Remind me this isn't love.

[Mount]

Again!! not surprisingly, could, should, would NOT slept with MM kind of useless speech - again ! in the post conent, which is totally off topic...

 

As I said million times, people here is to help OW not going back her previous MM - YOU TELL ME, those could/should/would not slept with MM talking is helping...or useful..... Too late, and too useless , don't you think? - in this OM/OW forum?

 

As said before, and said again, pls start or venting someother sub forum for those "could/should/would not slept with MM talking", as it is not helping or pointing to the right direction at all for OP's opening question or situation is this post.

 

 

i do. read, and understand, and digest. this is not the first time you've mentioned that MM should pay. in monetary terms.

 

whatever you're trying to say with that 'analogy' still doesn't mean it's not quite unpalatable. what's confusing is that it's coming from an OW. and i'm not projecting anything, i actually haven't put myself in the situation where he'd have anything to pay for. cos, you know, i had enough self control not to sleep with someone who's taken.

 

sorry about the t/j, op.

[Lillyfree]

Again!! not surprisingly, could, should, would NOT slept with MM kind of useless speech - again ! in the post conent, which is totally off topic...

 

As I said million times, people here is to help OW not going back her previous MM - YOU TELL ME, those could/should/would not slept with MM talking is helping...or useful..... Too late, and too useless , don't you think? - in this OM/OW forum?

 

As said before, and said again, pls start or venting someother sub forum for those "could/should/would not slept with MM talking", as it is not helping or pointing to the right direction at all for OP's opening question or situation is this post.

 

you said that i was projecting. i was trying to explain i have nothing to project. you obviously aren't aware what my story was yet are ready to jump to conclusions about my position and reasons why i say what i do.

i'm not now, nor have i ever judged OWs or MOWs. fyi, i'm a FMOW.

 

and i just have to laugh at a recent trend of 'go to a different subforum' every time someone posts something that is not liked. bit juvenile if you ask me.

[Mount]

Good. As long as your statement is valid....however the could/shoud/would not slept with..... does not seem this way.

 

Likewise - I have the same opinion towards you.

 

Also - you did not read my above post well, I mostly was saying it is USELESS or TOO LATE to express the moral rule here, otherwise the OM/OW wouldnt exist at the very first beginning. I did not mean the post is not a favorable one, but it is pointless.

 

you said that i was projecting. i was trying to explain i have nothing to project. you obviously aren't aware what my story was yet are ready to jump to conclusions about my position and reasons why i say what i do.

i'm not now, nor have i ever judged OWs or MOWs. fyi, i'm a FMOW.

 

and i just have to laugh at a recent trend of 'go to a different subforum' every time someone posts something that is not liked. bit juvenile if you ask me.

[ComingInHot]

lillyfree wrote, " id that i was projecting. i was trying to explain i have nothing to project. you obviously aren't aware what my story was yet are ready to jump to conclusions about my position and reasons why i say what i do. i'm not now, nor have i ever judged OWs or MOWs. fyi, i'm a FMOW.

 

and i just have to laugh at a recent trend of 'go to a different subforum' every time someone posts something that is not liked. bit juvenile if you ask me."

 

Lilly, I think your story is incredible w/everything yo have been through. You show strength, humility, grace and kindness. Your words even if contrary, Still provide support and sensibilty to those who are Truly here for the Truth of everyone's individual experience.

 

Thank you for the way in which you deliver your comments w/out angst and accusation, just truth and experience.

I'm glad that some can Now view Your input, truth, and experience as "valid" knowing now that you aren't some crazy, angry BS... (which would be me bar the crazy/angry part) who by the way agrees w/you*.

[GreyhoundtoNowhere]

Yes! That's what he means! It makes no difference to him whether you are single or in a relationship. Even asking that DIMWITTED question shows that No, he is not 'happy for you' and doesn't 'wish you well'. He cannot stand the thought of losing his woman on the side who lays down everything for him and pines away.

 

His texts before your date, disguised as being 'oh so friendly and supportive' were manipulative and you should be happy to know he was probably ****ting his pants. LOL. Sorry, but he's a douche and I love it.

 

Next time he asks if you slept with him, tell him that you don't Kiss and Tell and that you will not be answering that question even if/when it happens so please don't ask. It's not respectful.

 

His stupid line about being 'owned by 2 women' was to pull at your heartstrings. In reality, he thinks he owns 2 women!

 

Greyhound- I'm soooo happy that you met this guy. This is a sign or assistance from the Universe to give you the spine you need to dump MM. Let him suffer, like you suffered. And I know his type, he will suffer. Don't be surprised if he comes around all 'friendlike' and tries to sleep with you. He is in the mode where he wants to make sure you aren't happy enough with the other guy to ignore him.

 

This post by you made my week. I'm so glad you met someone interesting!

 

thank you for your response. I just know that throughout the last year+ i've just been this little naive side dish who jumps when MM says to. Who never says no to anything. And, yes I did that to myself- but I can also stop. And I want to.

[GreyhoundtoNowhere]

Yes he expects that you will continue the affair with him even after you begin a new relationship and to be fair that's kind of what you are doing already. I mean does the new guy know that you are currently in love and in an affair with a married man? Does he know that he's sort of being used to save you from the clutches of a married man. Or does he think he's met a nice single woman who is completely emotionally and physcially available? Not saying we have to spill our guts about our entire past on the first date but this isn't in your past, it's current and if you're not being honest with this guy then you are kind of misrepresenting yourself and misleading him.

 

your post made me upset a little, but not because you were out of line- but because there is truth to it. I don't want to "use" this new guy to get away from MM. To be honest, I did tell him when we were talking about what we were looking for that I had started casually dating to help me see possibility again and potential, because my heart was stuck on an unhealthy situation. I just told him it was complicated and something that when we got to that point, I would tell him if he wanted to know.

So- I have been somewhat open with new guy. The thing is, I don't want to screw it up, because I don't see it as a 'placeholder'... I went on a few other dates throughout the last year I've been seeing MM and it was just "eh" and I kept seeing MM. I would cancel dates at the last minute when MM could see me.

But, with this guy, I see.... a relationship. I see us together. To the point that I wouldn't cancel plans if MM had a 'moment' for me. Because, I do want more and I like this guy. We're spending the day together today.

 

And it hurts my heart a little because I have developed a friendship with MM, but I am ready to have the "ending" conversation.

[Lillyfree]

lillyfree wrote, " id that i was projecting. i was trying to explain i have nothing to project. you obviously aren't aware what my story was yet are ready to jump to conclusions about my position and reasons why i say what i do. i'm not now, nor have i ever judged OWs or MOWs. fyi, i'm a FMOW.

 

and i just have to laugh at a recent trend of 'go to a different subforum' every time someone posts something that is not liked. bit juvenile if you ask me."

 

Lilly, I think your story is incredible w/everything yo have been through. You show strength, humility, grace and kindness. Your words even if contrary, Still provide support and sensibilty to those who are Truly here for the Truth of everyone's individual experience.

 

Thank you for the way in which you deliver your comments w/out angst and accusation, just truth and experience.

I'm glad that some can Now view Your input, truth, and experience as "valid" knowing now that you aren't some crazy, angry BS... (which would be me bar the crazy/angry part) who by the way agrees w/you*.

 

thank you for your kind words CIH.

 

some experiences i could have done without. it's been a really awful couple of years... and pretty ordinary few before that.

 

but i've used what happened to better myself. i've learnt a lot, about myself, about marriage, i believe i've matured emotionally and grown as a person. i hope i continue to do so. i will not mourn life and i will never be a victim of my or anyone else's decisions...

 

what i write here isn't for anyone's benefit. they are my honest opinions and feelings, and i understand that not everyone will appreciate them or agree, and that's fine with me.

[ComingInHot]

but lillyfree, a-LOT of your comments/responses ARE Beneficial! And Not just to one specific party*

I too have found that by being able to participate on LS to discuss, persuade, vent... it's helped me heal as well as grow from posters like you and Many others*

 

I wish you had never experienced the pain that you have. I also think because you Have gone through such anguish, you have helped waaaay more people than you'll ever know.

[The Way I Am]

GreyhoundtoNowhere,

 

I just read your thread from the start. I'm glad you found a man with the potential to treat you well who sparks your interest. I hope it works out, but I'm afraid you're not in a healthy enough state for it to really have a chance.

 

You started an affair, got divorced, and continued the affair. It's no wonder to me that you're holding onto this guy despite your better judgement. You said you went to IC, but you've not really taken any time for yourself to recover from a failed marriage.

 

Are you so tied up with him because he's really that special or because you're afraid to be by yourself?

 

I've never dated a MM but I dated a divorced guy with kids who were just as emotionally unavailable and pulled some of the same tricks and excuses as I've read about MM pulling. (Such as using his kids as an excuse to not be around.)

 

Your story sounds familiar in that I wasted 2+ years with a guy who was either too scared to not keep me at arm's length or was just too much of a player. He strung me along until I found someone else that interested me and broke it off with him. Unfortunately, that's when he started being super affection and romantic. (Showed up on my doorstep with flowers and balloons, calling daily to see how I was, etc.)

 

It really caused me a lot of confusion and frustration, and is probably largely responsible for why that new relationship didn't work out. And as soon as that one didn't work out, he went right back to his old ways.

 

I still wonder if I had dumped him sooner and spent time getting over the relationship if things would have worked out with the other guy.

 

If the new guy helps you have the strength to get out of this toxic relationship that seems to be sucking your self esteem, great. Even if it doesn't work out, keep in mind that if you were interested in one other guy, you might be interested in another in the future. You don't need some jerk who doesn't treat you properly (no matter what excuse he has for it) hanging around making things complicated.