Marriage and a New Baby

[Bittersweetie]

I've read on these boards often about how a husband becomes unsatisfied with his marriage after children because his spouse becomes more of a mother than a wife. My H and I have put a lot of work into our marriage these past couple of years, and we recently had a baby. One of my goals as I entered this baby adventure (baby chaos?) was that I continue to keep my marriage a priority as much as my child. I read "And Baby Makes Three," and my H and I have talked about this new exciting and scary aspect of our relationship.

 

I think so far we have a pretty good balance, we've even been able to go out a few times since he was born. But it is challenging because we're both tired all the time and time we could use just being together we use to sleep. I wondered if anyone who had any advice or experiences to share regarding marriage and new babies, things to keep in mind, as I work on balancing my relationships with my husband and son. Thanks!

[CarboniteCammy]

I do, I do! lol

 

Striking a balance is hard, especially if your baby is still in the infant stage like mine is. My little guy is 7 months old now, healthy, growing like a weed, and is a very sweet, laid back little dude.

 

Everyone who meets him comments on how lucky I am to have such a good baby.

 

Even with him being easy going and generally cheerful and outgoing, it's still been a struggle to work full time and take care of him, the husband, the dogs, etc.

 

Here are things we do to stay sane:

 

1) date night once a week

2) no more then 30 minutes of chores a night per person

3) occasionally saying, "no" to well meaning grandparents who would literally be at our house every weekend

4) regular sex (and good, intimate sex too...not "chore" sex)

5) having a sit down dinner every night to facilitate bonding. you tell me about your day, I tell you about mine.

 

Every marriage is different. All of these things help, and I just listed them as they come to mind, not that any are less important then the others.

[Bittersweetie]

Thanks Cammy. I'm not too far behind you...my guy is about to be 5 months. And he's pretty easy as well, he's had a couple of medical issues but nothing too severe.

 

Right now my H is working full time and we just started a part-time nanny in the hopes I can find some freelance work to do. He's tired a lot, and it's been challenging because we moved into a new house the week before baby arrived (he was early). So he's still dealing with getting the house fixed up. I try to take on as much as I can along with baby. Though I do like your "30 minute" rule on chores. We don't have family in the area so when a grandparent is here it's great! We've actually had to learn to say "yes" to them because it's easy to just take of the baby yourself...last time my mom was like, "Please, go out, I can handle him."

 

It seems everyone struggles with this stage, I just am trying to be aware of maintaining our relationship as well as taking care of my bundle of joy and madness!