promises Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) I hope that this is the next stage of healing beyond shock, desperation, guilt, shame, sadness, anger,.... There is a part of me that feels like he is becoming more of a memory than a constant. Last night I had a very intense cry. First in weeks. This after a realization that I was completely alone in this. And, what was.. Well, was. I am hopeful that it means I have grown in to a new phase of healing and forgiveness to myself, him, yes, her... Has anyone experienced this transition? I can't really explain it more than that. Maybe it's just today, but, it feels a bit freeing. At least today. Edited January 24, 2013 by promises 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I am getting little glimpses of this stage too...the further stage in moving on. I can enjoy the happy memories I have of my ex now. I know also that we can't go back to that, even IF he did want to come back to me. I don't know if I'd take him back now...that's another sign of moving on...that you wouldn't necessarily automatically take him back. Moving on and feeling that somewhat surreal sense of "that time" in your life being a memory...it really is odd to accept that. Your reality is now a memory? It blows my mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Today feels surreal, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 How long has it been? For me it's been 7 weeks. I feel there is another stage of moving on that I haven't been game to approach yet, which is realising that you can't go back...realising that you don't WANT to go back...and accepting that you must move on alone. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Yes I've been having a number of days where the whole thing seems like a dream. I still think about it every day but it doesn't feel like a huge piece of my life is missing anymore. I still have some intermittent very, very low moments but they are not the primary feeling like a couple months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Dday 3mnths. Last time I saw him 2mnths. Last contact he's attempted, 1week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Yes I've been having a number of days where the whole thing seems like a dream. I still think about it every day but it doesn't feel like a huge piece of my life is missing anymore. I still have some intermittent very, very low moments but they are not the primary feeling like a couple months ago. I'm glad to hear that, BP.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I find it much easier to accept that it's a memory now and part of your past when you believe there is NO possibility of a reconcilation. If you know you can't possibly go back, then you only have the option of moving forward...or staying put and living in a past that no longer exists. It's hard to also move past the fear (for me anyway) of actually letting go and accepting it's really and truly gone and over. Getting used to not feeling that constant ache and pain for your old reality and instead getting used to feeling like it is now a memory does give you distance and make it easier, but it's something to be accepted in and of itself, because it's scary to realise you're letting go of something that was SO important and probably still would be if things had gone a different way. You're still very early days, Promises...if he attempted contact last week. Only a week. It's still being drawn out for you somewhat. That makes it harder I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I think that I am partially getting tired of the pain. The pain is now becoming associated in my mind to him and not a separate entity if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I hope that this is the next stage of healing beyond shock, desperation, guilt, shame, sadness, anger,.... There is a part of me that feels like he is becoming more of a memory than a constant. Last night I had a very intense cry. First in weeks. This after a realization that I was completely alone in this. And, what was.. Well, was. I am hopeful that it means I have grown in to a new phase of healing and forgiveness to myself, him, yes, her... Has anyone experienced this transition? I can't really explain it more than that. Maybe it's just today, but, it feels a bit freeing. At least today. Funny enough, I had an intense cry this week, one where i don't even know why i was so upset, I had had a bad day but i have a few of them, it wasnt about my ex i split up years ago,it went on for hours, I couldn't breathe properly my breath kept hitching and i would start to cry again, and no amount of me trying to calm myself was working, so i just let it go, till i fell asleep, maybe because i hide how i feel when it gets to the point i cant hide, it takes more time for it to go away the tears i mean.I cant tell you if it is transitional what happened to you, i just know tears are meant to fall, even when you dont want them too,the only time i ever remember my breath hitching like that was when i was a child, a long time ago...... tears are healing like rain heals barren soil,I do feel a certain sense of release but it drained me for one whole day, maybe it is growth from intensity, intense emotions spilt to allow the growth of new emotions....that is a guess, I dont know, scared me a little, considering it happened after i prayed...did it scare you?...I like to be in control of how i express my emotions....it made me feel weak and scared very much alone in a messy room...i had trashed it....and also drained.....from trying to control the tears and emotion...luckily most of my family was alseep and i was quiet enough so no one knew thats a positive...none of them get on loveshack so i guess im safe....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 It did scare me. And ironically that morning I also prayed rather intently.. Well, it was very emotional and direct from my usual pray. It was crazy childlike crying as well. And then, after a time I felt calmer. Today more calm than in months really. Your words were very poetic and appreciated.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I think that I am partially getting tired of the pain. The pain is now becoming associated in my mind to him and not a separate entity if that makes sense. Me too. The pain is now associated closely with him and not just in my mind, floating around and stabbing me in the heart and in the brain all the time. At some point we realise we don't HAVE to feel this pain when it's specifically associated with someone who's not in our present reality anymore. At first I think it's...if we continue to feel the pain, it means we are still holding onto...THAT. What WAS. But eventually, who wants to be in pain all the time? At first it could be "blamed" on the situation or even the person themselves. But after a certain point, it's up to us only. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Not trying to rain on anyone's parade and yes, some do heal faster than others, but the calm you feel today may be gone tomorrow. Very early on, the emotions vary greatly, one day you are on top of the world and the next you have gone back to stage 1 day 1. Just take each moment as they come and realize that it's all cyclical and the healing process is fragile. I'm well over a year now and I still get moments of rage in regards to xmw and then I forgive her and then I say screw her and it goes on. I eagerly await the path to true indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I know this too, very well. During the first 3 weeks after the BU, I would feel on top of things one minute but then 2 hours later I'd be upset and in tears again. It has gotten easier. Nowadays, I have better days which are becoming "normal" and flat days, which I don't enjoy and get a bit frustrated with because I want to ALWAYS have better days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 That's good to know, RF. I imagine I'll be back here angry and venting soon. But, this was a huge milestone for me. I finally felt like the old me again. The me before this happened. It felt good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 weekend before last. saturday morning in fact. i had the biggest cry since i can remember. one of those that contorts your whole body and each sob feels like you're choking ... don't think it was solely because of the OM. i think the reality of the whole situation i am in, all the problems/issues, feeling weak and alone, frustrated, just got a bit too much. that whole day i was a bit shaky, physically unwell. when i got up in the morning it was like a switch was flipped overnight. like i've purged all the toxicity out of my system. and for the best part of almost 2 weeks since, i've been ok. i feel like madness is going away and the old me is coming back Link to post Share on other sites
Catplates Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 That's good to know, RF. I imagine I'll be back here angry and venting soon. But, this was a huge milestone for me. I finally felt like the old me again. The me before this happened. It felt good. You will get glimpses of the old you more and more. Removing the intensity of contact with him lets the emotions fade. That's what is so great about NC. It does all begine to feel surreal and will continue to.... unless you break the NC rule. Believe me when I say you will be back to square one in a blink. Cat Link to post Share on other sites
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