Why is it more acceptable for a man to cheat/sleep around than a woman?

[pbjbear]

I see double standards in this forum alot.

 

I see even more in real life.

 

Some of the situations Ive read by the men posting here, if it was reversed where they were wronging the woman...the woman is told its not a big deal

 

If a woman sleeps with another guy before shes committed to him/when shes just dating him= shes a whore with bad character

If a man does the same thing = hes a guy and it doesnt mean anything

 

Woman are expected more than men to forgive cheating too

 

I know people will list biological reasons to justify men's cheating but I dont buy it at all. It really pisses me off when people do that...because when a woman uses biology to justify her behavior they go livid! Cant have it both ways

 

Ive also gotten judged alot because Im not into guys that have a ton of casual sex. If it is a few occurences I can get over it, but if its more than that I get turned off. I dont like guys that dont put emotional value on sex because I find those guys see women first as a sexual being and her as a human being second. If a guy wants to sleep around, fine (i have male friends that do) but I wont want to date him. I get called all sorts of names for this (especially in the Dating section) but boy, I cant tell you how many men call women names for sleeping around (and alot of times they are men who sleep around too! hypocrites)

[sabre80]

There is no double standard when it comes to cheating. It is wrong regardless of gender.

[2sunny]

It's not more acceptable to me.

[Woggle]

It's not more acceptable to me.

 

Me either. Cheating is wrong and dishonest no matter who is doing it.

[Leigh 87]

Whatever man.

 

You just sound like another bitter person who likes to focus on the negative things in life.

 

Why start this thread? WHy not just focus on the potisive elements of dating, like the fact your an attractive (from your description or yourself), clever girl, who is likely to find a decent guy?

 

There are people way worse off than you in terms of their dating prospects, so I recommend that you focus on the good in people, rather that think about why things are not "fair".

 

And no, both men and women who sleep around in a way that is not classy are looked down upon.

No decent girl who is looking for a serious relationship would want to get with a guy who had a history of sleeping around..............

[Leigh 87]

Me either. Cheating is wrong and dishonest no matter who is doing it.

 

 

Exactly. Both the men and the women involved all get hurt equally.

[ascendotum]

Its always been somewhat okay for a gentleman to have a mistress, as long as he was discrete about it. If its with a single woman then its not adultery according to the bible. Men have a lowered ability to resist sin because of our testosterone so there needs to be more forgiveness for us.

[tbf]

The only subforum that has the cheating double standard is the OW/OM. But if you consider the nature of affair triangles, is it surprising that these women feel the need to angelize their cheaters and demonize the wives?

 

It's much like going to a cycling site and then stating that most people cycle.

Edited January 24, 2013 by tbf

[ascendotum]

The only subforum that has the cheating double standard is the OW/OM. But if you consider the nature of affair triangles, is it surprising that these women feel the need to angelize their cheaters and demonize the wives?

 

It's much like going to a cycling site and then stating that most people cycle.

 

A little off topic...^I've seen this increasing over the years and it really surprises me that there is no shame at all in being the OW/OM these days as part of changing mores. The OW just don't see the guy as a cheater who's doing the dirty on his missus. They don't empathize with the wife/gf at all, and a few times I find other women will sympathize with them over their tribulations with the MM.

[Pyro]

IMO anyone who truly believes that it is acceptable for men to cheat probably are cheaters themselves or just say that it is acceptable to justify their behavior. They are probably the same type who feel that if they messed around with a married woman that it is all her fault and not his because he is the single one.

 

Disgusting way to think.

[chucksagent]

PBJbear I agree with you 100%.

 

BUT...

 

You need to realize Biology isn't an "opinion" thing or something you can "disagree with." It's science and it IS the reason why it's viewed differently.

 

I agree that it's NO excuse and cheating is NEVER acceptable by EITHER man or woman. If I was a girl and a man cheated on me, I would be GONE never to return. And the same as a man I would be totally done.

 

The reason men aren't always put down as harshly for it is because most of the time emotion isn't involved. Usually it's as basic an instinct as scarfing down a hamburger or going to the bathroom.

 

BUT for a woman. Love is involved, and her heart, and emotions, and attachment. So if a woman cheats it's like a 5 alarm fire to her man or those around her so name calling begins because a girl cheating is SUCH a big deal.

 

And women always CLAIM to like sex as much as men do, but trust me, they don't. And if they did, there wouldn't be so many men having to spend money on hookers and mistresses. (see even famous people like Bill Clinton and Hugh Grant) Maybe SOME women like it as much as men, but not most.

 

It kinda stinks for women, but they are usually thought of at a higher standard then men, so when they falter, the fall is much further. And this even applies AMONGST men. Allow me to explain (and you all probably have had this happen):

 

Many of the grandkids in my family are lazy and failures. I, on the other hand, always come through for the family. Yet, if I miss ONE birthday, or ONE cookout I get sooooooooo much crap. All my deadbeat cousins, RARELY come out for these things and nobody says PEEP. It's because I set the bar high so more is expected of me.

 

Men are disgusting animals who respond based on animalistic instinct...women are classy ladies who HOLD families together and have the strong backbone and DON'T have sex just to HAVE SEX...they make you earn it and fall in love first most of the time. So when a married woman (or committed women) cheats on her husband with some tall and skinny guy at the bar, it makes her look like a common whore.

[aed]

Its always been somewhat okay for a gentleman to have a mistress, as long as he was discrete about it. If its with a single woman then its not adultery according to the bible. Men have a lowered ability to resist sin because of our testosterone so there needs to be more forgiveness for us.

 

 

This is because a cheating men is less risk for an family then a cheating women.

First she can get pregnant, what should he do: love the creations that comes from her betrayal and be rememberd by it for the rest of his life. When he cheats and the OW gets pregnant (he can just walk away from it).

 

second there are no societies in history where there where women who could have more then one men commited. because women mostly are with someone because of the emotional connection ( you can't be in love with more then one person!).

 

It's scientificly proven that women are more likely to forgive an man then a man a women. Also its proven the more wealthy a man is, the easier the he is forgiven for his betrayal.

 

But I think its both evenly wrong, when a man or a woman cheats.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Ive also gotten judged alot because Im not into guys that have a ton of casual sex. If it is a few occurences I can get over it, but if its more than that I get turned off. I dont like guys that dont put emotional value on sex because I find those guys see women first as a sexual being and her as a human being second. If a guy wants to sleep around, fine (i have male friends that do) but I wont want to date him. I get called all sorts of names for this (especially in the Dating section) but boy, I cant tell you how many men call women names for sleeping around (and alot of times they are men who sleep around too! hypocrites)

 

The people judging you are stupid. What you say here is not only reasonable... but also wise.

[loversquarrel]

In my book cheating is unacceptable period. If people choose to forgive that's up to them, man or woman.

 

I vehemently oppose anyone who would judge you for feeling the way you do about dating. There is nothing wrong with wanting to date a person who shares the same values as you. Man or woman, if either sex has slept around then they shouldn't complain about thier partner's past. They lose that right just as a cheater loses the right to expect thier partner to remain faithful.

[pbjbear]

PBJbear I agree with you 100%.

 

BUT...

 

You need to realize Biology isn't an "opinion" thing or something you can "disagree with." It's science and it IS the reason why it's viewed differently.

 

I agree that it's NO excuse and cheating is NEVER acceptable by EITHER man or woman. If I was a girl and a man cheated on me, I would be GONE never to return. And the same as a man I would be totally done.

 

The reason men aren't always put down as harshly for it is because most of the time emotion isn't involved. Usually it's as basic an instinct as scarfing down a hamburger or going to the bathroom.

 

BUT for a woman. Love is involved, and her heart, and emotions, and attachment. So if a woman cheats it's like a 5 alarm fire to her man or those around her so name calling begins because a girl cheating is SUCH a big deal.

 

And women always CLAIM to like sex as much as men do, but trust me, they don't. And if they did, there wouldn't be so many men having to spend money on hookers and mistresses. (see even famous people like Bill Clinton and Hugh Grant) Maybe SOME women like it as much as men, but not most.

 

It kinda stinks for women, but they are usually thought of at a higher standard then men, so when they falter, the fall is much further. And this even applies AMONGST men. Allow me to explain (and you all probably have had this happen):

 

Many of the grandkids in my family are lazy and failures. I, on the other hand, always come through for the family. Yet, if I miss ONE birthday, or ONE cookout I get sooooooooo much crap. All my deadbeat cousins, RARELY come out for these things and nobody says PEEP. It's because I set the bar high so more is expected of me.

 

Men are disgusting animals who respond based on animalistic instinct...women are classy ladies who HOLD families together and have the strong backbone and DON'T have sex just to HAVE SEX...they make you earn it and fall in love first most of the time. So when a married woman (or committed women) cheats on her husband with some tall and skinny guy at the bar, it makes her look like a common whore.

 

I bolded these points because I think this is a myth that will get debunked the longer women are able to have casual sex. Women havent been able to have casual sex and not get judged for much time (guesstimating...40 years? Thats .000000001% of human existence)

 

I know several women who were in LOVING relationships that cheated on a whim. Why? A hot guy gave them attention and they went for it.

Have you visited Europe? All of my friends who studied abroad there said women cheated like crazy there, same as men. The difference is there people arent as judgmental and dont label women as villains. I studied abroad in New Zealand and it was the same culture. The Kiwis thought Americans were "f***** crazy" when I told them about the double standard. It doesnt exist there

 

I also know men who have cheated for emotional reasons. Because they had hot, bitchy girlfriends who didnt support them enough and when a sweet woman did the same, they went for it

 

I didnt say I disagree with biology, but biology is used as an excuse. Women cannot use biology as an excuse- we get villainifed. Biology also really tends to paint women as less likely to cheat in general as well as less likely to cheat for sexual reasons. I dont agree 100%...I think males are in denial. Really, you should go live in an environment where women wont be judged and youll see their behavior and what I mean

 

We still have ways to go in terms of equality

 

Really, the only thing thats thrown out alot lately about cheating that I agree with 100% is that women are better at hiding it. You will get VERY few women who will ADMIT they cheated on a whim for sexual reasons...I am sure alot of these women lie.

Edited January 25, 2013 by pbjbear

[Woggle]

Man or woman if you can't be faithful then don't be in a relationship. What is so hard about that?

[chucksagent]

Woggle - Love it!

 

PBJbear - you touched on something I've heard a LOT lately and recently feared...I don't want to scare anyone on here (because I am already scared)...but my WHOLE LIFE I feel like I've been naive after some recent developments. I have found out recently about SEVERAL women, who were cheating like CRAZY behind their spouses back...and the spouse NEVER found out. NEVER!!!

 

A girl I went to High School with...wound up working with my Uncle. I know her and her Husband (casually, we don't hang out)..They have 2 kids...Appears to be GREAT marriage. My Uncle and his buddy from work BOTH told me it's common knowledge where they work that she (my friend from HS who is married) and another guy they work with have been sleeping together for a year. They told me she would have sex with him on lunch in the parking garage in their SUV, in the broom closet, "during happy hours" after work, like CRAZY ****...poor husband NEVER found out.

 

Another example is a High School friend of my Cousin. Her aunt, we all knew when we were younger. She's a tad older than us. Turns out, shes practically a sex kingpin. She confessed to her best friend (best friend told the niece) that she has EMAILS, SEXTS, TEXTS, CHATS, of tons of raunchy stuff...with SEVERAL MEN!!!! And her husband and 3 kids have NO CLUE. NO CLUE!!! Been doing it for 2 years...

 

Another is a girl I worked with...She is GORGEOUS too...but she had a cocaine habit (only socially allegedly)...She has been married for a short while but has been with the same guy since HS. She started having sex with this guy who had cocaine and BOY was he a scum bag. She would leave work with this guy, everyone knew...EXCEPT her boyfriend!!! How horrible!!!!! The rumors that swirled about the **** that they would do was CRAZY!!! And it was sooo bizarre I am telling you guys...He was like a 50 year old, beat up, scum bag, and she was a PERFECT 29 year old tan blonde could be a model...CRAZY WORLD PEOPLE!!! Her and the husband STILL together, he has NO clue...cause he's old school italian, if he ever found out itd be OVER and so would that scum bag...she just cut it off with the scum bag late last summer.

[pbjbear]

Woggle - Love it!

 

PBJbear - you touched on something I've heard a LOT lately and recently feared...I don't want to scare anyone on here (because I am already scared)...but my WHOLE LIFE I feel like I've been naive after some recent developments. I have found out recently about SEVERAL women, who were cheating like CRAZY behind their spouses back...and the spouse NEVER found out. NEVER!!!

 

A girl I went to High School with...wound up working with my Uncle. I know her and her Husband (casually, we don't hang out)..They have 2 kids...Appears to be GREAT marriage. My Uncle and his buddy from work BOTH told me it's common knowledge where they work that she (my friend from HS who is married) and another guy they work with have been sleeping together for a year. They told me she would have sex with him on lunch in the parking garage in their SUV, in the broom closet, "during happy hours" after work, like CRAZY ****...poor husband NEVER found out.

 

Another example is a High School friend of my Cousin. Her aunt, we all knew when we were younger. She's a tad older than us. Turns out, shes practically a sex kingpin. She confessed to her best friend (best friend told the niece) that she has EMAILS, SEXTS, TEXTS, CHATS, of tons of raunchy stuff...with SEVERAL MEN!!!! And her husband and 3 kids have NO CLUE. NO CLUE!!! Been doing it for 2 years...

 

Another is a girl I worked with...She is GORGEOUS too...but she had a cocaine habit (only socially allegedly)...She has been married for a short while but has been with the same guy since HS. She started having sex with this guy who had cocaine and BOY was he a scum bag. She would leave work with this guy, everyone knew...EXCEPT her boyfriend!!! How horrible!!!!! The rumors that swirled about the **** that they would do was CRAZY!!! And it was sooo bizarre I am telling you guys...He was like a 50 year old, beat up, scum bag, and she was a PERFECT 29 year old tan blonde could be a model...CRAZY WORLD PEOPLE!!! Her and the husband STILL together, he has NO clue...cause he's old school italian, if he ever found out itd be OVER and so would that scum bag...she just cut it off with the scum bag late last summer.

 

That is unfortunate. It happens in both men and women...we will hear more about the women doing it due to birth control. Id say in 200 years things will be very different. However, women will always be judged more harshly for cheating because we are the ones that bear children so we have more to lose

[Woggle]

My ex cheated on me yet everybody looked at me like the bad guy until she really went off the deep end and showed her true colors. I was blamed for everything.

[chucksagent]

Have you noticed the double standards in families too?

 

Like the more responsible and more successful grandson/child/brother etc. ALWAYS has more expectations than everyone else?

 

Or if you set the precedent as the RELIABLE child, then family membes abuse it and EXPECT you to always be there for everyone.

 

I think that's what happened to women also. They are usually stronger then men, have better will power, aren't USUALLY as visually stimulated and easily swayed to cheat...so unfairly so, the bar was raised. I agree it isn't fair to women...but no more fair than that family member who does more than EVERYONE else in the famil all year but gets guilt tripped and abused for the ONE birthday party they can't attend hahah ya know?

[chucksagent]

Sorry to hear that Woggle. Never an excuse for someone to cheat...classless, heartless, and terrible.

[Woggle]

I don't believe there should be a double standard and no gender is more responsible than the other.

[pbjbear]

Have you noticed the double standards in families too?

 

Like the more responsible and more successful grandson/child/brother etc. ALWAYS has more expectations than everyone else?

 

Or if you set the precedent as the RELIABLE child, then family membes abuse it and EXPECT you to always be there for everyone.

 

I think that's what happened to women also. They are usually stronger then men, have better will power, aren't USUALLY as visually stimulated and easily swayed to cheat...so unfairly so, the bar was raised. I agree it isn't fair to women...but no more fair than that family member who does more than EVERYONE else in the famil all year but gets guilt tripped and abused for the ONE birthday party they can't attend hahah ya know?

 

Men need to be held to the same standard. Only in societies where men are deemed more powerful they can get away with this...in the US, overall I would say men still have more power and we arent truly equal (though women have made good strides) in Europe, New Zealand it is more equal overall...

 

I went to a party the other day where my friend's husband was rationalizing traditional ways...I was expecting him to start talking about the Bible, but nope his arguments all boiled down to he wanted power and control. I respect someone more who acts based off of God (though Im not religious) more than someone who pretends they are a good person but just finds any excuse to justify them having more power/control

 

One of the greatest quotes I read about dating is that is should be a friendship/partnership not a power struggle. However, many people think relationships primarily are power struggles...

[chucksagent]

Yeah, I agree. Double standards suck and should not exist. But they do on all sorts of things...it sucks.

[loversquarrel]

The arguments of biology and evolution are correct and go hand in hand. For there to be one change, many other changes also happen. I.E., using this thread many points are being brought up with women and casual sex, male double standards, etc.. One other change that hasn't been mentioned and coincides with women and casual sex is the growing number of men who fail to commit to a relationship.