Ya'll aint gonna believe this...

[NotCamelot]

After more than 8 months my W's AP shows up......BUT listen to this mess!

 

Since D-day, we carpool to and from work everyday. I pick her up for lunch everyday. Together all the time.

 

I had dropped off one of our vehilces at local dealer for service on Saturday and was provided a Courtesy Loaner for a few days. I tell you this to show the point that no one knew what kind/type/color car I would have been driving yesterday.

 

I leave work at 25 minutes earlier than usual yesterday to go get my W. Right after we left her work, couple hundred yards maybe, I notice this car in the rearview that had similar characteristics to one the the AP has......rough condition, muticolored due to uncompleted body work. I could not clearly see the person inside.

 

I slow down - it slows. I speed up - so does that car. I make a sudden turn with no turn signal -- it does the same. I approached a traffic light, slowing until it was just to turn from yellow to red.....as soon as it goes red, I go through the light making a right turn -- that car does the same.

 

At this point I pretty much know it had to be him. But I continued to our destination using similar evasive tactics and he follows. I park at a restaurat, he pulls in to the right of us. While still holding her hand I ask, "Who is that to the right?". She looked and said, "That's him." I said, "Let's go."

 

Just as I am about to back up, the fool gets out of his car and approaches her door - waving his arms and saying something uninteligible.

 

We leave and he follows. She asks for my phone, hers was on her desk at work. She calls 911.....WITHOUT ME ASKING. She tells them what is going on and we follow their instructions.

 

They send us to grocery store parking lot where 2 police cruisers corner him. They get him out of the car.

 

He tells the cops he only wanted to talk to me. The cops tell me this and and we both respond that we, neither, will talk with him. My W asks to immediately press charges for stalking and harassment. She tells the cops he is a convicted felon on probation. They give us some information, cop ID number and phone number to get incident report.

 

We are filing for TPO for each of us today.

 

She had to stay on the phone with 911 until the on-site cops got to our car.

 

Now obviously he followed me from my work. He had no way to know what I was driving. Nor would he have known to be near her work 25 minutes that her usual lunch time. He had to be waiting outside my work.

 

When she got off the phone, the first thing she did was look at me and say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

 

The look on her face, the look in her eyes, and the sound of her voice showed the truest amount of sorrow and regret I have ever seen in the 22 years I've known here.

 

She continued to tell the cops, "He's an ex-boyfriend from years ago. We talked on Facebook last year. I have not heard from him since....". She looked at me and asked when was the last time she talked to him. I immediately resonded, "May 18". She did not elaborate about anything more than that. As for what the cops were saying, there was nothing coming from him to add more to that story.

 

The good things about all this, able to secure TPO's for both of us. If he makes any kind of contact, he's off to jail.

 

The amount of love I felt from my W at that moment was incredible. The amount of sorry displayed was not fake. She was truly hurt that I had to go through this crap.

 

She called me just as I got back to work to see if I was still OK. She called just as I left work and insisted that I stay on the phone with her until I got to her at the end of the day.

 

I really and truly believe her that she really despises him. She has told me that ---- but until yesterday it was just words I CHOSE to beleive.

 

Even though it was a great shock, it did a world of good for my mental health, and our relationship as well. Even though things have been going really good, I have had a few days where I was obsessing on what happened last summer.

 

Today is the first day since D-day that I did NOT wake up with memories of the A on my mind.

 

Now, I don't know what happens next. I don't expect it's the last I'll see of that fool. But I KNOW she wants me, hates him, loves me and wants to put that bad decision in the past and concentrate only on us.

 

I can't get over it. His stupidity yesterday showed me that my wife is genuinely mine and only mine. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in human emotion.

 

Everything she has been telling me for 8 months was on display yesterday. All the love she professes for me was very easy to see. And, all the regret, sorrow, disgust she professes was just as easy to see.

 

Life is good........I feel really great, the best in a long, long time. I feel like me again.......I sure have missed me.

[Decorative]

Oh my gosh!!!!!! That's awful!!!

[eleanorrigby]

Today is the first day since D-day that I did NOT wake up with memories of the A on my mind.

 

Now, I don't know what happens next. I don't expect it's the last I'll see of that fool. But I KNOW she wants me, hates him, loves me and wants to put that bad decision in the past and concentrate only on us.

 

I can't get over it. His stupidity yesterday showed me that my wife is genuinely mine and only mine. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in human emotion.

 

Everything she has been telling me for 8 months was on display yesterday. All the love she professes for me was very easy to see. And, all the regret, sorrow, disgust she professes was just as easy to see.

 

Life is good........I feel really great, the best in a long, long time. I feel like me again.......I sure have missed me.

 

This is good news.

[BetrayedH]

Awful but a good thing.

[NotCamelot]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

It's funny in a way. I am happier and that fool doesn't know that he helped me feel that way.

 

And, it's even better knowing he's miserable! ;)

Edited January 24, 2013 by NotCamelot

[Ninja'sHusband]

That was a very moving post Camelot, I'm jealous...and something's in my eye.. Congrats on your piece of mind

[BrokenPrincess]

Did your wife offer any explanation for why he would so aggressively be trying to talk you if she hadn't heard from him in 9 months? Has she seen him stalking her in any way before?

 

Did it seem like he was drunk or on drugs? (I'm guessing not of the cops would've arrested him?)

 

Glad it ended ok without anyone getting hurt, but it seems very bizarre for a sober person to chase you down & try to talk to you after 9 months of absolutely no contact.

[whichwayisup]

Today is the first day since D-day that I did NOT wake up with memories of the A on my mind.

 

Good! Hope you're with your wife... Sleep peacefully. You deserve it!

[BetrayedH]

Ugh. I guess the good news may be short-lived. I think I would also be curious to know what the man has to say. I would contact him and make sure it's on your terms (like a phone call) rather than his crazy stalking technique.

 

But ultimately, I would need to know what he had to say.

[road]

Any idea why he was trying to get in contact with you so badly?

 

He definitely wanted to tell you something. Methinks he was about to tell you something your wife definitely does NOT want you to know.....

 

Ugh. I guess the good news may be short-lived. I think I would also be curious to know what the man has to say. I would contact him and make sure it's on your terms (like a phone call) rather than his crazy stalking technique.

 

But ultimately, I would need to know what he had to say.

 

 

Makes me wonder as well.

 

Though why all of a sudden the OM needs to tell now.

 

How will you know that the OM will be honest and not lying?

[BetrayedH]

Makes me wonder as well.

 

Though why all of a sudden the OM needs to tell now.

 

How will you know that the OM will be honest and not lying?

 

Perhaps he won't. But perhaps the OM is like many an OP before him that finally decides the BS needs the truth and brings evidence. We see that a time or two around here. The OM may now be thinking that the BS just doesn't want to know. I don't think I could go without asking, for my own sanity.

[jnel921]

Witnessing your W reaction to all of this must be comforting. I am sure it helps to heal your relationship. This is exactly what I look for when I talk to my H. we had a conversation 2 weeks ago where he explained his situation at work and he said how he wished he could go back in time. How disappointed he was in himself and how grateful he was to have me and the kids. He just kept saying how he wanted to spend the rest of our live together and how he has always loved me even through that. (I honestly found that difficult to believe).

 

Good luck to you and I hope that person doesn't cause any more issues. Please be careful.

[BetrayedH]

Guys I now why most of us have a bit of a problem with the trust... but I think we should trust in OP's gut feeling... I think we all have learned to trust on that one by now right?

 

I really, really wish I could agree. It took me a long time (right at 8 months to be exact) to find out that my wife was still full of shi t. Sadly, I experienced a lot of these grand gestures (my old posts are full of them) and I argued here incessantly that my wife was full-on remorseful.

 

I guess my term in this case would be cautiously optimistic. I wouldn't yet stray too far from "trust but verify."

 

Just my $.02 and I would hope that by verifying, the OP discovers what would be best for both himself and his wife, that the OM is just a dirtbag. That would be a win-win and he could safely put the OM behind them.

[NotCamelot]

Don't worry - I plan to still be watiching the same things I have been.

 

As for the lunatic OM, the police have advised me to NOT contact him. They want him to make the next move. If he does, it's off to jail.

 

 

As for the why....... I can't even guess. He was sending me threatening email up until September. That stopped.

 

He told the police that he wanted to talk to my W, but mainly wanted to talk to me. We both refused.

 

About 2 weeks ago I had to run to Office Depot for work supplies at mid-day on a Wednesday. When I came out, there was a white SUV sitting near my car. Didn't think much of it at the time. But as I approached my car I heard rapid "clicking". When I looked up the person in the SUV was taking pictures of me. The person quickly drove off. I told my wife about that. AFter a lot of thought and discussion, and describing the vehicle, she told me "that's the kind of car his wife drives". I immediatley remembered as she said that. So I have to wonder if that was who that was.

 

I know he's an alcoholic. I don't know if he was drunk or not. The cops had us leave while they still had him. I don't know what they did with him.

 

I do feel 100% certain that she has no NC with him.

 

He told the cops he wanted me to stop emailing him. I have not emailed that fool but twice in the entire time - or ever.

 

If he wanted to talk, he has my cell and work numbers. He obviously has my email address as well. So those avenues, while open, have not been used.

 

Funny thing is, when he heard the siren, saw the blue lights, he quickly swung his car door open and raised both arms in the air. Now why would he do that? (has he had practice?)

[Survivor12]

A minor side note, but I am curious about your last question since you said in your first post that he is a convicted felon. Do you know what he served time for? If not, I would find out. If it was a violent offense, it would be very valuable to know.

[Decorative]

I am more in BH's camp/ I would want to know the message he was attempting to deliver.

 

not for nothing? During the false recovery? My spouse had blocked the OW's family from my email accounts ( I was unfamiliar with how that was done), and from my phone.

 

They finally go through to me via a social media site on a chance.

 

I know NC is usually advised, and I am a big proponent of it. But my gut read of the situation, and frankly, your spouse's reaction, are telling me there's more to the story.

 

So please consider checking it out.

[BetrayedH]

Hmm. Considering the crazy stalking behavior, I won't judge you for keeping your distance. Contacting him yourself might give him some ammunition. I get that.

 

If he contacts you again, I would still try to hear what he has to say. What harm can come from that? Then you can decide what to believe. It may confirm that he's a nutjob or you might actually learn something important that you didn't know.

 

Just brainstorming here...I wonder if he is just spinning a story for his wife about his crazy OW and her crazy husband? That would be consistent with him wanting you to "stop emailing him" and might explain why his wife would be stalking you, too.

 

Ain't this shi t nuts? Never ceases to amaze me. Eventually, I just want to know the truth.

[BetrayedH]

Not when you're in rug sweep mode.

There IS no gut feeling, just "Betrayed Spouse Fog."

 

And I can vouch for BetrayedH - he was just like NotCamelot. He didn't want to hear about all the red flags that were flying around.

 

Sad but true. I had my wife's back, big time. I sometimes wonder if she ever read here and knew how much I did that. Or if she might still be reading here. Amazing to think we went from that to not speaking to one another virtually at all for the last year in the blink of an eye.

[eleanorrigby]

Don't worry - I plan to still be watiching the same things I have been.

 

That's good, keep a close eye because these other posts have me not feeling as good about your situation, as I did when I read your first post.

 

I would have been thinking the same things you thought...but now I'm wondering.

[amber82]

I hope things work out for you, you sound really positive, keep it up

[NotCamelot]

A minor side note, but I am curious about your last question since you said in your first post that he is a convicted felon. Do you know what he served time for? If not, I would find out. If it was a violent offense, it would be very valuable to know.

 

No, I am trying to find that out, just for my own information. My W says she does not know, just knows that it's true. And his W mentioned "conviceted felon" in an email to me last fall.

[NotCamelot]

 

Just brainstorming here...I wonder if he is just spinning a story for his wife about his crazy OW and her crazy husband? That would be consistent with him wanting you to "stop emailing him" and might explain why his wife would be stalking you, too.

 

Did not think about that! Good possiblitly as his W was completely furious when I talked to her on D-day. I think she put the "fear of God" in him.....from what she told me after she confronted him.

 

The things my W said to the Police made it very clear that she had nothing but disgust for him. She wanted him arrested at that moment. She told the Police that she wanted them to make it very clear to him that he should never contact either or us.

 

Now, under the possibility of making false statements to police, she would not say something that she knows is false.

[yessy21]

I kind of hate to be the bearer of bad news. but im pretty sure there is something that your wife doesnt want you to hear. and she knows that the guy was following you because he wants to tell you. she calls the police so they can interfere and the guy cant talk to you about what is Really going on. Sounds like you are blinded by your wife a bit. It an opinion but i suggest you ask this man to tell you his side. Stop being delusional... that wasnt sorrow or regret that was the "he almost got to him with the truth" face. Reread your story. read between the lines. you will soon see what we all see.

[NotCamelot]

He's told me his side of the story - twice. And the story matched both times. He did not saying new the second time or different than the first.

 

She does not know that he told me this - either time. It was last August.

[BetrayedH]

He's told me his side of the story - twice. And the story matched both times. He did not saying new the second time or different than the first.

 

She does not know that he told me this - either time. It was last August.

 

Interesting. I honestly couldn't remember how much contact you had with the OM or his version of the story. I think it's a good choice to keep researching his background. But I still say that it would be good to hear what the guy has to say should the opportunity present itself. I'd still say to call him now if the police weren't involved and telling you to stay clear. You may have to go much further to get rid of this dirtbag (that's your term, right?) and you don't want your own actions to muddy the water.

 

I have a feeling that there will be more to this story over time and that you are safe to give yourself some time to process the best way to move forward. The wise path probably won't be known today.