedding. He went on to say that my ex would contact me between then and October. Funny thing was...he didn't keep throwing out various astrological signs until I responded to one. He only mentioned those four and they were all people who are of concern to me right now. Who knows.... I don't for a moment believe that my ex will contact me, so I'm not banking on the reader being correct about that one. For some reason, I just think it's plain over and that's the end of it. But it was definitely interesting that he pinpointed all these people and also gave me some other insights about things I've been struggling with. So that's my tarot story. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 HEy KM, I wish I could see that guy or get a reading, I think I could use some advice or some knowledge for my future.....I'll keep hanging in there...what is a great comfort is the site and talking to you and others here...we all have a lot in common and its nice to hear from everyone. It sounds like your reader is pretty good....Its nice to get some sort of validation for the future....I dont know maybe this stuff is like for some who go to church to find answers....I could use some take care p/s keep me posted on Oct Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 drjones, I know how you feel.... I woke up this morning perfectly fine... until i got into my car.... and then.. i dont' know... i felt empty... like something was missing... or out of place...... I think... and this is true... when you spend time with someone... you start to share your energy..... and eventually... you begin to connect in that weird/voodoo sorta way.... so when your SO is feeling down.. you feel down...when they're about to call you... you call them..... when you need a tomato or more sour cream for dinner... they end up getting it while on their way home...... So... in a sense... I'm not feeling to great.. she's either feeling SPECTACULAR.... or just about the same if not worse (THIS WOULD BE GOOD ) ...... i'm not sure....... bottomline... 'i feel 'ya..bro... i feel 'ya'...... when i feel like this.. i tend to call my mother and let her rant and rave and realize she will always be the WOMAN of my life Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 WantanS4, Yeah thats the hard part when you feel like this the first person you want to call is your ex and the big problem is that you cant, you cant go to them for the comfort that you need..b/c they are the cause of your sorrow...its a double edge sword....as much as you want to call them at the same time the knife wound will get bigger....unless they stop the bleeding in your heart.....hehe yeah my mom hears me rant everyday, they know what to say... Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Funny...my mother was my best friend. This reader accurately talked to me about the heart problems which caused her death and identified other things about her. He told me that she's with me...but, then, I knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 KM, hehe...My mom is my best friend too...something about moms they know best....that reader sounds good....too bad he does not do e-mail readings ....I could use one Link to post Share on other sites
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