Possessive Boyfriend Hides Secret Female Best Friend

[Debbie Marie]

Last year my bf of two years secretly became best friends with a girl and hid it and lied about it for eight months. He was always very possessive, never wanting me to talk to guys on the phone or text them, never wanted me to use Whatsapp for anyone but him, no touching other guys, not even for pics, even though he would have pics with girls holding his arm, especially this one girl. She is a bit flirtatious with guys too. I suspected he was getting close to her in March when I found out he had flirted with her on the phone as a joke when her bf wanted to see how she would respond to him. Since then he continually told me they were just friends, not close, but one day a few months ago he accidentally told me they are very close, best friends, and they text each other on and off throughout the day to see what the other is doing, and get together to hang out regularly, share food at lunch, that sort of thing . After some fighting over him having hid it so long, and doing all the things with her he never wanted me doing with guys, we finally came to a mutual agreement that he would try to put a bit of distance there, text less, not get together with just her anymore, and not lay in bed texting with her late at night like until 4am. For a while it was a bit better, he became more like good friends rather than best friends, but he says he can't resist her, and ended up going to meet just her when she wanted to in spite of my protest, and won't remove a rude FB wall message from her to do with me. Lately we seem to do nothing but fight about her because he will for instance want to get together with just her, or to preserve the right to text with who he wants late at night. I get very crabby about it and will harshly ask if he was chatting with her last night when I saw him on Whatsapp, that sort of thing. Now I'm not even on his contacts on Whatsapp or a friend on his personal FB profile, but she is. So finally after he lied about their university applications and I know he is applying at the same university as her in another country, in addition to applying at the one near where I live, I don't even know if he will finally be living in the same city as me soon as we have planned for a few years, or moving to where she wants to be . I've just had enough and we've broken up, but he maintains that if I just ask about her nicely he will answer, and will not chat late at night or visit just her. I find I can't ask about her nicely, it just always makes me feel crabby Is there any way to accept a situation that just seems wrong? Or is it better to break up?

[DazedConfusedEtc]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I'm even more sorry because you're staying with someone who doesn't treat you well and blaming yourself for your reactions. Your partner should put you first, you should be the most important woman in his life, period. Anyone who can't do that doesn't deserve you, I think you should tell him just that and if he doesn't majorly change his ways, walk out and never look back

[NervisPervis]

NO MAN puts that much effort into maintaining a relationship with a woman he doesn't want to screw. That is a proven fact. DO NOT debate me on that one.

 

I don't know if they have done it, but he wants to. Do you think she does? She's the gatekeeper here.

 

Going away to University after dating for 2 years? So you started with him at 15? 16? That's too young. He's going away to school? Let him go. He wants her more anyhow. You are worth more than that. Find someone who lets you know that every day.

 

Is that you in your picture? You'll have no problem finding someone new. No Problem.

Edited January 24, 2013 by NervisPervis
Tell her how hot she us.

[veggirl]

okay he won't even add you on FB but has her on it and he stays up til 4am texting her and can't resist her. Are you sure SHE isn't his girlfriend? Sounds like she is.

 

Regardless he is WAY more into her than he is into you so ditch the liar.

[tbf]

Hold the exit door open for him. If that's you in your avatar pic, no idea why you're wasting your time with someone who's going to treat you so poorly.

[DazedConfusedEtc]

okay he won't even add you on FB but has her on it and he stays up til 4am texting her and can't resist her. Are you sure SHE isn't his girlfriend? Sounds like she is.

 

Regardless he is WAY more into her than he is into you so ditch the liar.

 

Sounds like he's more into himself than he is into either of them, this other girl deserves him for going after a guy with a girlfriend. Don't worry, he'll make some more "friends" while with her

[aed]

A major redflag! When I was dating a girl, and she would do the same (hiding a secret best male friend) then I would think she is cheating on me or is going to do that!

 

I don't know what you want and of this thing is a deal breaker for you (for me it would be), But I would advise you: go find someone with a more healthy opinion on a relationship with you and friendships with the other sex.

 

Having secrets this big

[NoMagicBullet]

"Secret Best Friend" = person your SO is cheating on you with

 

FYI -- cheaters often get upset with their SO doing any little thing that could indicate cheating, because they expect it to mean the same thing as when they do those things (i.e., they're cheating)

 

Like the others said, dump him. He's not worth it.

[Leigh 87]

Rule: best female friends is ONLY ever cool if:

 

-she is really ugly, overweight, a lesbian, or all those things

 

- if he was already best friends with a girl from well before you guys met and it has already been established that they is NO romantic interest there. Meaning NEITHER of them can EVER have had a crush at any point in their "friendship"

 

- if he knows an attractive female, who is the type of girl he is attracted to and also really likes as a person (hence why he wants them as a "best friend") then he can no longer spend more time texting her, than he does texting you.

 

-hot, attractive, wonderful girls who are good or best friend with him should take a BACKSEAT once he wants to be in a relationship with you.

 

- he has to ACT like he has picked YOU and not them, as a love interest.

 

-spending more time talking to a hot female "bestfriend", than he spends time talking to you, means he is more interested in HER (than he is you)

 

 

 

 

 

 

.......................................................................

 

Listen - even guys who have a best female friend and really adore her and all - once they get a girlfriend who they are really into, and they end up spending years together - the guy will start to care more about YOU, than he does his "best friend".

 

In fact, my own partner had a female best friend of about 5 or 6 years - guess what? She hated me. They are no longer friends, because he fell in love with me, and picked me over his "best friend".

 

...Who CARES if that is the OP in her avatar. Even if she WASNT gorgeous looking, she STILL deserves a guy who is into her, and not more interested in his "best" female friends:sick:

 

 

Good luck with it OP, I am sorry you have broken up with your boyfriend, try to go NO CONTACT with him, as he will only get with her now and so it is best to block all contact and do not answer his phone calls,

 

Not that he even added you to his facebook anyway:sick: