Brightwind Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 So I'm a first time user here. I'm not normally big on community forums and starting threads, but after perusing this website I am very confident that I will get some good advice... My sweetheart and I have been dating for about a year and a half. It's pretty much my idea of the perfect relationship. Same life goals, sexual appetite, sense of humor, similar hobbies etc. We've started talking rather seriously about marriage, and even though I'm a lady that has always adamently sworn I would never want to be a 'wife', I am seriously considering the prospect. In almost every way, it would be lovely to be his wife. There is one problem, though, that nags and eats at me. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it. As concerning physical appearances, my boyfriend is obsessed with a very specific type of women. His ideal woman is short, redheaded, freckled, small breasted and has a bubble butt. His ex-girlfriend was this type exactly, and his porn preference is definitely of this nature. I am a blonde haired, blue eyed, freckle-less, tall lady who is thin all over except for my breasts, which are rather large. So, really, there is nothing about me that is in synch with his ideal physical type. This is also a touchy subject, because it's always been my desire to be a freckled redhead (my family was all redheads and I got the blonde gene so I've always been the oddball out). That being said, I recognize that my partner is devoted to me, and we've talked about his preference for redheads and how it in no way detracts from his love or attraction to me. His ex-girlfriend isn't some secretly longed-for yet unrequited love, and his freckly gingered porn habits aren't a secret and mostly don't bother me. I'm pretty secure in myself. And yet...I don't know if I can spend my life with someone that is always going to, on some level, wish that I looked a different way. Especially if it is indirectly affirming an insecurity I spent many years trying to conquer. Does that sound ridiculous*? It does to me. But I still can't shake it. I won't allow myself to be someone my life-partner is 'settling' for, and though I don't truly feel like that's the case I can't deny that, on some level, he will always be obsessed with something I can never be...how do I let this go? *please note that I understand how ridiculous it sounds to be a stereotypical "hot" type and still wish to be something different. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Does it actually bother him that you don't look like his ideal? Or does it just bother you? If it's a simple question of hair color, and that would make a difference to both of you, then you could always experiment with dying your hair. I mean, there's a world full of "ideals" he can look at on a day to day basis if he likes the visual. If he's with you, he's with you for a reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Most guys have preferances, and first choices. His happens to be short red heads etc... From what you are discribing you are my type. Tall, thin, blue eyed blondes... Yet, my gf is tall, curvy, has (at the present time) light brown hair and hazel eyes. When I look at porn I am attracted to blondes the most, just like your BF is attracted to red heads. Yet, I think my GF is very beautiful, and love her, and would not leave her even if it was for my "type". We've been dating for over 3 years. I don't consider that setteling. Every guy has a "type", but in reality hair color, eye color etc... don't matter as much. As long as the woman is beautiful and has a great personality guys will always break their "type". You can be honest, secretly do you have a type? does your BF fit to a T your type of guy? Your answer to both questions is probably No. I would not worry so much about your BF having a thing for redheads... my gf knows I prefer blondes (all but one of my exes were blondes) but she knows that she is the most beautiful woman in my eyes, so therefore could care less if I generally prefer blondes. You should maybe try to think of it that way. The only way I can see what your BF is doing as being a problem is if he is secretly equating those women to his ex, and fantasies of her... then you may have a problem. Otherwise though, you should just over look the whole thing and be happy with your BF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I've read in a couple of places that the "type" is often what a man was first attracted to when he began to notice girls sexually. My type is soccer girls or softball girls (or was, until I discovered theatre girls). Generally shorter, somewhat athletic, cute, a little bit of padding, not obsessed with their image. But every single girl I've had a thing for is a bit different. A lot of guys don't end up with their "type". I celebrate the whole catalogue for the most part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brightwind Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Dye your hair red and he will be thrilled. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts